Cover Snark (138): A Pocket Full of Snark

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Extraordinary Means – Robyn Schneider
Extraordinary Means - Robyn Schneider
Thoughts: Now THAT is a fun tagline. I’m not sure how I feel about the cover as a whole, but the tagline cracks me up. Apparently the actual cover doesn’t have the shooting stars on it, which I think is a shame.

2. Underneath Everything – Marcy Beller Paul
Underneath Everything - Marcy Beller Paul
Thoughts: *queues up No Doubt’s Underneath it All* Apparently she’s a map under there.

3. A Pocket Full of Murder (Uncommon Magic #1) – R.J. Anderson
A Pocket Full of Murder - R.J. Anderson
Thoughts: Catch a bit of murder and put it in your pocket. Never let it get away. Catch a bit of murder and put it in your pocket. Save it for some jerkface.

4. This Much Space (Twelve Beats in a Bar #2) – K. K. Hendin
This Much Space - K. K. Hendin
Thoughts: Hell yeah to no fat-washing. I very much recommend checking out K.K.’s commentary on the cover.

5. Sound (Salvage #2) – Alexandra Duncan
Sound (Salvage #2) - Alexandra Duncan
Thoughts: A POC and a pretty planet. Not bad. Not sure why the tagline is in typewriter font when this is set in space and not really loving the juxtaposition of patterns with the title and background, though.

6. Dreamland – Robert L. Anderson
Dreamland - Robert L. Anderson
Thoughts: That definitely does not look like a dreamland to me at all, but I guess Nightmareland doesn’t roll off the tongue quite the same way.

7. The Shrunken Head (Curiosity House #1) – Lauren Oliver & H.C. Chester
The Shunken Head (Curiosity House #1) - Lauren Oliver & H.C. Chester
Thoughts: Oh middle grade covers, don’t ever change. Except for this tendency to make the series title larger than the book title. That needs to change. People keep referring to this book as Curiosity House: The Shrunken Head, but the book’s title is The Shrunken Head. THIS IS A PET PEEVE, OKAY.

8. Six of Crows (The Dregs #1) – Leigh Bardugo
Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo
Thoughts: The feathers make a ciiiiity. Bardugo once again performed the proper obeisances to the cover gods.

9. Welcome to Shadowhunter Academy (Tales from Shadowhunter Academy #1) – Cassandra Clare & Sarah Rees Brennan
Welcome to Shadowhunter Academy - Cassandra Clare & Sarah Rees Brennan
Thoughts: They welcome you with a hale of arrows. The people who survive get to become shadowhunters.

10. The Lost Herondale (Tales from Shadowhunter Academy #2) – Cassandra Clare & Robin Wasserman
The Lost Herondale - Cassandra Clare & Robin Wasserman
Thoughts: It’s funny because no person in any of these shadowhunter families could actually be lost, since they’ll all get their own series.

11. Midnight Dolls (The Dolls #2) – Kiki Sullivan
Midnight Dolls - Kiki Sullivan
Thoughts: Seems like they missed out on an opportunity to have the handbag’s chain look like a snake.

12. Gathering Deep – Lisa Maxwell
Gathering Deep - Lisa Maxwell
Thoughts: You’ve been completely upstaged by the Six of Crows’ crow. Bad timing bro.

13. Breakaway – Kat Spears
Breakaway - Kat Spears
Thoughts: Is that a soccer ball with faces on it? *kicks away*

14. Slasher Girls and Monster Boys – April Genevieve Tucholke, ed.
Slasher Girls and Monster Boys - April Genevieve Tucholke, ed.
Thoughts: That’s a very terrifying toothy baseball with giant ears.

15. The Boy Who Knew Everything – Victoria Forester
The Boy Who Knew Everything - Victoria Forester
Thoughts: Does he know that she’s about to push him off of his perch?

