Cover Snark (140): Snarkly Bones

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Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

I’m still playing a bit of catch up, and I’ve got a headache so I stopped putting this together a couple covers before I might have.

Shiny and New:

1. Darkthaw (Winterkill #2) – Kate A. Boorman
Darkthaw - Kate A. Boorman
Thoughts: Hey there, Little Red Riding Hood.

2. We Are the Ants – Shaun David Hutchinson
We Are The Ants - Shaun David Hutchinson (2)
Thoughts: Better the ants than the cockroaches.

3. Underwater – Marisa Reichardt
Underwater - Marisa Reichardt
Thoughts: That can’t be good for the couch though.

4. The Accident Season – Moïra Fowley-Doyle
The Accident Season - Moïra Fowley-Doyle
Thoughts: The way this tagline is written irritates me, but also the book sounds creepy, so I don’t know. Did she just accidentally fall off the ground and into the sky? Or out of a plane in a dress?

5. Hoodoo – Ronald L. Smith
Hoodoo - Ronald L. Smith
Thoughts: “HOO DOO DIS TO ME?” cawed the angry bird. “Not me,” quoth the child.

6. If I Were You – Leslie Margolis
If I Were You - Leslie Margolis
Thoughts: If anyone makes it through middle school and high school without wishing they were someone else, they are the person I wish to be. Obviously, I was not that person.

7. A Tale of Two Besties – Sophia Rossi
A Tale of Two Besties - Sophia Rossi
Thoughts: Buy this because Zooey Deschanel breathed in its general direction.

8. The Thorn of Emberlain (Gentleman Bastard #4) – Scott Lynch
The Thorn of Emberlain (Gentleman Bastard #4) - Scott Lynch
Thoughts: We’re knights of the red flag. We march when ere we’re able.

9. Been There, Done That: Writing Stories from Real Life – Mike Winchell, ed.
Been There, Done That Writing Stories from Real Life - Mike Winchell, ed.
Thoughts: Living in those homes with giant holes in the wall must be rough during the winter.

10. Kisses and Curses – Various
Kisses and Curses
Thoughts: OOOOH, I can tell this is going to have a fancy texture. It’s a little bit strange that Fierce Reads is actually on the cover, but whatever floats their boat, I guess.

11. Beastly Bones (Jackaby #2) – William Ritter
Beastly Bones (Jackaby #2) - William Ritter
Thoughts: Once again, totally gorgeous…except for the blue jacketed figure, who really doesn’t fit imo because the blue is SO blue that it looks fake.

12. The Rose Society (The Young Elites #2) – Marie Lu
The Rose Society (The Young Elites #2) - Marie Lu
Thoughts: I’ve seen people hoping this isn’t the final cover, but I’ve got bad news guys: it’s on Amazon. But, honestly? I think it’s better than the first one that had absolutely nothing going on. I don’t know why there’s a wolf over the sea, but at least I like wolves?

13. Marked (The Soulseer Chronicles #1) – Sue Tingey
Marked - Sue Tingey
Thoughts: If your wings are moulting, yeah, you’re probably going to stand out in the crowd.

14. Untamed (Splintered #3.5) – A. G. Howard
Untamed (Splintered #3.5) - A. G. Howard
Thoughts: Well, I’m thrilled they finally made a gorgeous cover for this series again. Less thrilled that it looks like she’s in a wedding gown. YA books set in modern times should not end with marriage, at least not for me personally.

15. All the Major Constellations – Pratima Cranse
All the Major Constellations - Pratima Cranse
Thoughts: Penguin, no. I thought this was a bad self-published cover (not to be confused with good ones). The font, especially used for ALL the text, is awful, and the picture is so blah.

16. Wicked (The Drake Chronicles #1) – Clover Donovan
Wicked (The Drake Chronicles #1) - Clover Donovan
Thoughts: BORING.

