Cover Snark (112): The One with Little Dreams of Better Covers

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. The Paper Magician – Charlie N. Holmberg
The Paper Magician - Charlie N. Holmberg
Thoughts: Does this mean she keeps a paper plane in the train of her dress? Curious.

2. Frostfire (The Kanin Chronicles #1) – Amanda Hocking
Frostfire (The Kanin Chronicles #1) - Amanda Hocking
Thoughts: Entertainment Weekly did a nice job with this cover. Sure, her outfit’s a bit sorority girl, but that’s offset a bit by the awesome knife. The roses are gorgeous. There’s a cute bunny for some reason. The gate looks like a dragon’s face. So all told better than your average girl walking into a forest cover.

3. Play On – Michelle Smith
Play On - Michelle Smith
Thoughts: Just now I’m overwhelmed with all the dirty joke options baseball provides. Pitching, catching, bases…that’s one dirty game. Somehow I doubt the book will be as delightfully full of double entendre, based on the cutesy heart.

4. Conspiracy Girl – Sarah Alderson
Conspiracy Girl - Sarah Alderson
Thoughts: It’s sort of like Gossip Girl meets murder mystery. Someone’s going to kill Blair. Nooooo.

5. Unchanged (Unremembered #3) – Jessica Brody
Unchanged (Unremembered #3) - Jessica Brody
Thoughts: I actually do think changing someone’s memories might change their mind, though it would be hard to predict just how. I’m curious as to why she’s in the desert, but I think I like this one best of the series’ covers.

6. The Last Single Girl (Brew Ha Ha #1) – Caitie Quinn
The Last Single Girl (Brew Ha Ha #1) - Caitie Quinn
Thoughts: Now I am singing Matchbox 20.

7. Ticker – Lisa Mantchev
Ticker - Lisa Mantchev
Thoughts: Oooh, biology fail. Hearts don’t go right in the middle. Geez. But also whatever because I must have those gloves and that corset and so prettyyyy. Elpheba’s gone steampunk!

8. Letting Go (Thatch #1) – Molly McAdams
Letting Go - Molly McAdams
Thoughts: They scare me somehow. I think it’s the way they’re both making eye contact with me. It’s like Rose right after she promises not to let go: “Bye, bitch” *glub glub*

9. Dead Heat (Alpha and Omega #4) – Patricia Briggs
Dead Heat (Alpha And Omega #4) - Patricia Briggs
Thoughts: Can’t figure out if golden eyes is terrifying or hot. Terrifyingly hot?

10. Viper Game (Ghostwalkers #11) – Christine Feehan
Viper Game (Game Ghostwalker #11) - Christine Feehan
Thoughts: Her hair is a snake and her makeup is a snake and her hat is a snake. Also, is she sNAKED?

11. Dark Debt (Chicagoland Vampires #11) – Chloe Neill
Dark Debt (Chicagoland Vampires #11) - Chloe Neill
Thoughts: This cover says, “Hello, this is my leather-clad vagina.”

12. Tales from the Nightside – Simon R. Green
Tales from the Nightside - Simon R. Green
Thoughts: WHERE ARE HIS LEGS? This upsets me more than the skull piles.

13. The Dragon Conspiracy (SPI Files #2) – Lisa Shearin
The Dragon Conspiracy (SPI Files #2) - Lisa Shearin
Thoughts: Oh dear, that font and that art and faillll.

14. The Witches of Echo Park (The Witches of Echo Park #1) – Amber Benson
The Witches of Echo Park - Amber Benson
Thoughts: Those pants with white sneakers are very 90s. Also, that’s a weird outfit and location for the morning stretch. Cat’s confused about this too.

15. Panther Prowling (Otherworld #17) – Yasmine Galenorn
Panther Prowling (Otherworld #17) - Yasmine Galenorn
Thoughts: Glowing blue means orcs are close, so green means…werepanthers?

16. Deadeye (The Mutant Files #1) – William C. Dietz
Deadeye (The Mutant Files #1) by William C. Dietz
Thoughts: Gorgeous, short-haired POC on a cover looking BAMF. Hell yes.

17. This Is Not a Love Story – Suki Fleet
This Is Not a Love Story - Suki Fleet
Thoughts: Okay, so it’s not a love story. Thanks to the cover, I now know what this book is NOT.

18. Emeralds & Ashes (At Somerton #3) – Leila Rasheed
Emeralds & Ashes (At Somerton #3) - Leila Rasheed
Thoughts: ALERT: HOT GUYS IN SUITS.

19. Boys Don’t Knit (Boys Don’t Knit #1) – T. S. Easton
Boys Don't Knit - T. S. Easton
Thoughts: THIS IS SO CUTE. Also, a boy knitting! Break down the gender norms! WEEEE.

20. Rival Love – Natalie Decker
Rival Love - Natalie Decker
Thoughts: Eskimo kisses and football fields are not amazing, but I’m singing The Guild, so there’s that.

21. Rebellion (Extraction #2) – Stephanie Diaz
Rebellion - Stephanie Diaz
Thoughts: Is she in a giant blue and purple eye?

22. The World of Ice & Fire – George R.R. Martin, Elio M. Garcia and Linda Antonsson
The World of Ice & Fire - George R.R. Martin, Elio M. Garcia and Linda Antonsson
Thoughts: This is amazing if the book will actually have a rocky texture, even if that would make shelving the book a bitch.

23. The Book of Storms – Ruth Hatfield
The Book of Storms - Ruth Hatfield
Thoughts: This kid is gutsy, but not all that bright, since he’s taking on lightning with a stick.

24. The Whisper (The Riverman Trilogy #2) – Aaron Starmer
The Whisper (Riverman Trilogy #2) - Aaron Starmer
Thoughts: Cuuuuuute. Though I wonder if middle graders know what cassette tapes are.

Cover Battles:

1. Vendetta – Catherine Doyle

Vendetta - Catherine Doyle UK
Vendetta - Catherine Doyle

UK vs. US: If you don’t want hearts to break, maybe you shouldn’t move into a house with broken hearts on the gate. That said, I’ll take the illustrated cover over that UK business.

2. Shadow and Bone (The Grisha #1) – Leigh Bardugo

The Gathering Dark - Leigh Bardugo
Shadow and Bone (The Grisha, #1) - Leigh Bardugo

UK Original vs. UK Redesign: Yesss, the UK has admitted that the US’ design is far superior. ONLY NOW IT IS PURPLE. *pets*

3. Not That Kind of Girl – Siobhan Vivian

Not That Kind of Girl - Siobhan Vivian Original
Not That Kind of Girl - Siobhan Vivian

US Original vs. US Redesign: The outfits are pretty Clueless or Mean Girls, which is much more compelling than the original that’s just people kissing.

4. Rooms – Lauren Oliver

Rooms - Lauren Oliver US
Rooms - Lauren Oliver

US vs. UK: The UK cover sells the ghostiness, but the illustration on the US one. My heart is torn.

5. Push (The Game #2) – Eve Silver

Push - Eve Silver
Push (The Game #2) - Eve Silver UK

US vs. UK: The UK cover says “Push your boobs up.” Even so, I’m not sure which of these I hate less. The colors are better on the US one, but also it splits a word in half, which I hate.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Dream a Little Dream (The Silver Trilogy #1) – Kerstin Gier
Dream a Little Dream (The Silver Trilogy #1) - Kerstin Gier
Thoughts: This is more like a technicolor nightmare.

2. Deadly Sweet Lies (The Dream War Saga #2) – Erica Cameron
Deadly Sweet Lies (The Dream War Saga, #2) - Erica Cameron
Thoughts: That pose is so awkward. I just. *cringes*

3. Cry Zombie Cry – Jack Wallen
Cry Zombie Cry - Jack Wallen
Thoughts: Make your mother sigh…braaaaaaaiiiiins.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Frostfire

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Frostfire (The Kanin Chronicles #1) - Amanda Hocking

Today, welcome Isabel from Tween 2 Teen Book Reviews, who has selected by. Here’s why:

“The cover of Frostfire is definitely my favorite! I can’t say exactly why, but I love that kind of cover. I love the contrast between the red jacket and the white snow. Also, I have a feeling that the bunny is going to be important. Also, ROSES and SWORDS! The red roses that are sometimes white make me think of Alice in Wonderland, which is super fun to read retellings of and Books where the main character kicks butt with swords are generally really awesome. And for some reason, I love covers that have things like gates or vines, etc surrounding the actual image. It feels like the reader is getting a snapshot of a bigger picture/hinting at the location.”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

21 responses to “Cover Snark (112): The One with Little Dreams of Better Covers”

  1. 1. I really like this one!
    4. That guy’s eyebrow is creeping me out.
    6. Brew Ha Ha?
    9. The blue eyes are hotter, imo. Mostly because of Teen Wolf’s Derek.
    11. “Hello, this is my wet leather-clad vagina.” ….. Too much?
    22. DRAGONS.
    23. I really love this font.
    24. It’s very Eleanor & Park.
    CB2. Why isn’t my copy purple >.>
    CB3. Anything without kissing wins.
    CB4. England, what are you doing
    Amber @ Books of Amber recently posted…Since You’ve Been Gone by Morgan MatsonMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Totes adorbs.

      4. BECAUSE IT IS MASSIVE?

      6. Yeahhhh, I don’t know what that’s about. I guess a pun off brouhaha and beer, which could be clever. Maybe there’s magic shipping beer.

      9. Ha, I meant the golden-eyed guy, but I probably should have capitalized. I don’t like the eyes of either because they look so fake, but whatever.

      11. Haaaaa, you’re right though. My vagina is raining. (probably sweat because leather – Ross taught me this)

      CB2. IT SHOULD BE.

      CB3. YES.

      CB4. Hahahahahahaaaaa

  2. 1. I don’t know what it means but I LIKE IT

    2. “Entertainment Weekly did a good job with this cover” LOLLL

    7. Hearts don’t go right in the middle and they’re also not heart-shaped but daaaamn this is prettiful.

    10. It’s not a misnake.

    11. She looks like she’s doing some kind of Russian peasant dance or something

    12. FUCK NO GET THIS AWAY FROM ME HOLY FUCK

    18. Hot guys in suits who look like they’re about to make out with EACH OTHER so I’m on board

    19. Hot damn is this adorable

    23. AWESOMEEEEE

    CB1. US NO QUESTION because blue illstrated silhouette and the UK has DAT BIDGE ON IT. THE BIDGE ON ALL DA COVERS.

    CB2. FUCK YES I WANT THE PURPLE SHADOW AND BONE I MUST BUY IT WHILE I AM HERE GOODBYE MONIES GOODBYE (Also “a dark heart. A pure soul.”??? WTF? The whole point is Alina’s heart isn’t pure. She’s cranky and lured in by power and a bit ruthless at times. Whatever, UK original.)

    CB3. SNARK AGAIN

    WTF1. OHHHH MY MOST FAVORITEST SYFY ORIGINAL MOVIE POSTER OR POSSIBLY ABC FAMILY TECHNICOLOR DREAM BLOAT HILARIOSITY
    Gillian, coming to you from LONDON recently posted…Review: The Kiss of Deception by Mary E. PearsonMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. I also do not understand, but it was also really hard to resist adding the book on the cover alone.

      2. What’s so funny? They obviously designed this cover.

      7. Pretty much. I hardly curr, because *pets*

      10. Haaaaaa. Snake it or leave it.

      11. Now I’m watching Fiddler in my head.

      12. At least it’s not a Korean comic?

      18. I HOPE THEY MAKE OUT WITH EACH OTHER. UNF.

      CB1. DAT BIDGE SHOULD BE BANNED.

      CB2. I WANT IT SO BADLY. I hope it’s out already or sad Gillian will be sad.

      CB3. FIXED IT. *sighs*

      DREAM BLOAT.

  3. Roro says:

    The cover of the whisper . I can’t wait for the sequel

    9. I love seeing native ppl on covers. So terrifyingly hott

  4. Isabel says:

    Thanks for including me!
    Isabel recently posted…Waiting on Wednesday (25)My Profile

  5. Lesley says:

    Some good covers this week, but I do feel compelled to say that the UK also published Shadow and Bone with the grey US cover inbetween the two shown in Cover Battle. And that I’m super-excited to find out what this never-before-released-in-the-UK-bonus-material is. I bet it’s just the map and I’ll be sad because I had to get the US ones in the first place anyway.
    Lesley recently posted…BEFORE I FALLMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Whoops. Oh well. I am very fallible. There is much cover hunting involved and the process of looking for covers is time-consuming. Eh. Can’t change it now. I like the purple best anyway, because purple.

      • Lesley says:

        Oh, I wasn’t saying you should change it. I was just pointing it out because I have to do things like that. It’s a serious problem.

        I like the purple as well, almost enough to ignore the circle that is almost certainly not a removable sticker. I’ve made it my mission to own every edition of these books, so I’m itching to get my hands on the new one! Waiting to see if they release the other two in new colours as well.
        Lesley recently posted…BEFORE I FALLMy Profile

  6. 1. SHE’S MARY POPPINS. She’s got the parasol to fly with and she flies because of all the paper cranes under her dress.

    4. I keep thinking the title is Sarah Alderson: Conspiracy Girl even though I know better.

    7. LISAAAAAAAAAAA. Whoever put that heart in her chest doesn’t know human anatomy very well. Kinda troubling since they’re probably a doctor and all, buuuuuuuuut that’s just my opinion.

    8. The Photoshop is strong with this one.

    11. That looks really uncomfortable. I feel bad for all the UF heroines who get forced into those positions.

    14. OH MY GOD BLACK CAT ASDFGHJK SO CUUUUUUUUUUTE NEED NOW.

    18. My brain chooses to believe those two boys are the gay couple I know is in the series because they look awfully intimate. NOW LET’S GET ‘EM KISSING. BETTER YET, GET A BUNCH OF COVERS WITH GIRLS KISSING BECAUSE FUCK YEAH, LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.

