Cover Snark (104): The One with a Tick Tick Tick Boom Your Brain Exploded

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Gates of Thread and Stone – Lori M. Lee
Gates of Thread and Stone - Lori M. Lee
Thoughts: Ooooh, I love the shiny font and the thread. Also, the ever so casual knife in her bag is pretty badass.

2. Burning Kingdoms (The Internment Chronicles #2) – Lauren DeStefano
Burning Kingdoms (The Internment Chronicles #2) - Lauren DeStefano
Thoughts: Fuck your statue.

3. Depth of Field (Untitled Series #2) – Chantel Guertin
Depth of Field - Chantel Guertin
Thoughts: Is she wearing a skirt in the snow? I feel so cold just looking at that. But maybe it’s not snow and some other sort of white ground. It is very hard to tell due to the focus in this photograph. HEY MODEL, TAKE A CLEAR SHOT OF THE GROUND, PLEASE.

4. Statistic – Dawn Robertson
Statistic - Dawn Robertson
Thoughts: You’ll never feel safe again once you wake up to find Ke$ha in your bathtub, washing off her glitter, makeup and who knows what.

5. Louder Than Words – Laura Jarratt
Louder Than Words - Laura Jarratt
Thoughts: Well hello, Speechless.

6. My Skylar (Gemini #3) – Penelope Ward
My Skylar (Gemini #3) - Penelope Ward
Thoughts: The story of a woman, the tattooed man who loves her, and their search for her bikini top.

7. Assassin Study (Study #1.5) – Maria V. Snyder
Assassin Study (Study #1.5) - Maria V. Snyder
Thoughts: What is on his forehead? I’m not opposed to guyliner, but, dude, that is not where it goes.

8. Scoring Wilder – R.S. Grey
Scoring Wilder - R.S. Grey
Thoughts: They put his abs in like the least flattering position ever. “Let’s try to make it look like his abs are belly rolls, yeah! That’ll make the book sell like hotcakes!” Also, I see you title, and I did not approve of your shenanigans.

9. Waterfall (Teardrop #2) – Lauren Kate
Waterfall - Lauren Kate
Thoughts: Seriously, what does this chick have in her tears? Every time she has a little sob, the world unmakes and remakes itself. That must be exhausting.

10. Tainted Blood (Generation V #3) – M.L. Brennan
Tainted Blood (Generation V #3) - M.L. Brennan
Thoughts: Once I drank from you. Now I’ll die from you. This tainted blood you’ve given. I gave you all a vamp could give you. Take my death and that’s not nearly all. Oh…tainted blood.

11. The Queen (The Selection #0.4) – Kiera Cass
The Queen - Kiera Cass
Thoughts: Why are these covers so damn effective? WHY?

12. The Ice Man – Eric Gaeta
The Ice Man - Eric Gaeta
Thoughts: The Ice Man cometh all over your city.

13. The Missing (The Lost #2) – Sarah Beth Durst
The Missing (The Lost #2) - Sarah Beth Durst
Thoughts: Why do they insist on breaking up the titles this way? I love the cover art and the colors, but The Mis Sing is a stupid goddamn title and that is what it looks like.

14. Vacant (Mindspace Investigations #4) -Alex Hughes
Vacant (Mindspace Investigations) -Alex Hughes
Thoughts: Did they mean for him to have a halo? Because he definitely does. This cover just says “Halo, I am about to break into your vacant car.”

15. Tenacious (Kris Longknife #12) – Mike Shepherd
Kris Longknife Tenacious - Mike Shepherd
Thoughts: Vair vair important to put the colon on the cover as well, because this sure looks like a book about a woman named Kris Longknife Tenacious.

16. Drawn Blades (Fallen Blade #5) – Kelly McCullough
Drawn Blades (Fallen Blade #5) - Kelly McCullough
Thoughts: Rather looks like that guy is wading through ice, but the dragon head’s pretty cool.

17. The Relic Guild – Edward Cox
The Relic Guild - Edward Cox
Thoughts: Whoaaaaa, pretty blues and oranges. Pretty pretty.

18. The Wandering Dragon – Irene Radford
The Wandering Dragon - Irene Radford
Thoughts: Is it weird that I am hugely creeped out by this dragon’s toes?

19. Her Secret Inheritance (Isobel Key #2) – Jen McConnell
Her Secret Inheritance - Jen McConnell
Thoughts: Everything the light touches is her secret kingdom.

