Cover Snark (110): The One with the Octopie

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. I Was Here – Gayle Forman
I Was Here - Gayle Forman
Thoughts: Now I’m there. Look at me gooooo!

2. The Stars Never Rise (Untitled #1) – Rachel Vincent
The Stars Never Rise - Rachel Vincent
Thoughts: Prettyyyyyy. And very accurate because butterflies are made to fly. Why are they trying to kill the butterflies? That is rude. Go kill the bees instead, please.

3. The Secrets We Keep – Trisha Leaver
The Secrets We Keep - Trisha Leaver
Thoughts: The blurb makes this sound like My Sister’s Keeper with twins. That may have been a mistake.

4. Fish in a Tree – Lynda Mullaly Hunt
Fish in a Tree - Lynda Mullaly Hunt
Thoughts: The question is whether a fish that lives in a tree would need a bicycle to get to work.

5. Charmed (The Witch Hunter #2) – Michelle Krys
Charmed (The Witch Hunter #2) - Michelle Krys
Thoughts: I’m assuming she got a charm to make lightening. I’d prefer a charm to control my hair, I think, but that’s just the vanity talking.

6. A Matter of Heart – Amy Fellner Dominy
A Matter of Heart - Amy Fellner Dominy
Thoughts: The font’s super cute. Lens flare photo is…there.

7. The Wondrous and the Wicked (The Dispossessed #3) – Page Morgan
The Wondrous and the Wicked (The Dispossessed #3) - Page Morgan
Thoughts: Page is just the best name for an author. I would hate the tagline, but now I’m singing Joy Division, so I’ll allow it.

8. Mindwalker (Mindwalker #1) -A.J. Steiger
Mindwalker (Mindwalker #1) -A.J. Steiger
Thoughts: This cover looks so much like the cover for Crashland. Just so much. YOU MIGHT SAY THEY ARE TWINS.

9. The Rules – Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguié
The Rules - Nancy Holder Debbie Viguié
Thoughts: Menacing playground tagline. Though honestly not getting too far is better than forever long games of tag or whatever. Christina does not have the patience for that.

10. The Prom Goer’s Interstellar Excursion – Chris McCoy
The Prom Goer's Interstellar Excursion - Chris McCoy
Thoughts: Life in Outer Space meets These Broken Stars? That said, the font and drawings are adorable.

11. Tear You Apart – Sarah Cross
Tear You Apart - Sarah Cross
Thoughts: Candy, chocolate or blood? Candy, chocolate or blood? Now I know why I have an aversion to those red candy apples. IT COULD BE BLOOD AND I WOULDN’T KNOW UNTIL I BIT INTO IT.

12. We Are Pirates – Daniel Handler
We Are Pirates - Daniel Handler
Thoughts: SHINY SILVER FONT. Though were people seriously that confused about whether this was a novel or not?

13. Stolen (Heart of Dread #2) Melissa de la Cruz & Michael Johnston
Stolen (Heart of Dread #2) Melissa de la Cruz Michael Johnston
Thoughts: If they continue to use Erin Bowman’s titles, book three is either Taken or Forged. WHICH WILL IT BE?

14. Vision in Silver (The Others #3) – Anne Bishop
Vision in Silver (The Others #3) - Anne Bishop
Thoughts: Thrilled to report that this girl still has a face and hair. Thanks for keeping us updated, book covers.

15. The Memory Keepers – Natasha Ngan
The Memory Keepers - Natasha Ngan
Thoughts: Oh my kanye, I did not notice the Adrian Grenier (circa Drive Me Crazy) look alike in the background. He totally blends with the buildings. Also, he’s ENORMOUS. Worry less about your past and more about the giant stomping around your city.

16. The Pretty App – Katie Sise
The Pretty App - Katie Sise
Thoughts: I hate the image of the girl with an ear that is a star and the way her body continues through the title, but I do like the mirror mirror on my cell phone thing the tag line is going for.

17. Death Marked (Death Sworn #1)- Leah Cypess
Death Marked (Death Sworn #1)- Leah Cypess
Thoughts: Is that a lighthouse warning ships away from the sea of rocks? How would they even get here?

