Cover Snark (95): The One with the Deer Head

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Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I snark, because this is really for fun and to blow up your TBR pile. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Stone Cold Touch (The Dark Elements #2) – Jennifer L. Armentrout
Stone Cold Touch (The Dark Elements #2) - Jennifer L. Armentrout
Thoughts: Lul. Nothing says hot like cold stones. You can really just FEEL the passion emanating from this cover couple.

2. Craving Him (Love by Design #2) – Kendall Ryan
Craving Him (Love by Design #2) - Kendall Ryan
Thoughts: And it’s obvious WHERE she’s craving him. Someone wants a little what what in the butt, amirite?

3. Then Again, Maybe I Won’t – Judy Blume
Then Again, Maybe I Won't
Thoughts: This sounds like me contemplating going on a looong hike with a backpack. Don’t do it, dude. The couch and some good books are calling.

4. Attack the Geek (Ree Reyes #2.5) – Michael R. Underwood
Attack of the Geek - Michael R. Underwood
Thoughts: Oh no, she takes double damage from multi-sided dice!

5.Mary Hades (Mary Hades #1) – Sarah Dalton
Mary Hades (Mary Hades #1) - Sarah Dalton
Thoughts: No, I really wouldn’t believe the things she sees, since her HAIR IS IN HER FACE. She sees hair.

6. Archangel’s Shadow (Guild Hunter #7) – Nalini Singh
Archangel's Shadow (Guild Hunter #7) - Nalini Singh
Thoughts: Honestly, I’m just really distracted by how absurdly gorgeous that girl is. Look at her hair! And her face. Sorry, motorcycle dude, but I have a girlcrush.

7. The Only Thing to Fear – Caroline Tung Richmond
The Only Thing to Fear - Caroline Tung Richmond
Thoughts: Apparently if Hitler had won World War II, a giant bird would come and fly off with the White House. That actually wouldn’t have been my first guess.

8. Perfected – Kate Jarvik Birch
Perfected - Kate Jarvik Birch
Thoughts: I wonder what this dress does if you release it from the cage. Does it eat people? Pee on the furniture?

9. Winter Falls (Twin Willows Trilogy #1) – Nicole Maggi
Winter Falls - Nicole Maggi
Thoughts: The owl is cute, but white font in a white background was a horrible idea.

10. Oceanborn (The Aquarathi #2) – Amalie Howard
Oceanborn (The Aquarathi #2) - Amalie Howard
Thoughts: It’s like she made blinds out of sand.

11. Better When He’s Bad (Welcome to the Point #1) – Jay Crownover
Better When He's Bad (Welcome to the Point #1) - Jay Crownover
Thoughts: Bax? Is that like slang for backs? Or did he mean it to say Bad and he misspelled it?

12. Killing Ruby Rose (Ruby Rose #1) – Jessie Humphries
Killing Ruby Rose (Ruby Rose #1) - Jessie Humphries
Thoughts: Well, since Ruby Rose is the main character and the series is named for her, either they won’t manage to kill her or this is going paranormal. Don’t you love when the series info spoils the book?

13. Red Hot Chance – KT Grant
Red Hot Chance - KT Grant
Thoughts: I wonder if this is a waxing or waning moon.

14. I Wish – Elizabeth Langston
I Wish - Elizabeth Langston
Thoughts: Do the other genies make fun of him for not having a bottle?

15. Sex & the Single Vamp – Robin Covington
Sex & the Single Vamp - Robin Covington
Thoughts: “Dating never gets easier.” Curses. Let me live in denial, please.

16. Made for You – Melissa Marr
Made for You - Melissa Marr
Thoughts: OH FUCK NO. IF THIS WAS MADE FOR ME, I AM RETURNING IT.

17. The Witch’s Boy – Kelly Barnhill
The Witch's Boy - Kelly Barnhill
Thoughts: Wow. That’s gorgeousssss. Or is it gorge-ous? Baha. Okay, okay. I am wondering about the angles on the shadows, though. Are they intentionally a little off?

18. How the White Trash Zombie Got Her Groove Back (White Trash Zombie #4) – Diana Rowland
How the White Trash Zombie Got Her Groove Back (White Trash Zombie #4) - Diana Rowland
Thoughts: Apparently that involves dismemberment. Maybe she was feeding Audrey II?

19. A Whispered Darkness – Vanessa Barger
A Whispered Darkness - Vanessa Barger
Thoughts: Looks more like she’s being attacked by one of the Gentlemen from Hush. Off goes her voice.

