Cover Snark (128): The One with the Squishies

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Marvels – Brian Selznick
Marvels - Brian Selznick
Thoughts: Marvels is right, because marveling is what I’m doing. Illustration-swoon, even if that’s not my favorite color combination.

2. Return to the Dark House (Dark House #2) – Laurie Faria Stolarz
Return to the Dark House - Laurie Faria Stolarz
Thoughts: Return of the fucking annoying font. I can hardly focus on what’s behind the font because it’s so annoying. Though maybe that’s a boon.

3. Rogue (Talon #2) – Julie Kagawa
Rogue - Julie Kagawa
Thoughts: I keep telling Hagrid not to trust the magical creatures with books, but no dice.

4. Pip Bartlett’s Guide to Magical Creatures (Pip Bartlett #1) – Jackson Pearce & Maggie Stiefvater
Pip Bartlett's Guide to Magical Creatures - Jackson Pearce & Maggie Stiefvater
Thoughts: SO CUUUUUUUTE. I love how the orange one is like “LET’S GO PLAY” and the purple one is like grumpy cat, only a gryphon or something.

5. Becoming Rain (Burying Water #2) – K.A. Tucker
Becoming Rain - K.A. Tucker
Thoughts: Step 1: Go outside. Step 2: Think watery thoughts. It will happen. Just keep waiting.

6. The Coincidence of Coconut Cake – Amy Reichert
The Coincidence of Coconut Cake - Amy Reichert
Thoughts: At first I feared they’d put the cake directly on the newspaper, which would be horrible. But it’s okay, there’s a tiny little cake paper thing. I hope they ate it after the photo shoot.

7. Storm Fall (Rebel Wing #3) – Tracy Banghart
Storm Fall (Rebel Wing #1) - Tracy Banghart
Thoughts: Pretty sure it’s not supposed to, but it kind of looks like a book about football. Don’t they look like they’re possibly holding footballs?!

8. Summer Queen (Fairy Queens #2) – Amber Argyle
Summer Queen (Fairy Queens #2) - Amber Argyle
Thoughts: Argyle has the best self-pub covers. I’m not exactly digging the Avril Lavigne haircut, but the outfit is awesome and so are the wings of flame.

9. Rolling in the Deep – Mira Grant
Rolling in the Deep - Mira Grant
Thoughts: Rolling in the DEEEEEEP. You had my eyes inside of your hand. You blinded me in the seaaaaaaa.

10. The Shattered Court: A Novel of the Four Arts – M.J. Scott
The Shattered Court A Novel of the Four Arts - M.J. Scott
Thoughts: Man, she’s going to ruin the dress. Much sad. Go change into a bathing costume posthaste!

11. Where – Kit Reed
Where - Kit Reed
Thoughts: They managed to make a really boring image quite disconcerting.

12. The Hanged Man (Her Majesty’s Psychic Service #1) – P.N. Elrod
The Hanged Man - P. N. Elrod
Thoughts: Only Anne of Green Gables would admire those sleeves. The hat also seems rather oversized. Is she the hangman? What’s going on here?

13. Plenilune – Jennifer Freitag
Plenilune - Jennifer Freitag
Thoughts: Going into battle with a helmet that covers your eyes seems like an unwise strategy.

14. The Lost Marble Notebook of Forgotten Girl and Random Boy – Marie Jaskulka
The Lost Marble Notebook of Forgotten Girl and Random Boy - Marie Jaskulka
Thoughts: I’m having unfortunate high school science flashbacks. I’ll never like marble notebooks ever again.

15. The Runaway’s Gold – Emilie Christie Burack
The Runaway's Gold - Emilie Christie Burack
Thoughts: HE CAN RUN IN THE SKY.

16. Survival Strategies of the Almost Brave – Jen White
Survival Strategies of the Almost Brave - Jen White
Thoughts: Goldfish are well-known for their survival skills.

17. From Where I Watch You – Shannon Grogan
From Where I Watch You - Shannon Grogan
Thoughts: Well, it does actually convey the plot about a stalker really well, but, damn, this is unappealing.

18. 7 Days – Eve Ainsworth
7 Days - Eve Ainsworth
Thoughts: In the miniature version, it definitely looks like Zorro carved his mark into this cover, but otherwise adore.

19. Princess Juniper of the Hourglass – Ammi-Joan Paquette
Princess Juniper of the Hourglass - Ammi-Joan Paquette
Thoughts: Jumper Out of the Painting.