18. Lies I Told – Michelle Zink
Lies I Told - Michelle Zink
Thoughts: This cover is stoplight-colored.

19. How to Win at High School – Owen Matthews
How to Win at High School - Owen Matthews
Thoughts: Is this set in the 80s? The styles say yes. Also, apparently the way to win at high school is black and white filters on your photos. THE SECRET IS OUT.

20. Guardians (Wasteland #3) – Susan Kim & Laurence Klavan
Guardians (Wasteland #3) - Susan Kim & Laurence Klavan
Thoughts: Yeah, I don’t think you need to guard this place. It’s a bit of a fixer-upper.

21. Soulprint – Megan Miranda
Soulprint - Megan Miranda
Thoughts: I find this unduly upsetting. Though I can’t put my finger on why.

22. Half Wild (Half Life Trilogy #2) – Sally Green
Half Wild (Half Bad #2) - Sally Green
Thoughts: Love the shades of green and the wolf’s head. Something about it really doesn’t work for me though. Maybe the grey background?

23. Better Than Perfect – Melissa Kantor
Better Than Perfect - Melissa Kantor
Thoughts: I don’t know. If her balance was better than perfect, would she be so tilty?

24. A Wicked Thing – Rhiannon Thomas
A Wicked Thing - Rhiannon Thomas
Thoughts: Well this looks like an Anna Godbersen cover. AKA my catnip. *meows piteously*

25. No Parking at the End Times – Bryan Bliss
No Parking at the End Times - Bryan Bliss
Thoughts: If we’re all dead, do we really need parking? Also, I like how even at the end times, people are still in these old buses looking for Woodstock. We may not be okay, but we can still get high, I guess.

26. The Boy Next Door – Katie Van Ark
The Boy Next Door - Katie Van Ark
Thoughts: Ice skating and kissing? You might say it is on the cutting edge.

27. Soulbound (Darkest London #6) – Kristen Callihan
Soulbound (Darkest London #6) - Kristen Callihan
Thoughts: I’m going to go ahead and say the safeword: ARUGALA.

28. Foreign Exchange – Denise Jaden
Foreign Exchange - Denise Jaden
Thoughts: Why would you foreign exchange to go wherever the hell this is?

29. The Whispering Storm – Michael Moorcock
The Whispering Storm - Michael Moorcock
Thoughts: Goblet of Fire, is that you? Something’s fishy here.

30. Twenty Trillion Leagues Under the Sea – Adam Roberts
Twenty Trillion Leagues Under the Sea - Adam Roberts
Thoughts: Some people always have to one-up you, don’t they, Jules? Or down you, as the case may be.

31. In the Time of Dragon Moon – Janet Lee Carey
In the Time of Dragon Moon - Janet Lee
Thoughts: That dragon looks very pettable. I just wish those people would get out of my way. Unless it’s hungry. Then they should totally stay there.

32. The Mangle Street Murders (The Gower Street Detective #1) – M.R.C. Kasasian
The Mangle Street Murders (The Gower Street Detective #1) - M.R.C. Kasasian
Thoughts: ILLUSTRATED COVER. This building has a shocking lack of windows, though.

33. The Curse of the House of Foskett (The Gower Street Detective #2) – M.R.C. Kasasian
The Curse of the House of Foskett (The Gower Street Detective #2) - M.R.C. Kasasian
Thoughts: ILLUSTRATIONS ARE EVEN BETTER IN BLUE. Plus, a proper amount of windows.

34. The Silver Witch – Paula Brackston
The Silver Witch - Paula Brackston
Thoughts: That is same Game of Thrones hair and I am stricken with envy.

35. Gutshot: Stories – Amelia Gray
Gutshot Stories - Amelia Gray
Thoughts: I’m grossed out and in love all at once. My emotions are complex, okay.

36. The Memory Key – Liana Liu
The Memory Key - Liana Liu
Thoughts: Oooh, I bet this will be shiny. Also, my brain could use more memory in the form of some sweet jewelry.

