Cover Snark (124): The One on a Monday

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Since I took a blogging break during a heavy cover reveal season, you get to enjoy a special Monday edition of Cover Snark, in addition to the regularly scheduled post the coming Thursday. This one includes the covers from Thursday through Wednesday, as usual. It’s just posting on Monday.

Shiny and New:

1. Touch – Natalia Jaster
Touch - Natalia Jaster
Thoughts: Girl, your arrows are falling out. Maybe you should stop skipping with that on your back.

2. Under My Skin – James Dawson
Under My Skin - James Dawson
Thoughts: Getting the whole arm tattooed grey seems like needless pain. Also, does this lady have grey skin? I’ve never seen a person with grey skin before. Maybe she’s from Pleasantville and is only just learning to see color and hot pink came first. I bet that’s it.

3. Dust to Dust (Ashes to Ashes #2) – Melissa Walker
Dust to Dust (Ashes to Ashes #2) - Melissa Walker
Thoughts: Yeah, pretty sure knowing the truth cannot heal something like a massive wound. That’s what doctors are for. If someone’s like “would you like some truth for your broken arm or a doctor?”, I am going doctor every time.”

4. When You Leave – Monica Ropal
When You Leave - Monica Ropal
Thoughts: HER HAIR SAYS “PUZZLE DEEP INSIDE.” I am indeed puzzled. That must have taken hours of braiding. HOURS.

5. Between the Notes – Sharon Huss Roat
Between the Notes - Sharon Huss Roat
Thoughts: Pretty art. So pretty I will try to ignore the fact that the stars are beneath the houses.

6. Last Panda Standing – Jarrett J. Krosoczka
Last Panda Standing - Jarrett J. Krosoczka
Thoughts: WHAT DO THESE PLATYPI HAVE AGAINST PANDAS?

7. Nooks & Crannies – Jessica Lawson
Nooks & Crannies - Jessica Lawson
Thoughts: I’m getting an A Little Princess vibe from this. The poor girl is going to win the day against the snobby folks. Go, girl, go!

8. To Hold the Bridge – Garth Nix
To Hold the Bridge - Garth Nix
Thoughts: I think that bridge is done for already. Talk about your fixer uppers. This would look so much better without the cheesy font and magical symbols.

9. Illusionarium – Heather Dixon
Illusionarium - Heather Dixon
Thoughts: Basically, I feel like any steampunk cover that just puts some gears around the edges is walking it in.

10. Magonia – Maria Dahvana Headley
Magonia - Maria Dahvana Headley
Thoughts: Stop with the giant fucking floating feathers already. Antigoddess and Phoenix to name a couple off the top of my head. UNLESS THE BOOK IS ABOUT A GIGANTIC ASS FEATHER THAT CRUSHED A CITY, THEN DO NOT DO THIS.

11. Trouble from the Start – Rachel Hawthorne
Trouble from the Start - Rachel Hawthorne
Thoughts: Why is she putting the picture of one dude on top of the picture of another dude?

12. The Boyfriend Project – Rachel Hawthorne
The Boyfriend Project - Rachel Hawthorne
Thoughts: This time it’s obviously not even the same picture. What does this meaaaaan?

13. Never Never – Colleen Hoover & Tarryn Fisher
Never Never - Colleen Hoover & Tarryn Fisher
Thoughts: They will never never forget the time that they painted their arms blue for the football game with what they thought was washable paint. It was not.

14. The Void (Witching Savannah #3) – J. D. Horn
The Void (Witching Savannah #3) - J. D. Horn
Thoughts: This series has such pretty illustrated covers. Let’s keep this trend going. ILLUSTRATIONS ARE NOT JUST FOR KIDS’ BOOKS ANYMORE.

15. The Secrets of Attraction – Robin Constantine
The Secrets of Attraction - Robin Constantine
Thoughts: I feel like this is a weird thing to like, but I enjoy that he is covered in bling and she is not. Take that, gender norms!

16. Deadfall (Blackbird #2) – Anna Carey
Deadfall (Blackbird #2) - Anna Carey
Thoughts: Maybe you wouldn’t fall down dead if you brushed the hair out of your eyes and watched your step?

17. Dead Upon a Time – Elizabeth Paulson
Dead Upon a Time - Elizabeth Paulson
Thoughts: Even looking at pins shoved in an apple pains me. *shudders*

18. Zero Day – Jan Gangsei
Zero Day - Jan Gangsei
Thoughts: That’s a fun way to do a tagline. Even the flag’s kinda cute.