20. Lies We Tell Ourselves – Robin Talley
Lies We Tell Ourselves - Robin Talley
Thoughts: Oh man, that title sums up a lot of high school. Some of my lies: you will totally get a boyfriend and be really popular if you buy that certain item of clothing.

21. Maplecroft (The Borden Dispatches #1) – Cherie Priest
Maplecroft (The Borden Dispatches #1) - Cherie Priest
Thoughts: The bloody axe. Oh my yes. And the blood stains at the bottom left. Brilly. And the series name is a pun. Be still, my heart.

22. Leaving Time – Jodi Picoult
Leaving Time - Jodi Picoult
Thoughts: When books sell so well no one gives a fuck about trying to make an appealing cover anymore.

23. Begin Again (Beautiful #2) – Tamsyn Bester
Begin Again - Tamsyn Bester
Thoughts: Just making a note to myself to never let a guy lift me like that in public in a loose dress or skirt. You just know she’s flashing people.

24. Carnival of Lies (Untamed City #2) – Melissa Marr
Untamed City (Carnival of Lies) – Melissa Marr
Thoughts: Now the milk is purple. I do not want to go to this terrible city of strangely colored milk people bathe in.

25. The Aqua Secret (The Aqua Chronicles #1) – L.L. Hunter
The Aqua Secret - L.L. Hunter
Thoughts: The Aqua Secret: that bottled water is just like other water. OH THE HUMANITY. HIDE YOUR EYES. DON’T LOOK AT THE EVIL.

26. Being Audrey Hepburn – Mitchell Kriegman
Being Audrey Hepburn - Mitchell Kriegman
Thoughts: She looks so Audrey Hepburny! I approve of that.

27. Can’t Look Away – Donna Cooner
Can't Look Away - Donna Cooner
Thoughts: Sure looks like she’s managed to look away a whole bunch.

28. Lawless and the Flowers of Sin – William Sutton
Lawless and the Flowers of Sin - William Sutton
Thoughts: I wonder which flowers are sinful. The brash rose and tempestuous tulip?

29. The Dragon’s Egg (Relics of Mysticus #3) – H.B. Bolton
The Dragon's Egg (Relics of Mysticus #3) - H.B. Bolton
Thoughts: I feel like this would look awesome if the fonts weren’t all horrible.

30. The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet – Bernie Su & Kate Rorick
The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet - Bernie Su & Kate Rorick
Thoughts: A book based on a web series based on a novel. But I will not pretend I have enough willpower to resist wanting to read it because OMG MORE LBD IN ANY FORM.

31. The Man Test – Amanda Aksel
The Man Test - Amanda Aksel
Thoughts: Now, are we testing him to make sure he IS a man? Or to make sure that he’s sufficiently awesome? If the latter, I think THIS makes a nice jumping off point.

32. The Course of True Love (and First Dates) (Tha Bane Chronicles #10) – Cassandra Clare
The Course of True Love (and First Dates) - Cassandra Clare
Thoughts: “Wow they did such a good job making his cat’s eyes look totally realistic!” Said by no one viewing this cover.

33. Revival – Stephen King
Revival - Stephen King
Thoughts: LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE. GIVE MY BOOK LIIIIIIFE. (Something like this.)

34. The Three-Body Problem – Liu Cixin
The Three-Body Problem - Liu Cixin
Thoughts: How much does this remind me of Dr. Manhattan living on Mars? SO MUCH. The title also kind of sounds like a crazy dieting self-help book, amirite?

35. Island in a Sea of Stars – Kevin J. Anderson
Island in a Sea of Stars - Kevin J. Anderson
Thoughts: Looks more like a sea of fire. I do not want to live there.

36. Little Knife (The Grisha #3.5) – Leigh Bardugo
Little Knife - Leigh Bardugo
Thoughts: Oh look, she’s waving hello! (see what I did there?)

37. The 100 Society – Carla Spradbery
The 100 Society - Carla Spradbery
Thoughts: Paint. PAINT ON YOUR EYE. TO THE EMERGENCY EYE-WASHING STATION!

38. Pieces of Olivia (Charleston Haven #1) – Melissa West
Pieces of Olivia - Melissa West
Thoughts: Somebody loves filters. Also, I’m thinking of THIS.

39. Just a Drop of Water – Kerry O’Malley Cerra
Just a Drop of Water - Kerry O'Malley Cerra
Thoughts: Looks like more than a drop of patriot water.

40. Delete (Shift #3) – Kim Curran
Delete - Kim Curran
Thoughts: What a funny looking Cyberman.

41. Ashes to Ashes (Burn for Burn #3) – Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian
Ashes to Ashes (Burn for Burn #3) - Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian
Thoughts: They are so stylish. I feel like they should be in Blair’s entourage. But, also, this doesn’t match the other covers perfectly. RED ALERT: WE HAVE A REDESIGN PEOPLE. Check the cover battles for those, yo.

Cover Battles:

1. Poison Princess (The Arcana Chronicles #1) – Kresley Cole

Poison Princess (Arcana Chronicles #1) - Kresley Cole
Poison Princess - Kresley Cole

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: HALLELUJAH! A cover design that was entirely necessary. What is this magic?

2. Endless Knight (The Arcana Chronicles #2) – Kresley Cole

Endless Knight (The Arcana Chronicles #2) - Kresley Cole
Endless Knight - Kresley Cole

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: BRB, crying at how ugly that hardcover is again.

3. Burn for Burn (Burn for Burn #1) – Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian

Burn for Burn (Burn for Burn #1) - Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian hardback
Burn for Burn (Burn for Burn #1) - Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Okay, on this one, I am definitely all for the original. It’s just SO obvious how bored they look in the crisper version of the photo. If THEY’RE bored by the book they’re starring in, why should I be interested?

4. Fire with Fire (Burn for Burn #2) – Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian

Fire with Fire (Burn for Burn #2) - Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian hardback
Fire with Fire (Burn for Burn #2) - Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: You know, I really don’t know about this one, honestly. I like the crispness of the redesign, but I also enjoy the sort of dreamy quality of the hardcover. Your votes are so important, guys.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us~ Jesse Bering
Perv The Sexual Deviant in All of Us~ Jesse Bering
Thoughts: This makes me very uncomfortable.

2. An Unchoreographed Life – Jane Davis
An Unchoreographed Life - Jane Davis
Thoughts: DEER HEAD. Oddly, though, this cover is not dear to me.

3. Fireside Popsicles – Sheila Hall & M.C. O’Neill, eds.
Fireside Popsicles - Sheila Hall & M.C. O'Neill, eds.
Thoughts: Thinking of this.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

The Witch’s Boy

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

The Witch's Boy - Kelly Barnhill

Today, welcome Rachel Patrick (Beauty and the Bookshelf), who has selected The Witch’s Boy by Kelly Barnhill. Here’s why:

“Okay, so don’t hate me, but I actually kinda sorta really like the WTFness that is An Unchoreographed Life. I like how it’s simultaneously weird yet artsy. But on a more serious note, my favorite of the week is probably The Witch’s Boy by Kelly Barnhill. (With the stunning, gorgeous Little Knife in a VERY close second.) The way the children and wolf have been created, plus their gigantic shadows, just emanate a totally awesome grand effect. It reminds me of some of the old school animation Christmas shows mixed with Tim Burton. I DIG IT.”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

18 responses to “Cover Snark (95): The One with the Deer Head”

  1. NOoooooooooooooooooooooooo why would they redesign Burn for Burn? I freaking love the original covers! Muted tones FTW. I was seriously planning on buying BfB in my next book order and now I has a sad because WHYYYYYYY *sobs* They won’t match at all. I’m so depressed right now.

    LOVE the Kresley Cole redesigns though. The original ones were so tacky and now it’s all TYPOGRAPHYGASM and PRETTY COLORS. So should I read this series?
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Nerd Problems #20: The Hype TrainMy Profile

  2. Lesley says:

    Ohhh, I am so angry. I want to break things. Why have they redesigned the Burn for Burn books? Whyyy? I will not buy the third one now. I just won’t. Or I’ll get it on kindle so it doesn’t matter. But I will be angry about it. That being said, I do actually like the new font treatment, but I want a matching set! Is that too much to ask for? I swear, publishers do this on purpose – it’s like a secret tax on people who want things that match and look nice together. They’re trying to make me buy all the new ones, even though I bought the first two in the original style. They’re trying to sell me five books instead of three.

    In other news, the paranoia is back.
    Lesley recently posted…FORGIVE ME, LEONARD PEACOCKMy Profile

  3. Cayce says:

    The Witch’s Boy – I don’t really read MG and that dog worries me, but YES, SO GORGEOUS.
    Perfected – dress cover at its new low 😀
    Better When He’s Bad – is he from Divergent??
    Leaving Time – *yawn*
    The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet – wow, didn’t know they are making out a book of this
    Revival – don’t care because NEW STEPHEN KING!!!

    WOW, all three WTFs are extremely WTF this week. (Esp. the first two)
    Cayce recently posted…Break up, make up or keep up?My Profile

  4. Kayla Beck says:

    2. I die.

    5. I won’t believe things she sees? Well, I believe that we’re about to see her who-ha.

    11. Maybe he’s a baxterd with a bit of a lisp.

    16. That would be the easiest way to get me to say no to a proposal.

    21. I think this is cover of the week for me.

    25. The aqua secret is that she gets to play peek-a-boo with mermaids!

    33. I wonder if I can make it a day without preordering this book. I somehow doubt it.

    40. Cyberman*

    CB1. I’d like the first one if the dude wasn’t on it. It’s pretty in person.

    CB2. This hardcover was fucking awful though.

    WTF1. I had this friend from Ireland once… Nevermind, I’m not going there.

    WTF2. This just made me laugh so fucking loud that people turned and stared at me.I want this as a poster on my wall. WTF GOLD!
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Blog Tour (Review & Giveaway): The Violet Hour by Whitney A. MillerMy Profile

  5. Bonnie says:

    6. She has the prettiest hair…
    7. Is it shitting on the White House or literally shitting the White House. That’s what it looks like to me. Lol
    8. hahaha That’s so random. Is she that protective of her dress? You could totally still grab that shit and pull it through the bars though.
    9. Seriously. Who thought white font was a good idea in this case.
    10. Love or the crown. Because naturally, you can’t have both. But serious, if you’re queen can you really give that shit up?
    11. hahahaha So his last name is Baxter. His nickname is Bax. He tattooed this on his back. *sigh* So ridiculous. Lol
    13. CRACK
    16. So. Does the bug want to kiss or kill her? I’m not sure I’d really prefer either option.
    18. I really don’t even understand what’s going on here.
    21. This is the best. Want.
    22. So. Are those supposed to be leaves… holding hands?
    30. I’m also skeptical of this but unable to resist.
    32. ARE THESE EVER GOING TO END???
    34. I didn’t know ‘Chinese Science Fiction’ was a thing.

    Cover Battles
    1. Yes, cover is much better. Now if only they could make the actual book better…
    4. Yeah, that’s tough but I kind of prefer the redesign too on this one. That R cutting her nose off looks strange in the original.

  6. The Witch’s Body definitely looks great.

    I also adore Pieces of Olivia because I LOVE FILTERS and I love the gradient and pink and purple! It’s totally my ideal girly cover.

    Since you made that comment on Oceanborn, I can’t unsee the sand-blinds. I kind of want some now for my room.

    Then Again Maybe I Won’t appeals to me because a) cool photography and b) FONTS!!!

    The deer head is weird but I think it grows on you…

    Anyway, great post as usual!
    P.E. @ The Sirenic Codex recently posted…Discussion: What’s Missing In YA?My Profile

  7. 5. The font really doesn’t match the creepy vibe they are going for. It looks more like title for a contemporary.
    9. That’s a special cover. The color for the font is not a best choice indeed, but it’s interesting to look at!
    16. Well, if it’s not a real bug I would take it. If it’s real I would freak out.
    17. Wow, stunning!
    36. I love it 🙂
    41. I like that they picked normal looking girls, but I don’t care for the cover at all.

    Endless knight, bad cover. Good job with redesigning. I’m all for the older covers of the Burn for burn series. The horrible covers, hahaha, author of ‘Why is the penis shaped like that’
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 240. Dan Wells – Ruins.My Profile

  8. 1. Well, if some people are into using ice in bed…

    4. Everything about this cover wins me. I LOVE IT.

    5. BUT WHAT IF SHE SEES THINGS IN HER HAIR? I saw a spider in my hair once. It was very traumatic.

    8. Gonna take the dress and leave the book. I WILL TAME THE DRESS.

    9. If they changed up the font color, I’d be really into this cover.

    10. This looks like she landed herself in the most festive jail in Florida.

    14. If I ever see an eye in my smoke, I’m burning it down. I don’t CARE if it’s impossible! I’ll figure it out!

    18. She got her groove back by taking each individual part and oiling it up, I guess. Except the oil is blood.

    24. OH SHIT, I JUST REMEMBERED. One of my friends told me about purple potatoes and now I want one so I can chop it up and make purple hash browns. I WILL HAVE A RAINBOW OF POTATO PRODUCTS.

    32. Damn, *I* would have done a better cat’s eye and I can barely do eyeliner and shit.

    39. That is approximately how much patriot water it takes to kill a man by making him so patriotic he does stupid shit that gets him shot. Women? Not sure what that much would do to them since no one studies women ever.

    1-2. I’m never going to read these books, but thank goodness for a redesign! SO much better. No creepy-ass knight guy.

    3-4, 41. Yeah, not a fan of the redesign. I didn’t like the covers much in the first place, but that filter really makes a difference.

