Cover Snark (119): The One with the Muck

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Hold Me Like a Breath (Once Upon a Crime Family #1) – Tiffany Schmidt
Hold Me Like a Breath - Tiffany Schmidt
Thoughts: Explode me like a butterfly. I am so over exploding things on covers and held breaths.

2. The Devil You Know – Trish Doller
The Devil You Know - Trish Doller
Thoughts: I’m not really believing the cover I know is better than the possible redesign. >.>

3. Devoted – Jennifer Mathieu
Devoted - Jennifer Mathieu
Thoughts: Just call me Sandra Dee because I am Hopelessly Devoted to this cover, despite the fact that she appears to be…furry(?).

4. The Conspiracy of Us – Maggie Hall
The Conspiracy of Us - Maggie Hall
Thoughts: It’s blue! And there’s a pretty dress! I almost don’t care that she’s in weird boxes and that she’s on a floor in the sky above that city.

5. The Fill-In Boyfriend – Kasie West
The Fill-In Boyfriend - Kasie West
Thoughts: I’m not sure if it’s the font itself I hate or that shade of pink. I definitively hate the combination of that pink with that green in the author title.

6. Scarlett Undercover – Jennifer Latham
Scarlett Undercover - Jennifer Latham
Thoughts: Oh hey, cover girl dressed like a real person. Also, I love how’s she’s glaring back like “EXCUSE YOU, I AM WALKING HERE.”

7. The Doublecross: (And Other Skills I Learned as a Superspy) – Jackson Pearce
The Doublecross - Jackson Pearce
Thoughts: The little motion lines are poorly placed. Definitely looks like that kid is traveling by fart power.

8. Miss Mayhem (Rebel Belle #2) – Rachel Hawkins
Miss Mayhem (Rebel Belle #2) - Rachel Hawkins
Thoughts: For being a yellow cover, this isn’t so bad. I’m totally envisioning this statue coming to life and sneakily poking anyone who comes near.

9. The Ruby Circle (Bloodlines #6) – Richelle Mead
The Ruby Circle (Bloodlines, #6) - Richelle Mead
Thoughts: Seriously, what did Richelle Mead do to designers. All these good covers for series get redesigned, but they keep plowing on ahead with these floral monstrosities.

10. Chantress Fury (Chantress Trilogy #3) – Amy Butler Greenfield
Chantress Fury (Chantress #3) - Amy Butler Greenfield
Thoughts: I do love the fonts and the lace, but I’m not wild about the eye.

11. Ask the Dark – Henry Turner
Ask the Dark - Henry Turner
Thoughts: Does the dark work like a Magic 8 ball?

12. The Kidney Hypothetical: Or How to Ruin Your Life in Seven Days – Lisa Yee
The Kidney Hypothetical - Lisa Yee
Thoughts: Is it just me or does this seem like it’s going to be about organ theft?

13. The Queen of Bright and Shiny Things – Ann Aguirre
The Queen of Bright and Shiny Things - Ann Aguirre
Thoughts: What teen couple pays for professional photos? Are they engaged? What?

14. After Day One (Tale of Tomorrow #1) – Benjamin Levi Seims
After Day One - Benjamin Levi Seims
Thoughts: I like my heroes to arrive in bubble wrap.

15. Kiss and Tell (Truth or Dare #3) – Jacqueline Green
Kiss and Tell (Truth or Dare #3) - Jacqueline Green
Thoughts: Tell me what’s happening under her hair? Because I want to know.

16. The Empty Throne (Heirs of Chrior #2) – Cayla Kluver
The Empty Throne (Heirs of Chrior #2) by Cayla Kluver
Thoughts: The throne is indeed empty. And I could use a sit. *plops* Oooh, that’s a pretty hat. *puts on* “HELLO I RULE YO ASSES NOW”

17. This Is Your Afterlife – Vanessa Barneveld
This Is Your Afterlife - Vanessa Barneveld
Thoughts: Hold up. I definitely requested an endless buffet of food for my afterlife, not cloud-dancing.