19. Where Sea Meets Sky – Karina Halle
Where Sea Meets Sky - Karina Halle
Thoughts: Where Lips Meet Water.

20. The Web (The Fianna Trilogy #2) Megan Chance
The Web (Fianna Trilogy #2) Megan Chance
Thoughts: I hope she’s going to run away on a pirate ship. Also, I’m puzzled by why there’s a blurry close up of some grass.

21. Kissing in America – Margo Rabb
Kissing in America - Margo Rabb
Thoughts: This looks a LOT like I’ll Meet You There or The Chapel Wars. Also, it makes me want to sing. “I want to kiss in America. Okay to kiss in America. Kisses are free in Americaaaaa”

22. The Improbable Theory of Ana & Zak – Brian Katcher
The Improbable Theory of Ana & Zak - Brian Katcher
Thoughts: The Statistical Probability of Guy in Real Life. Snark courtesy of Gillian (Writer of Wrongs).

23. The Cost of All Things – Maggie Lehrman
The Cost of All Things - Maggie Lehrman
Thoughts: This line up somehow reminds me of those charts of apes evolving into man, so now I am laughing.

24. A Sense of the Infinite – Hilary T. Smith
A Sense of the Infinite - Hilary T. Smith
Thoughts: Apparently this is about the breakup of a friendship, but the cover makes it look like it’s about someone dying of cancer.

25. Between Us and the Moon – Rebecca Maizel
Between Us and the Moon - Rebecca Maizel
Thoughts: Well, the font’s nice…

26. The Cage (The Cage #1) – Megan Shepherd
The Cage - Megan Shepherd
Thoughts: HAHAHAHAHA, that’s the most fake looking cage I’ve ever seen. What even. And the radioactive piss color really brings it all together.

27. City Love – Susane Colasanti
City Love -Susane Colasanti
Thoughts: With this and The Cage, I feel like someone just scribbled on my eyeballs with highlighters. Also, earworm.

28. Tiny Pretty Things – Sona Charaipotra & Dhonielle Clayton
Tiny Pretty Things - Sona Charaipotra & Dhonielle Clayton
Thoughts: This is very Ellen Hopkins.

29. Atlantis in Peril (Atlantis Saga #2) – T. A. Barron
Atlantis in Peril (Atlantis Saga #2) - T. A. Barron
Thoughts: If the title is any indication, I do believe Atlantis is rusting.

30. 99 Days – Katie Cotugno
99 Days - Katie Cotugno
Thoughts: Is this set in the past? How many modern teens have Polaroid cameras?

31. Within These Walls – Ania Ahlborn
Within These Walls - Ania Ahlborn
Thoughts: This reminds me of my cat Percy when he tries to hide and then pounce. SO STEALTH. If the face is covered, I can’t see you.

32. Fight Like a Girl – Dawn Pendleton
Fight Like a Girl - Dawn Pendleton
Thoughts: Not really a fan of the cover itself, but this one merited inclusion for using “fight like a girl” as a compliment.

33. Stormbound (The Guardian Herd #2) – Jennifer Lynn Alvarez
Stormbound (The Guardian Herd #2) - Jennifer Lynn Alvarez
Thoughts: PEGASI! Automatic win.

34. The Good Girls – Sara Shepard
The Good Girls - Sara Shepard
Thoughts: The ice cream cone is a metaphor.

35. Me and Mr J – Rachel McIntyre
Me and Mr J - Rachel McIntyre
Thoughts: INCORRECT GRAMMAR IN THE TITLE. *growls*

36. The Art of Being Normal – Lisa Williamson
The Art of Being Normal - Lisa Williamson
Thoughts: Transgender Pippi Longstocking?

37. Faking Perfect – Rebecca Phillips
Faking Perfect - Rebecca Phillips
Thoughts: This is the pose they went with for faking perfect? It looks more like faking whiplash.

38. Avalon Rising (Metal & Lace #2) – Kathryn Rose
Avalon Rising - Kathryn Rose
Thoughts: She has classic DA FUCK IS THAT meme face, which is excellent for reactions but not so great for book covers.

39. Uncross the Stars – Janell Rhiannon
Uncross the Stars - Janell Rhiannon
Thoughts: That is one sweet room decoration. It’s almost enough to distract me from the fact that uncrossing stars makes no sense.

40. The Dungeoneers (Dungeoneers #1) – John David Anderson
The Dungeoneers - John David Anderson
Thoughts: Those faces. WHY?

Cover Battles:

1. The Falconer (The Falconer #1) – Elizabeth May

The Falconer
The Falconer (The Falconer, #1) by Elizabeth May
The Falconer - Elizabeth May Italy
The Falconer - Elizabeth May
The Falconer Turkish
La Ultima Cazadora - Elizabeth May spanish
The Falconer (The Falconer #1) - Elizabeth May Portuguese

UK vs. US vs. Italian vs. Turkish vs. German vs. Spanish vs. Portuguese: Badass redheads with weapons. Except for Italy, which seems to have missed the memo.

2. Looking for Alaska – John Green

Looking for Alaska US Hardback
Looking for Alaska US paperback
Looking for Alaska other US paperback
Looking for Alaska - John Green

US Hardback vs. US Mass Market Paperback vs. US Trade Paperback vs. 10th Anniversary Edition: Was this necessary? Why even redesign if it’s going to look so similar? Just slap a new 10th anniversary notice on the original.

3. Cress (Lunar Chronicles #3) – Marissa Meyer

Cress
Cress - Marissa Meyer German
Cress_obalka.indd
Cress - Marissa Meyer Bulgarian
Cress (Lunar Chronicles #3) - Marissa Meyer

US vs. German vs. Czech vs. Bulgarian vs. French: As much as I love the US covers, I would abandon mine in a heartbeat for that French cover if I, you know, spoke French. Maybe I should learn to read and speak French for that cover…

4. My Heart and Other Black Holes – Jasmine Warga

My Heart and Other Black Holes - Jasmine Warga
My Heart & Other Black Holes - Jasmine Warga

Take 1 vs. Take 2: Sooo happy they wrote out the word “heart” this time.

5. Isla and the Happily Ever After (Anna and the French Kiss #3) – Stephanie Perkins

Isla and the Happily Ever After - Stephanie Perkins
Isla and the Happily Ever After (Anna and the French Kiss #3) - Stephanie Perkins german
Isla and the Happily Ever After (Anna and the French Kiss #3) - Stephanie Perkins

US vs. German vs. Spanish: I am very amused by how French the German cover is. Also, the Spanish and German ones match the originals, which cute.

6. A Mad, Wicked Folly – Sharon Biggs Waller

A Mad, Wicked Folly - Sharon Biggs-Waller
A Mad, Wicked Folly - Sharon Biggs Waller

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: UGH, the redesign looks like Kristen Stewart jutting out her chin while wearing an ill-fitting costume. Folly, indeed.

7. A Darker Shade of Magic (A Darker Shade of Magic #1) – V.E. Schwab

A Darker Shade of Magic - V.E. Schwab
A Darker Shade of Magic (A Darker Shade of Magic #1) - V.E. Schwab

US vs. UK: I didn’t really expect anyone to top the US cover, but DAMN.

8. Last Year’s Mistake – Gina Ciocca

Last Year's Mistake - Gina Ciocca
Last Year's Mistake - Gina Ciocca

Take 1 vs. Take 2: Yup, still looks like a Katie McGarry book.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Burning – Joan de la Haye
Burning - Joan de la Haye
Thoughts: Biblical scenes in the style of He-Man.

2. Cold Fire – Jaden
Cold Fire - Jaden
Thoughts: The fireman is paying attention to the absence of flames rather than fighting the fire or saving the woman in a business suit just standing in the blue-orange flames. The fact that it’s really difficult to see might be a blessing.

3. Duck Duck Ghost (Hellsinger #2) – Rhys Ford
Duck Duck Ghost - Rhys Ford
Thoughts: What is he wearing? A sarong? To stand in a field? Also, I am still craughing at the title.

Choose Your Favorite:

10 responses to “Cover Snark (124): The One on a Monday”

  1. Gillian says:

    4. The angle of her eyes is driving me batty.

    5. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

    7. What an adorable MG

    8. OH HAI TIMON

    9. Is he going for the butt grab

    10. YEAH BUT BUT PRETY FEATHER WITH THE PRETTY COVERS AND THE PRETTY BIRDS JUST GET RID OF THE SILLY CITY DOWN BELOW AND FOCUS ON THE PRETTY BRASSY BRONZE AND THE BLUE OOO SHINY

    12. Lol ooops “snarkiness”

    14. GOR. JUS.

    15. Kind of an awks position though. Does she have short hair? Ooo, I think/hope she has short hair

    22. Oh heyyyy that snarking looks familiar

    23. TROLOLOL

    25. Oo, pretty font, useless everything else.

    26. mine eyes they burn

    34. trolololololll

    40. Um.

    CB3. So seriously debating buying that French one (ummmm why are people voting for the czech over the french?! czech is nice, i guess and I like the doll on the Bulgarian (also on the Spanish) but that’s straight up Rapunzel there)

    CB4. LOOOOOOOOOVE THIS REDESIGNNNN

    WTF1. O_O

    WTF3. DUCK… DUCK… GHOST
    I CANNOT EVEN
    Gillian recently posted…Blog Tour Review and Giveaway: Atlantia by Ally CondieMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      4. And now I’m picturing you as a bat with a Gillian face and I’m terrified.

      5. So cute!

      8. OH HAI CONFUSION

      9. AWWW YEAH

      10. I just can’t not be annoyed by this despite the bronze.

      12. GODDAMMIT

      15. Looks like she does. It is a little awks, but I think people have done this voluntarily.

      22. Sorry, linking. Bleh, I make mistakes. It’s there now.

      CB3. It puzzles me that French is not winning. I mean, I love all of them in different ways, but THE FRENCH COVER.

      This is the day you get revenge for when I comment with typos. *sighs* I knew this day would come (like it never had before but whatever)

  2. 1. I was really surprised to find out this was self published. The cover is awesome.

    2. Illustrated covers for YA! YES! Let’s stay with this trend!

    3. Spoke too soon. BOOOO!

    4. This is so strange, but yet I love it.

    5. Nice use of colors. Harper is killing it on the cover front.

    6. Iz scared.

    7. Very cute. If I liked MG, I would totally read this, but I don’t so yeah.

    8. Such a shame that this is the best US cover for this series. The Aussie covers are kicking ass.

    9. Indifferent

    10. Just you wait. I bet this book IS about feathers!

    11-12. NO.

    13. “Never say never,” says Justin Bebier

    14. OHHH. PRETTY.

    15. Oh look, a kissy book.

    16. MEH.

    17. I really like this.

    18. Is this a final cover? It looked like the ARC cover was uploaded.

    19. I like the colors, but overall, not that impressed.

    20. Meh.

    21. I wonder if the same cover artist designed all those covers?

    22. The chalkboard and your Super Nintendo had a baby.

    23. Meh.

    24. Morbid cover is morbid.

    25. Where’s the moon tho?

    26. And now that you mentioned piss, I am giggling like the adolescent that I am.

    27. This reminds me of a Sex in the City poster.

    28. Meh.

    29. Boring.

    30. Interesting cover.

    31. CREEPY CHILD COVER.

    32. Hmmm..

    33. Meh.

    34. AHAHHAHAHAHA, I see what you did there.

    35. Ew, math paper.

    36. This is cute.

    37. I really wish they had made the title a different color because it clashes with the girl’s dress.

    38. RIGHT. When I saw her face, I was all, “Wait. Someone approved this?”

    39. Cute.

    40. NO.

    CB1. Still loving that UK cover.

    CB2. Looks like they went with the chalkboard texture on the font. Possibly to piggyback on TFIOS?

    CB3. Ohhhh. The Bulgarian one is so very Tangled. But I’m loving the French one as well.

    CB4. I really love the textures in the redesign.

    CB5. I much prefer the US edition.

    CB6. I don’t mind the redesign, but it’s already been done: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3682.A_Great_and_Terrible_Beauty?ac=1

    CB7. Yup, UK FTW.

    CB8. LOL. Agreed.

    WTFs: LOLOLOLOLOLZ
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    • Christina Franke says:

      1. I had it pegged as self-published, but it’s a good one.

      2. I don’t actually like THIS one, but yes to this trend.

      8. He doesn’t get the best covers imo. I mean, he’s not as badly off as Richelle Mead, but who is really?

      13. My lack of Justin Bieber knowledge once again comes in handy.

      18. No idea. It didn’t have anything signaling that it wasn’t the final cover, though I also saw that one, so I posted it. If another comes out, I’ll post that. I have no way of knowing.

      25. Blocked by whatever is between us and it obviously.

      26. We rock maturity.

      27. I imagine that’s what they were going for and HOLY SHIT MY EYES ARE BURNING

      33. YOU DID NOT JUST MEH PEGASI. hdu.

      CB5. In theory, I like a matching cover to the first two, but I had to vote for the US one. I don’t much like the cover concept on those redesigns, but I love that shade of green.

      CB6. *hisses at redesign* It wishes it looked as good as the Bray covers.

  3. Totally made my day to see this up unexpectedly!! So many covers!!

    1. All the blue makes it look like she is underwater. Honestly expected this to be a mermaid at first. But she’s supposed to be Cupid, right?