16. Thicker Than Water – Brigid Kemmerer
Thicker Than Water - Brigid Kemmerer
Thoughts: Jizz?

17. The Lies About Truth – Courtney C. Stevens
The Lies About Truth - Courtney C. Stevens
Thoughts: Seriously, do teens really use Polaroid cameras?

18. The Assassin’s Masque (Palace of Spies #3) – Sarah Zettel
The Assassin's Masque (Palace of Spies #3) - Sarah Zettel
Thoughts: This one’s a bit less cheesy than the other ones? So I guess yay?

19. Hallowed (The Blessed #3) – Tonya Hurley
Hallowed (The Blessed #3) - Tonya Hurley
Thoughts: This definitely doesn’t not look like a vagina.

20. The Rest of Us Just Live Here – Patrick Ness
The Rest of Us Just Live Here - Patrick Ness
Thoughts: Did that building just get hit by a ray from a spaceship like in Independence Day?

21. Catacomb (Asylum #3) – Madeleine Roux
Catacomb (Asylum #) - Madeleine Roux
Thoughts: What is the “it” we’re going to lose all of?

22. Fans of the Impossible Life – Kate Scelsa
Fans of the Impossible Life - Kate Scelsa
Thoughts: PLEASE BE AN OT3 OR A BISEXUAL LOVE TRIANGLE.

23. Truest – Jackie Lea Sommers
Truest - Jackie Lea Sommers
Thoughts: Straight up just had to look up the definition of a word from a YA cover. Veridical means truthful. YA teaches me so much.

24. Glittering Shadows (Dark Metropolis #2) – Jaclyn Dolamore
Glittering Shadows (Dark Metropolis #2) - Jaclyn Dolamore
Thoughts: Oh no. Another redesign. Goddamn it.

25. Hunter – Mercedes Lackey
Hunter - Mercedes Lackey
Thoughts: Is this a dragonsaur?!?!?!?!

26. Dance of Fire (Dance of Shadows #2) – Yelena Black
Dance of Fire ( #2) - Yelena Black
Thoughts: Fourth step and butterflies explode out of your tutu.

27. The Immortal Heights (The Elemental Trilogy #3) – Sherry Thomas
The Immortal Heights (The Elemental Trilogy #3) - Sherry Thomas
Thoughts: Amazingly badass for something that depicts a chicken and a dragon becoming one.

28. Ash & Bramble – Sarah Prineas
Ash & Bramble - Sarah Prineas
Thoughts: It looks like the glass slipper DOES fit, and her dress fits all too well on those brambles.

29. Dumplin’ – Julie Murphy
Dumplin' - Julie Murphy
Thoughts: Love the badass confidence of this.

30. One – Sarah Crossan
One - Sarah Crossan
Thoughts: They have people in their butts.

31. The Unquiet – Mikaela Everett
The Unquiet - Mikaela Everett
Thoughts: VERY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE MONKEYS OR BABIES OR WHATEVER IN THE TREES.

32. Wolf by Wolf – Ryan Graudin
Wolf by Wolf - Ryan Graudin
Thoughts: Okay, I have never wanted a motorcycle until this moment. If my motorcycle threw a wolf reflection, then hell yes.

33. Beckon Me – Cindy Thomas
Beckon Me - Cindy Thomas
Thoughts: I would not recommend beckoning to me, as I do not like it. Seriously, it’s like what the Downton’s do to their staff. No, thank you.

34. From a Distant Star – Karen McQuestion
From a Distant Star - Karen McQuestion
Thoughts: Man, his pants are soooo 90s.

35. This Monstrous Thing – Mackenzi Lee
This Monstrous Thing - Mackenzi Lee
Thoughts: I DON’T NEED LUCILLE.

36. What We Saw – Aaron Hartzler
What We Saw - Aaron Hartzler
Thoughts: NOT A DOORKNOB. OH NOOOOO.

37. Very in Pieces – Megan Frazer Blakemore
Very in Pieces - Megan Frazer Blakemore
Thoughts: I don’t think this is what they meant when they talked about brain waves.

38. Bits & Pieces (Rot & Ruin #5) – Jonathan Maberry
Bits & Pieces (Rot & Ruin #5) - Jonathan Maberry
Thoughts: Are the zombies trying to steal his clothes?

39. The Escape – Hannah Jayne
The Escape - Hannah Jayne
Thoughts: RUN THROUGH THE FOREST, RUN!

40. The Many Lives of John Stone – Linda Buckley-Archer
The Many Lives of John Stone - Linda Buckley-Archer
Thoughts: YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOHN STONE.

41. The Girl with the Wrong Name – Barnabas Miller
The Girl with the Wrong Name - Barnabas Miller
Thoughts: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, though.

42. Mirrored – Alex Flinn
Mirrored - Alex Flinn
Thoughts: Is that Jessica from True Blood with her back to us? I guess vampires don’t show up in mirrors after all.

43. Dark Energy – Robison Wells
Dark Energy - Robison Wells
Thoughts: It’s like Twister meets Independence Day.

44. Chimera (Parasitology #3) – Mira Grant
Chimera (Parasitology #3) - Mira Grant
Thoughts: I love the one of the guy pouring acid or something on his hand. What an excellent idea.

Cover Battles:

1. Don’t Even Think About It (Don’t Even Think About It #1) – Sarah Mlynowski

Don't Even Think About It - Sarah Mlynowski hardback
Don't Even Think About It - Sarah Mlynowski

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: *does the rejoicing dance for a redesign I actually like*

2. Famous Last Words – Jennifer Salvato Doktorski

Famous Last Words - Jennifer Salvato Doktorski
Famous Last Words - Jennifer Salvato Doktorski

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Well, that’s weird, because I’m pretty sure this was the ARC cover that got redesigned to be the hardback.

3. You Are Here – Jennifer E. Smith

You Are Here - Jennifer E. Smith original
You Are Here - Jennifer E. Smith paperback
You Are Here - Jennifer E. Smith

US Hardback vs. US Paperback (2012) vs. US Paperback (2015): Wooo, another good redesign. Seriously love the style of her new covers, though I would murder a You Are Here sign like that.

4. Kill Baxter (Apocalypse Now Now #2) – Charlie Human

Kill Baxter - Charlie Human UK
Kill Baxter - Charlie Human

UK vs. South African: This series has such cool and creepy covers. Look at the animals exploding out of him on the South African cover! Like holy shit, son.

5. All Fall Down (Embassy Row #1) – Ally Carter

All Fall Down - Ally Carter
All Fall Down - Ally Carter UK
All Fall Down (Embassy Row #1) - Ally Carter

US vs. UK vs. Australian: I have a slight preference for the Australian color palette, but mostly I just loathe the UK cover, which looks like Uncle Sam barfed on it.

6. Dark Metropolis (Dark Metropolis #1) – Jaclyn Dolamore

Dark Metropolis - Jaclyn Dolamore
Dark Metropolis (Dark Metropolis #1) - Jaclyn Dolamore

US Hardcover vs. US Paperback: The hardcover is so tempting to me, and that’s a lamppost with some body shadows. Like, why?

7. Afterworlds – Scott Westerfeld

Afterworlds - Scott Westerfeld
Afterworlds - Scott Westerfeld

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: While I was definitely not wowed by the hardback, this one looks like one of those shiny rainbow oil stains in a parking lot.

8. The Impossible Knife of Memory – Laurie Halse Anderson

The Impossible Knife of Memory
The Impossible Knife of Memory - Laurie Halse Anderson

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: The blue hair stripe is amazing, but they’re also obviously trying to sell to adults with the Picoult blurb.

9. Chasing Forgiveness – Neal Shusterman

What Daddy Did - Neal Shusterman
Chasing Forgiveness - Neal Shustermann

What Daddy Did vs. Chasing Forgiveness: This may be one of the most deserved title/cover redesigns I’ve covered in this feature. The new cover is boring, but oh man the original.

