Cover Snark (106): The One with a Fortnight’s Covers

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Endgame: The Calling – James Frey
Endgame - James Frey
Thoughts: It is just So appropriate that the way USA Today reveals covers cut off the name of Frey’s cowriter. THE IRONY.

2. We All Looked Up – Tommy Wallach
We All Looked Up - Tommy Wallach
We All Looked Up - Tommy Wallach
Thoughts: The front cover says nothing and the back is what would normally be the front cover. What even is happening?

3. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter #2) – J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter #2) - J.K. Rowling
Thoughts: Is Harry secretly a gender bending girl? I like the art, but seriously. Also, I would read that fan fic.

4. Infinite Repeat – Paula Stokes
Infinite Repeat - Paula Stokes
Thoughts: Micah, this is not how I pictured you. I feel like this would have been more interesting if they actually showed the mohawk.

5. Captive (The Blackcoat Rebellion #2) – Aimée Carter
Captive (The Blackcoat Rebellion #2) - Aimée Carter
Thoughts: This girl is more effectively trapped in gold than Smaug is. Diamonds may a girl’s best friend, but gold is her enemy

6. Weirder Shadows Over Innsmouth – Stephen Jones, ed.
Weirder Shadows Over Innsmouth - Stephen Jones
Thoughts: Thank you, cover designers, for the nightmares we’ll all be having. Particularly Blythe Harris; THE SEA IS COMING FOR YOU, GIRL.

7. Twisted Luck (Run of Luck #1) – Julie Solorio
Twisted Luck (Run of Luck #1) - Julie Solorio
Thoughts: They both have caution tape over their lady bits. YOU SHALL NOT PASSSSSSS.

8. Riding the Unicorn (Different Kingdoms) – Paul Kearney
Riding the Unicorn - Paul Kearney
Thoughts: If unicorns are in the title, they should be on the cover. THE PEOPLE DEMAND UNICORNS.

9. King Dork Approximately (King Dork #2) – Frank Portman
King Dork Approximately - Frank Portman
Thoughts: This really takes me back to the days of book covers. But I am not creative, so I bought the stretchy fabric ones, rather than putting paper on it. Also, school’s gonna charge the king for putting white out on the book.

10. Broken Strings – Maria Farrer
Broken Strings - Maria Farrer
Thoughts: Something tells me those strings were too long for that violin anyway.

11. 5 to 1 – Holly Bodger
5 to 1 - Holly Bodger
Thoughts: Ooooh,love the henna tattooed hands, especially paired with the tagline. I also feel like Holly Bodger is a great name for a steampunk novel. JUST NOTICED THE EYES ON THE PINKIES. AM NOW TERRIFIED.

12. Ensnared (Splintered #3) – AG Howard
Ensnared - AG Howard
Thoughts: Not only did he lose the fight, but it left him with a heart-shaped black eye. All street cred is gone, yo.

13. This Night So Dark (Starbound #1.5) -Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner
This Night So Dark (Starbound #1.5) -Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner
Thoughts: This night so purple.

14. Breaking Sky – Cori McCarthy
Breaking Sky - Cori McCarthy
Thoughts: Hackneyed eye cover = autofail. Do not pass Go; do not collect two hundred dollars.

15. Mirror X (The Van Winkle Project #1) – Karri Thompson
Mirror X - Karri Thompson
Thoughts: The redesign of Crewel + Breathe.

16. Locks – Sarah J. Pepper
Locks Rapunzel Unhinged Sarah J. Pepper
Thoughts: Really like the concept, but wow the execution isn’t working out, particularly the fonts.

17. My True Love Gave to Me: Twelve Holiday Stories – Stephanie Perkins, Ed.
My True Love Gave to Me - Stephanie Perkins
Thoughts: Look at all the happy Whos down in Whoville. I will steal all their presents while they’re ice skating. MWAHAHAHAHA.

18. The Spiritglass Charade (Stoker & Holmes #2) – Colleen Gleason
The Spiritglass Charade (Stoker & Holmes #2) - Colleen Gleason
Thoughts: Pretty swirlies and I want that dress very muchly.

19. The Whispering Skull (Lockwood & Co. #3) – Jonathan Stroud
The Whispering Skull (Lockwood & Co. #3) - Jonathan Stroud
Thoughts: The idea of this skull talking reminds me of The Last Unicorn, aka the creepiest children’s movie ever (which I love for some reason).

20. Who Buries the Dead (Sebastian St. Cyr #10) – C. S. Harris
Who Buries the Dead (Sebastian St. Cyr #) - C. S. Harris
Thoughts: Was it the Muffin Man? Who lives on Drury Lane?

21. Pirate’s Alley (Sentinels of New Orleans #4) – Suzanne Johnson
Pirate's Alley - Suzanne Johnson
Thoughts: I have no idea what is happening in this cover.

