Cover Snark (116): The One with Jinn and Juice

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Killer Within (Killer Instinct #2) – S.E. Green
Killer Within (Killer Instinct #2) - S.E. Green
Thoughts: I’ve got a heart in a bag. I’m sitting on a sofa. Got the bag on this book cover. What a world, what a life, I’m not awed.

2. Up All Night – Various Authors
Up All Night - Various Authors
Thoughts: For erections lasting longer than four hours, please seek medical help.

3. The Queen & The Favorite (The Selection #0.4, 2.6) – Kiera Cass
The Queen & The Favorite (The Selection) - Kiera Cass
Thoughts: Why do they even bother pretending the covers for this series are not ALL about the dresses? I mean, come on.

4. The Gifted Dead – Jenna Black
The Gifted Dead - Jenna Black
Thoughts: Oooh, can the dead do magic tricks or are they just really good at logic puzzles? Or maybe, like this dragon, they’re just really good at catching their tails. Also, they have tails that they were gifted. Yeah, that must be it.

5. Lifeless (Words Made Flesh #2) – Adrianne Strickland
Lifeless - Adrianne Strickland
Thoughts: Why Are All the Nouns and Verbs in the Tagline Capitalized? Also, why that font? Why so boring? Just why?

6. Combust (The Wellingtons #1) – Tessa Teevan
Combust (The Wellingtons #1) - Tessa Teevan
Thoughts: Time to blow up the Wellington family! THEY HAD IT COMING. THEY ONLY HAD THEMSELVES TO BLAME. (I know it’s a series and a book title but placement is crucial in the meaning of words.)

7. Bad Romeo (The Diva Diaries #1) – Leisa Rayven
Bad Romeo - Leisa Rayven
Thoughts: Bad Romeo, I told you NOT to mark your territory inside the house. Bad dog.

8. Broken Juliet (The Diva Diaries #2) – Leisa Rayven
Broken Juliet - Leisa Rayven
Thoughts: All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Juliet and her rose back together again.

9. The Girl and the Clockwork Cat – Nikki McCormack
The Girl and the Clockwork Cat - Nikki McCormack
Thoughts: Clockwork kitty is simultaneously the coolest and saddest thing ever.

10. Cannonbridge – Jonathan Barnes
Cannonbridge - Jonathan Barnes
Thoughts: His bridge made out of cannons can beat up your bridge.

11. Infinity Bell (House Immortal #2) – Devon Monk
Infinity Bell (House Immortal #2) - Devon Monk
Thoughts: No one can fight time, but she’s sure as shit going to try to fuck it up with this gun anyway.

12. Dreams of Shreds and Tatters – Amanda Downum
Dreams of Shreds and Tatters - Amanda Downum
Thoughts: BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW

13. No Man’s World Omnibus – Pat Kelleher
No Man's World Omnibus - Pat Kelleher
Thoughts: DO NOT WANT. BUGS AND WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IS UP TOP AND BLEH NO RUNNING AWAY.

14. Marked – Sarah Fine
Marked - Sarah Fine
Thoughts: Does that coin depict the Dirty Bird dance?

15. The Dark Water (The Well’s End #2) – Seth Fishman
The Dark Water - Seth Fishman
Thoughts: Something’s fishy about that font. No like literally it is being a fish. Wetter you like it or not, that’s pretty cool.

16. The Witch Must Burn (Dorothy Must Die #1.5) – Danielle Paige
The Witch Must Burn (Dorothy Must Die #2) - Danielle Paige
Thoughts: I recommend replacing the witch’s sunscreen with regular lotion before her beach vacation. That should do the trick.

17. The Collectors’ Society – Heather Lyons
The Collectors' Society - Heather Lyons
Thoughts: There are tentacles or something coming into your society. Maybe you should run for the weed whacker, lady.

18. Ball in Hand – Libby Thomas
Ball in Hand - Libby Thomas
Thoughts: What puzzles me most about this is that I actually kind of like it. Can’t resist a dick joke, I guess.

19. Tunnel Vision – Susan Adrian
Tunnel Vision - Susan Adrian
Thoughts: Well, that’s unpleasant to look at. It’s like an eye test at the ophthalmologist.

Cover Battles:

1. Killer Instinct (Killer Instinct #1) – S. E. Green

Killer Instinct - S.E. Green
Killer Instinct (Killer Instinct #1) - S. E. Green

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: They’ve found Chucky’s hand, but it still has the KILLER INSTINCT. #iftaglineswerehonest

2. Razorhurst – Justine Larbalestier

Razorhurst - Justine Larbalestier
Razorhurst - Justine Larbalestier

Australian vs. US: I want to love that title font, but something about the way it sits on that background texture irks me. As does the photo of the girl covering part of the awesome-looking city. I’ll just borrow a razor and cut her on out.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Forked (Frenched #2) – Melanie Harlow
Forked - Melanie Harlow
Thoughts: *resists urge to make “stick fork in it; it’s done” joke*

2. The Tethered Trilogy – Jennifer Snyder
The Tethered Trilogy - Jennifer Snyder
Thoughts: So this is where Chad Michael Murray is these days.