20. Legacies (Sorority Life #1) – KT Smith & Mercy Amare
Legacies (Sorority Life #1) - KT Smith & Mercy Amare
Thoughts: The cover I’m pretty cool with, but holy shit is that tagline creepy. Or maybe that’s just because the Greek system creeps me out anyway. Now it sounds like a roach motel on top of that.

21. How We Fall – Kate Brauning
How We Fall - Kate Brauning
Thoughts: Do we fall as we’re trying to grab our cheap charm bracelet before it falls into the water? Obviously, we miss the bracelet and both it and us are submerged in the uncomfortably green water.

22. Mine to Take – Jackie Ashenden
Mine to Take - Jackie Ashenden
Thoughts: I do not want it at ALL. Please proceed directly to hell; do not pass Go and do not collect two hundred dollars.

23. Unbeautiful (The Coincidence #7) – Jessica Sorensen
Unbeautiful - Jessica Sorensen
Thoughts: Apparently, beneath the pretty is a woman who eats butterflies, which apparently are magic and make the eater beautiful.

24. This Shattered World (Starbound #2) – Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner
This Shattered World (These Broken Stars #2) - Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner
Thoughts: On the one hand, she’s totally better dressed for traipsing about the galaxy, but also floating in space just looks cooler in a ball gown. Also, why is space pink? And why is his shirt all unbuttoned?

25. The Blood of Olympus (The Heroes of Olympus #5) – Rick Riordan
Blood of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Thoughts: Ummm, so why was this cover revealed with the bottom and top missing? What the hell is that? Also, how did that horse get up there?

26. Shouldn’t You Be in School (All the Wrong Questions #3) – Lemony Snicket
Shouldn't You Be in School - Lemony Snicket
Thoughts: Girl’s like HA NO, I SHOULD NOT. BUH BYE NAO.

27. Doe Eyes (Good Gods #3) – Staci Hart
Doe Eyes (Good Gods #3) - Staci Hart
Thoughts: I’m going to disregard that I’ve seen this stock photo before and focus on how much I love the blue and NEED that dress.

28. A Thousand Pieces of You – Claudia Gray
A Thousand Pieces of You - Claudia Gray
Thoughts: Holy shit. SO PRETTY.

29. This Book Is Gay – James Dawson
This Book Is Gay - James Dawson
Thoughts: I am going to go eat some skittles in this book’s honor.

30. Curse of the Granville Fortune – Kelly Hashway
Curse of the Granville Fortune - Kelly Hashway
Thoughts: I really like the art style of this cover. That girl is a shockingly pretty middle grader. Maybe it’s the lantern light. I need to be lit by lanterns to test this.

31. The World of Ice & Fire – George R.R. Martin, Elio M. García Jr., & Linda Antonssen
The World of Ice & Fire - George R.R. Martin
Thoughts: Sweet dragon. Otherwise kind of boring in digital format, though, depending on textures, it could be amazing in person.

32. The Mirror Empire (Worldbreaker Saga #1) – Kameron Hurley
The Mirror Empire - Kameron Hurley
Thoughts: Is a giant knife coming down out of the sky to attack these warriors? Their gods are totally saying fuck you. Here’s what you say, soldier people: Hasa diga eebowai.

33. The Masked Songbird (Scottish Songbird #1) – Emmie Mears
The Masked Songbird - Emmie Mears
Thoughts: Villains quake when they hear the delicate trill of the songbird. She kills with sonic whistles and perkiness.

Cover Battles:

1. Perfect Ruin (The Internment Chronicles #1) – Lauren DeStefano

Perfect Ruin
Perfect Ruin (The Internment Chronicles #1) - Lauren DeStefano

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: While I still really don’t like the model on the original cover, I’m really not sure what the point of this redesign was. Are they targeting adults? Is this series about birds? What?

2. Trial by Fire (The Worldwalker Trilogy #1) – Josephine Angelini

Trial by Fire (Worldwalker Trilogy Series #1) - Josephine Angelini
Trial by Fire - Josephine Angelini

US vs. UK: Suddenly, I find myself grateful for the US cover. I did not see that coming.

3. Between the Lives – Jessica Shirvington

Between the Lives - Jessica Shirvington US
Between the Lives - Jessica Shirvington AUS
Between the Lives - Jessica Shirvington GER
Between the Lives - Jessica Shirvington

US vs. Australian vs. German vs. UK: Wow, there is a lot of variety here. I’m not super in love with any of them, but I guess the UK one is the one I’d choose?

4. Teardrop (Teardrop #1) – Lauren Kate

Teardrop - Lauren Kate Hardback
Teardrop - Lauren Kate

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: OH MY GOD. I didn’t think it could get worse and it DID. “ONE TEAR CAN END THE WORLD.” *craughs* Oh no, I just cried a tear of laughter. World, are you still here?

5. The Bone Season (The Bone Season #1) – Samantha Shannon

The Bone Season (The Bone Season #1) - Samantha Shannon UK
The Bone Season (The Bone Season #1) - Samantha Shannon USA
The Bone Season (The Bone Season #1) - Samantha Shannon Vietnam

UK vs. US vs. Vietnamese: Vietnam has just trounced the UK and US. LOOK AT THE SKELETON HANDS!

6. The Rithmatist (Rithmatist #1) – Brandon Sanderson

The Rithmatist - Brandon Sanderson UK
The Rithmatist - Brandon Sanderson

UK Original vs. New UK Ebook: Way prefer the original UK cover, but if this truly is just for an ebook edition, whatevs.

7. The Beginning of Everything – Robyn Schneider

The Beginning of Everything - Robyn Schneider
The Beginning of Everything - Robyn Schneider

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: IT IS BLUE. SOLD.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. A Constant Attraction (The Attraction Series #2) – A J Walters
A Constant Attraction - A J Walters
Thoughts: What really cracks me up about this cover isn’t how creepy it is or how much I hate the font, but the fact that it’s totally a perfect cover for The Fountainhead.

2. I, Slutbot – Mykle Hansen
I, Slutbot - Mykle Hansen
Thoughts: The cord tail is a really nice touch.

3. The Tick People – Carlton Mellick III
The Tick People - Carlton Mellick III
Thoughts: Ahhhhhhhhhh! RUN AWAY.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

A Thousand Pieces of You

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

A Thousand Pieces of You - Claudia Gray

Today, welcome Gaby (Queen Ella Bee Reads), who has selected A Thousand Pieces of You by Claudia Gray. Here’s why:

“This week’s hard, mostly because HELLO, Blood of Olympus AND This Shattered World. And while I thought my brain would ultimately have to battle between the two, I kept scrolling and saw A Thousand Pieces of You, a book I didn’t even know about. It stole the show. And snuck right on to my TBR. (Oh, and also, the new Lemony Snicket is also fantastic. That might have also beat out Blood of Olympus & This Shattered World. But we’ll never know, will we?)”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

25 responses to “Cover Snark (104): The One with a Tick Tick Tick Boom Your Brain Exploded”

  1. A THOUSAND PIECES OF YOU. I AM DROOLING. WHAT IS THIS MAGIC. CAN I HAS?
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Review: Hourglass by Myra McEntireMy Profile

  2. Lesley says:

    What is this Thousand Pieces of You and why haven’t I heard of it before? *runs to goodreads, praying it sounds as good as it looks.*
    Lesley recently posted…Author QuotesMy Profile

  3. Cayce says:

    A Thousand Pieces of You! YES! SO PRETTY.

    This Book is Gay sounds interesting. Especially because illustrations!

    The World of Ice & Fire – tbh, I wish he was doing other things, like finishing book 6. The dragon is sweet, though.

    Between the Lives – I actually love the US cover

    I, Slutbot – that’s the best (and I mean the worst)
    Cayce recently posted…10 reasons why you should read The HumansMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Re: Martin, I imagine that he was only supervising and not doing most of the writing. I assume that when I see other people getting writing credits,e specially.

      I like the US cover alright for Between the Lives, but I also don’t get any sense of the genre from it, which is a shame.

  4. 1. Ohhh, I like it! The thread reminds me of one of my favorite movies while growing up: The princess and the Goblin. She must follow a thread like that too.
    2. What were they thinking??
    9. Looks so amateurish.
    13. Agreed, breaking up the title is annoying, but I like the colors.
    17. Nice, but the eye is also a little creepy!
    24. I like how it matches the first book, but I’m not in love with it.
    28. LOVE IT, especially the bottom half.
    30. Pretty 😀
    31. They should make this book leather bound. That would look stunning.