17. The Violinist of Venice: A Story of Vivaldi – Alyssa Palombo
The Violinist of Venice A Story of Vivaldi - Alyssa Palombo
Thoughts: This, right here, is the sort of historical novel cover I do not have the strength to resist.

18. Crenshaw – Katherine Applegate
Crenshaw - Katherine Applegate
Thoughts: Dude, that cat is HUGE. I wish my cat were that large. He could eat all of my enemies. Then again, he’d probably kill my boyfriend and best friend, which would be problematic.

19. Guys Read: Terrifying Tales – Jon Scieszka, ed.
Guys Read Terrifying Tales - Jon Scieszka, ed.
Thoughts: Super amused by the STOP sign on the wall. It’s like the cover doesn’t want to be part of the terrifying tales.

20. The Conqueror’s Wife: A Novel of Alexander the Great – Stephanie Thornton
The Conqueror's Wife A Novel of Alexander the Great - Stephanie Thornton
Thoughts: Her milkshake brings all the knights to the yard.

21. City of Fae – Pippa DaCosta
City of Fae - Pippa DaCosta
Thoughts: Apparently the Fae have taken London, and are maybe stealing her dress (which looks so cool)? Not sure about the hours to love part, but seconds to kill sounds badass.

22. Mr. Puffball: Stunt Cat to the Stars – Constance Lombardo
Stunt Cat to the Stars - Constance Lombardo
Thoughts: Percy would be a terrible stunt cat, but I think he would approve of this cover.

23. Love on the Ledge (On the Verge #2) – Zoraida Cordova
Love on the Ledge (On the Verge #2) - Zoraida Cordova
Thoughts: This is how Lady Gaga got injured in Paparazzi.

24. Life on the Level (On the Verge #3) – Zoraida Cordova
Life on the Level (On the Verge #3) - Zoraida Cordova
Thoughts: On what level? Looks like they’re on the ground? Or maybe they’re sexing balanced atop a level, like the tool that was probably used at some point in building that house in the background?

25. Promises I Made (Lies I Told #2) – Michelle Zink
Promises I Made (Lies I Told #2) - Michelle Zink
Thoughts: This does not look like a safe place to be at this time of night.

26. Happy Again – Jennifer E. Smith
Happy Again - Jennifer E. Smith
Thoughts: I’m totally thinking that there could have been two puffy circle clouds above the HAPPY so that it would be a smiley face, because I’m just not sure if this is ENOUGH HAPPY.

27. If You Wrong Us – Dawn Klehr
If You Wrong Us - Dawn Klehr
Thoughts: I have no idea what I’m looking at.

28. The Pillars of Ponderay (The Balance Keepers #2) – Lindsay Cummings
The Pillars of Ponderay (The Balance Keepers #2) - Lindsay Cummings
Thoughts: Looking closer revealed I was wrong, but I totally thought that the two tiles by the title said YO for a moment. I don’t really feel like the title font styling really fits with the rest of the art, which is pretty cute.

29. Beautiful Little Fool – K.K. Hendin
Beautiful Little Fool - K.K. Hendin
Thoughts: Evil Kristin Chenoweth?

30. The Temple of Doubt – Anne Boles Levy
The Temple of Doubt - Anne Boles Levy
Thoughts: I was really hoping that was a dragon egg, but apparently it’s a fallen star. I’m questioning the accuracy of this.

31. Wendy Darling – Colleen Oakes
Wendy Darling A Novel - Colleen Oakes
Thoughts: She’s just trying to get to her Midnight Garden! Poor Wendy Darling!

32. Hawthorn (Blythewood #3) – Carol Goodman
Hawthorn (Blythewood #3) - Carol Goodman
Thoughts: Still not a fan of the vertical title, but I love the gate and the flowers. The brown’s not my favorite either.

33. Dream Things True – Marie Marquardt
Dream Things True - Marie Marquardt
Thoughts: I always want to know if the differently colored letters have meaning. EA is a video game company. Somehow I doubt this is the reason. Hmmmmm.

