Cover Snark (113): The One with the Chicken Man

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. The Eternity Key (Into the Dark #2) – Bree Despain
The Eternity Key (Into the Dark #2) - Bree Despain
Thoughts: When I first opened this, I one hundred percent believed this was the cover of a self-published book. Why this redesign? WHY?

2. After Hours – Claire Kennedy
After Hours - Claire Kennedy
Thoughts: I wouldn’t go so far as thumbs up, but you’ve got my attention.

3. Blackbird Fly – Erin Entrada Kelly
Blackbird Fly - Erin Entrada Kelly
Thoughts: Blackbird signing in the dead of niiiight. Take this guitar and learn to playyyyyy.

4. K-9 (Knightley & Son #2) – Rohan Gavin
K-9 (Knightley & Son #2) - Rohan Gavin
Thoughts: Look at the cute wolfie face and the illustrations are totes adorbs.

5. Fire in the Woods – Jennifer M. Eaton
Fire in the Woods - Jennifer M. Eaton
Thoughts: The positioning of the model makes me think it’s more like “Dick in the Woods” and if there’s fire in it then all ladies should STEER CLEAR.

6. Strike (Spark #3) – Jennifer Ryder
Strike - Jennifer Ryder
Thoughts: Is this baseball or bowling? Either he made it to first base or he didn’t, I’m assuming.

7. Blood Entwines – Caroline Healy
Blood Entwines - Caroline Healy
Thoughts: Oh look, eyes photoshopped into unnatural shininess. HOW ORIGINAL. SO GLAD THIS IS STILL HAPPENING.

8. Dorothy Parker Drank Here (Dorothy Parker #2) – Ellen Meister
Dorothy Parker Drank Here - Ellen Meister
Thoughts: Guys don’t make passes at girls with olives in their glasses.

9. I Am Her Revenge – Meredith Moore
I Am Her Revenge - Meredith Moore
Thoughts: There is no better revenge than standing naked in bushes while digesting the manor house you’ve eaten, lawn and all. No one ever sees that coming.

10. Forbidden Passage (Stranded: Shadow Island #2) – Jeff Probst & Chris Tebbetts
Forbidden Passage (Stranded Shadow Island #2) - Jeff Probst  Chris Tebbetts
Thoughts: It must be very stressful for these clay people to be trapped on this island. It looks hot. What if they melt, like the yellow cheese people who clearly came before them and who now coat the forest floor?

11. The Choice (The Returned #0.7) – Jason Mott
The Choice (The Returned #0.7) - Jason Mott
Thoughts: To be upside down or not to be upside down. This is the choice.

12. All the Bright Places – Jennifer Niven
All the Bright Places - Jennifer Niven
Thoughts: All the Post-Its.

13. Burying Water – K.A. Tucker
Burying Water - K.A. Tucker
Thoughts: Is the water her many tears? BURY THE EVIDENCE.

14. Catalyst (Control #2) – Lydia Kang
Catalyst (Control #2) - Lydia Kang
Thoughts: This looks like another redesign. I guess I should have expected this; with a title like catalyst, change is inevitable.

15. Legend: The Graphic Novel – Marie Lu
Legend The Graphic Novel - Marie Lu
Thoughts: Wow, that’s a hundred percent not how I pictured either one of them. I suppose it might be me though.

16. Fate and other Coincidences – Cecilia Robert
Fate and other Coincidences - Cecilia Robert
Thoughts: Coincidences obviously meaning dicks. Coincidicks.

17. The Void (Witching Savannah #3) – J. D. Horn
The Void (Witching Savannah #3) - J. D. Horn
Thoughts: DESE COVERS.

18. The Summer of Chasing Mermaids – Sarah Ockler
The Summer of Chasing Mermaids - Sarah Ockler
Thoughts: This is a million times cuter than the usual couple cover. I am curious why they keep chasing the mermaids, though. It seems kind of rude. Don’t go chasing mermaids. Stick to the sirens and the nymphs that you’re used to.

19. Skin Deep (Legion #2) – Brandon Sanderson
Legion Skin Deep- Brandon Sanderson
Thoughts: Cover love is by definition skin deep, but I’m just not sure about this.

