Cover Snark (120): The One with the Corn Chips

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Cover Snark is coming to you from jolly old England today! Also, I have SPECIAL GUEST AUTHOR Lenore Appelhans (The Memory of After/Chasing Before) with me!

Shiny and New:

1. The Silence of Six – E.C. Myers
The Silence of Six - E.C. Myers
C: BINARY SOLO.

L: The humans are dead and have been replaced with matrix faces. I NEED MORE CIDER. *pause while Lenore gets more cider*

2. Lion Heart (Scarlet #3) – A.C. Gaughen
Lion Heart (Scarlet #3) - A.C. Gaughen
L: Is that illustrated again? It looks so lifelike! I worry that the dagger is too close to her lion heart.
C: I worry more that she will be eaten by the swirlies. TOO. MUCH. FILIGREE.

3. The Witch Hunter – Virginia Boecker
The WitchHunter - Virginia Boecker
C: I still can’t even with the ouroboros since I read the last Deborah Harkness book. Also, it looks like Burn Mark too much.
L: That snake looks really scary, hunting its own tail instead of the witch.

4. Immaculate – Katelyn Detweiler
Immaculate - Katelyn Detweiler
L: She’s not going to keep her dress immaculate for long if she keeps laying on the ground.
C: Asking for her dress to stay immaculate is totally asking for a miracle.

5. To Make a Witch – Heather Hamilton-Senter
To Make A Witch - Heather Hamilton-Senter
C: WHY FONT? WHY ARE RANDOM LETTERS RUN TOGETHER?
L: And where is her right hand?!?! What is it doing? Making a witch?

6. The Gracekeepers – Kirsty Logan
The Gracekeepers - Kirsty Logan
C: She might keep grace, but she’s not going to keep those birds alive.
L: Poor birds. Drowning’s a bad way to go.

7. Where the Staircase Ends – Stacy Stokes
Where the Staircase Ends - Stacy Stokes
L: Is staircase two words?
C: Not in the title. SO WHY ON THE COVER?

8. Nil Unlocked (Nil #2) – Lynne Matson
Unlocked (Nil #2) - Lynne Matson
L: It’s like they’re counting time in paradise or something. Paradise is a prison. Actually, this is how I felt at Club Med.
C: But there was no escape. Until Med Unlocked.

9. Tell Me You Love Me (Fire Me Up #1) – Julie Prestsater
Tell Me You Love Me - Julie Prestsater
C: We are the wrong people to ask this of.
L: But the tear out thing is pretty cute.

10. Wicked (A Wicked Saga #1) – Jennifer L. Armentrout
Wicked - Jennifer L. Armentrout
L: *eats chocolate bar*
C: *craughs* There are no words for this, other than that her mascara is holding up really well underwater.

11. Sweet – Emmy Laybourne
Sweet - Emmy Laybourne
C: Do not understand why this is upside-down.
L: I think because someone is being held off the cruise ship by their feet and that’s why they’re dying. Their head is like beating against the side of the ship.
C: Duuuuude, sweeeeeet.

12. Deceptive (Illusive #2) – Emily Lloyd-Jones
Deceptive (Illusive #2) - Emily Lloyd-Jones
L: I do like that she’s posed so strongly on the P.

13. Blood Phoenix: Claimed (Broken Worlds #2) – Alisha Costanzo
Blood Phoenix Claimed (Broken Worlds #2) - Alisha Costanzo
L: Who knew that immortality would be such a bitch?
C: I have an odd affection for this because it reminds me of Bernini.

14. The Virgin’s Daughter (Tudor Legacy #1) – Laura Andersen
The Virgin's Daughter (Tudor Legacy #1) - Laura Andersen
L: Not gonna be a virgin for long…
C: Well, it’s not saying that SHE’S a virgin, just that her mom is, which I think brings us back to Immaculate.

15. The Skunk – Mac Barnett
The Skunk - Mac Barnett
C: Pepe LePew is gay now!

16. We Can Work It Out (The Lonely Hearts Club #2) – Elizabeth Eulberg
We Can Work It Out (The Lonely Hearts Club #2) - Elizabeth Eulberg
L: Two of the Beatles just rolled over in their graves. The others are still alive, so you know.
C: I’m also not a fan of the way these references are so weakly done.

17. The Haunting of Sunshine Girl (Untitled #1) – Paige McKenzie & Alyssa Sheinmel
The Haunting of Sunshine Girl - Paige McKenzie & Alyssa Sheinmel
C: I want her dress.
L: What is the YouTube? *said in old lady voice*

18. Alive – Chandler Baker
Alive - Chandler Baker
C: Let’s play guess where his heart is!
L: I think his heart must be somewhere hot, because it’s melting.
C: Is it hot as balls, perhaps!?!?!

19. RSVP – Jen Malone & Gail Nall
RSVP - Jen Malone & Gail Nall
C: I do not want to go to that party.
L: I’ll only go if I can have the heart glasses AND the big polka dot bow AND the boa.
C: Screw that crown, though.