18. Promposal – Rhonda Helms
Promposal - Rhonda Helms
Thoughts: Um, sorry. It’s totally not all about the ask. If she says yes to the pomp and wouldn’t have otherwise, odds are it will end up being an awkward night when she slams her massive door in your face. So yeah.

19. Every Last Word – Tamara Ireland Stone
Every Last Word - Tamara Ireland Stone
Thoughts: I reaaaaallly hope this is a leak of a not final cover, because holy beige Batman.

20. Last Year’s Mistake – Gina Ciocca
Last Year's Mistake - Gina Ciocca
Thoughts: I’m not sure what last year’s mistake was, but today’s seems to be locking the keys in the car. Or maybe that’s someone else’s car, which could result in an awkward encounter.

21. Making Pretty – Corey Ann Haydu
Making Pretty - Corey Ann Haydu
Thoughts: *backs away* I don’t even know where to start. It’s hard to think with her staring at me like that.

22. We Are All Made of Molecules – Susin Nielsen
We Are All Made of Molecules - Susin Nielsen
Thoughts: I think I would be made of the cat-faced molecules.

23. The Water and the Wild – K.E. Ormsbee
The Water and the Wild - K.E. Ormsbee
Thoughts: Duuude, that’s a really unique art style on this cover. Why, yes, that is the technical artish term. Much knowledge. Such cover. Much word. Wow.

24. A Hard Day’s Night (The Lonely Hearts Club #1.1) – Elizabeth Eulberg
A Hard Day's Night - Elizabeth Eulberg
Thoughts: WASTED BEATLES REFERENCE OPPORTUNITY.

25. Two of Us (The Lonely Hearts Club #1.2) – Elizabeth Eulberg
Two of Us - Elizabeth Eulberg
Thoughts: Well, there are two of them. So that’s something. And so many hearts. I just think these would be so much better if they tied closely to the songs.

26. From Me to You (The Lonely Hearts Club #1.3) – Elizabeth Eulberg
From Me to You - Elizabeth Eulberg
Thoughts: Definitely looks like they’re ice skating in Chucks. *sobs more about how awesome these could have been*

27. The Orphan Army (The Nightsiders #1) – Jonathan Maberry
The Nightsiders - Jonathan Maberry
Thoughts: Is that purple person a zombie? *tilts head*

28. Othergirl – Nicole Burstein
Othergirl - Nicole Burstein
Thoughts: Based on the angle of her gaze, I really want this to be a lesbian romance between a lady superhero and a regular girl. Please?

29. The Tapestry (Joanna Stafford #3) – Nancy Bilyeau
The Tapestry - Nancy Bilyeau
Thoughts: It’s curtains for those curtains.

30. A Scoundrel by Moonlight (Son of Sin #4) – Anna Campbell
A Scoundrel by Moonlight - Anna Campbell
Thoughts: A scoundrel by purple tapestry’s light.

31. The Ways of Walls and Worlds – Sabrina Vourvoulias
The Ways of Walls and Worlds - Sabrina Vourvoulias
Thoughts: Man, I hate when my sister turns into birds.

32. Watch the Sky – Kirsten Hubbard
Watch the Sky - Kirsten Hubbard
Thoughts: Why? Is something coming from the sky I’m going to have to fight off with a blue bird and a tiny shovel? Maybe I should just pedal the fuck out of here on my teeny tiny bicycle.

33. The Younger Gods – Michael R. Underwood
Younger Gods - Michael R. Underwood
Thoughts: Apparently young gods are big fans of leather.

34. What You Left Behind – Jessica Verdi
What You Left Behind - Jessica Verdi
Thoughts: Oh no, what did he drop in the sand? This is gonna take a while to find, dude.