20. The Vines – Christopher Rice
The Vines - Christopher Rice
Thoughts: HOLY SHIT. NOT OKAY. No wonder I don’t trust gardening.

21. Willowgrove (Hemlock #3) – Kathleen Peacock
Willowgrove (Hemlock #3) - Kathleen Peacock
Thoughts: “Oh no, my shoes don’t match. Curses. Can’t go through the creepy gate dressed like this. Best go home.”

22. When Joss Met Matt – Ellie Cahill
Untitled-2
Thoughts: When Joss Met Matt, they decided to reenact their favorite movie kiss: unfortunately it was Spider-Man.

23. Louder Than Words – Iris St. Clair
Louder Than Words - Iris St. Clair
Thoughts: So just loud incoherent sounds. LOUD NOISES.

24. The Gossip File (The Dirt Diary #3) – Anna Staniszewski
The Gossip File (Dirt Diary #3) - Anna Staniszewski
Thoughts: She must have just read some sweeeet gossip. Or maybe it came with a photo. Otherwise, I cannot understand the amount of shock on her face.

25. Mr. Kiss and Tell (Veronica Mars #2) – Rob Thomas & Jennifer Graham
Mr. Kiss and Tell (Veronica Mars #2) - Rob Thomas & Jennifer Graham
Thoughts: He told and now she has locked him in a locker. That’s what you get, sir.

26. The Living End – Craig Schaefer
The Living End - Craig Schaefer
Thoughts: Why’d it have to be snakes?

Cover Battles:

1. The Shadow Prince (Into the Dark #2) – Bree Despain

The Shadow Prince (Into the Dark #1) - Bree Despain
The Shadow Prince (Into the Dark #2) - Bree Despain

Hardback vs. Paperback: Just strutting through the forest in Spring while wearing leather pants. As one does. Also, HAHAHAHAHAHA

2. Perfect Chemistry – Simone Elkeles

Perfect Chemistry - Simone Elkeles original
Perfect Chemistry - Simone Elkeles

US Original vs. US Redesign: SO CHEESY. And I don’t mean a nice sassy cheese like feta; that is straight up American cheese.

3. Stay With Me – J. Lynn

Stay with Me - J. Lynn
Stay with Me - J. Lynn German
Stay With Me - J. Lynn

US vs. German vs. UK: Most definitely the UK cover which looks more like literary fiction or a magical realism novel.

4. Control (Control #1) – Lydia Kang

Control (Control #1) - Lydia Kang hardback
Control (Control #1) - Lydia Kang

Hardback vs. Paperback: Baaaah, it’s so boring. I liked the sciencey cover. Though I guess it might be shiny in the finished copy, which would be nice. Still there were many worse covers to redesign.

5. The Oathbreaker’s Shadow (The Knots Duology #1) – Amy McCulloch

The Oathbreaker's Shadow - Amy McCulloch UK
The Oathbreaker's Shadow - Amy McCulloch

UK vs. US: Okay, who let the infinity symbol on fire? I’ve told you guys about this.

6. The Lucy Variations – Sara Zarr

The Lucy Variations - Sara Zarr
The Lucy Variations - Sara Zarr paperback

Hardback vs. Paperback: Not in love with the font for the title, but the rest of it is fun and flirty. Since I haven’t read the book, I can’t weigh in on which fits best with the story.

7. This Shattered World (Starbound #2) – Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner

This Shattered World (These Broken Stars #2) - Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner
This Shattered World (Starbound #2) - Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner

US vs. Australian: Australia has a much better font imo.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie – Jeff Norton
Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie - Jeff Norton
Thoughts: *cringes* I’m supposed to be laughing, but nope just cringing.

2. Sinfully – Leighton Riley
Sinfully - Leighton Riley
Thoughts: Take the clunge.

3. Risen (Fallen Desire #3) – N. L. Echeverria
Risen - N. L. Echeverria
Thoughts: Angel dude: TADAAAAAA *spirit fingers*
Girl: Mmmmm, chicken.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

This Shattered World

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

This Shattered World (Starbound #2) - Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner

Today, I prevailed upon Meg of Cuddlebuggery once again. She’s so nice about helping when I’m running behind. Kanye bless Meg. Here are her thoughts on this week’s covers:

“Can I pick The Living End because it’s creepy and horrifying and full of snakes and I want to make everyone look at it again? I kind of hate to pick This Shattered World because it somehow seems like a lazy choice but dammit, the cover is pretty. I love the font for deeply typographically nerdy reasons (the subtle fanciness of the lower than usual crossbars and pointy apexes please me greatly, idk). The colors are lovely and I like the starburst thing happening behind the dude plus space is cool. Really, get rid of the people and it’s perfect (seriously, why is his shirt unbuttoned? it makes no sense and it bothers the hell out of me).”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

20 responses to “Cover Snark (113): The One with the Chicken Man”

  1. 1. A world of no.

    3. Oooo pretty art AND a Beatles reference GILLIAN LIKEY

    5. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT BECAUSE WE HAVE TWINNED PERVERTED BRAINS

    6. This cover is a strike out.

    8. I LOVE YOU FOR ETERNITY FOR MAKING THIS REFERENCE AND THEN MAKING IT FUNNIER AND OMG I WOULD SO MAKE A PASS AT YOU WHILE YOU WERE WEARING YOUR GLASSES

    10. THOSE FIGURED ARE SO BAD.

    12. I hope Romy and Michelle got their royalty checks for all those Post-Its.

    14. Ummm that is NOTHING like Control which is a cover I really liked. HOW WEIRD.

    15. Yeah that’s… not Day to me. June’s fine, I guess, but also they look older. Which is kind of a good thing because FIFTEEN too young

    16. CRAUGHING

    17. COVERLUST OMK UNFFF

    18. Cute cute cute cuuuuute

    21. That is one cheap ass wig. (Though not an ass wig.)

    24. What is she holding in her hand? An invisible drink? However her dress is adorable.

    26. I’m tired of these motherfucking snakes on these motherfucking covers.

    CB1. RIDICULOUS REDESIGN.

    CB2. hahahahah “Ugh, couples”

    CB4. Ahhh, there’s the redesign. WHYYYY. I LOVED THE GLOWY BLUE.

    WTF2. AHAHAHAH YOU DID NOT JUST

    WTF3. AHAHAHAHA CRAUGHING SPIRIT FINGERS AHAHAHAHA
    Gillian, who is FINALLY ON HER WAY HOMEWARD recently posted…Looking Forward: AugustMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. I was totally like “why is Gillian linking me to some random, shitty self-pub cover?” and then I went “OH NO.”

      3. Christina also likey. ALMOST added it to my to-read but I’m not too into MG atm.

      5. Haaaaaa, I was wondering if that commentary was a little too weird, but YOU GET ME.

      8. *dying* I was SO proud of that one.

      10. They’re just awful. They’re slightly more than paper outlines, but not quite gumby. What even.

      12. ily for this reference. Your dad, the creator of toaster strudel, would approve.

      15. FIFTEEN IS TOO DAMN YOUNG. Day had dark hair in my head and was less scruffy-haired. June was Asian in my head, which is actually wrong but I’m okay with that.

      16. ALSO PROUD OF THIS ONE.

      24. You would look cute in that dress!

      WTF2: ALL FOR YOU. AND MEG. AND DEBBY.

  2. “Coincidicks.”

    *snortlaughs* *falls over* *keeps laughing*

    The Void & J.D. Horn get the best covers omggg *drools*

    The Vines – well fuck that, I’m never walking across grass again *coughs*

    Much sads about the Control redesign. I didn’t even like the first THAT much, but the colors were so pretty and it was sorta unique. *sigh* I was still considering buying it, but now that urge has gone way down. But I’m not superficial at all. Oh no.
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Review: William Shakespeare’s Star Wars by Ian DoescherMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Yesssss, I win.

      I am also skeptical of grass now. THANKS, COVER.

      That redesign is meh. Like, if it had been the first cover, I’d have been a bit yawn, but if the final copy was shiny, then whatever. But by now, we’re attached to the glowy cover and you could fix The Fourth Wish instead, Penguin.

  3. Heather says:

    3. Adorable!

    8. WANT. Want, want, want, want, want. This is your surprised face.

    9. This one is kind of neat! What is happening?!

    14. I like the colors!

    I’m very whelmed by all of the cover battles this week, though I do love the UK cover for Stay with Me and both of The Lucy Variations covers.

  4. 1. *cries* I can’t believe this change.
    4. I like the faces in the title.
    9. I like how the tag line combines with the title, but that’s it.
    15. Uh, wait, no. That’s definitely NOT how I pictured them.
    21. The covers from this series went downhill. The first one wasn’t so bad, but this..

    Redesign 4. Nooo, I really liked the science look 🙁
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Monthly recap. July. (+vlog!)My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      21. I actually sort of love the first one for the dress, but yeaahhhh this is not their best effort.

  5. Meg says:

    DAMMIT I SHOULD’VE PICKED THE RISEN COVER IT IS SO GLORIOUSLY AWFUL I COMPLETELY FORGOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER COVERS.
    Meg recently posted…Review: A Shade of Vampire by Bella ForrestMy Profile

  6. Ellis says:

    2. Ew no, it looks like he made a bet and is now signalling to his friends that he won it. I don’t even know you and already think you’re a douche, so thumbs up for that, I guess.

    12. I sort of like this but it also looks very adult romance in a way, which doesn’t mean I don’t like it. It’s cute.

    15. NOPE NOT YOU. I pictured June with much darker hair dark brown eyes and Day with almost white hair. I also thought June was of mixed blood and that it showed more clearly. It might be just us, though.

    16. Coincidicks habanaprammen

    18. The guy looks like a douche. I can’t help it. He looks like one of the baby add-ons on this season of Teen Wolf.

    19. Huh.

    21. Ehh. Didn’t love the other covers but I feel like they pulled the photoshopping a girl in thing better?

    22. Raise your hand if you thought this was going to be m/m when you were scrolling down and only saw the title.

    CB 1. What even.

    CB 2. Blegh. To both.

    CB 3. I’m lolling over the last one but it also makes her look like a fairy so obviously that one.

    CB 6. Like both and I want her outfit, though I’d look like a barbie doll with my so very exotic blonde hair.

    CB 7. It’s slightly better?

    WTF 2. Are the cards tattooed on?
    Ellis recently posted…Review – On The FenceMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      2. Yeah, that’s the part that makes me skeptical of this book. I mean, kissing is thumbs up, but if it’s a bet or something, then fuck off bro.

      12. I think it’s YA, though. I do like it, but it doesn’t so much look like a teen book.

      15. My June was Asian, which I know was wrong, but whatever. My Day had dark hair, because I completely disregard character descriptions sometimes. What’s funny is that I had no idea how I saw them until I looked at this and went wuuuuut.

      21. Gillian! also has a point with the ass wig.

      22. ME! I was so excited when I looked this up on GR, and then I read the blurb and Joss was a girl and I sobbed a bit.

      WTF2. They might be.

  7. 1. Pretty sure I’ve seen that model somewhere before, but I can’t put my finger on it…

    2. That thumbs-up looks like a sign to his buddies to show he did what they bet him to do and isn’t into her. DOUCHEBAG ALERT.

    5. THAT’S FIVE TIMES IN THREE DAYS PENISES HAVE COME UP IN MY LIFE AND THE SECOND TIME IT INVOLVED A FIERY BONER.

    6. Her positioning and that title reminds me of the time my best friend hit me in the groin with a small mirror. Right down the center like he’d been bowling and was going for a strike! It’s our favorite in-joke.

    9. She ate it? Huh. I thought it was a massive tattoo her mother gave her to remind her of where she’d be going to exact revenge. Kinda like how parents sometimes get their daughters’ ears pierced when they’re infants and can’t actually consent to it except the tattoo is a lot more hardcore.

    15. That’s not how I pictured them either, but I suppose I like the style. I’d read it.

    18. I was actually expecting an Adele reference (“should we give up or should we just keep chasing mermaids even if it leads nowhere?”), not a TLC one. YOU DONE DID GOOD.

    21. The poor Photoshop hurts my heart.

    5. …*raises hand* I like fire.

    6. Ag! They both look like self-published novels because the title typography just doesn’t fit.

    2. That must have been one hell of a night in Vegas if she woke up with a tattoo of a full house on her upper thigh.

    • Christina Franke says:

      2. Ha, Ellis said the same thing.

      5. Your social life is interesting.

      6. O_O

      9. First I went for tattoo, but then I changed it for variety. SUCH TATTOO COVERS. VERY PAIN. MUCH BORED.

      15. I do also like the style, but we’re manga/anime people so.

      18. …does not know this Adele song, but will take the accolades anyway

      CB5. *wags finger*

  8. 1. There are a ton of other covers that are so similar. Boring.

    6. I find this to be super awkward.

    7. Why is his eye black instead of white? That troubles me more than the stupid eye colors.

    8. Not sure if I would read it, but it would definitely catch my eye in the books store.

    9. Is this one of those optical illusion pictures? I’m not sure where to focus!

    14. This looks like a novella cover.

    15. It’s not just you.

    18. I love this, though I sure wouldn’t be getting that outfit all sandy. And what books is that?

    25. I enjoyed the first one, and I will continue to read them, because it’s Veronica Mars, but these covers are lame.

    26. Ewwwww. Snakes are gross.

    CB2. I’m not a huge fan of the original but this redesign is awful.
    Kimberly @ On The Wings of Books recently posted…Review * Shiver by Maggie StiefvaterMy Profile

  9. 2 – It’s like his arm is way too long for his body… I can’t get over the awkwardness of the pose!
    12 – Awww this sounds so cute! But really – another book being touted as TFIOS meets Eleanor & Park? That makes like five just this fall… FIND SOME ORIGINALITY IN YOUR TAGLINES DAMMIT.
    14 – Wait what no why?? I loved the original covers! *crying*
    15 – They look too white to me. Or maybe I’m just a really bad judge – but I always imagined both of them to have more Asian features.
    16 – I CAN’T BREATHE COINCIDICKS

    Cover Battles:
    4 – Seriously? Why. Just why. The first one is SO PRETTY in hardback; it’s all shiny and smooth. It’s like what happened with the Across the Universe books – all metallic and manly.
    7 – I actually like how thin and big the font is; that’s one of my favorite features in the series covers.
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Best Books of 2014 So FarMy Profile

  10. 1. That would have been decent for a self-pub, but a trad-pub? Not so much. SNORE.

    3. Hi, wee adorb MG!

    10. Hello, ugliest cover I’ve seen all week. Yes, indeed, ugliest.

    12. I hate that tagline. HATE HATE HATE. “LET’S COMPLETELY EXPLAIN THE COVER.”

    18. So… is SHE a mermaid, then? I don’t see any fins. Or gills.

    20. That thing is REACHING UP HER DRESS THAT’S NOT OKAY.

    22. Well right now they’re aiming for each other’s noses, so.

    CB1. The Bee Gees are playing in my head right now, ngl.
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Cover Love #65My Profile

  11. 1. Who comes up with these ideas?
    2. Is he giving his mates a thumbs up or something? Ha.
    4. Hey, it’s like Sisters Red!
    7. BLACK DEMON EYES THO
    10. There is way too much going on on this cover, jesus christ.
    12. Her name is Violet, which appeals to me. And hahaha, I just noticed the bird and the flower.
    14. I quite like it, but it’s a bit too much like the new Across the Universe covers.
    16. I’m still trying to understand the “and other…” title trend.
    18. The hand holding is cute, but why does it look like he’s grimacing?
    19. BRANDON SANDERSON
    20. Hentai. Every time.
    25. This gets an A+ because of the Veronica bubble at the top. Not even sorry.
    26. D:

    CB1. That is bloody awful.
    CB2. Well, at least she’s no longer lying on the concrete.
    CB3. U GO, UK
    CB4. I like the new design but, again, AtU.
    CB5. Why do people change perfectly good things? My country has done me proud this time.
    CB7. I prefer the US one because I like that the font fits the entire cover 😀

    “Take the clunge.” Oh my GOD. Cannot. Breathe.

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