Cover Snark (92): All Praise Zombie Jesus

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Don’t Touch – Rachel M. Wilson
Don't Touch - Rachel M. Wilson
Thoughts: Do not touch the models. You also shouldn’t feed the models.

2. Feral – Holly Schindler
Feral - Holly Schindler
Thoughts: Human, the most dangerous game.

3. We Won’t Feel a Thing – J.C. Lillis
We Won't Feel a Thing - J.C. Lillis
Thoughts: Love apparently destroys your senses, so you won’t even feel the tsunami as it kills you.

4. The Queen of Zombie Hearts (White Rabbit Chronicles #3) – Gena Showalter
The Queen of Zombie Hearts (Alice in Zombieland #3) - Gena Showalter
Thoughts: At leas the makeup isn’t quite as heavy as the previous book, but I am still loling. The frame makes it look like her hands have been chopped off.

5. Love Lines (Wilmington Saga #1) – S. Walden
Love Lines (Wilmington Saga #1) - S. Walden
Thoughts: Because OCD is totally adorable. It’s cute little quirks. Ugh.

6. Boom! – Carolyn Jess-Cooke
Boom! - Carolyn Jess-Cooke
Thoughts: Fuck you, physics!

7. Face Time – S.J. Pajonas
Face Time - S.J. Pajonas
Thoughts: I volunteer to star in the kdrama version of this.

8. The Fall – Bethany Griffin
The Fall - Bethany Griffin
Thoughts: That tagline is win. It’s also fun how creepy this looks, even though she’s not doing anything. The font color and style doesn’t really seem to fit, but eh.

9. All Lined Up (Rusk University #1) – Cora Carmack
All Lined Up (Rusk University #1) - Cora Carmack
Thoughts: What is he sitting on? How is that comfortable? Snuggling on a tiny dorm bed is better than that.

10. Forbidden – Kimberley Griffiths Little
Forbidden - Kimberly Griffiths Little
Thoughts: EVERYTHING is forbidden? You breathed? DEAD. You released the breath you didn’t know you were holding? DOUBLE DEAD.

11. Red at Night – Katie McGarry
Red at Night - Katie McGarry
Thoughts: More Than Words, eh? I like how that song sounds all romantic but is basically pressuring her for sex. Combining that with Red at Night sounds like period sex and no.

12. The Girl with the Windup Heart (Steampunk Chronicles #4) – Kady Cross
The Girl with the Windup Heart – Kady Cross
Thoughts: The windup heart necklace IS pretty awesome, but I would prefer her dress. I’ll pass on the pleather half sleeve jacket thing.

13. Drift – M.K. Hutchins
Drift - M.K. Hutchins
Thoughts: Discworld minus the elephants. They did a real Pratchett job with this one.

14. No Place to Fall – Jaye Robin Brown
No Place to Fall - Jaye Robin Brown
Thoughts: Paper Towns 2: Electric Boogaloo, down to the tagline.

15. Ruin & Rising (Grisha Trilogy #3) – Leigh Bardugo
Ruin & Rising (Grisha Trilogy #3) - Leigh Bardugo
Thoughts: The transition from title into the phoenix makes it look like the title is Ruins & Rising. I’m also just not as in love with the phoenix’s design. The yellow and the sticky-outy feathers aren’t working for me. Still worlds better than most covers but hmm.

16. Even in Paradise – Chelsey Philpot
Even in Paradise - Chelsey Philpot
Thoughts: This must not be that serious of a party. I mean, I don’t see a single red Solo cup.

17. Undead with Benefits (Eat, Brains, Love #2) – Jeff Hart
Undead with Benefits - Jeff Hart
Thoughts: Full Fathom Five, this food fight naught shall survive.

18. Illusions of Fate – Kiersten White
Illusions of Fate - Kiersten White
Thoughts: What I get from this is that the fate determined by reading tea leaves is an illusion. The birds that come out of the cup are totally real though.

19. The Swap – Megan Shull
The Swap - Megan Shull
Thoughts: He’s always wanted to be able to wear yellow ballet flats. Men’s shoes simply don’t have the same flair.