Cover Battles:

1. This Song Will Save Your Life – Leila Sales

This Song Will Save Your Life - Leila Sales
This Song Will Save Your Life - Leila Sales

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Gah, I love the paperback…only is the author’s name off-center? It totally is. IT IS ALL SLIGHTLY ASKEW. *twitches*

2. Chantress (Chantress Trilogy #1) – Amy Butler Greenfield

Chantress (Chantress #1) - Amy Butler Greenfield hardcover
Chantress (Chantress #1) - Amy Butler Greenfield

US Original vs. US Redesign: Similar, but I do like the change to the styling quite a bit.

3. Chantress Alchemy (Chantress Trilogy #2) – Amy Butler Greenfield

Chantress Alchemy (Chantress #2) - Amy Butler Greenfield original
Chantress Alchemy (Chantress #2) - Amy Butler Greenfield

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Instead of a guy hidden behind the rain, there’s a girl pretending you can’t see her behind her scarf. Improvement? Maybe.

4. Buzz Kill – Beth Fantaskey

Buzz Kill - Beth Fantaskey hb
Buzzkill - Beth Fantaskey

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: This girl’s so excited that I feel exhausted. Also, hasn’t anyone told you it’s rude to shine a flashlight in someone’s eyes, girl? I think I prefer the hardback, though maybe these would look better with a buzz. *reaches for alcohol*

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Divinity Impaired (Doom and the Warrior) – Lexy Wolfe
Divinity Impaired (Doom and the Warrior) - Lexy Wolfe
Thoughts: I like how what is presumably the divinity is going NOOOOOOO at his impairedness.

2. Happy Independence Day – Michael Rupured
Happy Independence Day - Michael Rupured
Thoughts: Look, his dick is on its way to independence from the denim institution.

3. All Muck and Mullets – Samantha Nash
All Muck and Mullets - Samantha Nash
Thoughts: I may be more uncomfortable than the guy on the bottom right.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

The Conspiracy of Us

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Today, welcome Emma (Awkwordly Emma) with her pick!

“SO MANY AMAZING COVERS THIS WEEK. But without a doubt, my favorite is The Conspiracy of Us. I love the colors, the compass rose, and her dress. I usually hate pretty dress covers, but this one blows the rest out of the water. Plus, is anyone else getting a Sarah Bolger vibe from that model? My desire for this book grew tenfold after seeing the cover.”

To learn more or purchase: Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

Choose Your Favorite:

9 responses to “Cover Snark (119): The One with the Muck”

  1. Gillian says:

    2. I DO like the way the water warps the font in the ripples. Also her nail color.

    3. Yeah who even cares about the fur because LOOK AT THAT BEAUTFUL D. I want the D. I like the D. *snickers like a preteen*

    4. SAME BECAUSE BLUE AND DRESS AND COMPASS. I can ignore the bird and the city floating which aren’t so bad though those boxes are weird but PRETTYYY

    5. I think i figured out what i hate so much here, besides the green and pink combo. It’s the dark shadow behing the pink paint swipe. It makes it look like the paint wasn’t swiped ONTO the cover, some how. Am I crazy? But like, look at the bottom, where the “paint” thins out and there’s black. That looks terrible. Also I hate her shoes.

    6. Bad ass bitch, let’s be friends.

    7. BAHAHAHAHA HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT

    9. Kill. It.

    They look ILL.. They look like they are about to VOMIT ON EACH OTHER. which is perfect, because they are surrounded by PEPTO BISMOL.

    10. WHOAAAAA, REDESIGN, MUCH?!?!?!

    11. I AM NOT ASKING THAT DARK SHIT *FLEES*

    12. This is utterly ADORABLE except for the word “kidney” in the title which is honestly freaking me out

    15. okay but i want to know how she got her hair to DO that

    16. pretty pretty pretty throooooone

    17. Cloud Dancing is the name of Dr. Quinn and Sully’s Cheyenne friend in Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, which is important to this conversation for reasons.