34. The Truth About Jack – Jody Gehrman
The Truth About Jack - Jody Gehrman
Thoughts: Write guys are right guys. Obviously.

35. Mia and the Bad Boy – Lisa Burstein
Mia and the Bad Boy - Lisa Burstein
Thoughts: I was never that into bad boys, but fiction has killed what there was. They always turn out to be so fluffy. The one thing I do like about this is that the tagline puts the good girl in a position of power; she’s met her match, implying that she’s super strong.

36. Aimee and the Heartthrob – Ophelia London
Aimee and the Heartthrob - Ophelia London
Thoughts: If all you can see is a single person, please consult an ophthalmologist. It is not safe to walk around with such limited vision. Do not cross streets without assistance, and DO NOT DRIVE.

37. Center Ice – Cate Cameron
Center Ice - Cate Cameron
Thoughts: TOE PIIIIIIIICK! He was obviously hit by a puck that she slammed into his face. I believe I know my Cutting Edge accurately.

38. Dragons Are People, Too – Sarah Nicolas
Dragons Are People, Too - Sarah Nicolas
Thoughts: She is fabulous (THAT HAIR), and I love the dragon on the D, but this isn’t really clicking for me as a whole.

39. Modern Monsters – Kelley York
Modern Monsters - Kelley York
Thoughts: This looks like a real uplifting book. I really like the cover scheme, but that beer looks awfully piss-like.

40. First & Then – Emma Mills
First & Then - Emma Mills
Thoughts: The multi-colored rain loves you.

41. The Anatomical Shape of a Heart – Jenn Bennett
The Anatomical Shape of a Heart - Jenn Bennett
Thoughts: Spoiler alert: that is not the anatomical shape of a heart.

42. Aftermath (Journey to Star Wars: The Force Awakens) – Chuck Wendig
Aftermath - Chuck Wendig
Thoughts: As the dust of the Death Star settles, vengeance is plotted.

43. Nexis (Tricksters #1) – A.L. Davroe
Nexis - A.L. Davroe
Thoughts: Glad to know there’s still sweet fashion in the future.

Cover Battles:

1. Captive – A J. Grainger

Captive - A. J. Grainger UK
Captive - A J. Grainger

UK vs. US: I’m not a big fan of either, but I guess I’ll take the US one, since she does look like a captive, whereas the UK cover looks a bit more like “it’s cold so I wrapped this stylish scarf around my face.”

2. Roomies – Sara Zarr & Tara Altebrando

Roomies - Sara Zarr & Tara Altebrando hardback
Roomies - Sara Zarr & Tara Altebrando

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Now appealing to people who prefer live models on their covers. As opposed to illustrations. Not dead models. Just to be clear.

3. Broken Hearts, Fences and Other Things to Mend (Broken Hearts & Revenge #1) – Katie Finn

Broken Hearts, Fences and Other Things to Mend - Katie Finn
Broken Hearts, Fences and Other Things to Mend - Katie Finn

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Maybe I would be okay with this if it didn’t follow the awesome covers that fit the series so well, but it does.

4. Revenge, Ice Cream, and Other Things Best Served Cold (Broken Hearts & Revenge #2) – Katie Finn

Revenge, Ice Cream, and Other Things Best Served Cold (Broken Hearts & Revenge #2) - Katie Finn
Revenge, Ice Cream, and Other Things Best Served Cold - Katie Finn

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: That’s a popsicle, not ice cream. Not just making the cover worse, but making it inaccurate too.

5. Queen of Shadows (Throne of Glass #4) – Sarah J. Maas

Queen of Shadows (Throne of Glass, #4) - Sarah J. Maas US
Queen of Shadows (Throne of Glass, #4) - Sarah J. Maas UK

US vs. UK: Celaena makes armor look hot. Also, love her new haircut and bloodred background and/orcloak. SOAK IN THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES, GURL.