    2. Did Ed Hardy design this cover, or whaaaat?!

    3. I like the sunset colours of this but it’s a bit plain otherwise.

    4. Intriguing. Cool hat/hair.

    5. I can ignore silly things like that when it’s pretty too. *stares at cover*

    6. *snorts* Oh god look at the creepy panda politician in the background!! & in the reflection of their glasses. & is that platipus holding a boomerang… and the other a hot dog. WTF is happening!?!?

    7. Love A Little Princess and A Series of Unfortunate Events so I’m completely 100% loving this cover.

    8. I keep thinking “to have and to hold.. the bridge”

    9. I like it, but yes I agree with the steampunk comment.

    10. AGREED (unless it’s the cover of The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender)

    11 & 12 . Do not like – especially the font, ugh.

    13. This kind of creeps me out.

    14. Woah, and I just noticed the tiny little rune symbols swirling around.

    15. I like that it is similar enough to Robin’s first book that you can tell they are by the same author. Also, these people actually LOOK like teens. Not super duper attractive. Just normal high school kids.

    16. LOL. So much swirling hair.

    17. Whaaat. Yuck. Creepy.

    18. I like this, with all the “hidden” messages.

    19. I find the image really hard to “read”. It gets washed out a bit.

    20. Kneeling down near the glowing green stuff (which is usually toxic) seems like a bad bad idea.

    21. That’s bold!

    22. Love this. Also the the little figure looks like Buffy!

    23. This reminds me of adult fic, not necessarily YA.

    24. This cover reminds me of a lot of books… or maybe the image has been used before. Girl standing in front of sky IS pretty common.

    25. I thought the exact same thing before I scrolled down to your comment.

    26. WTF is going on here!?!?!

    27. I need that girl’s sunglasses to look at this cover.

    28. Ooh is this about ballerinas? I hope so!

    30. I feel like they are coming back a bit? 1) Taylor Swift’s cover for 1989, and 2) There are cute polaroid cameras out now called Instax Cameras.

    31. AHHH no creepy kids on covers!!

    32. Agree with your comment.

    34. Woah again with the hot pink covers. That plus the blue ice cream, and the swirly font which is hard to read = no.

    35. Her hair looks really artificially red, like they amped up the saturation levels or used that horrible Instagram filter that I avoid like the plague.

    36. Interesting! Woot Pippi Longstocking reference!!

    37. That tagline is so tiny and hard to read.

    38. BWAHAHAH that face. At least it’s realistic. Although I would probably be screaming.

    39. Is this a reference to like star crossed lovers? I’m confused. (Also I think it would be better without the fake string lights)

    Cover Battles
    6. This looks WAY too like A Great & Terrible Beauty
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  4. Katie says:

    30: It bugs me how the pictures don’t match up. Am I alone in that?

    32: Fight Like A Girl while my boons fall out of my top.

  5. Timmy K says:

    The cover for The Lovers is clearly inspired by tarot. It’s really not that bad.

  6. 5. Pretty art and nice colors.
    7. How adorable 😀
    9. I’m starting to warm up for this one (but I’m also a little biased, because I’m excited for this book. I loved Entwined)
    15. And it’s one of the few covers where the couple actually kisses. So credits for that.
    18. The tag line is nicely hidden. It took me a couple of seconds to figure out what it says.
    36. Nooo. Just no.

    The Bulgarian & French cover editions from Cress are GORGEOUS. A darker shade of magic are both pretty, hard to pick my favorite.
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  7. 5. I could honest-to-goodness sing to this cover. “Isn’t it loooooovelyyyyyy… Isn’t it woooon-derrr-fulllll…”

    9. Agree on the gears but NEW HEATHER DIXON YESSSSSS

    18. Creepers be creepin’.

    23. I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!

    28. Hopkins with the color scheme of Don’t Touch.

    35. This sounds like a student-teacher romance and no no no no no.

    37. If you squint, she kinda looks like JLaw.
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  8. 7. THAT ILLUSTRATION IS SO CUTE.

    9. Hellooooooo, sexy dress.

    10. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS COVER IS NO what with the giant feathers and fantasy birds and Neil Gaiman.

    15. I’d be in love if their heights were switched and even more gender norms got the snot kicked out of them.

    20. I bet she’s hiding on the ship and hoping the visible flatulence she just let out doesn’t give her away.

    26. SO MUCH EW.

    30. So this book is about hipsters is what I’m getting from the cover. Hipsters who want Polaroids.

    36. SO VERY HERE FOR THIS COVER.

    38. This cover needs no snark because her face is snarking it for me.

    CB3. I’m surprisingly fond of the Bulgarian cover, but I’d be all over that French cover too.

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