37. Parallel Triangles (Bermuda Triangle #2) – Kimberly Ann Miller
Parallel Triangles - Kimberly Ann Miller
Thoughts: There is altogether too much math in this title.

38. The Social Media Experiment – Cole Gibson
The Social Media Experiment - Cole Gibson
Thoughts: A documentary on the taking of selfies.

39. Unspeakable – Abbie Rushton
Unspeakable - Abbie Rushton
Thoughts: Do not tell the secrets of the tree people. You will root having done that.

40. All Broke Down (Rusk University #2) – Cora Carmack
All Broke Down (Rusk University #2) - Cora Carmack
Thoughts: I don’t want no scrubs with broke down vehicles.

Cover Battles:

1. Frozen (Heart of Dread #1) – Melissa de la Cruz & Michael Johnston

Frozen hardback
Frozen (Heart of Dread #1) - Melissa de la Cruz & Michael Johnston
Frozen UK

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. UK: The new cover is actually an improvement. A bit Divergenty, but it’s not a face in some ice, so yay. However, the UK one wins for me with its simplistic cuteness.

2. The Burning Sky (The Elemental Trilogy #1) – Sherry Thomas

The Burning Sky - Sherry Thomas
The Burning Sky (The Elemental Trilogy #1) - Sherry Thomas

US Hardback vs. B&N Special Edition: Much as I don’t love the flaming chicken cover, this “special edition” is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

3. The Walled City – Ryan Graudin

The Walled City - Ryan Graudin
The Walled City - Ryan Graudin

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Yessss, they got rid of the face. This isn’t everything I asked for, but I’ll take it.

4. The Witch of Salt and Storm – Kendall Kulper

Salt & Storm - Kendall Kulper
The Witch of Salt and Storm - Kendall Kulper

US vs. UK: Someone attached an anchor to her. Is this a Looney Tunes sketch?

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Butterflies Wake – Arlene Lagos
Butterflies Wake - Arlene Lagos
Thoughts: HAAAAAAA. I mean, props for the diversity in the female mafia, but there is a butterfly over that woman’s crotch. Why?

2. Tracy Tam: Santa Command – Krystalyn Drown
Tracy Tam Santa Command - Krystalyn Drown
Thoughts: That is a child who has given up all hope. She probably saw her book cover.

3. Echo a la Mode – Echo Chernik
Echo a la Mode - Echo Chernik
Thoughts: Credit for this find goes to Steph (Cuddlebuggery). So there’s a woman in a corset and no pants, surrounded and caressed by tentacles which are also holding a whole bunch of different kinds of pie. Good thing there’s a fork hanging down from the sky as a lady never eats pie with her hands.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Gutshot

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Gutshot Stories - Amelia Gray

Today, welcome Rachel Patrick (Beauty and the Bookshelf), who has selected by. Here’s why:

“Okay, so there are some eye-catching covers this week. I’m going to cheat for a second and say that I love the whole thing going on with the UK cover for Salt & Storm (Atlantis, anyone?), and Half Wild is pretty but no Half Bad, and I have to agree with what Christina said–there’s something off about it. But the one cover that really stood out is Amelia Gray’s Gutshot. The colors are simple, but it has this watercolor/ink effect that’s like whoa, and that whole dissected neck (and the detail!) is just bloody fantastic and badass. Who knew gutting could look so morbidly good?”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

18 responses to “Cover Snark (110): The One with the Octopie”

  1. I just have to say that I am SOOOOOOOOoooooOO pissed about the redesign for The Walled City. SO MAD.

    Also, that “special” edition of The Burning Sky is the worst thing. That font for the author’s name reminds me of a romance novel from the 70s-80s.
    Bekka @ Great Imaginations recently posted…Imaginative Discussions: Wrapping Up All My BEA and NYC Fun!My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Hmmm, I’m in the rare position of being whelmed by The Walled City redesign. I don’t love it or hate it. Well, I love it but maybe for another book. I just didn’t like the face pointed down on the original cover.

      THE WORST THING. I mean, the author is a romance novelist, so maybe they wanted to target those fans?