WTF of the Week:

Due to the heavy volume of covers this week, WTF is on a break. Much like Ahnuld, it will be back.

Choose Your Favorite:

9 responses to “Cover Snark (138): A Pocket Full of Snark”

  1. Midnight Dolls:
    Thought about the chain being a snake. Cute, but It didn’t work. But thanks for your feedback. Would love to see some of your cover designs one day. Maybe I’ll hire you to work on one of my titles.

    Best,
    .michelle.
    Senior Designer @ Harper Teen

  2. Gillian says:

    1. That really is a great tagline though I’m not a huge fan of the cover

    3. I GOTTA POCKET GOTTA POCKET FULL OF MURDER I GOTTA DEATH GOTTA DEATH AND IT’S ALL MINE OH WHOA-OH-OHHH

    13. I like this in theory though I think i’d like it better if the soccer ball were less smeary smudge and more clearly a ball

    also now i’m singing kelly clarkson

    14. I find this beyond horrifying

    19. SNERK

    20. I love this cover beyond words

    22. ALL I WANTTTT

    23. I ALSO HAD TO LOOK UP VERIDICAL

    25. FUCKING GORGEOUS EVEN IF IT DOES BREAK UP THE TITLE IN A WAY I DISLIKE

    27. UFCKING LIGHTNING DRAGONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN SO COOOOOOOOL

    28. I’m a bit underwhelmed with this tbh–I was expecting something more lush–but the type is gorgeous and overall it’s pretty and OMFG A TAMORA PIERCE BLURB!!!

    29. I adore this.

    32. Awesome.

    33. Her eyeliner is amaze

    35. This reminds me forcibly of another cover and I CAN’T REMEMBER WHICH

    CB1. OO YES GOOD REDESIGN

    CB5. WOW that UK one is hideous and also tonally very not on point for this book

    CB8. UMMMMM no

    CB9. WHAT DADDY DID?!?! O_o

    legit thought Ahnuld was some obscure Egyptian pharaoh or some shit and was like wtf is ahNOOLD and then

    my brain turned into a brain again

    don’t mind me
    Gillian recently posted…Blog Tour: I’ll Meet You There by Heather DemetriosMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Yeah, I just don’t know about this cover. Like, I love all the individual elements, but it doesn’t feel complete somehow. Partly, it looks like it’s set in space or something because of the color of the trees? Coral? Whatever that is.

      3. I don’t think I know this song.

      13. Yeah, this is one of those times I’m like 75% sure it’s a soccer ball and 25% concerned it’s totally something else that people will laugh at me for getting wrong. Though the title bumps me up to about 95% sure, since I THINK Breakaway might be a sportsball thing. I thought about this a lot.

      14. I…. actually find the demented baseball kind of cute.

      19. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?

      20. IT IS SO CUTE.

      22. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. She’s being very teasey on twitter so I have HOPES.

      23. WOO. This legitimizes my lack of knowledge.

      25. AGREED. Like I wish it wasn’t HUN TER, but LOOK AT IT.

      27. VERY VERY COOL CHICKGON.

      28. This should be way prettier. I don’t think the white background is really helping. I love the elements, but it’s not really coming together. I want that dress badly though. And I would wear it to sit on my couch like a boss.

      29. It’s SOOO fabulous.

      35. Maybe the Oppel Frankenstein retelling ones? Dark Endeavor or something like that?

      CB5. The UK one looks like it’s set in the 1970s.

      CB9. ISN’T IT HORRIFYING!?!!

      Looks like my attempt at humor worked out.