20. Wolfsgate – Cat Porter
Wolfsgate - Cat Porter
Thoughts: Any minute now that angel will lift its head and I’ll be the one weeping (because of more than the incomprehensible tagline).

21. Thicker Than Blood – Madeline Sheehan & Claire C. Riley
Thicker Than Blood - Madeline Sheehan & Claire C. Riley
Thoughts: AHHHHHHHH. I CANNOT EVEN. *SHUDDERS VIOLENTLY*

22. Beautiful Secret (Beautiful Bastard #4) – Christina Lauren
Beautiful Secret - Christina Lauren
Thoughts: England obviously wants this dickweasel to shut the fuck up. England is not amused.

23. Maybe Not – Colleen Hoover
Maybe Not - Colleen Hoover
Thoughts: THERE ARE GIANT DECAPITATED HEADS IN THAT BED. EW EW EW.

24. The Liar’s Key (The Red Queen’s War #2) – Mark Lawrence
The Liar's Key (The Red Queen's War #2) - Mark Lawrence
Thoughts: POOR GIANT WOLF MONSTER.

25. The Recovery – Suzanne Young
The Recovery - Suzanne Young
Thoughts: I would like to know this guy’s frizz-control secrets. Those are some orderly curls.

26. Ruby Reinvented – Ronni Arno
Ruby Reinvented - Ronni Arno
Thoughts: This middle grader is more stylish than I will ever be. I don’t know how to feel about that.

27. Shadowshaper – Daniel José Older
Shadowshaper - Daniel José Older
Thoughts: Didn’t really like the random paint splotches until I read the tagline, and now just love.

28. Tonight the Streets Are Ours – Leila Sales
Tonight the Streets Are Ours - Leila Sales
Thoughts: FONTGASM. Prettiest parking lot ever. How even. Wait, but shouldn’t they be on the streets and not in a parking lot?

Cover Battles:

1. Salt & Stone (Fire & Flood #2) – Victoria Scott

Salt & Stone (Fire & Flood #2) - Victoria Scott
Salt & Stone (Fire & Flood #2) - Victoria Scott

US vs. UK: I’m sick of feather covers, but the UK one is still eight thousand millions times better.

2. Popular – Maya Van Wagenen

Popular_comp9.indd
Popular - Maya Van Wagenen

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: That redesign is awfully meta.

3. Heartbeat – Elizabeth Scott

Heartbeat - Elizabeth Scott
Heartbeat - Elizabeth Scott

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Can’t say I care much for either. I guess it depends if it’s more romancey or sad. The new one looks like a tissue book.

4. Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey #1) – E L James

Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades #1) - E L James original
Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey #1) - E L James

US Paperback vs. Movie Tie-In: At least they made a new cover this time, rather than keeping the self-published one. I wonder if it got better editing this time.

5. The Duff – Kody Keplinger

The DUFF
The Duff - Kody Keplinger

US Hardback vs. Movie Tie-In: I’m not sure how well the movie tie-in fits with the actual book, since I think they added the mean girl character, but I might like it better? Maybe? I’m not wild about the original.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Whatever Became of the Squishies (Whatever Became of the Squishies #1) – Claire Chilton
Whatever Became of the Squishies (Whatever Became of the Squishies #1) - Claire Chilton
Thoughts: And you will be my squishy.

2. Liberace: Your Personal Fashion Consultant – Michael & Karan Feder
Liberace Your Personal Fashion Consultant
Thoughts: Who doesn’t want to dress like Liberace? (Though I own lots of socks like that, tbh.)

3. Rise of the Thing Down Below (Comfort Cove #3) – Daniel W. Kelly
Rise of the Thing Down Below - Daniel W. Kelly
Thoughts: Originally reported to me by Kristin of Book Sniffers Anonymous.

Choose Your Favorite:

Voting on this poll has been way down, so I’ve changed it. You can now vote for multiple covers, but please just the ones that really stand out to you as excellent cover design.

13 responses to “Cover Snark (128): The One with the Squishies”

  1. Dahlia Adler says:

    ZOMG that first one is *gorgeous*, and I actually do love that color combination, so I am marveling a LOT. The GUIDE TO MAGICAL CREATURES cover is afreakingdorable too, and I also love the font treatment of Leila Sales’ newest. You and I are in much agreement today. *licks coconut cake* *feels no remorse* *sees cover for THICKER THAN BLOOD and hurls all over the place*
    Dahlia Adler recently posted…Top Ten Sequels I Can’t Wait To GetMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      We areeee! I actually like the coconut cake cover too. Not quite enough to vote for it, but it’s vair vair respectable. I’m in love with the Maggie cover and Shadowscraper and Leila’s. I want to hug them. Thicker Than Blood also grosses me out, but I also think it’s well done sort of, so I included it. At least I’m assuming it wanted me to think it would be an uncomfortable book and thus to make me super uncomfortable looking at it. If so, win.

