Cover Snark (103): The One with the Pet Zombie

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Dead of Winter (The Arcana Chronicles #3) – Kresley Cole
Dead of Winter (The Arcana Chronicles #3) - Kresley Cole
Thoughts: Well, I’m a bit bored, but anything is better than the cover models this series had before, so I’ll take it.

2. Chaos (Fates #2) – Lanie Bross
Chaos (Fates #2) by Lanie Bross
Thoughts: HOLD UP. What is happening here? Is she awake? Alive? Is her hair producing birds? Why are they in the middle of nowhere? I’m tempted to make that O larger and put it over this cover.

3. The Bullet Catcher’s Daughter (The Fall of the Gas-Lit Empire #1) – Rod Duncan
The Bullet Catcher's Daughter - Rod Duncan
Thoughts: We’re continuing the title trend of identifying a heroine by a man in her life. Oh joy. The bullet hand is pretty amusing, though.

4. Lark Ascending (Skylark #3) – Meagan Spooner
Lark Ascending (Skylark #3) - Meagan Spooner
Thoughts: Dear book, why must you make me be mean to you? I’ve never been the biggest fan of the cover style for this series, but HOLY SHIT this shames those prior covers. Just ugh. I can’t even say why because look at it. This is just not good.

5. The Opposite of Love – Sarah Lynn Sheerger
The Opposite of Love - Sarah Lynn Scheerger
Thoughts: I’m basically imagining that if you turned them around, they would have drawn on each other’s faces like Ross and Rachel did when they got married in Vegas.

6. Saving Abel (Rocker #1) – Gina Whitney
Saving Abel (Rocker #1) - Gina Whitney
Thoughts: You’ve got to save Abel from accidentally choking himself to death. He thinks he looks like a badass rock god in them, but he’s gotten them stuck on things and people while headbanging and nearly died twice. And that’s just tonight.

7. Hard to Come By (Hard Ink #3) – Laura Kaye
Hard to Come By - Laura Kaye
Thoughts: They’re always going and coming and coming and going. And always too soon. Right, girls?

8. The Perfectionists – Sara Shepard
The Perfectionists - Sara Shepard
Thoughts: They were thorn this way.

9. Broken Souls (Eric Carter #2) – Stephen Blackmoore
Broken Souls (Eric Carter #2) - Stephen Blackmoore
Thoughts: Help, he is eating my soul with his eyes and I cannot take it anym

10. The Tears of the Rose (The Twelve Kingdoms #2) – Jeffe Kennedy
The Tears of the Rose (The Twelve Kingdoms #2) - Jeffe Kennedy
Thoughts: Cover, I compare you to the tears from a rose on the hill. The more I look at you, the stranger it feels. Now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the gray.

11. Ugly Love – Colleen Hoover
Ugly Love - Colleen Hoover
Thoughts: Nothing’s uglier than water. Gosh. Also, if I’m looking for a romance, this probably would not be the first thing I picked up.

12. Between the Cracks (Clipped Wings #1.5) – Helena Hunting
Between the Cracks - Helena Hunting
Thoughts: I actually really approve of this simplistic cover style. Just SO glad that this is not painted on a shirtless white dude.

13. Invasion (Last Princess #2) – Galaxy Craze
Invasion (Last Princess #2) - Galaxy Craze
Thoughts: The world’s going down in fire and she’s all yawn. I’m also sort of expecting her dress to blow back and reveal her deer-legs.

14. Morte – Robert Repino
Morte - Robert Repino
Thoughts: I’m not sure meow I feel about this.

15. Blood of a Mermaid – Katie O’Sullivan
Blood of a Mermaid - Katie O'Sullivan
Thoughts: Little known fact: slaughtering a mermaid and bathing in its blood gets stains out of whites. It’s counterintuitive but works like magic. Literally.

16. First Impressions: A Novel of Old Books, Unexpected Love, and Jane Austen – Charlie Lovett
First Impressions A Novel of Old Books, Unexpected Love, and Jane Austen - Charlie Lovett
Thoughts: WAS THIS MADE FOR ME? The way she’s reading the illustrated part is a bit corny but also pretty damn cute.

17. MILK-BLOOD – Mark Matthews
MILK-BLOOD - Mark Matthews
Thoughts: To be consumed with milksteak.

18. Vicious (Pretty Little Liars #16) – Sara Shepard
Vicious (Pretty Little Liars #16) - Sara Shepard
Thoughts: Well, this looks just like the rest. Only wait, it looks like her left hand is missing the fingers. IS ONE OF THEM ONE-HANDED? Now that’s fun.