    18. DYINGDYINGDYINGDYINGDYING I WONDER WHO THIS PERSON COULD BE WITH A MASSIVE DOOR TO SLAM IN A PRESUMPTUOUS BOY’S FACE

    19. preeeeetty sure it’s a final one. honestly, could it have killed them to shot those little scraps of paper on like a BLUE table, or something?

    20. what the holy fuck has been raining down on them? fucking volcanic ash?

    23. OOOOO love how it’s all paper cutout-y (also a technical art term)

    24. The fact that that maple leaf is over their crotches like Reformation prudery of old and says “hard” just makes me think dirty non-Reformation non-prudish things.

    28. This is cute and OOO I WANTS THAT

    29. Oooo, creepycreepy

    CB1. Ughhhh i love this redesign SOOOO MUCH but omg why. you. no. CENTERED?!!?!?!?

    CB2. ooo, i actually much prefer the original. This is historical fantasy and the new one just looks vaguely aesthetically Pinterest-y. At least it no longer looks like she’s about to stab a heart? I do love the swoopy C on the new cover.

    CB4. I prefer the paperback but her gaze is FREAKING ME OUT.

    WTF1. This is all I see https://p.gr-assets.com/540×540/fit/hostedimages/1380413496/814230.gif

    WT2. DENIM INSTITUTION

    Wtf3. Oh I shall never recover from this
    Gillian recently posted…When Everyone Loves a Book but YouMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      2. Yeah, the ripples are the only thing I like about it, but otherwise I’m boooored.

      3. *snickers with you* You get that, D, Gillian!

      4. Intellectually, I’m like whut, but I can barely hear that under the GIMME.

      5. Ooh, I think I see what you mean. It doesn’t look like the same picture underneath in some places. Ew.

      7. FARTPOWER

      9. Seriously, what even the fuck. Richelle Mead sells so well and she gets vomitous covers. Adrian is definitely a heartbeat away from a vomitsplosion all over her. Poor Adrian.

      10. INDEED.

      12. I KNOW. All I can think of is the scary unicorn video about organ theft that people loved in college because kidney and no.

      15. Rihanna powers?

      17. Hahahahaha, cloud dancing.

      18. sum bidge

      19. NOOOOOOO. This is the least effortful cover I’ve ever seen almost. North fucking west.

      23. It’s not my favorite art style, but it’s so unique that I’m kind of in love.

      24. LOL LOL LOL. THIS WAY YOU CANNOT SEE THEIR MASSIVE ERECTIONS. Oh my kanye, all three involve some crotch coverage.

      28. Sadly I don’t think this book is that, but I wants.

      CB1. I don’t know what to vote for, because I like the redesign better but all I can do is stare at its lack of centeredness.

      CB2. It’s historical fantasy? DID NOT KNOW THAT. Yeah, she’s definitely wearing a hipster hat in the new cover. But the font is so prettiful. Hmmm.

      CB4. Indeed. I’m going with neither on that one.

      WTF1. Mmmmm, remember when we saw him in his skivvies? That was nice.

      WTF3. Is it not one of the most horrific things you’ve ever seen?

  2. 1. I like the shattering butterfly but it and the gate look a little cartoony to me. Also, will this book be filled with the evil sentence “I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding”?!

    2. A bit boring.

    3. Reminds me of the Wither covers.

    4. I like! Especially the white lines for some reason.

    5. A bit too washed out but I like the fill-in effect.

    6. Definitely catches your eye. & yes, yay for real people on covers!

    7. Pretty damn cute.

    8. This reminds me of the Buffy episode “The Witch” where Amy’s in the cheerleading statue!!

    9. Hahahaha.

    10. Ooh pretty! Don’t like the eye either (or maybe it just could have been incorporated better.

    11. Kinda creepy. Oh hey the font for the author’s name is one I use in our branding at work, haha.

    12. Weird name, but I like the hand-drawn style.

    13. I like the post-it notes. Upon first glance I wasn’t digging this, but I think on an actual hardcover it would catch my eye.

