Cover Snark (134): Garden of Dreams and Snark

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. The Broken Hearts’ Society of Suite 17C – Leigh Ann Kopans
The Broken Hearts’ Society of Suite 17C - Leigh Ann Kopans
Thoughts: I like that they’ve moved past grief and into anger. They definitely look like they’re plotting the murder of whoever broke their hearts.

2. Ruins (Sentinel Trilogy #2) – Joshua Winning
Ruins (The Sentinel Trilogy #2) - Joshua Winning
Thoughts: Cat made of guns and birds and books and trees! Winning’s cover lives up to his name.

3. You’re the Kind of Girl I Write Songs About – Daniel Herborn
You're the Kind of Girl I Write Songs About - Daniel Herborn
Thoughts: Here’s hoping that title doesn’t mean an MPDG.

4. The Fixer – Jennifer Lynn Barnes
The Fixer - Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Thoughts: This could be more Xciting. Also wondering why she has been marooned in the city.

5. The Game of Lives (The Mortality Doctrine #3) – James Dashner
The Game of Lives - James Dashner
Thoughts: This game obviously involves being defenestrated. It might be a rush, but it doesn’t seem like there’s much of a future in it.

6. Queen of Tomorrow (Stolen Empire #2) – Sherry D. Ficklin
Queen of Tomorrow (Stolen Empire #2) - Sherry D. Ficklin
Thoughts: OOER

7. I Remember You – Cathleen Davitt Bell
I Remember You - Cathleen Davitt Bell
Thoughts: This sounds like some “it’s better to have loved and lost” stuff. Somebody get the tissues, stat!

8. Played (Altered #3.5) – Jennifer Rush
Played - Jennifer Rush
Thoughts: Snarkiness

9. Hidden Huntress (The Malediction Trilogy #2) – Danielle L. Jensen
Hidden Huntress (The Malediction Trilogy #2) - Danielle L. Jensen
Thoughts: CORSET. They are uncomfortable but they do make for some gorgeous covers. But also she’s not very well hidden because she’s right there. UNLESS the huntress is actually hiding in this woman’s skirt but the woman has NO IDEA. That would be true stealth.

10. Garden of Dreams & Desires (Crescent City #3) – Kristen Painter
Garden of Dreams & Desires - Kristen Painter
Thoughts: She is here for my soul (said in Fezzik voice).

11. Madly (The Potion Trilogy #1) – Amy Alward
Madly (The Potion Trilogy) - Amy Alward
Thoughts: Truly madly deeply adorbs.

12. Heartache and Other Natural Shocks – Glenda Leznoff
Heartache and Other Natural Shocks - Glenda Leznoff
Thoughts: So heartache is a home-brewed electric shock therapy or something?

13. The Devil and Winnie Flynn – Micol Ostow
The Devil and Winnie Flynn - Micol Ostow
Thoughts: Is the devil a lady? If so, awesome. Also, I like how unimpressed Winnie Flynn is with this.

14. Our Lady of the Ice – Cassandra Rose Clarke
Our Lady of the Ice - Cassandra Rose Clarke
Thoughts: Really loving the font treatment, especially (oddly perhaps) the simple white font for the author name. The cover is nicely atmospheric, but not really wowing me either.

15. The Book of Dares for Lost Friends – Jane Kelley
The Book of Dares for Lost Friends - Jane Kelley
Thoughts: Normally, I’m not a dare person, but, if it involves following a cute cat, I’ll probably do it.

16. The Astrologer’s Daughter – Rebecca Lim
The Astrologer's Daughter - Rebecca Lim
Thoughts: I spy that Mars is ascending.

17. Galgorithm – Aaron Karo
Galgorithm - Aaron Karo
Thoughts: It’s a pun. But also somewhat off-putting. But a pun. I AM PUNSURE ABOUT THIS.