22. The Axe of Sundering (Adventurers Wanted #5) – M.L. Forman
The Axe of Sundering (Adventurers Wanted #5) - M.L. Forman
Thoughts: Shiiiiny. This kid is really distressed, but I would be too if my shiny axe started flying.

23. Secrets of a Charmed Life – Susan Meissner
Secrets of a Charmed Life - Susan Meissner
Thoughts: Love the dress and gloves, but the effect of the city over her crotch is not a good one.

24. Little Miss Evil – Bryce Leung & Kristy Shen
Little Miss Evil - Bryce Leung & Kristy Shen
Thoughts: The girl and her bionic arm are amazing. The flames, vertically erupting volcano and fonts are not.

25. A Casual Affair – Luna Lacour
A Casual Affair - Luna Lacour
Thoughts: Oh dear, you’ve confused love with prostitution again.

26. Yes Please – Amy Poehler
Yes Please - Amy Poehler
Thoughts: She is so freaking cute.

27. Compelled (Coveted #3) – Shawntelle Madison
Compelled (Coveted #3) - Shawntelle Madison
Thoughts: She looks like the snow queen. I like.

28. The Last American Vampire – Seth Grahame-Smith
The Last American Vampire - Seth Grahame-Smith
Thoughts: How sweet.

29. Betraying Mercy – Amber Lin
Betraying Mercy - Amber Lin
Thoughts: Do we consider stealing her dress a betrayal? If so, yes, I will betray Mercy. Sorry, girl!

30. The Children Act – Ian McEwan
The Children Act - Ian McEwan
Thoughts: This is lovely, but also I can see why so many adults (including me) have been lured away to the vibrant covers of YA.

31. Five Enchanted Roses
Five Enchanted Roses
Thoughts: Very prettiful.

32. Fool’s Assassin (The Fitz and the Fool Trilogy #1) – Robin Hobb
Fool's Assassin (Fitz and the Fool #1) - Robin Hobb
Thoughts: Gahhh, love this cover style. Minus the bee. *sprays cover with Raid*

33. Midway Relics and Dying Breeds – Seanan McGuire
Midway Relics and Dying Breeds - Seanan McGuire
Thoughts: I…do not understand.

34. Sleep Walking Now and Then – Richard Bowes
Sleep Walking Now and Then - Richard Bowes
Thoughts: Why do elevators not have little guys as arrows? That’s hilarious to me.

35. The Devil in the Details – Debra Doyle & James D. MacDonald
The Devil in the Details - Debra Doyle & James D. MacDonald
Thoughts: Anubis is certainly in the details.

36. Brisk Money – Adam Christopher
Brisk Money - Adam Christopher
Thoughts: That red, glowing eye is very effectively terrifying. Also, I would badly like to know what the neon behind him says.

37. The Colonel – Peter Watts
The Colonel - Peter Watts
Thoughts: This artist could design a bitching video game.

38. Mrs. Sorensen and the Sasquatch – Kelly Barnhill
Mrs. Sorensen and the Sasquatch - Kelly Barnhill
Thoughts: This is equal parts terrifying and adorable.

39. Little Knife – Leigh Bardugo
Little Knife - Leigh Bardugo
Thoughts: The tradition of Bardugo getting amazing covers continues. Sadly, that person’s odds of staying on the tree seem about as high as Simba’s were, and we all know how that turned out.

Cover Battles:

1. The Falconer (The Falconer #1) – Elizabeth May

The Falconer
The Falconer (The Falconer, #1) by Elizabeth May
The Falconer - Elizabeth May Italy
The Falconer - Elizabeth May

UK vs. US vs. Italian vs. German: Wow, aside from the Italian cover, all of these make sense for the actual book. What is this magic?

2. This Summer – Katlyn Duncan

Sway - Kat Spears
This Summer - Katlyn Duncan

Sway vs. This Summer: No, try again. It’s on Sway. Do something new. Pink shoes and font do not a new cover make.

3. Permanent Record – Leslie Stella

Permanent Record - Leslie Stella
Permanent Record - Leslie Stella pb

Hardback vs. Paperback: The new cover’s a definite improvement over the wadded up paper which looks rather too much like a Christmas ornament bomb.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Some Like It Hot – Various
Some Like It Hot
Thoughts: THEY DID NOT JUST USE THE TITLE OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES FOR THIS. (And is that ripped up shirt meant to be a turn-on? It’s just distracting from other ripped things.)