20. Reap the Wind (Cassandra Palmer #7) – Karen Chance
Reap the Wind (Cassandra Palmer #7) - Karen Chance
Thoughts: Is she going to reap the wind so it will stop fucking with her hair? I can’t blame her.

21. Damsel Distressed – Kelsey Macke
Damsel Distressed - Kelsey Macke
Thoughts: I love that immensely fat bird. I wonder if it can even fly. So cute.

22. Party Games (Fear Street) – R.L. Stine
Party Games by R.L. Stine -- exclusive EW.com image
Thoughts: OH GOD, HE IS GOING TO POP THE BALLOONS AND THEY WILL MAKE LOUD NOISES. THE HORROR.

23. Invaded (Alienated #2) – Melissa Landers
Invaded (Alienated #2) - Melissa Landers
Thoughts: Well, that girl definitely doesn’t look like the same person. They’ve made his pony tail visible, but he still doesn’t have russet skin. Way to fix the non-racist inaccurate character detail.

24. Blackout (Talisman of El #2) – Alecia Stone
Blackout -Alecia Stone
Thoughts: The weird eye thing speaks a language? The question is whether it speaks English and knows how unimpressed I am, in which case I fear ending up another chalk outline.

25. I’ll Give You the Sun – Jandy Nelson
I'll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson
Thoughts: Clearly, this is something that was said by a toddler as they proffered their latest art class masterpiece. Gee, thanks.

26. Follow Me Through the Darkness (The Boundless Trilogy #1) – Danielle Ellison
Follow Me Through the Darkness - Danielle Ellison
Thoughts: Looks like they made a friendship necklace out of their faces. Can you imagine if the person who was dating you was like “Here! I got you necklaces with our faces. We are only complete together.” I do like the rest of the cover though.

27. You Are Here – Liz Fichera
You Are Here - Liz Fichera
Thoughts: This book is so knowledgable about my current location: I am in fact here looking at the cover. STALKER BOOK.

28. Divergent Thinking: YA Authors on Veronica Roth’s Divergent Trilogy – Leah Wilson, ed.
Divergent Thinking YA Authors on Veronica Roth's Divergent Trilogy
Thoughts: Oooh, is this going to clear up all those questions of genetics? Hit me with your best shot, authors!

29. Gathering Darkness (Falling Kingdoms #3) – Morgan Rhodes
Gathering Darkness (Falling Kingdoms #3) - Morgan Rhodes
Thoughts: The dark cannot gather fast enough for this person. Much easy to slaughter folks when they can’t see you coming. Although that ground does look like it might be tricksy to traverse without light. Hope he or she brought night vision goggles.

30. Dark Sacrifice (Dark Paradise #2) – Angie Sandro
Dark Sacrifice - Angie Sandro
Thoughts: Dew you like this cover? Me, I can take it or leaf it.

31. Remember Jamie Baker – Kelly Oram
Remember Jamie Baker - Kelly Oram
Thoughts: Remember Jamie Baker or she will NEVER. STOP. STARING. AT. YOU. Leave me alone, Liv Tyler lookalike. *runs*

32. Exposing Alix – Inara Scott
Exposing Alix - Inara Scott
Thoughts: Genital surprises are never good.

33. Mortal Heart (His Fair Assassin, #3) – Robin LaFevers
Mortal Heart (His Fair Assassin, #3) - Robin LaFevers
Thoughts: “Because love is stronger than death” *dies of cheese* And apparently book three is about Legolas’ sister, which is pretty neat.

34. The Appetite of Girls – Pam Moses
The Appetite of Girls - Pam Moses
Thoughts: I hope she’s hungry for lipstick, because that seems to be her only option without eating herself at this point.

35. Dreams in Her Head (Sparkstone Saga #2) – Clare C. Marshall
Dreams in Her Head (Sparkstone Saga #2) - Clare C. Marshall
Thoughts: Where ELSE would the dreams happen? In her elbow? Her sternum? Her vagina?