  3. Brigid says:

    4. That is so wonderful to see a publisher put out a cover that doesn’t try to hide the MC’s figure.

    5. So…is it just me or does it look like that planet is crushing the ice?
    14. I’ve never loved a cover more than I do right now.
    28. I am going to bet that dress rips right down so that her undies are visible to EVERYONE.
    Brigid recently posted…Waiting On Wednesday: Anne & Henry by Dawn IusMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      4. Well, K.K. selfpubs, which means she has freedom to choose things like this.

      5. It might be. Explains why the future is in peril, I suppose

      28. YOU WANNA BET (quote)

  4. 10. I laughed so hard at your comment, it’s a true story

    20. I see it more like a Flash thing, where something is exploding from the ground and going up – it would be fun if it was about some people with superpowers.

    Oh my God, “What Daddy Did” sounded (and looked) like a bad 80’s drama, glad for the redesign/rename!
    Bound With Words recently posted…Geek Girl – Holly SmaleMy Profile

  5. YAY I CAN BE CAUGHT UP NOW

    1. One day, we’ll have the technology to make print books in bookstores have gif covers and it will be wonderful. Also, that tagline is something I say a permutation of every day.

    5. I love this cover, but supporter of the bingo bullshit and companion to a book I DNFed. Meeeeh. I can have a poster of it?

    10. Right? Everyone has Herondale Radar. Or maybe the Herondales have Book Radar and thus seek out everything story-like so they can fuck it up by being horrible, annoying douchewaffles.

    11. THAT CLUTCH IS SO CLUTCH AND I WANT IT.

    14. HELLO, NIGHTMARE FUEL.

    17. Hipsters, man. And what kind of title is The Lies About Truth? That’s just dumb.

    24. Boooooring. Also, the cover BETTER have the shadow people actually glittering if the book wants to call itself Glittering Shadows.

    26. This book is still happening? The cover would be wonderful if it were dark and not TOXIC WASTE MINTY GREEN.

    31. That looks as precarious as the polehouses my roommate got to camp in when she was a girl scout. Like treehouses, but they were on poles because South Florida has no solid trees.

    39. RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE FROM SHIA LABEOUF
    HE’S BRANDISHING A KNIFE
    IT’S SHIA LABEOUF
    LURKING IN THE SHADOWS
    HOLLYWOOD SUPERSTAR SHIA LABEOUF
    LIVING IN THE WOODS
    SHIA LABEOUF
    KILLING FOR SPORT
    SHIA LABEOUF
    EATING ALL THE BODIESSSSS
    ACTUAL CANNIBAL SHIA LABEOUF

    I will not even pretend to be sorry.

    42. Now I want a vampire novel where the twist on their mythos is that instead of having no reflection, they have someone else’s reflection in any reflective surfaces. It’ll give that tiny blonde girl in your class away when she’s in the locker room and her reflection is a huge Korean guy.

    CB1. Oooooh, I like it.

    CB2. Yep, that was definitely the ARC cover. I remember it well because SO PINK.

    CB 7. Yeah, that’s just bad cover all around. I’d take a cheesy cover where a mirror separates Darcy and her girlfriend on one side in modern New York City from Lizzie on the other side in small town America or whatever place she travels to in-book that I forgot. Sometimes, people should hire me as a consultant for these kinda of things.

  6. Gosh, soooo many covers! *-*
    I can’t even: I want to read the anthology by April Genevieve Tucholke; also I want to start The burning sky!!!
    Frannie Pan @ In Clouds of Pages recently posted…Love-a-thon Challenge 2015: Book Spine PoetryMy Profile

  7. 1. I like the font and yes, great tag line!
    3. How cute.
    4. I love it, especially after the story how this cover was made.
    6. I do like the city that floats in the sky, while it looks like paint stripes if you look quickly.
    7. Middle grade books have the best covers.
    8. She certainly did. Stunning.
    26. Wow. What happened here.
    27. Prettyprettypretty *grabby hands*
    28. Mweh, I am disappointed.
    29. Awesome.

    Cover battles:
    1. Much better.
    8. I loooove that hair.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 216. Mira Grant – Feed.My Profile

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