18. Good Mourning – Elizabeth Meyer & Caitlin Moscatello
Good Mourning - Elizabeth Meyer & Caitlin Moscatello
Thoughts: Yeah, this isn’t the sort of book I usually include, but I’m so thrilled about the punbridled beauty of this lineup of covers to not.

19. The Epic Adventures of Lydia Bennet – Kate Rorick & Rachel Kiley
The Epic Adventures of Lydia Bennet - Kate Rorick & Rachel Kiley
Thoughts: LOOK AT LYDIA’S CUTE FACE AND EXCELLENT CLOTHING. NO I CANNOT BE SNARKY ABOUT ANYTHING LBD.

20. Halfway Perfect – Julie Cross & Mark Perini
Halfway Perfect - Julie Cross & Mark Perini
Thoughts: Hate the title font. Hate even more that Perfect is upside down. Hate that the guy is making serial killer eyes at the camera. Hate the model’s awkward expression. This not close to halfway perfect.

21. How to Break a Heart – Kiera Stewart
How to Break a Heart - Kiera Stewart
Thoughts: Okay, so to break a heart, you throw someone’s burrito on the floor. Seems legit.

22. Public Enemies (Immortal Game #1) – Ann Aguirre
Public Enemies (Immortal Game #1) - Ann Aguirre
Thoughts: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? NO. JE REFUSE. THAT PURPLE FUCKING TEAR.

Cover Battles:

1. Dream a Little Dream (The Silver Trilogy #1) – Kerstin Gier

Dream a Little Dream (The Silver Trilogy #1) - Kerstin Gier
Dream a Little Dream (The Silver Trilogy #1) - Kerstin Gier

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: GOOD CALL, MACMILLAN.

2. The Dead House – Dawn Kurtagich

The Dead House - Dawn Kurtagich US
The Dead House - Dawn Kurtagich

US vs. UK: Though I usually loathe covers where models are out of proportion to the background, it totally works for an actual horror novel.

3. If You’re Not the One – Jemma Forte

If You're Not the One - Jemma Forte UK
If You're Not the One - Jemma Forte Spanish
If You're Not the One - Jemma Forte

UK vs. Spanish vs. US: Hmmm, I don’t entirely loathe any of these. I think I might go for the cutesiness of the UK one, if I had to choose. The signs are pretty cute, though they scream mixed signals.

4. The Secret Hum of a Daisy – Tracy Holczer

The Secret Hum of a Daisy - Tracy Holczer
The Secret Hum of a Daisy - Tracy Holczer

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Both good covers, actually, but I could see the paperback being more commercially successful.

5. Mortal Danger (Immortal Game #1) – Ann Aguirre

Mortal Danger - Ann Aguirre
Mortal Danger (Immortal Game #1) - Ann Aguirre

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: No, seriously. WHAT. THE. FUCK. One of my favorite covers redesigned fucking again into something horribly ugly.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Clash of the Couples
Clash of the Couples
Thoughts: It’s fun that Eve is clearly more into the snake than Adam.

2. Truth or Beard (Winston Brothers #1) – Penny Reid
Truth or Beard - Penny Reid
Thoughts: That game must take a while. *chooses beard* *waits for beard to do something*

3. Shark Out of Water (Date Shark #2) – DelSheree Gladden
Shark Out of Water - DelSheree Gladden
Thoughts: Now I’m imagining a boner rising slowly to the Jaws theme song.

Choose Your Favorite:

10 responses to “Cover Snark (134): Garden of Dreams and Snark”

  1. Dahlia Adler says:

    I’ve never actually read any of the Ann Aguirre books but when I saw that font I assumed they were Catherine Linka books, so, not loving that about the redesign! Also sad they redesigned DAISY, even though it’s a pretty redesign and probably more commercially viable; I just thought that original one was so pretty. Love MADLY and QUEEN OF TOMORROW and come on – you can’t not love cross-stitched beards!!
    Dahlia Adler recently posted…Top Ten ARCs for Which I’d Punch a ClownMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I AM SO PISSED ABOUT THIS REDESIGN. I like both Daisy covers, but mostly agree.

