Cover Snark (139): Truly, Madly, Snarkily

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Going on vacation during cover season = way too many covers for one post. There are some big name covers missing because I cut the post off at 60 (well, 61 actually because I am good at math). I’ll do this until I catch up.

Shiny and New:

1. Rules for Stealing Stars – Corey Ann Haydu
Rules for Stealing Stars - Corey Ann Haydu
Thoughts: Ooooh, love that Stars is written in Stars. Illustrated covers, how are you the best?

2. The Reality O: An Erotic Comedy – Candy Sloane
The Reality O An Erotic Comedy - Candy Sloane
Thoughts: DUDES, is this a reality TV show competition where men compete to give a woman an orgasm?!?!?! I am much amused. However, I am annoyed by the tagline with every word capitalized. This is not how one taglines.

3. Imprudence (The Custard Protocol #2) – Gail Carriger
Imprudence (The Custard Protocol #2) - Gail Carriger
Thoughts: Is it just me or is her head HUGE for her body? That’s also a really awkward pose with her right hand unless she’s about to cross her fingers and lie to someone. Her make up and dress are boss though. And man do I want some custard.

4. Future Perfect – Jen Larsen
Future Perfect - Jen Larsen
Thoughts: It’s super cute, and I am seriously loving the number of body positive covers lately. Love that the larger dress is hanging off the word perfect. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, DESIGNERS.

5. A Step Towards Falling – Cammie McGovern
A Step Towards Falling - Cammie McGovern
Thoughts: THE TYPOGRAPHY. SOMEONE FETCH ME MY SMELLING SALTS. *swoons*

6. The White Rose (The Lone City #2) – Amy Ewing
The White Rose - Amy Ewing
Thoughts: Absofuckinglutely loved this cover until I noticed her face is all over the cover, and now I’m horrified. It’s like the Georgia driver’s licenses, but worse. (For those who don’t know, your picture is on the license THREE times in different places/sizes.)

7. Consent – Nancy Ohlin
Consent - Nancy Ohlin
Thoughts: Wondering why this set had the word ent. Must have been designed by a LOTR fan.

8. Walk on Earth a Stranger (The Gold Seer Trilogy #1) – Rae Carson
Walk on Earth a Stranger (The Gold Seer Trilogy #1) - Rae Carson
Thoughts: That’s one hell of a fire fart.

9. Velvet Underground – Teri Brown
Velvet Underground - Teri Brown
Thoughts: It’s sort of somewhere between Gossip Girl and Prisoner of Night and Fog. I very desperately want her outfit.

10. Da Vinci’s Tiger – Laura Malone Elliott
Da Vinci's Tiger - Laura Malone Elliott
Thoughts: HER FACE IS IN A TIGER. This cover is gorgeous. RAWR.

11. Reckless Hearts (Wicked Games #2) – Sean Olin
Reckless Hearts (Wicked Games #2) - Sean Olin
Thoughts: RECK. LESS. HEAR. TS. Why? It looks like it’s just an accident. Wreck Less Hear(ts).

12. Light of Day – Allison van Diepen
Light of Day - Allison van Diepen
Thoughts: *files under “Light of Day, should not have seen the”* #couldnotresist More seriously, this looks a lot like the Simone Elkeles covers that all got redesigned to look fluffier.

13. Zeroes (Zeroes #1) – Scott Westerfeld, Margo Lanagan, & Deborah Biancotti
Zeroes - Scott Westerfeld US
Thoughts: Raise your hand if you didn’t notice this wasn’t just Scott Westerfeld’s book at first glance. Sucks for the lady authors, doesn’t it? (Also, on GR the series is “Zeros,” which is also in the blurb. CHOOSE ONE DAMN SPELLING.)

14. Ancillary Mercy (Imperial Radch #3) – Ann Leckie
Ancillary Mercy - Ann Leckie
Thoughts: Are they attacking the Death Star?

15. Darkest Night (Birthright #2) – Cate Tiernan
Darkest Night (Birthright #2) - Cate Tiernan
Thoughts: This looks like it belongs in the Need series by Carrie Jones. I am not pleased.

16. Cold War on Maplewood Street – Gayle Rosengren
Cold War on Maplewood Street - Gayle Rosengren
Thoughts: That’s a cute boat. Sail it to your enemies and warm up the climes on Maplewood Street!

17. Evolution (Extraction #3) – Stephanie Diaz
Evolution (Extraction #3) -Stephanie Diaz
Thoughts: Looks like a tiny girl peering through the hole in the middle of a CD.

18. Shadows of Self (Mistborn #5) – Brandon Sanderson
Shadows of Self (Mistborn #5) - Brandon Sanderson
Thoughts: Lady be looking badass. Dude be looking like he could use a haircut and someone to unpop his collar.

19. A Sliver of Stardust (A Sliver of Stardust #1) – Marissa Burt
A Sliver of Stardust (A Sliver of Stardust #1) - Marissa Burt
Thoughts: Children go on an adventure with one of Tolkien’s eagles?

20. The Wanderers – Kate Ormand
The Wanderers - Kate Ormand
Thoughts: An elephant and a lion travel the world, shocking everyone.

21. Hear – Robin Epstein
Hear - Robin Epstein
Thoughts: You never know if the gift is going to be glitter from your enemy. It does look like maybe some exploded in her fact and stuck there forever.

22. The Shadow Behind the Stars – Rebecca Hahn
The Shadow Behind the Stars - Rebecca Hahn
Thoughts: Really hope that they’re out in this boat to hook up, not to go all Ophelia. *crosses fingers*

23. Rogue (The Paladin Prophecy #3) – Mark Frost
Rogue (The Paladin Prophecy #3) - Mark Frost
Thoughts: JaFAR OUT.

24. Willful Machines – Tim Floreen
Willful Machines - Tim Floreen
Thoughts: Birds look like us in the future????

25. Visions: Crash / Bang / Gasp – Lisa McMann
Visions Crash  Bang  Gasp - Lisa McMann
Thoughts: Eye’m glad this has a new design for the omnibus.

26. Once Again: Snow / Beauty Sleep – Cameron Dokey & Tracy Lynn
Once Again Snow  Beauty Sleep - Cameron Dokey & Tracy Lynn
Thoughts: Tree again.

27. Chapelwood (The Borden Dispatches #2) – Cherie Priest
Chapelwood (The Borden Dispatches #2) - Cherie Priest
Thoughts: Cover lady, I feel you. I was about ready to take an ax to mother nature for all this winter myself.

28. Orbiting Jupiter – Gary D. Schmidt
Orbiting Jupiter - Gary D. Schmidt
Thoughts: Someone lied to this guy, because that’s definitely not Jupiter.

29. The Vanishing Island (The Chronicles of the Black Tulip #1) – Barry Wolverton
The Vanishing Island (The Chronicles of the Black Tulip #1) - Barry Wolverton
Thoughts: There’s something delightfully old school about this. The waves almost look like classic Japanese art. So cool.

30. Emily Windsnap and the Ship of Lost Souls (Emily Windsnap #6) – Liz Kessler
Emily Windsnap and the Ship of Lost Souls (Emily Windsnap #6) - Liz Kessler
Thoughts: This series has such adorable covers with pretty colors. That mermaid’s a bit scary though.

31. Truly, Madly, Famously (Famous in Love #2) – Rebecca Serle
Truly, Madly, Famously (Famous in Love #2) - Rebecca Serle
Thoughts: I’ll be your dream I’ll be your wish I’ll be your fantasy I’ll be your hope I’ll be your star Be on your tv screen

32. Firewalker (The Worldwalker Trilogy #2) – Josephine Angelini
Firewalker - Josephine Angelini
Thoughts: The giant purple tear raindrop shall quench the fake fires! Have no fear!