3. Jinn and Juice – Nicole Peeler
Jinn and Juice - Nicole Peeler
Thoughts: What I think some of you don’t know is that sometimes a little WTF is a good thing. I looked at this cover and I laughed my ass off, but also I’m kind of in love. This is how you WTF the right way.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

The Gifted Dead

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

The Gifted Dead - Jenna Black

Today, welcome Anya (Of Starships and Dragonwings), who has selected The Gifted Dead by Jenna Black. Here’s why:

“Well, obviously I have to go with the dragon cover, but it was easy because the cloth texture is awesome and coppery! The dirt is also a great touch that draws me in to wonder just what these dead are up to >.>”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon

What’s Your Favorite Cover?

14 responses to “Cover Snark (116): The One with Jinn and Juice”

  1. Dragana says:

    I’ve gotta go with ‘Jinn and Juice’ by Nicole Peeler. Made me laugh. Love the colors. 🙂
    Dragana recently posted…Book Review: Entangled by Nikki JeffordMy Profile

  2. Isabel says:

    As always, I love these covers!
    Isabel recently posted…Waiting on Wednesday (29)My Profile

  3. Meg says:

    Cannonbridge cover = Reichenbach Fall

    That is all.

    (FOR NOW)

  4. 3 – Ahhhh shoot now I’m going to have to buy that one too
    13 – Are you my mommy?

    Honestly I didn’t love any of these covers this week! Although I couldn’t help but laugh at the Ball In Hand one – I guess I can’t resist a dick joke either.
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…I’ll never read all the books – and that’s okay!My Profile

  5. roro says:

    Nothing much to say about the following but lolz.: 7 and 12

    i do have to say i’m intrigued to know what 12 ‘s about

    cover battle

    i’m not a fan of the us version of razor hurtz , here’s hoping the uk is better has the aussie cover

    my fav cover goes to the gifted death ^_^
    roro recently posted…BOOK TOUR: Playing By The BOOK by S. Chris. Shirley ( REVIEW)My Profile

  6. 1. Awesome. I know what I’ll be humming all day now. Thanks for that.

    4. I like the cloth texture. Also, dragon. DRAGON.

    6. Let’s be honest, “Combust The Wellingtons” is much more interesting than what’s really going on.

    12. Ooooh pretty. Also I TAKE IT BACK I TAKE IT BACK GIVE ME THE OTHER SONG BACK IN MY HEAD.

    14. I don’t know what that is. I don’t want to know what that is!
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Cover Love #68My Profile

  7. Gillian says:

    1. This cover is silly.

    2. BAHAHAHAH I WAS JUST ABOUT OT MAKE A PENIS JOKE

    3. *scrolls past veryveryfast*

    4. OH COOOOOL IT’S LIKE PRINTED ON A FEEDSACK OR A CANVAS BAG OR SOMETHING OH THAT’S COOOL even though i’d be forever worried i’d gotten it dirty

    10. Oh hey Sherlock how you doin DON’T JUMP

    12. I LOVE THIS. The figure not so much but OMG YES LOOK AT THE BEAUTY

    13. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *WEEPS*

    15. Ooo, cool. I wonder if this means they’ll redesign the first one.

    18. Also, um, hello, boobs.

    CB1. I actually love the 20s font for the US version, but the Australian version is PERFECTION. Also, I do not like the girl.

    WTF1. *craughs*

    WTF2. The two dudes in the back look like you’ve just stepped out of the changing room and they’re trying to figure out if they like your outfit or not. Bitch in front just straight up hates it.

    WTF3. Fabulous.

    Pretty I’d choose as Anya did so yayyyy
    Gillian recently posted…Faultless in Spite of All of Her Faults: The Unlikable HeroineMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Just a bit.

      2. That just can’t be healthy.

      4. The textures are so realistic on this cover that I feel like if I touch it, I will get dirt on my hands. BURLAP? IS THAT THE WORD FOR THAT SACK? Yesssss, my brain finally gave me the word.

      10. After the raised arms, Sherlock JUMPS?

      12. Yeah, not so much the figure, but I still think it’s awesome.

      13. *weeps with you*

      15. Not sure. Though the font in which Well’s End is written on this cover makes me think maybe.

      18. The boobs are the part I don’t really like. Like, they’re nice boobs, but it does feel exploitative.

  8. 3. True, I only want to see a pretty dress on these covers please.
    4. It would be fun if this book was textured like that.
    9. Ha, that’s cool.
    12. I would pick this up in the store.
    15. I like it.

    2. Razorhurst.. Hmmm. I think I prefer the Australian one.

    2. Ohhhh, look at those realistic flames.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Bout of books Updates.My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      3. It’s such a waste. Like she has a nice face but where is my damn dress?

      4. It would be vaguely unpleasant because dirt texture. :-p

      WTF2. The realism is off the charts. I can feel the heat just looking at it.

  9. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. Even though the cheese factor is high, I do love this cover.

    3. Oh, GAG ME.

    4. GASPS That book cover is freaking AWESOME!

    9. When I saw this, I was like AWWW. Then I was like EWWWWW. And then I was like POOR KITTY. Much emotions.
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: Bleed Like MeMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Huh. I really don’t get these covers tbh. I’m on the fence about whether this is better than the girl face cover.

      9. Poor kitty! But he seems fine now, but poor poor baby.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge