Cover Snark (111): The One with All the Underwear

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Shadow Scale (Seraphina #2) – Rachel Hartman
Shadow Scale (Seraphina #2) - Rachel Hartman
Thoughts: GIVE IT TO MEEEE OR MY DRAGONS WILL BURN THIS WORLD TO THE GROUND. DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THE CHANCE I DO NOT HAVE DRAGONS? BEST NOT.

2. Come Back to Texas (Twelve Beats in a Bar #1) – K.K. Hendin
Come Back to Texas (Twelve Beats in a Bar #1) - K.K. Hendin
Thoughts: Where is she now? I’m assuming Oz? She’s not in Texas anymore.

3. The Start of You and Me – Emery Lord
The Start of You and Me - Emery Lord
Thoughts: Beautiful sky and font, but the couple is made of snoring.

4. A Long Time Until Now – Michael Z. Williamson
A Long Time Until Now - Michael Z Williamson
Thoughts: GILLIAN, THIS IS ALMOST YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW. (She’s safariing in Africa fyi.)

5. Woven – Michael Jensen & David Powers King
Woven - Michael Jensen & David Powers King
Thoughts: Have you the wing?

6. Silvern (Gilded #2) – Christina L. Farley
Silvern (Gilded #2) - Christina L. Farley
Thoughts: Ooooh, I love the shiny green tiger, though it’s a bit Tiger’s Curse, but also tiger. The fairy tale font also seems a bit out of place.

7. Ruin You Completely (Sloan Brothers #3) – Calia Read
Ruin You Completely (Sloan Brothers #3) - Calia Read
Thoughts: New adult novels have probably totally destroyed smack talk. Ruining someone used to mean putting the pain on someone, but now apparently it’s making out with a teacher instead of making music.

8. Inside a Silver Box – Walter Mosley
Inside a Silver Box - Walter Mosley
Thoughts: Normally I’d be concerned about people trapped in a silver box, but I’m actually more worried about the fact that the two people are fused together. Just ouch.

9. The Dress Shop of Dreams – Menna Van Praag
The Dress Shop of Dreams - Menna Van Praag
Thoughts: What a lovely dream a dress shop would be. Though of all the dresses in the world, they choose that one? Well, Kaylee would approve if you added some ruffles.

10. Kalahari – Jessica Khoury
Kalahari - Jessica Khoury
Thoughts: Girl: I’m just so tired. Can we sit on this rock?
Dude: I AM CARRYING ALL THE STUFF. Also, the son is going down and we are tasty treats. Maybe we should make with the living.
Girl: Lol life.
Lion: OM NOM NOM
Hippo: *poops threateningly*

11. Aces Abroad (Wild Cards #4) – George R. R. Martin
Aces Abroad (Wild Cards #4) - George R. R. Martin
Thoughts: Is that what Shrek would look like irl?

12. The Just City – Jo Walton
The Just City - Jo Walton
Thoughts: THE WEEPING ANGELS ARE GOING FOR OTHER STATUES NOW. NO ONE AND NOTHING IS SAFE.

13. Deep Secret – Diana Wynne Jones
Deep Secret - Diana Wynne Jones
Thoughts: People must fall out of that door by accident all the time. Total safety hazard.

14. Every Time I Think of You – Tracey Garvis Graves
Every Time I Think of You - Tracey Garvis Graves
Thoughts: I was just bored until I noticed the words also in the background. Blergh, why. Also, I’m assuming the “they” that will fight are the daisies. DO NOT FUCK WITH DAISIES.

15. How Soon Is Normal – Barbie Bohrman
How Soon Is Normal - Barbie Bohrman
Thoughts: This art style upsets me. Also, music is wonderful, but probably it shouldn’t be your everything. Oxygen is good and food too. Just saying. I do love the Smiths reference in the title though.

16. Gideon – Alex Gordon
Gideon - Alex Gordon
Thoughts: I’m having flashbacks to when in college my friends were in the play Gideon and I had to see every single showing. Also, generic tagline is generic, but pretty font is pretty.

17. The Stolen Moon – Rachel Searles
The Stolen Moon - Rachel Searles
Thoughts: They are being chased by monsters that are just arms and mouths. Oh, and teeth. Also, that girl’s strategy of covering her head will probably not stop the lasers.

18. Timebomb – Scott K. Andrews
Timebomb - Scott K. Andrews
Thoughts: It’s got a very Tempest vibe, but I think I like it slightly better than those covers? Maybe?

19. Stumped – Rob Kitchin
Stumped - Rob Kitchin
Thoughts: Is it Chandler’s toe or is a carrot? The eternal question.

20. When Reason Breaks – Cindy L. Rodriguez
When Reason Breaks - Cindy L. Rodriguez
Thoughts: When reason breaks, sit down so that you don’t hurt yourself.

21. Renegade (Silver Blackthorn #2) – Kerry Wilkinson
Renegade (Silver Blackthorn #2) - Kerry Wilkinson
Thoughts: A forest and a girl. This cover’s one hell of a renegade.

22. Dragons at Crumbling Castle – Terry Pratchett
Dragons at Crumbling Castle - Terry Pratchett
Thoughts: THIS LOOKS LIKE AN OLD SCHOOL ROALD DAHL COVER. I AM IN LOVE. MY CHILDHOOD SELF DEMANDS THIS.

Cover Battles:

1. Lies We Tell Ourselves – Robin Talley

Lies We Tell Ourselves - Robin Talley
Lies We Tell Ourselves - Robin Talley

US vs. UK: The UK tagline is TOO LARGE. That, plus the fact it’s a quote from the book, is a big no for me. So yay I like the cover that’s easiest for me to get.

2. The Falconer (The Falconer #1) – Elizabeth May

The Falconer
The Falconer (The Falconer, #1) by Elizabeth May
The Falconer - Elizabeth May Italy
The Falconer - Elizabeth May
The Falconer Turkish
La Ultima Cazadora - Elizabeth May spanish

UK vs. US vs. Italian vs. German vs. Turkish vs. Spanish: Personally, I still think the US and UK are winning this cover fight, but I do enjoy saying the Spanish title, presumably incorrectly but it’s still fun.

3. Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares – Rachel Cohn & David Levithan

Dash & Lily's Book of Dares
Dash & Lily's Book of Dares - Rachel Cohn & David Levithan

UK Original vs. UK Redesign: I’m not a fan of the original cover both the US and UK used, so bring on the Statue of Liberty, though this one probably takes your hipsters, your grumpy, your pretentious.

4. Better Than Perfect (Wild Cards #1) – Simone Elkeles

Wild Cards - Simone Elkeles
Better Than Perfect - Simone Elkeles

Wild Cards vs. Better Than Perfect: Are they trying to trick people into reading a football book? Then again, I heard there wasn’t much football, so maybe this is appropriate. Really doesn’t fit with Elkeles’ other covers, either.

5. Kushiel’s Dart (Kushiel’s Legacy #1) – Jacqueline Carey

Kushiel's Dart (Kushiel #1) - Jacqueline Carey
Kushiel's Dart (Kushiel's Legacy #1) - Jacqueline Carey

US Original vs. US Redesign: This seems like a redesign that needed doing.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Pan’s Revenge (Adventures in Neverland #2) – Anna Katmore
Pan's Revenge - Anna Katmore
Thoughts: OMG, I am dying of laughter. You guys may need to barrie me.

2. Attracted to Him – Jan Springer
Attracted to Him - Jan Springer
Thoughts: The term “banana hammock” has never seemed more appropriate.

3. Finger Bang – Jade C. Jamison
Finger Bang - Jade C. Jamison
Thoughts: Subtle

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

The Dress Shop of Dreams

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

The Dress Shop of Dreams - Menna Van Praag

Today, welcome Kara of Great Imaginations. Here’s what she thought was best this week:

“I choose The Dress Shop of Dreams by Menna Van Praag. I wanted to pick the Seraphina sequel, but this cover just speaks to me. I love the whimsical covers, the font placement, the dress, the sparkles/glitter, and the filigree. It looks like a book with magical realism (without reading the blurb) which I LOVE, so I clearly want this one on my shelves.”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

18 responses to “Cover Snark (111): The One with All the Underwear”

  1. Roro says:

    Finger . *grins* *starts to chuckle* * full out laugh *

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    seriously!!!!

  2. Jessica says:

    Urgh to the Lies We Tell Ourselves had a UK redesign, the original was far better. I guess I’m going to have to ebook this one.

  3. Heather says:

    1 and 22 are definitely my favorites this week. I am loving the Roald Dahl vibe from the latter 🙂 Fun, slightly irrelevant fact: I totally almost picked Matilda for our review blog at work, but decided on Better Nate than Ever for this week instead.

    15. Before I scrolled down all the way, I only saw the “How Soon Is,” and I love that you thought of The Smiths right away, too. They are amazing!

    18. All I can think of is “Black coat, white shoes, black hat, Cadillac; that boy’s a time boooomb!”

    WTF 3. Is this real life?

    • Christina Franke says:

      1 and 22 are my favorites too! It’s a battle of the dragons. I don’t know how I would have chosen if I’d been picking. Awww, both Matilda and Better Nate Than Ever are amazing. 🙂

      15. Yessssss. The Smiths. Always The Smiths. Though they would not be pleased that the song Meat Is Murder cracks me up.

      18. Whoops, I am missing a pop culture reference here.

  4. Katie says:

    Someone pointed out once that if a book is set in Africa, it *must* have that kind of tree on the cover. (Was that you?!) And you know…they were right! I’ve never seen a book set in Africa that didn’t. How weird is that?!
    Katie recently posted…Top 10 Favorite Bookish FriendshipsMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I don’t THINK that was me, but honestly even I don’t pay that much attention to what I have to say. :-p

  5. Fry says:

    13: That’s quite the moon door they’ve got.

    Number 1 is so pretty omg omg omg. AGH. Give it to me NOW.

    Also the wtfery with the banana hammock has gotten Tangerine Speedo stuck in my head, even though, clearly it is banana colored.

    • Christina Franke says:

      I NEED SHADOW SCALE. MY LIFE WILL NOT BE COMPLETE UNTIL IT IS IN MY HANDS.

      haaaaa, Tangerine Speedo. Nice!

  6. I’m fangirling out over the Weeping Angels reference. Love that one! And the *poops threateningly* comment has me in tears!
    Jennifer @ Donnie Darko Girl recently posted…The Night of Elisa by Isis Sousa ~ Blog Tour: ReviewMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Always thrilled to have my references appreciated. I only just learned hippos did that, so it was fresh on my mind. :-p

  7. 1. I need it I need it I need it WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS give it to me GIVE IT TO MEEEE

    4. AHAHAHA I WAS LITERALLY GOING TO SAY THIS IS MY LIFE BUT WAY WORSE OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE THE RHINOS DID NOT ATTACK US NOR WERE THEY FREAKISHLY FURRY AND UM NONE OF US WERE DRESSED LIKE GLADIATORS??

    10. The SON is going down? Oooooerrrrr WINKY FACE

    19. Chandler’s toepisode is one of my favorites in HISTORYYYYY

    21. IS THAT THAT ONE BIDGE WHO’S IN EVERY COVER, THOUGH? IT LOOKS LIKE HER.

    22. Nostalgiaaaaa

    CB1. I also don’t like the silhouette of the girl in, like, the Thinker pose.

    CB3. SNERKKKKK.

    CB4. Literally what.

    WTF1. I’M LAUGHING SO HARD I NEED TO TINKLE. THIS COVER HAS HOOKED ME.

    WTF3. It’s wrong that the thing that offends me most is that WRETCHED CURLZ-ISH FONT
    Gillian, coming to you from wildest, most beautiful southern Africa, LIKE YOU DO recently posted…A Confederacy of DNFsMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. MUST HAS. Real talk: I love this one more than the original cover of book one. It’s just perfection.

      4. I think this may also be like a prehistoric/time travel thing? I don’t know. This cover is admittedly confusing. But whatever. It’s almost your life.

      10. I am going to let that typo stand. BAHAHA.

      19. Yesssss. So glad you get the referencessss.

      21. It is, and I don’t like any of her covers. GO AWAY.

      CB1. It’s either the thinker pose or she’s trying to compose herself after throwing up.

      CB4. I thought you’d like that.

      WTF1. Are you PANting for it?

      WTF3. I think that’s fair.

  8. 1. I love the covers from this series! So detailed (AND DRAGONS)
    5. That’s.. boring.
    6. It’s a bit of a mix from different covers. I think it would have been better without those silver lines.
    11. This is so weird!
    15. The only thing I like is the title font.
    21. I believe I’ve seen this girl before on covers from other series..

    1. US version for sure.
    2. I really like the UK version 🙂

    1. I have the first book from this series on my list, because it sounds interesting, but the covers.. Make me TINK they could use a redesign.
    3. Right.. o.O
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 273. Mary E. Pearson – The kiss of deception.My Profile

  9. Stephanie says:

    Am I the only one who thinks the dude on the Ruin You Completely cover looks kind of like Jesus? Way to perpetuate the title of the book, amiright?
    Stephanie recently posted…My First Diptyque PerfumeMy Profile

  10. Juhina says:

    OH! Seraphina #2, Renegade, and The Story of Me and You have covers! those are all pretty awesome! 😀

    – Juhina @ Maji Bookshelf
    Juhina recently posted…Review: You Only Live Once by Bridie ClarkMy Profile

  11. 1. I will likely never be truly over mourning the title that should have been DRACHOMACHIA but ohhhh my goodness yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!

    2. I dunno, but with that X I feel like she’s about to get shot in the back of the head by a sniper. That’s very Texas-y, no?

    11. Don’t mock me, but I had no idea GRRM wrote other things.
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…ReReadathon + Shelf Sweeper 2014 – Week ThreeMy Profile

  12. Anya says:

    Omg omg omg I actually hyperventilated a bit when I saw the Shadow Scale cover, I think I need to sit down.
    Anya recently posted…Dark Triumph by Robin LaFevers Audiobook {4 Stars}My Profile

  13. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. I AM CRYING!! CRYING!! FUCK YES I NEED IT, NEED!!

    2. That…is not Texas.

    15. That filter looks like crap. Just sayin’.
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Blog Tour: Help For the Haunted by John SearlesMy Profile

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