  2. JoJo says:

    #4: The orange one just made an awesome pun but the purple one doesn’t like it because it is awful.

  3. Kayla Beck says:

    3. That looks like Bible leather with cracks in it.

    4. The orange gryphon wants to be my pet. I do love the sad bull behind the grumpy gryphon.

    8. If only she had a more realistic face, then this cover would be perfection.

    20. Don’t blink!
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Blog Tour (Review & Giveaway): The Heart Does Not Grow Back by Fred VenturiniMy Profile

  4. Gillian says:

    1. such prettehhhh

    3. I’m sorry but this looks like a skin condition

    4. that grumpy griffin is my patronus

    6. WELL NOW I’M REALLY FUCKING HUNGRY

    8. HOLY SHIT THAT’S SELF PUB??!!

    9. well that’s both horrifying and pretty

    12. Ooo i kind of love this

    13. YA BUT PRETTY

    19. She has sassy illustrated MG hair and I like it

    20. WHAT IS THAT TAGLINE

    26. THIS GIRL IS EVERYTHING I ASPIRE TO BE

    27. awwwesome

    28. love this font so hard

    WTF1. WHATEVER… BECAME… OF THE SQUISHES!?!??!?S

    WTF3 BROKE INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHS CAN’T BREATHE HELP
    Gillian recently posted…Review: Suspicion by Alexandra MonirMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      3. trololol. I agree with Kayla that it looks like a really shitty quality bible from the past.

      4. BEST PATRONUS.

      8. Her covers always have this art and they’re so cool.

      12. I like it a lot too, minus the hat hiding her eyes.

      13. I KNOW RIGHT.

      20. IT MAKES NO SENSE. WHAT WORDS ARE.

      26. Unfortunately, people with large hips cannot wear that awesome dress. I do want all her bags though.

      27. So so cool.

      WTF1. WEIRDEST TITLE

      WTF3. Like twelve people linked this to me. It’s ridic.

  5. Isabel says:

    I love so many of the covers this week!
    Isabel recently posted…Waiting on Wednesday (39)My Profile

  6. Nafiza says:

    Rise of the Thing Down Below? !!!!!!

    I might laugh all day.
    Nafiza recently posted…NaNoWri…I’m writing okay?My Profile

  7. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. YES.

    8. THAT. COVER. YES.

    9. NO THANK YOU.

    13. The helmet is silly but I fucking love this cover.

    27. I love everything about this cover.
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Movie Review: Mockingjay Pt 1My Profile

  8. 3 – I’m wondering if the hardback will be textured like Talon is; that’d be awesome!
    5 – But such nice boots!
    21 – NO.
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Top Ten Books on My Winter TBRMy Profile

  9. 1. I wish the gold color was more of a bright yellow, but the illustrations are pretty!
    4. Adorable 😀
    8. I didn’t know it was self published, I’m impressed!
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Monthly Recap. November.My Profile

  10. Hell yeah you’re getting a Cover Snark comment bomb because I’ve missed like five of these and this Monday feels like a snarky one.

    3. I’d be snarky, but I saw the hardcover of Talon in stores recently and got to touch it and it was veeeeeery nice. Harlequin Teen is good at covers that seem mediocre online but are fabulous on their print books thanks to effects and stuff.

    5. i think she’ll be at it long enough that a car hits her and she turns into a rain OF BLOOD. Also lol book title and series title

    6. “Oh look, coconut cake when I said I wanted some to eat with my morning paper! What a coincidence!”

    8. THAT OUTFIT.

    17. Mmmmmm, stalkers and pink. I like this cover a lot more than I should. I think Gillian will be hooked on her desire to be a professional baker, buuuuut it looks like she skipped over it in her comment. Many sads.

    20. Did they go steal the angel off the cover of a Nightwish album?

    23. Ummmm, that’s not how beds work. Are they the dead bodies shoved under the mattress like that urban legend about dead people under beds in hotels?

    CB5. I think I like the original better because of how it stands out. The addition of the mean girl character makes me think I’m going to hate the movie when I see it (and I will).

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