6. The Skull Throne (Demon Cycle #4) – Peter V. Brett

The Skull Throne (Demon Cycle #4) - Peter V. Brett
The Skull Throne - Peter V. Brett Polish
The Skull Throne - Peter V. Brett UK
The Skull Throne - Peter V. Brett German

US vs. Polish vs. UK vs. German: Who let the ginger dude into this cover party?

7. Stormbreaker (Alex Rider #1) – Anthony Horowitz

Stormbreaker (Alex Rider #1) - Anthony Horowitz Paperback
Stormbreaker (Alex Rider #1) - Anthony Horowitz

UK 2005 edition vs. UK 2015 edition: I’m not breaking this down book by book since there were already a million covers, but I think these were probably due for a redesign. The new covers highlight the action and explosions. Check out the rest of the redesigned covers in the series here.

8. The Murder Complex (The Murder Complex #1) – Lindsay Cummings

The Murder Complex (The Murder Complex #1) - Lindsay Cummings
The Murder Complex (The Murder Complex #1) - Lindsay Cummings Portuguese

US vs. Portuguese: There’s looking like The Hunger Games a bit, and then there’s this. They might as well have just used the movie poster.

9. Witch Hunter (The Witch Hunter #1) – Virginia Boecker

The WitchHunter - Virginia Boecker
Witch Hunter - Virginia Boecker UK

US vs. Australian: The tagline is ridiculous, but Sarah J. Maas is selling it on the cover. Woo!

10. Earth Flight (Earth Girl #3) – Janet Edwards

Earth Flight – Janet Edwards
Earth Flight (Earth Girl #3) - Janet Edwards

UK vs. US: SO MUCH BETTER THAN BOOK TWO’S COVER. I do love her awesome short hair and that she’s wearing pants now. Very Jarra. Still like the UK covers the best personally, but this is acceptable.

11. Better Nate Than Ever (Better Nate Than Ever #1) – Tim Federle

Better Nate Than Ever - Tim Federle hardcover
Better Nate Than Ever - Tim Federle

US vs. UK: Not loving that Nate’s been thinned down and not sure why he looks like a newsie, but it’s pretty cute otherwise.

WTF of the Week:

WTF covers will return soon and boy do I have a lot of excellent ones saved up!

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.

9 responses to “Cover Snark (140): Snarkly Bones”

  1. Jen says:

    When I saw #34 on NG I thought, “This looks like a Cover Snark candidate.” The way her legs are positioned looks weird.
    Jen recently posted…The Wondrous and The Wicked by Page MorganMy Profile

  2. Lesley says:

    I still don’t understand why the UK edition of Queen of Shadows has a blue background instead of red. The others have all matched the US colour scheme (I think) and the blue just looks wrong to me.
    Lesley recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday (13)My Profile

  3. Steena says:

    I actually have some issues with 35. Mia and the Bad Boy, something about her mouth looks like a grimace and is not enjoying what’s going on in the cover. I feel like she’s being assaulted, which obviously is not their intention but it makes me uncomfortable.

  4. Time for my regularly scheduled longass comment!
    5. Kind of a scary cover but I like it! And the word Hoodoo.
    6. Totes adorbs.
    9. Reminds me of the Wayside School covers a little!
    10. I’m VERY INTERESTED in whatever this is!!!
    11. Super gorgeous. Yeah it looks like they outlined him in marker and filled it in heavily.
    15. Pretty sky but amateur hour.
    17. SAME. Beautiful. Haven’t heard of this book.
    18. It’s so cute 😀 I like the colors and leaves too.
    20. All about this. Gorgeous dress, interested textured look like an old painting, and Alexander the Great. I really need to read Thornton’s other books already.
    21. I love this. It actually makes me want to read a digital only story.
    23-24 Yiiiiiiiikes
    30. Totally looks like a dragon’s egg.
    31. Ooh! I’m intrigued!
    32. I like it! And still really want to read this series.
    35-36 NGL I’m all about this romance series loosely based on One Direction. Hahaha give meeee.
    40. So charming. I hope the book is too!
    41. Love the typography against the brick wall.
    5. I LOVE THIS COVER SO MUCH. It’s my favorite ToG one yet. US is my fav, I like that they’re more colorful.
    8. Wow. That is ridiculous.
    9. I really like both but I like the US one a bit more. It’s more striking.