    Cover battle:
    1. Blegh.
    2. The redesign make it look like a NA. I don’t like it.
    3. I think I would go with.. the Australian one.
    5. WOW, Vietnamese! Gorgeous.
    7. Yes for the blue 😀

    2. I, slutbot. HAHA.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 261. Alyssa B. Sheinmel – Second star.My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Missed that movie, so this reference is lost on me sadly.
      2. Cultivating an adult audience is my only thought.
      9. A picture of a face with some WordArt. That’s boss. I don’t know what you’re talking about. :-p
      13. The colors are fab, indeed.
      17. I like the eye because maybe dragon?
      28. The bottom half is the best part, but I also love the color combos and just swoon.
      31. It would. But also EXPENSIVE.

      2. Yup, that’s my biggest issue with the UK. It looks like the Armentrout White Hot Kiss cover. Haha.

  5. 2. This makes me so very sad. I mean, it’s not AWFUL, but when compared to the first cover? No.

    4. Germs germs germs germs. *douses self in hand sanitizer*

    5. She looks like she’s trying to murder me with her eyes.

    17. This looks like that one cover with the manhole cover and the Roman numerals with the caste system. The one with the title I can’t remember. *headdesk*

    28. This. Winner. I’m done.
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Cover Love #56My Profile

  6. Emma says:

    The cover for A Thousand Pieces of You is STUNNING. I really like the cover for This Shattered World, as well, but I too want to know why his shirt is unbuttoned.

  7. Gillian says:

    1. PRETTYYYYY OOOOH AND SECRET WEAPON

    2. Hate kill hulk smash

    4. KESHA IN YOUR BATHTUB OMFG

    6. BAHAHAHA

    7. The front of his head is Riddikulus

    9. Crying mystical magical tears of mirth

    11. GOD. DAMN. THIS. I. WILL. READ. THIS. GOD. DAMN. MYSELF.

    12. Ooerrr

    13. I fucking hate when they do that. I’d love this cover otherwise.

    17. PRETTIFULLLL. Love the deep blue and the pops of orange. Really lovely colors.

    19. Except that shadowy place. You must never go there, Emo Hoodie Girl.

    21. There is some fucked up shit in that water

    24. I think i realized why i don’t love this as much (minus the lack at dresssssss). it’s her position. On the TBS cover they look like they’re reeeeaching for each other and there’s a more dramatic tension, like they’re really falling. Here bitch is just kinda like “Eh. Floating. oh, let me try and touch you too lazy whatevs.” It’s not dramatic and they don’t look like they’re moving and bitch get an EXPRESSION.

    25. I CAN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT THIS MONSTROSITY PUN INTENDED

    28. Eyegasm.

    29. Automatic read for reasons.

    32. HASA DIGA EEBOWAI!!!! Please let people google this and be all ESCANDALIZED.

    CB1. Travesty.

    CB2. YIKES, UK. YIKES. I was ascared for a sec that these were both US covers.

    Cb4. Have those designers been smoking her cracked out tears?

    CB5. AMAZING.

    Cb7. OOOH I LOVE THE BLUE. Still wish this had the original title, though

    WTF1. OH DEAR GOD and YES OMG I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT AYN RAND

    WTF2. Wordless speechless thoughtless brainless SHE MADE HUMANITY HER BITCH

    WTF3. AHHHHH SCREAMING KILL IT ACTUAL SCREAM OMG TRAUMA WHY DEAR GODS ABOV HASA DEEGA EEBOWAI FOR CREATING THISSSS
    Gillian recently posted…Review: Rebel by Amy TinteraMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I am glad this massive comment did not get lost, duckling.

      1. Right, she’s so super cas about that knife. She’s not even worried. YOU ARE NO THREAT.

      4. How did she get to your bathtub? Tis a mystery.

      19. Had to put the Disney reference in for youuuuu.

      24. BITCH, GET AN EXPRESSION <- craughing 25. I am glad you still intend the pun, even in your rage. 29. It's non-fiction, fyi, but I wanted to include it for reasons. 32. People. MWAHAHA. 4. NOW IT MAKES SENSE. HER TEAR DRUGS IN THEIR DESIGNER COFFEE. 7. The original title + the roller coaster would be the beeeest, but apparently Barnes wouldn't stock it or some shit. Way to ruin everything Barnes. 3. You are SO very welcome.