    4. I vote for the illustration because it’s so prettyyyyyyyyyy.

    5. HEY. HEY. ASSHOLE IS STEALING MY BOOB-THRUSTING MOVE. I COPYRIGHTED THAT WHEN I MADE IT MY TWITTER AND FACEBOOK ICON, DAMMIT.

    1. It’s awful and yet I love it. Alyzon Whitestarr has a similar technicolor nightmare cover, but at least that one only has a girl on it. This one has the whole overly colored place. WHY DO I LIKE IT SO MUCH?

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Huh, I never knew that was how Mary Poppins flew.

      4. Bahahaha, love it.

      7. Whatever. Maybe she functions through sheer fashion power.

      8. SO STRONG. THESE ARE NOT THE MODELS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR. NO, REALLY. YOU WANT DIFFERENT MODELS.

      11. I know. Why do they do this? It doesn’t look badass.

      18. I want to believe this also. I have the feeling that they’re not, but they do look cozy and she’s maybe a bit scandalized or giving them privacy (hopefully the latter). They would be so hot. PLEASE.

      4. I have to go illustrated too. It’s magical.

      5. I’m guessing you would win a boob fight.

      1. It reminds me of the Elusion cover a bit. Like holy shit calm down. Even Lisa Frank is wondering if you’re over the top.

  7. Steena says:

    WTF “Dream a Little Dream”? Did someone eat a pixie stick and throw it up as a cover? With the purple and the bubbles AND butterflies? And she looks like she’s walking through that door straight out of a tampon commercial. Nope, just nope.

  8. 1. Interesting cover, I think I like it.
    2. Oh, pretty!
    4. Blegh, I really don’t like this. Creepy guy.
    6. The only thing I think about is ‘I want those shoes’
    22. I love it.

    2. I love both of them and damn, I need the purple one in my life.
    3. A redesign showing how it must be done. Much better.
    4. Both of them are gorgeous.

    2. Hahaha. ‘Just randomly running around in the night with a mask on my face.’ What’s up with that hair..
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Fairytale News 39. Spoilers (2).My Profile

  9. 1. No idea what this is about (like, does she make really good origami, LOL?) but I like the cover and the simple colours.

    2. It took me forever to find the bunny!

    3. Simple, but eye-catching. I appreciate that it wasn’t a cutesy couple cover at least!

    4. Interesting. Very bright and bold colours. I like the pink lines (no idea what those are.. barcode?).

    5. ACK hate covers that focus on eyes. The blur on these covers always makes my eyes water too!

    14. AMBER BENSON!

    19. SO ADORABLE! I’m all over knitted (and knitted style) covers.

    24. *dies* BEAUTIFUL! Good point about the cassettes though!
    Rachelia (Bookish Comforts) recently posted…{Review} The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle ZevinMy Profile

  10. P.E. @ The Sirenic Codex says:

    1. I like!

    2. Lol the bunny!

    3. Love the font.

    4. I like the lines.

    17. I love that picture and the blur they used. I feel like different font style would be better though.

    21. Pretty colours! & now that you mention it I can see how it could be an eye. She’s in the eye of the rebellion!

    23. Love it. Kind of funny with a stick, but the art is beautiful.

    As always, great post!
    P.E. @ The Sirenic Codex recently posted…DNF Review: Before YouMy Profile

  11. Krissy says:

    So you might have already done this one, and I just happened to miss it, but the cover of Unexpected by Amy Marie – WTF. I can’t figure out what it is, but it seems pretty disturbing to me. Any insight?

  12. Grace says:

    I wish the UK version of Shadow and Bone at the moment (grey, like the US) would stay the same – but they make it in the same size as the other two! So frustrating. Though the purple – will look amaze with the blue and the red!

  13. 1. Oooh. Me gusta.

    3. Sigh. I wish this were actually a story about a girls’ team. It won’t be, though. More’s the pity.

    4. That is a fail of a tagline. FAILLLLL.

    7. This is… kinda cool, actually. (No “green with envy” jokes from me, though, unless it’s for that pretty heart.)

    8. His face looks funny. Like it’s been photoshopped onto his neck or something.

    15. You just made me snort-giggle.

    16. POC POC POC YESSSSSS

    17. And yet I predict that the amount of the plot that will be devoted to discussing love and romance is close to… 80-90%.
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Rewind & Review (59)My Profile

  14. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. Oh I LOVE that cover!

    2. Holy…. OH this might be my first Hocking novel!

    7. *grabby hands*
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: The Fever by Megan AbbottMy Profile

  15. […] August 4, 2015June 29, 2016 by Qing Not That Kind of Girl by Siobhan Vivian (Credit: Reader of Fictions) […]

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