19. The Merman and the Barbarian Pirate – Kay Berrisford
The Merman and the Barbarian Pirate - Kay Berrisford
Thoughts: I like how the pirate is trying to grope for the merman’s man parts, but where are they? It’s a mystery!

Cover Battles:

1. The Forbidden Library – Django Wexler

The Forbidden Library - Django Wexler US
The Forbidden Library - Django Wexler

US vs. UK: Oooh, these are both pretty awesome. For once, the tagline’s actually making me more interested in the US cover, but I would read either for sure.

2. The Dream Thieves (Raven Boys #2) – Maggie Stiefvater

The Dream Thieves - Maggie Stiefvater
The Dream Thieves - Maggie Stiefvater German

US vs. German: Okay, I definitely like the cover with the flowers more than the one with a guy with a buzz cut who has birds exploding out of his chest.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Spring (Abigail and Her Pet Zombie #3) – Marie F. Crow
Abigail and Her Pet Zombie Spring - Marie F. Crow
Thoughts: Zombies that look like Gollum as a clown are perfect for children’s stories.

2. Search (The Empire Chronicles #2) – Alyssa Rose Ivy
Search - Alyssa Rose Ivy
Thoughts: Maybe, like eagles, she’s going to fly them up high, and then they’ll sex while plummeting toward the ground.

3. Serving Up Satisfaction (Satisfaction, TX #5) – Diane Leyne
Serving Up Satisfaction (Satisfaction, TX #5) - Diane Leyne
Thoughts: Let’s play count the hilarious things. 1: The fact that the one guy has hair from Colonial Days. 2: Tiny nipples. 3: Tomato balls. 4: Other dude’s expression. 4. How badly photoshopped that apron is. 5: He’s chopping cucumbers. Talk about non-sexy man love metaphors.”Hey, baby, I’ll chop your cucumber.”

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Between the Cracks

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Between the Cracks - Helena Hunting

Today, welcome Kat Kennedy (Cuddlebuggery), who has selected Between the Cracks by Helena Hunting. Here’s why:

“Hello A Reader of Fictions Readers, first of all, congratulations on your choice of blogs to read. Good taste on your part. I’m always told I have good taste, but not in covers. My pick this week is probably going to be a controversial one but I think Between The Cracks wins for me. I love me some nice wings on covers and, believe it or not, they’re hard to come by. Kind of like my dignity and human compassion. But these look good. Almost as good as the The Merman and the Barbarian Pirate which I TOTALLY need to read. The only thing I don’t like is the type font. Peeps, you know it totally doesn’t match right? Way to spoil a perfectly good cover.”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|B&N

16 responses to “Cover Snark (103): The One with the Pet Zombie”

  1. Heather says:

    ha, Saving Abel is a rock band, for real: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saving_Abel I wonder if that was intentional, or just a happy accident 🙂

  2. Almost none of the covers this week impressed me other than Between the Cracks and the two Forbidden Library covers, other than that, it’s an unimpressive week I think. Two new covers I’ve seen this week is Alpha Divided from the Alpha Girl series and Armageddon from the Angelbound series and I think they were released this week, but I might be wrong, sorry if I am 🙂
    Amanda @ Book Badger recently posted…Who Wore It Better #9My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I’d seen the former, but it didn’t really interest me particularly. I’d missed the latter, but eh. These posts are time consuming, so I’m fairly selective with indie/self-published things.

  3. Lesley says:

    I think it’s nice that the guy on the cover of “Hard to Come By” (#7) is a fan of Divergent. He copied Tris’s tattoo and everything – that is dedication to your favourite book.
    Lesley recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday (6)My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Haaaaaaa. You can tell he’s a badass who diverges from the gender paradigm of reading. Good work, sir.

  4. 4. I have to agree. This is bad. I’m not even sure what I’m looking at..
    10. Some books seem to try so hard to make me NOT want to read it.
    13. Mweh.
    17. Those eyes creep me out *scrolls away*

    Battles.
    1. I really like the US one 😀 But I wouldn’t mind getting an edition of the Australian one.
    2. First I was afraid it was a really bad redesign, so US for sure.

    WTF.
    1. The placement of the title and series name is very strange.
    3. Hahaha. That is a tragic display of photoshop gone wrong.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Fairytale news 36. Upcoming fairytales.My Profile

  5. 1. Meeeeeh. But you’re right, it’s better than the people. The cover change nearly tempted me into reading the books because I love the premise behind it all, but NO. I’ve seen those reviews.

    2. If she is alive but slowly turning into birds from the hair down, then the position he has her in must be REALLY uncomfortable for both of them. The weight! The contortions! It makes MY neck and back hurt looking at it.