20. The Novice (Summoner #1) – Taran Matharu
The Novice - Taran Matharu
L: You can tell he’s a novice because he’s dropping his shiny thing.
C: Novices must also get the baby dragons.

21. A Tithe of Blood and Ashes (The Drake Chronicles #6.5) – Alyxandra Harvey
A Tithe of Blood and Ashes - Alyxandra Harvey
C: My eyes are drawn away from this cover, like hers are drawn to the side.

22. All the Rage – Courtney Summers
All the Rage - Courtney Summers
C: Her hair seems to have all of the rage.
L: I wonder why someone left her at the side of the road. I’d be mad too. I will feel all the rage if I do not get this book.

23. The Water Knife – Paolo Bacigalupi
The Water Knife - Paolo Bacigalupi
C: Pretty fontses.
L: It’s like cutting water with a knife. I likes it.

24. Seriously Wicked – Tina Connolly
Seriously Wicked - Tina Connolly
C: Those are some sweet tights. And her broom has some awesome shinies in it.
L: I want her book of magic, because it’s green.

25. Time Salvager – Wesley Chu
Time Salvager - Wesley Chu
L: This looks like a Tom Cruise movie.

26. Conviction – Kelly Loy Gilbert
Conviction - Kelly Loy Gilbert
C: That car got all crunched.
L: I really do like the art direction of this one, because it puts the “con” in Conviction.

27. Love, In Spanish (LIE #2) – Karina Halle
Love, In Spanish by Karina Halle
C: Hello Keanu Reeves.
L: Shouldn’t that be “amor”?

28. Kissing Frogs – Alisha Sevigny
Kissing Frogs - Alisha Sevigny
C: Do these frogs live under the water?
L: They’re hiding!
C: They don’t want your kisses.

29. Return to Augie Hobble – Lane Smith
Return to Augie Hobble - Lane Smith
L: This is the stuff of my nightmares.
C: I don’t know what to make of the boy in a wolf suit feeling up the grumpy boy who is gripping a broom.

30. Breaking Sky – Cori McCarthy
Breaking Sky - Cori McCarthy
C: This looks like the Marie Lu books to me. Something about the background and the central image.
L:This has me all revved up to learn how to fight hard.

Cover Battles:

1. Vitro (Corpus #2) – Jessica Khoury

Vitro - Jessica Khoury
Vitro - Jessica Khoury

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Test tube or purple monstrosity? YOU DECIDE.

2. Unchanged (Unremembered #3) – Jessica Brody

Unchanged (Unremembered #3) - Jessica Brody
Unchanged (Unremembered #3) - Jessica Brody

US vs. UK: I still think that the UK ones look a bit too much like swastikas

3. The Lonely Hearts Club (The Lonely Hearts Club #1) – Elizabeth Eulberg

0-545-14032-3
The Lonely Hearts Club (The Lonely Hearts Club #1) - Elizabeth Eulberg

US Original vs. US Redesign: Now with less of a Beatles look and more cheesiness in the form of a big heart.

4. The Girl in the Road – Monica Byrne

The Girl in the Road Hardback
The Girl in the Road - Monica Byrne

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Now that’s a nice redesign. Well, I haven’t read it, but I’d be much more interested in picking up the paperback.

5. Shattering Glass – Gail Giles

Shattering Glass hardback
Shattering Glass paperback
Shattering Glass - Gail Giles

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. US Redesign: My eye hurts just looking at the new cover, but it’s way better than the previous iterations in my opinion.

6. All Our Yesterdays (All Our Yesterdays #1) – Cristin Terrill

All Our Yesterdays - Cristin Terrill
All Our Yesterdays - Cristin Terrill

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Nooooo. They finally made a good one for this book and they’re gretting rid of it. *sobs*

7. Inexcusable – Chris Lynch

Inexcusable hardback
Inexcusable paperback
Inexcusable - Chris Lynch

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. 10th Anniversary Edition: Well, I definitely hate the paperback. I think the original floating bra cove

8. Enthusiasm – Polly Shulman

Enthusiasm - Polly Shulman hardback
Enthusiasm - Polly Shulman

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Ummm, I am always going to choose the cover that has the heroine clutching a Jane Austen novel.

9. The Sky Is Everywhere – Jandy Nelson

The Sky Is Everywhere - Jandy Nelson
The Sky Is Everywhere - Jandy Nelson paperback
The Sky Is Everywhere - Jandy Nelson

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. US Redesign: Not really sure why it was necessary to redesign books that aren’t associated to match. Also, the second cover matches the plot really well. The first cover is just awful.

10. Just Ella – Margaret Peterson Haddix

Just Ella - Margaret Peterson Haddix paperback
Just Ella - Margaret Peterson Haddix hardback
Just Ella - Margaret Peterson Haddix

US Original vs. US Redesign 1 vs. US Redesign 2: Holy shiz, what is even happening in that original cover?!?! This update was well needed, I think.