      I actually do love the cross-stitched beard cover, but I also think it’s really weird. Good weird, though. I continue to maintain that there are good covers that make you bust out laughing uncontrollably when you see them.

  2. GOOD LORD WHAT DID THEY DO TO THE COVERS OF THE IMMORTAL GAME SERIES- UGH JE N’AIME PAS!!!!
    Hazel @ Stay Bookish recently posted…Cover Reveal: All Played Out by Cora CarmackMy Profile

  3. Ann Aguirre says:

    I’m trying my best to stay neutral in public, so I will merely say, love or hate it, this is a new direction wholly engendered and driven by the publisher.

    • Christina Franke says:

      Believe me when I say that I know you’re not in control of your covers and that such changes are made by the publishers. My main goal with this is to get word out about books and to let people vote on cover changes. I doubt I can make a difference, but I do dream that someday the right person at the publisher might see that no one likes a cover change and consider a different direction. My opinion alone is not worth much, but the polls let others speak too, and I just hope that covers can market the books inside as effectively as possible.

  4. Jenna says:

    Hahaha! I can’t get over the fact that, at first, I thought it said “masturbation” within the Kristen Callihan quote in #10 above.

    That kind of overshadowed all the others… until I reached Clash of the Couples and couldn’t help but wonder what that snake was doing between her legs…
    Jenna recently posted…Pre-order The Glass Arrow by Kristen Simmons!My Profile

  5. Brigid says:

    1: BURN FOR BURN anyone? 😉
    6: One girl will bring the empire to it’s knees? UM. Unlikely considering what I’m seeing by that cover.
    8: “I’m wearing a leather jacket and no shirt. LOOOOOOK AT MEEEEEE!!!”
    9: There is something wrong with her dress and I can’t figure out what. It looks…wrong somehow.
    11: CUTE. SO DAMN CUTE.
    12: My ass would be so cold if I wore a short skirt on a bike. Ouch.
    14: I love the creeps.
    17: Why do I think Simone Elkeles when I look at that cover? >.>
    20: It’s Kristen Kreuk.
    22: Nice to see Rhianna on a cover
    Brigid recently posted…Waiting On Wednesday: The Vanishing Throne by Elizabeth MayMy Profile

  6. Hannah says:

    I saw on Ann Aguirre’s twitter that pretty much everyone hates the new cover design! Poor author. It must suck not to have control over things like that.

    Also, that first WTF cover made me snort my water all overly keyboard. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY! 😛
    Hannah recently posted…Review: Dark Places – Gillian FlynnMy Profile

  7. Gillian says:

    3. This screams MPDG.

    6. This looks like vvvvvvvv sexayyy stuffs

    8. THOSE ABS DO NOT LOOK REAL AT ALL LIKE HELLO AIRBRUSH

    9. I’m a fan (GETTTIT)

    11. PURDY

    14. Oooo i kinda like this though you’re right that it’s not exceptional

    17. WHAT A PUNISHING SENSE OF HUMOR YOU HAVE

    18. SAME AS ABOVE

    19. LYDIAAAAA LOOK AT YOUR CUTE OUTFIT AND YOUR CUTE FACE AND YOUR CUTENESSSS LOOK AT THE ADORBS

    20. Well this is dreadful. It looks like a terribly nineties paperback teen romance and MY GOD THAT BACKWARDS WRITING WHY and we’re so uncomfortably close to the camera and it’s all pink and nono and that GREEN FONT ON THE MAGENTA NONONONO

    22. Purple rain from her eyes

    CB1. BLESS THIS BLESS THIS SO HARD

    Cb2. I LOOOOOVE the US one

    CB5. This is sadmaking.

    WTF1. my favorite thing i’ve ever seen.
    Gillian recently posted…Review: Geek Girl by Holly SmaleMy Profile

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