33. The Appearance of Annie Van Sinderen – Katherine Howe
The Appearance of Annie Van Sinderen - Katherine Howe
Thoughts: Doorhandleception. It’s opening itself. REALLY CREEPED OUT. BY A DOOR HANDLE.

34. The Suffering (The Girl from the Well #2) – Rin Chupeco
The Suffering (The Girl from the Well #2) - Rin Chupeco
Thoughts: If I were the dead, I would enjoy resting. Rest is great. Maybe they should try it.

35. Wandering Star (Zodiac #2) – Romina Russell
Wandering Star (Zodiac #2) by Romina Russell
Thoughts: Still think ophiuchus (the 13th sign) sounds like some sort of disease symptom.

36. Ignite the Shadows – Ingrid Seymour
Ignite the Shadows - Ingrid Seymour
Thoughts: That’s a weird title font. Why is every other letter capitalized? Though I swoon over the black and yellow covers normally, something about this doesn’t grab me.

37. Manners & Mutiny (Finishing School #4) – Gail Carriger
Manners & Mutiny - Gail Carriger
Thoughts: Intellectually, I’m aware that dresses such as this one are not ideal for fighting, but how badass does she look all casual in her fancy gown like “I can murder yo ass with this crossbow and I won’t even need to change to go to tea after, because I won’t break a sweat or get your blood on me.”

38. The Boy Most Likely To (My Life Next Door #2) – Huntley Fitzpatrick
The Boy Most Likely To (My Life Next Door #2) - Huntley Fitzpatrick
Thoughts: The most likely to hold your hand in public?!?!

39. Drift & Dagger – Kendall Kulper
Drift & Dagger - Kendall Kulper
Thoughts: Is this a companion to Salt & Stone? Because 1) doesn’t match and 2) EUGH.

40. Legacy of Kings (Blood of Gods and Royals #1) – Eleanor Herman
Legacy of Kings - Eleanor Herman
Thoughts: Alexander wants you to peek at his sword. Ooer.

41. Zeroes – Chuck Wendig
Zeroes - Chuck Wendig
Thoughts: Looks a lot like the Find Me cover, with bonus binary solo. Two books called Zeroes in the same issue: awkward.

42. Soundless – Richelle Mead
Soundless - Richelle Mead
Thoughts: So glad that Richelle Mead has finally managed to appease the cover gods.

43. Frozen Tides (Falling Kingdoms #4) – Morgan Rhodes
Frozen Tides (Falling Kingdoms #4) - Morgan Rhodes
Thoughts: If you’re walking across frozen waters, maybe fire isn’t the best idea.

44. Redemption (Mila 2.0 #3) – Debra Driza
Redemption (Mila 2.0 #3) - Debra Driza
Thoughts: Sweet purple hair, but the purple/green combo’s a bit Barney.

45. Juniors – Kaui Hart Hemmings
Juniors - Kaui Hart Hemmings
Thoughts: Then Veronica Mars shows up and breaks up the party with her awesomeness.

46. Blue Voyage – Diana Renn
Blue Voyage - Diana Renn
Thoughts: Everyone’s a thief”? I do feel as though many people have just been unfairly maligned.

47. Weird Girl and What’s His Name – Meagan Brothers
Weird Girl and What's His Name - Meagan Brothers
Thoughts: Is anyone else thinking of Teen Girl Squad?

48. Stranded – Melinda Braun
Stranded - Melinda Braun
Thoughts: This sort of looks like The 100 meets LOST. No way can it be as cool as the former, but let’s hope it’s better than the latter.

49. Diary of a Haunting – M. Verano
Diary of a Haunting - M. Verano
Thoughts: Welp, I hope I don’t remember this when I’m trying to go to sleep tonight.

Cover Battles:

1. OCD Love Story – Corey Ann Haydu

OCD Love Story - Corey Ann Haydu
OCD Love Story - Corey Ann Haydu

US vs. Brazilian: Snark

2. Newt’s Emerald – Garth Nix

Newt's Emerald - Garth Nix kindle
Newt's Emerald - Garth Nix

UK vs. US: Harper, you’ve outdone yourselves. That font, that sword, that city, the colors, the tagline. Though I think the UK cover is quite adorable, THE US ONE IS GORGEOUS.