  2. Morgan says:

    2. Butterfly and sparkle done right for once!
    5. This looks like a bad ANTM photoshoot. Terrible.
    24. Didn’t notice the similarities until you pointed it out! Love the background too.
    31. Ahhh! New book! I loved Dragonswood.
    32. Love! Very cute and simple.
    34. I really need to read Paula Brackston. Her covers are marvelous and witches are great.
    40. Hate this compared to Book 1. He should look more like Tim Riggins.

    Also The Burning Sky special edition is heinous. I wouldn’t give it a second glance in the bookstore.

  3. 1. You might be here, but the entirety of your cover is not STOP CUTTING OFF THE BOTTOM ARRRRGH

    2. Liiiiiike.

    6. Oooo, super cute font.

    8. THEY MADE TWIN COVERS. THEY ARE TWINMAKERS. TROLOLOLOL.

    10. LOVE the drawings and font, completely totally IGNORING the stupid Broken Stars people up top and the ugly pee-colored sky down below.

    11. Who the fuck would give you a blood apple

    12. HOW COULD A HUMAN WITH FUNCTIONAL READING ABILITIES BE CONFUSED WHETHER OR NOT THIS WAS A NOVEL? Also font!!! pretty font!!

    13. Seriously, stop stealing the already unoriginal titles! Though kudos on the better redesign. Also if anyone gives me this book I will SHANK THEM.

    15. I DIDN’T NOTICE HIM EITHER BUT HOLY SHIT DOES HE LOOK LIKE ADRIAN GRENIER IN DRIVE ME CRAZY in other news i fucking love Drive Me Crazy

    16. I don’t think her body continues through the title. I think that’s a shadow across the phone, to be honest. but this is not lighting my world on fire. EAR STAR WHY.

    17. This is like the same fucking cover only purple and just as boring.

    20. HEY YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES also hi reference

    23. There is something really weird about this image. The proportions, maybe? That is a gargantuan building.

    24. I haz a sad, because i feel like this isn’t as pretty as it could have been.

    25. LIKE.

    32. SO VERY LOVE.

    33. GORGEOUSSSSSSSSS

    34. Fucking gorgeous someone to this to my hair asap

    CB2. What the fucking flaming chicken is THAT

    CB3. Haaaa you forgot to snark again. I actually am not a fan of this redesign and don’t think it looks like fantasy.

    CB4. OOOO I LIKE THE UK ONE but I also like the US one MUCH LIKE

    WTF2. SANTA. COMMAND.

    WTF3. O_O
    Chanandler Bandonkabong recently posted…Review: Midnight Thief by Livia BlackburneMy Profile

  4. 1. I don’t like that the title almost looks chopped off at the bottom.
    2. Pretty!
    6. Adorable font.
    8. The girl is staring at me.. creepy.
    10. It’s a bit chaotic, but it’s also fun to look at. The girl and boy also reminded me of These broken stars.
    11. I have a nasty feeling that is blood.
    14. I feel weird for saying this, but I like her eyebrows..
    17. *psst, it’s death sworn 2, just a little detail* I still want to buy this series for the covers.
    22. I didn’t even see the wolf until you pointed it out. I think you are right about the background. I think black would work better.
    33. Oh yes, I really like this!
    35. Awesome.
    —-

    1. I like the UK cover.
    2. NOO. What’s special about that? The ugly edition?
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 272. Erica Johansen – The queen of the Tearling.My Profile

  5. Noooo it’s not a flaming chicken! Don’t make me not see my beloved dragons <3 (But if it's a chicken – can we rename the book El Pollo Loco?) Also: I need some bleach to forget that special edition cover. NO
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Thirty YA Books that Changed My WorldMy Profile

  6. MJ says:

    2) The butterfly trend seems to be back.
    5) This is why jazz hands don’t work.
    10) This could be hilarious. Good or bad, I don’t know.
    11) The carmel apple from hell.
    13) Isn’t this a dystopia? How do they still have skyscrapers? Nothing about this series makes sense.
    24) Is she in a crypt. Why is she wearing an evening gown?
    27) Ice skating=insta sold.
    MJ recently posted…Top Ten List: Never Say Never But…I Probably Won’t Read ItMy Profile