  5. Brigid says:

    3. Super DUPER Photoshop going on there.
    7. We should follow Zooey’s example in EVERYTHING.
    8. EHHHHH….not as good as the other covers. I am verrrry disappointed.
    14. I agree with you. We have a huge problem with young girls thinking Teen books should always end with marriage and babies BECAUSE TWILIGHT.
    17. MOTHER FUCKER THAT COVER IS THE BABY OF BEAUTIFUL THINGS.
    20. It’s a little too 1980s type of cover for my taste.
    29. This looks like another celebrity book. Is it?
    30. WENDY HAS A BOOK. Lolz.
    Brigid recently posted…Review: Dead Heat by Patricia BriggsMy Profile

  6. RE: The Rose Society – the first one had too little going on, but this one has too MUCH going on. Maybe book three will find that happy middle?

    It absolutely kills me that they changed the Katie Finn covers… WORST ever.
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Guest Post: Andi’s Opinions on RereadsMy Profile

  7. *cracks knuckles*

    1. THE DIMENSIONS ARE SO, SO WRONG. Also, this brings me back to when my best friends and I went to see Red Riding Hood in theaters and spent the entire time being snarky jerks because it was SO BAD. Years later, we still get it when one of us says BROOD BROOD BROOD.

    3. I really hope that’s a waterproof couch. If so, I want it. Having a waterproof couch when our house got flooded/destroyed when I was a baby would have saved us at least a wee bit of money.

    4. Yep, the season of accidentally dying when your body accidentally stopped following the rules of gravity.

    8. “gentleman bastard”

    9. Right? And God help you when it comes time to take your shower. You basically have to wear a bathing suit to do that.

    12. So the cover god at Penguin forgave Richelle Mead and has now moved their grudge to Marie Lu.

    14. Agreed. I love the pretty but hate the wedding vibe.

    16. YUP, VERY BORING. The cover should sparkle since it looks like there’s a rain of glitter going on.

    18. It’s like My Neighbor Totoro with a giant cat and I approve of that change.

    19. The boy’s look is amusing too. It’s like he already knows the ghost is there and is thinking, “For fuck’s sake, not again. I PUT THAT STOP SIGN ON MY WALL FOR A REASON, GHOSTS. READ IT.”

    20. Damn right! After all, he’s IN her milkshake.

    26. SERIOUSLY. SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNITY. It’s like this water tower I pass when I drive home. There are sunglasses on it and the name of the town below it, but they didn’t curve the town’s name to look like a smile beneath the sunglasses. My holly-jolly dad gets made grumpy by that every time he passes it.

    32. I thought the cover would turn out red, but brown is close enough. I’m no fan of vertical type either; it gives me a headache trying to read it.

    38. THAT HAAAAAAAAAAAAIR.

    41. I think I saw something recently that a heart is two anatomical hearts sewn/put together because two people in love, two joined hearts, etc. It was really fucking creepy. (I hope a YA novel gets a cover that takes advantage of that fact someday.)

    CB2. Grump grump grump. The illustration is better.

    8. Portugal cares less about blatant rip-offs than the US, I guess.

  8. 11. It’s a shame I was so bored by the first book, because those covers are pretty.
    12. It looks cheap..
    14. Just as gorgeous as Splintered.
    30. A dragon egg would have been so much cooler.

    The UK cover from Queen of Shadows would have been perfect if the blue was also red/purple. This is the first time I prefer the US one.
    Interesting how the girl is suddenly transformed into a dude.. I like the German cover.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Blog Tour: Maria Snyder – Shadow Study.My Profile

  9. Z says:

    I love this lol.

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