11. Palace of Mirrors – Margaret Peterson Haddix

Palace of Mirrors hardback
Palace of Mirrors paperback
Palace of Mirrors - Margaret Peterson Haddix

US Hardcover vs. US Paperback vs. US Redesign: Such good redesigns they’re doing. Good work, designers.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. The Stager – Susan Coll
The Stager - Susan Coll
C: BUNNIES! BUNNIES! IT MUST BE BUNNIES.
L: I’m glad her Basic Instinct is to cross her legs.

2. Snow the Vampire Slayer – Rebekah R. Ganiere
Snow the Vampire Slayer - Rebekah R. Ganiere
C: There is no line between love and hate. There is only hate and craughing. Joss Whedon must be so proud.

3. Land of Corn Chips – Angela Carlie
5.5"X8.5" Post Card Template
L: Those are some fiery corn chips.
C: It’s hilarious because someone was just telling me the story of a mysterious corn chip she found in between her boobs. Look out for dragons, girl.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

The Water Knife

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

The Water Knife - Paolo Bacigalupi

This week I’m letting dear Lenore choose, because she’s awesome and conveniently located. Lenore chose The Water Knife. Here’s why:

“I’m a sucker for clever font title treatments. It could have been a knife made out of water but instead the cover designer went for something more unconventional. This would stand on the shelf for me, and I want to take it home and pet it. “

To learn more or purchase: Goodreads|Amazon|TBD

Choose Your Favorite:

9 responses to “Cover Snark (120): The One with the Corn Chips”

  1. Wahhhhhhh the Margaret Peterson Haddix redesigns are SO PRETTY. And I have a stupid hardcover of Palace of Mirrors that I want to burn now x_x

    I very much like The Novice. It has such a Throne of Glass feel, haha. Instantly caught my attention.

    Also sad about the All Our Yesterdays paperback cover, though I didn’t like the hardcover much either – but it’s not going to be a series anymore, so I can just hug the hardcover on my shelves, to be forever alone. Err… silver lining, I guess.
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Nerd Problems #25: I’m Cheating On My Book.. With More Books!My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Aren’t they gorgeous???? I love the new designs, though I’m not sure if I’m interested in the books. Kind of want to buy them just because pretty though.

      Oh right. I forgot about that. At least your covers won’t have to not match.

  2. Anya says:

    Lion Heeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrt! *charges Bloomsbury vault*
    Anya recently posted…The Midnight Queen by Sylvia Izzo Hunter {3.5 Stars}My Profile

  3. Thoughts:

    First things first. I love Lenore. Awesome.
    #10 The girl on Wicked looks like she is being enveloped by a half man/half octopus. Just me?
    #5 “What is it doing? Making a witch?” LMAO
    #12 She is standing on the P while there is a phallic symbol to her left. Let’s take a moment for that.
    #17 Love the dress, love the background, love the title, but none of it works together. I don’t get it.
    #25 *snort* I already hate the book now.

    Cover Battles #3 It’s the same design, just one is black. It just sucks harder now.

    The cover of The Stager is the thing of nightmares.
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  4. 2. The placement of the dagger makes me sad because we all know she had to adapt after what happened in the last book. ;__;

    12. She looks like she’s going to Hulkify and rip the helicopter from the sky with her bare hands.

    15. Ah, wee cuteness!

    26. I like the idea but really, really hate the color.
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Cover Love #72My Profile

  5. Isabel says:

    SO MANY PRETTIES!!!!!!

  6. Gillian says:

    2. I agree too much filigree BUT THAT FACE IS SO BEEYOOOTIFULLL

    5. That space between the W and the i is making me twitch. TO MAKE A TWITCH.

    6. Oo, I think this is prettiful.

    7. STAIRCASE NOT STAIR CASE OMG I CANNOT

    14. Pretty sure she’s the illegitimate spawn of the Virgin Queen, tbh

    20. These are not summoner fingers. THESEEEEE are summoner fingers, and these? ARE GOLD.

    23. OH, THE PRETTIESSSSS

    24. this is adorable i want to be friends with her

    28. Adorable

    29. this needs to be burnt

    CB1. I HATE THE PURPLE MONSROSITY THE TEST TUBE IS SO MUCH BETTER

    CB10. HEY THE ORIGINAL IS THE COVER OF MY YOUTH HAVE SOME RESPECTSSS though I actually lurrrve the newest one. The second is terrible.

    CB11. PRETTY PRETTY REDESIGN GET RID OF THOSE SMIRKING FACES

    WTF1. Oh. Dear. Kanye.

    WTF3. *laughs for ten billions years*
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  7. I actually like the redesign for Vitro despite the fact that the “I” looks like a condom
    Blythe Harris recently posted…Waiting on Wednesday – The Last Time We Say GoodbyeMy Profile

  8. 2. IT IS SO PRETTY. SO PRETTY. I need it. [Voted for favorite cover]
    18. ‘His heart is in the wrong place’ that sucks.
    20. I think I like it.

    CB1. TEST TUBE. That cover speaks to me.
    CB4. I hate the font from the hardback. The paperback is pretty.
    CB6. I would never ever pick up the book with the paperback cover.
    CB10/11. Redesign 2 is so cute, especially Palace of mirrors.
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