  7. Nafiza says:

    Gutshot, man. Icky but I can’t look away.
    Nafiza recently posted…Over Easy by Mimi PondMy Profile

  8. Oh that Gunshot cover is just awesome!

    Also, you didn’t like the original Walled City cover?! WHO ARE YOU?
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    • Christina Franke says:

      I just prefer covers without faces is all. I like elements of the first better. The new one looks like it should be in that Patrick Ness series. But eh.

  9. Thanks for all the covers – added many books to my TBR pile 🙂
    Jennifer from YA Book Nerd recently posted…Summertime Book Review: Since You’ve Been GoneMy Profile

  10. Nara says:

    Have you seen the Aussie cover for Half Wild? It’s a black background rather than grey, and I think it works a lot better than the US one!
    https://scontent-b-hkg.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t1.0-9/p350x350/10492536_691481604256539_5779934960221693261_n.jpg
    Nara recently posted…Review: The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet by Bernie Su and Kate RorickMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I saw it belatedly when I was doing my linking, which is why no cover battle. I’m just too tired to switch things around. Haha. I’m torn on which I like better. I like the US font treatment more still. Some combination might work best.

  11. Katie S says:

    Another great week in covers!

    The girl on the Charmed cover looks like she is getting ready to do a cartwheel.
    We Are Pirates looks like two covers in one…not much consistency there.
    I didn’t know The Pretty App was even a thing! I am curious if it’s connected to her other book since they went with the same theme as the last cover.
    I love the colors on Half Wild but i think you would pop even more against a black background.
    I reallllly love the cover for A Wicked Thing.
    I like the cover for All Broke Down…it’s so fitting even if people on covers are usually boring.

    Once again your WTF’s knock it out of the park.

  12. Tiffany says:

    1. Love Gayle Forman’s writing, but this cover is a serious disappointment.
    2. This is gorgeous.
    3. I actually really, really like the images on this one, just wish the tagline was different/wasn’t there.
    5. The first cover was better.
    9. I am actually really digging this for some reason. It’s pretty empty and bland, but I guess I’m liking that with the tagline.
    12. Love this, especially with no people on the cover. I don’t know why they think they need to put “A Novel” on everything, though.
    22. I think that the colors of the first book worked better together.
    24. That dress is amazing.
    26. I’m disappointed that this cover “won” they were doing a poll between three different covers, and I feel like there was one that was definitely better.

    Lots of good and bad covers this week. Interesting to see new trends emerging and everything. I think the book that was picked for best of the week is definitely a winner. I’m really enjoying reading your cover snark posts!

    Tiffany
    Beneath the Jacket Reviews
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  13. Lyn Kaye says:

    2. Is that a butterfly or firefly (HAHAHAHAHA I am horrible).

    11. EWWWWWWWWWW.

    14. I WANT THAT HAIR STYLE AND COLOR. I will cry every day until my work place updates their policy to allow you to do this.

    24. Love it.
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: InlandMy Profile

  14. 3. I’m reading it as one twin survived but lied and said she was the other twin for… reasons? Which doesn’t make sense and yet is SO intriguing.

    4. Ooh, this is cute!

    8. Ugh. Both this cover and this story (based on the tagline) HAS BEEN DONE. LET IT GOOOOO.

    14. Also, she’s surrounded by GOLD light, so… where’s the silver, again?

    24. ALERT ALERT ALERT SLEEPING BEAUTY RETELLING ALERT ALERT ALERT

    32. Everybody seems to be doing the illustrated silhouette Victorian mystery design nowadays. I’m getting bored.

    35. Oh wow. This is so cool.

    CB2. Oh GAG. I think they’re trying to attract her adult romance fans but NO. No no no no.
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  15. […] This Ship” section always brings a smile to my face. If you haven’t already seen her Cover Snark feature, you’re massively missing out! It’s really comprehensive, usually hilarious and […]

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