    6. I bet he’s waiting for it to get stuck on something while he’s having sex with a groupie and there can be a reasonable way to classify his death as autoerotic asphyxiation. (I know that’s not how one’s death gets classified that way, but he’d fight for it beyond the grave.)

    12. I saw the cover as “Between the Quacks” first. Oops.

    13. I can’t even see this cover in full because I’m too busy boggling at the fact this book exists. If I remember right, the first book bombed HARD and most everyone hated it. HOW? HOW DO THEY EVEN?

    2. They can die as they have always wanted to: mid-fucking. Best way to go, y/n? (My answer = OMFG NOOOOOOOO.)

  6. Gillian says:

    1. It’s an improvement and i like the swirly things happening in the title font, so whatever.

    2. What the shit

    7. Usually it’s easier to come when it’s hard. HEY OOOOOOOH

    10. This looks like the poster for a really bad made for TV movie. Or The Bachelorette.

    14. It does not CATch my eye.

    16. ALSO First Impressions was the original title of Pride and Prejudice so now I wants thissss

    17. NOOOOOOO

    18. Number SIXTEEN? HOW IS THIS SERIES STILL EVEN GOING?!?!

    WTF1. GOLLUM AS A CLOWN

    WTF3. I JUST STARTED SPONTANEOUSLY CHUCKLING AND I’VE BEEN LAUGHING FOR AT LEAST TWO MINUTES HELP HELLLLLLP. MANLOVE COLLECTION. COLONIAL HAIR. THAT OTHER DUDES HAIR. HIS FACE. THE COLONIAL DUDE’S BRIEFS ALL HALF FOLDED. THAT APRON. THOSE GUNS. THE CHOPPING. TOMATO BALLS AND CUCUMBER SHAFTS. CHOPPING. SERVING UP SATISFACTION. NEW FAVORITE THING.
    Gillian recently posted…Cliffhangers: You Just Keep Me Hangin’ OnMy Profile

  7. Honestly, I can’t choose between the two Dream Thieves covers. I love the artwork style of the US cover, but the German one embodies such an important motif of the story!
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Do You Preorder Books?My Profile

  8. Lyn Kaye says:

    I don’t have anything to add this week, but I wanted to say THANKS for the post!
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: Dreams of Gods and MonstersMy Profile

  9. I am sad that the Lark books have such terribad covers, I really like those books, too. Sigh.

    The Forbidden Library is totally boss though.
    April Books & Wine recently posted…Frankenstein | Mary Shelley | Audiobook ReviewMy Profile

  10. Angie F. says:

    13. I just read the first book the other day, and I quite like this cover.

    17. That is pretty scary…

    18. I really like the covers for this series. They’re cute.

    19. I am intrigued.

    Battles
    1. I think the US wins for me.

    2. I don’t like either, but the German one is nicer.

    WTF
    1. That’s kind of cute, actually!

    2. That is interesting…

    3. This is all bad! LoL
    Angie F. recently posted…Review: Bubble World by Carol SnowMy Profile

  11. 2. Follow up questions: Why is he carrying her like a sheep? Wouldn’t that hurt? Is she wearing a dress? Does that mean she’s flashing the entire meadow?

    3. I’m kind of in love with that hand, NGL, even if the title is stupid. Unless SHE catches bullets, I don’t care. [Update: Oh my stars, I just read the synopsis. This chick has SO many cooler things going for her than being someone’s daughter.]

    5. So this book is about… apathy? Sounds boring.

    10. I’m glad I’m not the only one with that song in my head. But UGH, now it’s ingrained! Thanks, Christina.

    11. If someone doesn’t drown in this book, I’m going to be very disappointed.

    14. Have Percy weigh in.

    17. I thought this was creepy, but then I looked closer. Nope. Are those dots supposed to be her eyes and her mouth? Where’s her nose? Why does her face look so funny and squished?

    CB2. Nah, I’ll keep my Ronan.
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Review: THE FALCONER by Elizabeth MayMy Profile

  12. Hey, I’ve seen number 17 somewhere before…

    “MILK-BLOOD” will be having it’s named changed straight away. “Milk-Steak Dipped in Blood” sounds just as appetizing. Of course, you could just read all about instead….http://www.amazon.com/MILK-BLOOD-Mark-Matthews-ebook/dp/B00L978UN2

    Cover design was from Bram Stoker award winning author Kealan Patrick Burke, who I am sure could add a T-Bone to the cover.
    Mark Matthews recently posted…I AM 22 YEARS SOBER TODAY, SO I WROTE A POST CALLED “GETTING YOUR CHARACTER HIGH: WRITING ABOUT ADDICTION”My Profile

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