3. Playlist for the Dead – Michelle Falkoff

Playlist for the Dead - Michelle Falkoff
Playlist for the Dead - Michelle Falkoff New Zealand

US vs. New Zealand: I love that both are illustrated. More illustrated covers! I like the New Zealand one a bit better, because I love the colors.

4. City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments #1) – Cassandra Clare

City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments #1) - Cassandra Clare original
City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments #1) - Cassandra Clare movie tie-in
City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments #1) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Movie Tie-In vs. US Redesign: The Jace on this new cover looks an awful lot like the guy from Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid books.

5. Hollowgirl (Twinmaker #3) – Sean Williams

Fall - Sean Williams
Hollowgirl (Twinmaker #3) - Sean Williams

Australian vs. US: Neither cover style is the sort that appeals to me, but I’ll take the US covers any day over the cheesy looking Australian ones.

6. UnDivided (Unwind Dystology #4) – Neal Shusterman

Undivided (Unwind #4) - Neal Shusterman
UnDivided (Unwind Dystology #4) - Neal Shusterman

US Original vs. US Reprint: So far as I could figure out, this is the only one they’re reprinting with a different cover. I’m very puzzled.

7. Endgame (Night School #5) – C.J. Daugherty

Endgame (Night School #) - C.J. Daugherty German
Endgame (Night School #) - C.J. Daugherty

German vs. UK: Her head looks huge on the UK cover, and her right hand is mega awkward too. The German cover’s a bit odd too.

8. Trial by Fire (The Worldwalker Trilogy #1) – Josephine Angelini

Trial by Fire (Worldwalker Trilogy Series #1) - Josephine Angelini
Trial by Fire - Josaphine Angelini

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I guess I like the new designs better? I could still do without the tear drop, but they look a bit more polished to me.

9. Black Ice – Becca Fitzpatrick

Black Ice by Becca Fitzpatrick -- exclusive EW.com image
Black Ice - Becca Fitzpatrick

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Better than the hardback? Yeah, sure.

10. A School for Brides – Patrice Kindl

A School for Brides A Story of Maidens, Mystery, and Matrimony - Patrice Kindl
A School for Brides - Patrice Kindl

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Nooooo, I loved that original cover design. This one’s fine, but I’m still sad sad.

11. A Song for Ella Grey – David Almond

A Song for Ella Grey - David Almond UK
A Song for Ella Grey - David Almond

UK vs. US: I don’t think this girl wants a song; I think she wants the big fucking snake to be taken away from her. Thanks for playing, US, but you are the weakest link.

12. The Wolf Wilder – Katherine Rundell

The Wolf Wilder - Katherine Rundell UK
The Wolf Wilder - Katherine Rundell

UK vs. US: SUCH PRETTY WOLFY COVERS. Love the UK font and the US wolf. I AM SO TORN.

WTF of the Week:

On hiatus until I work through the backlog, but I have bunches saved up. 😀

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this past few weeks.

19 responses to “Cover Snark (139): Truly, Madly, Snarkily”

  1. Josephine says:

    Best ten minutes of my day, no lie. I love you and all that you are for the genius that is this post.
    Josephine recently posted…Throwback Thursday: Josephine’s Book EditionMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Awwww, thanks for taking the time to tell me. I only wish putting the post together took ten minutes. 😉

  2. Hannah says:

    Naturally I picked the sarcastic option for all the polls. ;D

    There are a couple of beauties amongst the design-challenged covers, but I am getting anxiety at the thought of ALL THESE BOOKS TO READ and not enough time.
    Hannah recently posted…Review: Alpha & Omega Series (#1 – #3) – Patricia BriggsMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Awww, that’s too bad. I actually LOVE both Wolf Wilder covers. I’m not really a middle grade reader, but I want to buy both of them so badly, because the PRETTY.