  8. Kaja says:

    This is a perfect feature! I’m so glad I found your blog.
    Some of these are trully horrible, I always wonder what they were thinking. And whether the author cried when s/he saw them…
    Kaja recently posted…Review of “The Indigo Spell” by Richelle MeadMy Profile

  9. A J Walters says:

    Hi.

    Just popping by to say thank you for the promotion 🙂

    A J Walters

  10. Kayla Beck says:

    I haven’t looked at them all, I just have to say somewhere that I absolutely detest the cover of This Shattered World. It looks like cheap scifi, and I KNOW that better covers are possible because of These Broken Stars. It wasn’t perfect, but I don’t think that this one will draw in as many readers. I don’t even know if I want to buy the physical copy of it.
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Audiobook Review: Scarlet by A. C. GaughenMy Profile

  11. Annie says:

    Gates of Thread and Stone reminds me too much of Girl of Fire and Thorns. But super pretty cover.
    Annie recently posted…putting plot through the pacesMy Profile

  12. angela_d says:

    On #3 the picture is very intentional. “Depth of field” is a photography term.

  13. Angie F. says:

    1. This intrigues me greatly.

    7. This isn’t a new cover? But yeah, I have no clue what’s on his face.

    11. *hypnotized by sparkles*

    21. I like the colors.

    23. This is interesting…kind of creepy actually.

    24. SPAAAAACE!!!

    28. That is pretty cool.

    29. LOVE IT!

    Battles
    1. I do not get the paperback theme, so Hardcover.

    2. US.

    3. I think the Australian one is most interesting.

    4. Hardcover.

    5. Vietnamese!

    6. I prefer the original colors, but I like the new theme better.

    7. YELLOW! Hardcover.

    WTF.
    2. LoL

    3. I am disturbed.
    Angie F. recently posted…Review: Once We Were (The Hybrid Chronicles, #2) by Kat ZhangMy Profile

  14. I’m almost a week late now, but fuck it. I do what I want.

    2. I feel like both the cover and your response belong on the “FUCK YOUR NOGUCHI COFFEE TABLE” Tumblr. (I probably shouldn’t Caps Lock it because half the magic is it sound-looking grumpy in lower case, but I still do what I want.)

    9. Can we have the too-skinny girls in pretty water dresses back? I have no desire to be stared down.

    11. I’ve got a hair clip like the floral-looking crown thing behind the tiara, but mine is purple. Sadly, I can’t wear it because I no longer have enough hair for that.

    17. This reminds me a lot of the cover of Extraction. I wasn’t into the eye peeking at me then and I’m not now.

    20. SPARKLESSSSSSSS. Also, I want it muchly because I need sorority research stuff. I need it so badly I’ve been tempted to rush just so I can get the inside dirt, but research is not a good enough reason for me to do that.

    24. She looks like she don’t give a fuck about his spacey break-dancing.

    1. Yup, still bad. The girl having a shitty hair day was ugly enough, but whoo, those statues are just dumb. They’re probably going for the symbolism of a pristine, beautiful thing being shattered (SYMBOLISMMMMM), but it just looks boring.

    2. The UK cover reminds me of the UK covers for her Starcrossed series. I wonder if any fans over there will get confused and think it’s a fourth installment.

    4. STOP STARING AT ME. *punches her in the eye*

    5. Everyone should learn from this cover and do a redesign like it.

    7. The paperback wants some of that John Green money. That’s why it’s the exact same shade of blue (and if it somehow isn’t, it’s really close).

    • Christina Franke says:

      That’s right, you do!

      2. I definitely do not know this tumblr, but I try to avoid falling into that trap, because what I WANT to do is read, but I can end up doing nothing but traipsing the internet for shocking amounts of time.

      9. Yeah, I didn’t think a redesign could be worse, but they’re stunningly talented at awful covers apparently.

      20. For a moment I was really judging you, but okay you are not rushing. To write a book about it would be the only good reason.

      1. Seriously, why that hair? But the book itself is gorgeous. The packaging was pretteh.

      5. Well, it’s not a redesign, but that Vietnamese cover wins everything.

      7. Hmm, that may be, but it’s blue with a roller coaster. Christina likes, no matter how grumpy Ashleigh gets.

  15. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. I hate/love this feature. My wish list grows and grows and grows.

    24. That is a fabulous cover….

    28. Okay, I dig it.

    33. Oh, almost, but no.
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Graphic Novel Review: This One SummerMy Profile

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