2. Deep (Stage Dive #4) – Kylie Scott
Deep - Kylie Scott
Thoughts: DOES THAT TATTOO OVER HIS HEART SAY MOM?

3. Come (Dirty, Dark, and Deadly #1) – JA Huss
Come - JA Huss
Thoughts: He just did. In his pants.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Some Like It Hot

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Some Like It Hot

Today, welcome Megara (Cuddlebuggery), who has selected Some Like It Hot. Here’s why:

“I am damn near speechless at the wonder that is this cover. Where do I start? Between the glowing, drop-shadowed typography, the shredded t-shirt and the itty-bitty man panties, pretty much every feature of this cover screams taste and restraint. I think the oiled-up, plasticine abs are a particularly nice touch and that belly button is basically winking at me. Saucy little minx. “

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|B&N

29 responses to “Cover Snark (106): The One with a Fortnight’s Covers”

  1. Katie says:

    Actually, the Tommy Wallach cover there is the back, I think. The cover doesn’t have any words on it, I believe (which is crazy but I like it).
    Katie recently posted…Top 10 Favorite Bookish FriendshipsMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Thanks, Katie. I was in a hurry getting this one up and that confused me. Actually, I’m still confused, but I fixed it.

  2. BAHAHAHAHA, Megggggg! Hilarioussssss. Endgame, GROSSSSS.

    I am sorry but that cover of Snared is LOL inducing. In fact, all covers in that trilogy are, except for the first.

    I want My True Love Gave to Me so badly. Holiday stories by YA authors? I HAVE TO HAVE IT.
    Kara @ Great Imaginations recently posted…Bekka at BEAMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Splintered was so gorgeous, and the others just make me laugh hysterically.

      I’m not really a holiday story person.

  3. Oh my god, Meg. HAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant.

  4. Gillian says:

    1. why the flipping fuck does USA Today do this??? *completely ignores hideous coverbeast before me*

    3. GIVE ME THIS FAN FICTION AND GIVE IT TO ME NOWWWW

    4. That is not my Micah, no it’s not.

    5. HIDEOUS.

    6. Well, that’s horrific.

    8. THAT IS NOT A FUCKING UNICORN.

    10. Why are all the strings DRIPPING??

    15. SERIOUSLY PERFECT COVER MATH.

    17. Well, this is the cutest damn thing. My heart grew three sizes.

    18. PURDYYYY

    20. She’s MARRIED to the Muffin Man. The Muffin Man? THE MUFFIN MAN!!! She’s married to the Muffin Man…

    23. So beautiful, minus crotch city.

    27. The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen…

    32. LOVE.

    38. It would be, but I DESPISE the proportions on this. Utterly despise them.

    39. WELL NOW YOU MADE ME SAD.

    CB1. KIARAAAAAAAAAN

    CB3. That hardback is WRETCHED.

    WTF1. That ripped thing is soooo confusing (and I don’t mean the man)

    WTF2. BAHAHAHAHAHAA

    MEGGGGGGGG MY HERO MY MOST FAVORITEST PERSON WITH EXQUISITE TASTE
    Gillian recently posted…Review: The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet by Bernie Su and Kate RorickMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Even though I could usually find a full version, I was always take the chopped up one from USA Today because that’s obviously what the publisher wanted, right?

      3. Is it not the best idea? And I would suddenly ship Ginny/Harry much more.

      4. Mine either. I saw him with darker hair for one thing, whether that’s how he was described or not. Sometimes I make shit up, as you know.

      8. Don’t promise me a fucking unicorn and not deliver!

      10. Ewwwww, you’re right. They are. This is not a brass instrument; there should not be saliva.

      15. Thanks! Breathe wasn’t the cover I wanted but I couldn’t remember the name of that one.

      17. Together we are the full emotional arc of the grinch.

      20. I can always count on you.

      23. Why do they INSIST on putting crotch cities in beautiful covers?

      27. I feel like I should know this…

      38. ART RAAAAAAGE

      39. Not all Disney references are happy ones. Sending you the pillow now.

      Cb1. Why aren’t there any covers with Kiaran? I wonder if he’ll be on book two?

      This is why we love Megasus.

  5. Just want to say it made my morning when I realized there was a Cover Snark post up — I didn’t think there would be one right after BEA!

    1. lololool (Also reminds me of the auryn with the snakes)

    2. This is interesting. Also – real people that don’t look like they’ve been photoshopped or chosen because they are models. I’m also very curious about the change from the first image to the second…

    3. This was my thought too! I love almost everything about this cover except Harry. Also, just noticed that Ginny is in the background — is that not a spoiler on a book cover!?!

    5. Creepy eye ugh

    7. I actually kind of like this, haha. Also read the description and it sounds interesting, but don’t like the writing style/POV 🙁

    10. Reminiscent of Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist…

    11. Love the colours and details (EXCEPT HTE EYES)

    15. Spot on commentary!

    16. Could have been SUCH a cool cover but so much photoshop messiness.

    17. LOVE LOVE LOVE (also can’t wait for this!)

    18. *stares*

    26. Don’t care what the cover is, I can’t wait for her book, haha!

    28. Gross. Also it is disturbing to me to use an image in likeness to the famous one, especially when we now know that the woman was grabbed and kissed without her consent.
    Rachelia (Bookish Comforts) recently posted…{Review} Longbourn by Jo BakerMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      If I let it go for more than a week, catching up is impossible and I feel bad skipping covers which then don’t get promotion.

      2. It’s got a bit of a Freaks and Geeks vibe.

      3. Holy shit, she IS. And Fawkes swooping in is also a spoiler. Yeah. Fuck that.

      10. It is rather!

      26. I’m probably going to hold out for the audiobook.

      28. And now she gets to be on this cover without consent too. Being savaged by a vampire.

  6. Danielle says:

    Bless you Meg, I’m cackling at work.
    Danielle recently posted…My First BEA: The ExperienceMy Profile

  7. 2 – Intriguing, but why is it backwards??
    3 – Why so many pretty redesigns?? I already have two sets; a third might be pushing it O_O
    13 – Aww, no floating girls in pretty dresses?
    39 – This reminds me of a Narnia cover. Like Dawn Treader meets Magician’s Nephew meets Horse and His Boy
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Mental Health Awareness Month: My JourneyMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      2. I wish I could enlighten you but I don’t know.

      3. Probably because they know how obsessed the world is with Harry Potter and that people might keep buying sets.

      39. I actually see that!

  8. WTF2: I’m more interested in the DON’T LAUGH tattoo right above his waistband than anything else.
    Justine @ paperback heart recently posted…ARC Review: The FeverMy Profile

  9. 2. o.O
    3. The snake and the phoenix are gorgeous! I also love the colors, but Harry is indeed a bit too feminine.
    11. What is up with all these covers with crazy eyes popping out of nowhere? I like how, every time I look at it, I see something new.
    18. This works for me.
    20. I do love that style. It’s so sophisticated 😀
    21. With pirate in the title I at least expect a pirate.. or a pirate ship. And her neck creeps me out.
    22. Pretty, but I’m not a fan of the font.
    27. Best cover from the series.
    31. I like that. I like that a lot.
    32. I think I will be reading my first Robin Hobb this summer 🙂

    Cover battle:
    1. The Italian one isn’t fitting with this story, but I do like the cover. I like the UK one the best.
    2. Sway is better.
    3. Redesign wins.

    Hahahaha. Meg :’)
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    • Christina Franke says:

      11. Freaking eyes need to stop being on my covers unless they’re on an actual face.

      21. Pirates and unicorns should always be on their covers.

      32. I doubt I’ll get to Hobb soon, but I do want to read her stuff at some point.

  10. Heather says:

    17. OMG that book has skaters on the cover! I’m in love!

  11. HelenB says:

    Thing is, all the tattoos are real. Model is a one legged ex-marine who really likes tattoos. He also seems like a nice person.

  12. Angie F. says:

    7. I had a caution tape belt in high school. LoL

    8. Where’s the unicorn? Is it that horse, but with a retractable horn?

    12. I’m sooooooooo excited for this!

    13. Pretty.

    14. I am getting really bored of these eye covers.

    16. *adds to wishlist*

    33. Uhhh….I think I spot a dinosaur?

    Battles
    1. The Italian cover is super pretty, but for this series I choose US!

    2. I love pink, but…Sway.

    3. I prefer the title part of the Hardcover.

    WTF
    1. I really do not like half-naked man covers.

    2. Indeed it does. So sexy. LoL

    3. Cannot be unseen.
    Angie F. recently posted…Chick Flick Friday: Terms of EndearmentMy Profile

  13. 1. Oh good. Now I know what the thing that I shall avoid at all costs looks like. Bleh.

    3. Eeeeeeek pretty and scary snake! I like it.

    4. For some reason I pictured him as a brunet…

    12. I was not expecting Jeb to look this cute. Darn.

    14. I will say that the combination of Sky(e) and the funky eye make me think of Deathlok which makes me think of Agents of SHIELD and dagnabit I did NOT want to be a fangirl of that show.

    15. Is this another parallel universe book? Because that would make it, like, the third or fourth in two weeks.

    20. Well, he’s married to… the Muffin Man…

    28. Nope nope nope

    29. Mercy gon’ shank you. Yeesh, what a glare.

    30. The children act… like what? AS what? THIS IS AN INCOMPLETE THOUGHT.

    33. Is that an elephant?

    35. EGYYYYYPT YAAAAAASSSSSS
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  14. kara-karina says:

    WTF of the week just slayed me! I can’t even… :)))
    kara-karina recently posted…The Postman Knock #82My Profile

  15. Hey, just so you know–the cover of Breaking Sky by Cori McCarthy isn’t the final one. They actually scrapped that cover.

    • Christina Franke says:

      Good to know. I’m leaving it in and I’m sure the final will come through then. There’s really no way for me to know what’s final and what’s not if there’s nothing indicating that on the cover.

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