  3. Holly J says:

    This was AWESOME! I think my favorite covers on this list are A Step Toward Falling (that font!!) and The Shadow Behind the Stars (so simple and blue and preeeetty). But some of these are bad, like Dark Nights and Drift and Dagger (you’re right, it doesn’t match with the first book and also that guy? meh). And gosh, I HATE the cover redesign for City of Bones! That ugly yellow font is driving me insane. The background would be SO much better off without it, IMO.

    Can’t wait for another Cover Snark.
    Holly J recently posted…March Madness: Liars, Inc. by Paula StokesMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Thank you!

      The yellow font on the new City of Bones isn’t great. It also still seems to market the book more to adults than teens, which I find strange. I still think it’s an improvement from the original, but you’d think they could make something better than that.

  4. 1. Very pretty, I always love silhouettes.
    4. I’m loving this trend too.
    5. It’s great, just like her previous cover.
    6. NO. I never noticed her head, I only saw that pretty dress, and now all I can see is her floating face. Freaky.
    10. There is something intriguing about this cover. I like it.

    Newt’s emerald, both pretty, but the US one is AMAZING.
    The wolf wilder, it’s hard to pick.. but I think I prefer the UK one because there are more details in the background.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…TTT 41. For readers who like to find new favorite books.My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      6. I didn’t notice the faces at all the first time and was horrified to make that realization. *shudders*

      Picking a Wolf Wilder was tricky because I love them both so much.

  5. Brigid says:

    2. I can’t even read the font.
    3. LOLLLLL her eyes are gold.
    6. OH. MY. GOD. I CAN’T UNSEE IT! I want my innocence back!
    39. The guy looks like he’s got a snerk face on.

    So many cute covers up above, though.

  6. Truly Madly Snarkily <3 hehehe

    1. Such a beautiful cover! I adore it.
    3. I love this cover, the colors are so vivid! Her hands are weird but I bet she's going to trick/lie to someone. Can't wait for Prudence to come out next week 😀
    4. Simple but adorable. Approved.
    5. I love how it looks like pieces of construction paper!
    6. LOL California licenses do the same. Now I'm distracted from her pretty pretty dress by all her heads.
    8. I love love love how sparkly and gold this is!
    10. She looks a little like Kate Winslet to me! Really want this book.
    16. Aww so cute! Makes me think of writing notes in high school.
    17. Hahaha perfect observation.
    18. I hate the coloring on these covers, so muted. If I didn't know how good the books are supposed to be, I think I would skip them. Love the models but not the plain lighting.
    22. Ooh striking cover and interesting premise! *adds to TBR*
    23. FIRST THING I THOUGHT TOO. Jafarrrrr.
    29. Looks just like Japanese art! I really like this cover.
    31. You're the best.
    32. I actually really dig this redesign for the series. It's shiny and stands out.
    34. Too much like Samara from The Ring, no thank you, goodbye.
    35. Hate the colors.
    37. Sophronia looking like a badass. This might be my favorite of the four covers.
    39. He reminds me of Gabe from The Office and looks… whiney. Blech.
    40. OOER. LOVE THIS COVER SO MUCH.
    41. It looks like a penis behind the numbers, which is very distracting. Or maybe my mind is exceptionally dirty.
    43. I want to like this series just because of how awesome the covers are. Alas.
    47. Love the title.
    49. NIGHTMARES.
    2. I love the US cover but the UK one is so adorable! So Jane Austen-y.
    4. I hate all of them. The new one most of all.
    10. The first cover was so much cuter 🙁
    12. Both delightful! I think I like the wolf silhouette best.

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. It’s so prettyyyyyyy.