    15. The yellow tone doesn’t work, and this is just… weird.

    19. The author said this was her cellphone’s background, so I think it may be the final cover? I like the strips of paper but there isn’t enough contrast!

    20. This reminds me of a Katie McGarry book SO much.

    21. Tone down the Instagram-like filters, make the title less jarring and maybe a plain font for the authors name.

    22. I’m a sucker for watercolour covers.
    Rachelia (Bookish Comforts) recently posted…{Review} The Woefield Poultry Collective by Susan JubyMy Profile

  3. Steena says:

    Is it supposed to be raining in 20. Last Year’s Mistake? Because her hair is completely dry.

  4. 1. I’m sorry but I really hate the title.
    4. Love the colors and the composition! The gold thread in her dress is fantastic.
    5. Cute shoes but my least favorite of her covers so far.
    8. I haven’t read Rebel Belle and didn’t care for the cover, but I LOVE this cover! It’s so shiny and fun.
    10. The other covers were too bright but at least they grabbed my attention. This is a little blah, and I don’t like the eye or her hair.
    13. Hmmm…. I like the post its.
    16. Ooh green shinies! Makes me want to finish the first book. Maybe.
    20. Awkward rain splatter effect. Eww.
    23. Love! Reminds me of something I’ve seen on Etsy.
    1. Ooh! I want to read it just to own the PB cover 🙂
    2. I’m just not a fan of these Chantress redesigns. I’d like something more in the middle of the two as far as brightness and I don’t like how it’s washed in one color.

  5. I never noticed that Sales’ name is off center in the new paperback. THANK YOU FOR BREAKING MY IGNORANT BLISS

    WTF #3 – I CAN’T BREATHE WHAT IS THAT
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Interview: Kelsey Sutton, Author of Where Silence GathersMy Profile

  6. 1. No, I don’t want to squeeze you inside my xiphoid process, thank you. Also, I bet you didn’t know you were being held or some such junk.

    3. I loooooove this one. I added it to my Cover Love rotation the second I saw it on Hypable. (Not such a fan of the synopsis, though.)

    4. Every time I glance at this cover, I see Shailene Woodley, and I want to know if that was deliberate. If so, fail, because it really messes with my enjoyment here.

    7. Eeeee wee tiny superspies!! But yes, bad motion lines. Also, his blue hair bothers me.

    9. What did these poor MODELS do?? Her hair! Her “blush”! That awful swirl on her cheek! Although if you squint your eyes and tilt your head, he aaaaalmost looks like Darcy from LBD. I think it’s the lips.

    11. No… no, I think I’m okay. I’ll leave the dark be, thank you.

    15. So is the Veronica Lake look “in” again?

    17. Oh gosh. Why am I dancing in the clouds? Am I wearing heels? Why does he have his shirt open and blowing in the breeze? Is that Total Eclipse of the Heart playing? HELP I’VE BEEN SENT TO THE WRONG PLACE!!!

    18. Dude, you’re going to all that trouble, but you’re going to ask her in baggy olive green cargo shorts? No.
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Rose Under Fire Character Interview + GiveawayMy Profile

  7. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. No. Just no. It looks sad.
    8. Alright, that one is just awesome.
    23. OH! Favorite so far!
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Stacking the Shelves #100My Profile

  8. 1. For some reason, I really hate that title.
    2. How boring.
    4. I have no idea what is going on here, but it’s pretty. The tag line makes me very curious too. ‘Ancient puzzle’ *I want it*
    5. I like that they did with the title.
    9. I dislike these covers so much.
    10. ‘Chhantress’ nice font.
    12. Strange title, but I like the drawing style, especially the girl.
    16. This series lured me in with the cover from the first book. I was bored, but they are pretty and I still want them..
    32. Well, it’s a nice sky.

    CB1. I like both covers, but I think the paperback will appeal to a larger audience.
    CB2/3. I like the redesigns with those pastel colored filters.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…7 Deadly sins tag.My Profile

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