  9. What is going on with her hair and those glasses in #4?
    ParnassusReads recently posted…Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer (Southern Reach Trilogy #1)My Profile

  10. Also, why does the wave have breasts in #36? WFT? Was that really necessary? The face looked somewhat androgynous in a Greek statue kind of way, which is cool, but then there are these two bumps midway through the wave that even get their own water spray. Am I the only one seeing this? It totally ruined that cover for me, which had been my favorite thus far.
    ParnassusReads recently posted…Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer (Southern Reach Trilogy #1)My Profile

  11. Gillian says:

    1. Stone Cold Touch is the least sexy romance novel name ever.

    5. SHE SEES HAIR. BAHAHAHAHA.

    14. I Wish the title font weren’t so shitty.

    17. GORGE-EOUS. YOU SO FUNNY. love the mountains, not enamored with the figures or their shadows.

    20. I was wondering what direction they’d go in for this cover. I like.

    21 BORDEN? AS IN LIZZIE BORDEN? AS IN BLOODY AXE COOL FONT SERIES PUN ALL THE YES???

    28. ELEANOR LAVISH QUOTAGE FOR THE WIN

    30. Yeah obviously I’m going to read this.

    36. OMG PRETTY WAVE PERSON PLUS MORE LEIGH BARDUGO OMG YES

    41. I WAS GOING TO SAY WHY DIDN’T THEY MAKE THEM ALL PASTELY AND WHATEVER LIKE THE REST but basically these bitches be fabulous and I love the fonts

    CB1. OMG. Soooo much better. Awesome fontage.

    CB2. Aaaaand they’ve ruined it. And Endless Knight is a stupid title. Also it makes me think of a knight with a very long penis, because my brain.

    CB3. Nooooo whyyyyy

    WTF1 AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHY IS THERE A SHEEP OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS OH MY GOD

    WTF2. WHAT THE FUCK. DEER GOD.

    WTF3. These people are on drugs.
    Gillian recently posted…Review: Death Sworn by Leah CypessMy Profile

  12. Angie F. says:

    2. This couple is everywhere! They are good looking, but they’re everywhere!

    6. haha, I didn’t even notice the dude because I was looking at her!

    18. I like it!

    Battles
    1-2. I don’t like either, but the paperback is more interesting.

    3-4. The Hardcovers are much better. I also don’t get the point of this redesign, since it’s they could have just added that filter over the third book…

    WTF
    1. Adorable sheep! Disturbing…everything else.

    2. Hahaha

    3. That is so wrong. 😀
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  13. 4. I want to like this because I enjoy geeky things and being geeky, but URGH they didn’t even bother making the die or the axe look like they belong…or that she’s holding the door in place.
    6. I can haz her clothes? O_O So jealous
    11. I saw this cover on a different post and started laughing. He has Bax on his back. *snorts*

    I’m so glad the Arcane books have new covers. I really hated that Spike look alike on the second. I’m not sure how I feel about the Burn for Burn books, I really like both…but not enough to be in love with them.

    I don’t understand the deer head…what does it have to do with anything. Is the daughter a weird deer mutant and the mother somehow didn’t freak the hell out when it was born? What is going on?!
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  14. 8 – I feel like they’re trying to pull off a MATCHED and failing.
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  15. Lyn Kaye says:

    9. Off-white, people – OFF WHITE. Make the font a different color than the background.
    11. Photoshopped tats make me want to cry. Seriously.
    16. For real – I laughed out loud at your comment.
    17. Fave this week! Love it!
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: Tin Star by Cecil CastellucciMy Profile

  16. 5. Augh, I HATE HATE HATE hair in the face covers. They make me feel all itchy and constricted.

    6. I love how it’s all “Heck yes, I’m a POC protag! And look behind me. BAH-BAM! POC FEMALE AUTHOR WHAT WHAT!”

    8. And is that really their idea of a perfect dress? A chintzy prom dress?

    10. Ugh, the eyes. No.

    12. Or it goes all CW where everyone else has to avenge/cover up for Ruby Rose and it becomes one long, drawn out soap opera.

    16. Ooh a bug! But what I want to know is who wants to kill her? The bug or whoever is shedding petals?

    21. YES YES YES YES

    22. Yawn.

    26. Audrey Hepburn? I am SO THERE.

    28. You fool. Clearly they mean lustful lilies!

    36. MOAR GRISHA FABLES YESSSSS. Oh, and the cover is pretty.

    40. Aw, you made a Who joke. I love you.
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  17. Sheila Hall says:

    Thank you for including our cover for FIRESIDE POPSICLES in your WTF section! I feel like we made the big time. lol

    Hauke Vagt, the cover artist, is truly gifted. You should see some of his other covers!

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