      3. I’m just hoping there will be no babies in this series. The baby kind of killed the Parasol Protectorate for me.

      5. Huh. I totally saw it as a walkway with strange colored rocks!

      6. WHY DOES SHE HAVE SO MANY HEADS? I hope it’s a plot point.

      8. The font is my favorite part, but I don’t love the figure.

      10. SHE DOES.

      16. Or those things where you would choose a color and then a number and get a fortune. I really should remember the name for those.

      18. I feel some affection for them because of how good Mistborn was, but I wouldn’t have been impressed in the slightest otherwise.

      23. HAHAHAHA, I wasn’t sure if that was a weird one, but yay Disney for all.

      31. This was my favorite snark. :-p

      37. I love her expression too. Looks like someone just said something stupid and she’s contemplating shooting them for it.

      39. I had blocked Gabe from my memory, but YES HE DOES. HAHAHAHAH.

      41. THE REDDEST PART? I THINK I SEE THE HIDDEN PENIS.

      CB2. I truly love them both. So hard to choose!

      CB4. I’ll always hate gigantic Jace’s shiny nipples the most. I can’t not.

      CB12. I really want both though. SO GORGEOUS AND WOLFY.

  7. OH MY GOD why are the faces all over The White Rose?? I didn’t even notice them till I saw it this big! Jeese that’s freaky O_O

    Frozen Tides… Fire doesn’t go well with ice IRL, but SO PRETTY with the contrasting colors!

    I think the Firewalker books’ redesigns are better actually… Never thought I’d say that! But they’re more polished, like you said.
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Those Books That Changed My LifeMy Profile

  8. Allison L says:

    I know that this has been mentioned already but I still have to say it: what is with the faces on The White Rose cover? Seriously. At first I was like “ohh. that’s a pretty dress. I really like the color” but as I got a closer look at it I was more like “okay. that is just creepy as hell.” It’s just not artistically pleasing at all for me. Why? Why would they do that?
    Allison L recently posted…Allison: Slow and Steady Rush | Laura Trentham | Book ReviewMy Profile

  9. 2. Yep, that’s not how taglines work. The premises amuses me too. Maybe she’s having trouble orgasming because she’s got a Deep Throat-like disorder that put her clit somewhere strange? I’d read the story of a women struggling with her clit being in her thumb… or maybe not because that sounds dumb now that I’ve typed it out.

    4. Simple and VERY effective! Me wants.

    5. *gets punched in the face by the overly colorful and too-busy cover*

    6. WHAT IF HER DRESS ATE THE REAL HER?

    9. I’m going to start a riot if the title isn’t sparkly on the hardcover.

    11. Such temptation even though reviews of the first book tell me I should know much better.

    12. Did they even try?

    15. DO NOT WANT COVER BUT DEFINITELY WANT BOOK.

    17. Agreed on that snark! I really want CDs that look like that now.

    19. I’m gonna be seeing that eagle-chick-human thing in my nightmares.

    25. Oooooh. Boring, but I really like it. Makes me want to know what’s going on there.

    31. The shiny-lover in me loves this cover and still loves the premise but knows better because THAT POOR EXECUTION. Saaaaaaaaaaad.

    34. This cover wants to be a cover in the Asylum series by Madeline Roux.

    35. I will assume the ugly yellow is a side effect of Ochus. Like liver problems (I think?) and jaundice!

    39. Based on his “ew” face, I think he agrees with your criticisms.

    42. THIS IS ONE OF THE MOMENTOUS OCCASIONS IN THE HISTORY OF COVERS. I guess Richelle was finally forgiven for that time she pet-sat the cover designer’s dogs and the terrible thing happened.

    49. *destroys out of fear*

    CB4. The redesigns won’t win any awards, but now the books look less shitty.

    CB9. Considering her heroines’ propensity for being TSTL, I think it would be more accurate if the girl running were to be shown faceplanting in the snow.

  10. The White Rose had me in tears! That is sooo weird that I didn’t even notice all the faces until I COULDN’T UNSEE THEM.

    And is that true about the Kendall Kulper Drift & Dagger? Because the original cover is so nice, and then THIS???
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