36. Absent Enemies (Star Trek: Titan) – John Jackson Miller
Absent Enemies - John Jackson Miller
Thoughts: For a moment I thought Titan A.E. had launched an expanded universe. I was confused.

37. Die and Stay Dead – Nicholas Kaufmann
Die and Stay Dead - Nicholas Kaufmann
Thoughts: It is the WORST in sci fi and fantasy when motherfuckers won’t just stay dead. I killed you once. You’re done. Time up. Good day, sir.

38. Who Wants to Marry a Doctor? – Abigail Sharpe
Who Wants To Marry A Doctor - Abigail Sharpe
Thoughts: Who can resist those booties?

39. Darling Beast (Maiden Lane #7) – Elizabeth Hoyt
Darling Beast (Maiden Lane #7) - Elizabeth Hoyt
Thoughts: She is obviously feeling up the beast. Way to go, gurrrrl.

40. Rain Reign – Ann M. Martin
Rain Reign - Ann M. Martin
Thoughts: Apparently this is about autism, so I’m guessing the Rain Man connection is intentional? Also, why is this not about Claudia being a badass fashion designer. Or is that just my dream being crushed?

41. The Waltz (Say it with Sequins) – Georgia Hill
The Waltz (Say it with Sequins) - Georgia Hill
Thoughts: BALLROOM DANCE ROMANCE. The sequiny effects are awful, but how much do I want this to be Strictly Ballroom? SO MUCH.

42. OMG I’m in Love with a Geek – Rae Earl
OMG I'm in Love with a Geek - Rae Earl
Thoughts: This is rather like the Holly Smale covers, only without a face. I dig it.

43. Chasing the Green Fairy (The Airship Racing Chronicles #2) – Melanie Karsak
Chasing the Green Fairy (The Airship Racing Chronicles #2) - Melanie Karsak
Thoughts: Damn, this series continues to show that there is no reason for self-published books to not look fantastic. Props.

44. Silk & Scorn (Silk #2) – Cassandra Dean
Silk & Scorn (Silk Series #2) - Cassandra Dean
Thoughts: The cover didn’t do anything for me, but the title made me snerk.

45. Not Your Average Happy Endings – Chantele Sedgwick
Not Your Average Happy Endings - Chantele Sedgwick
Thoughts: YOU CANNOT HIDE THOSE STUPID WINGS FROM ME. I’m guessing the ending isn’t happy because he tries to fly, but he dies because his wings are stupid and cannot remotely support his weight.

46. Dead Zone (Blackout #2) – Robison Wells
Dead Zone (Blackout #2) - Robison Wells
Thoughts: Red splosion this time.

47. Starfire (The Guardian Herd #1) – Jennifer Lynn Alvarez
Starfire (Guardian Hero) - Jennifer Lynn Alvarez
Thoughts: I WANT THIS BECAUSE OF REASONS.

48. Gambit (The Prodigy Chronicles #1) – C.L. Denault
Gambit - C.L. Denault
Thoughts: Not sure why there’s a butterfly on the handle of this dagger, but it does look awesome.

49. Flirty Dancing – Jenny McLachlan
Flirty Dancing - Jenny McLachlan
Thoughts: Book, Mean Girls comparisons are not taken lightly. I hope you’re ready for this.

50. Unmade (The Lynburn Legacy #3) – Sarah Rees Brennan
Unmade (The Lynburn Legacy #3) - Sarah Rees Brennan
Thoughts: This looks like a C.C. Hunter cover. I would like to repeat how much better the original cover style was.

51. Entranced (Guardian Academy #1) – Jessica Sorensen
Entranced (Guardian Academy #1) - Jessica Sorensen
Thoughts: Bahaha, this is clearly set in the 90s/2000s with the stomach-baring shirt and higher than the belly button pants.

52. Fall of Heroes (Cloak Society) – Jeremy Kraatz
Fall of Heroes (The Cloak Society #3) - Jeremy Kraatz
Thoughts: Full Fathom Five, no one makes it out of this book alive.

53. The 8th Continent – Matt London
The 8th Continent - Matt London
Thoughts: Those birds (I’m taking an intellectual leap and assuming that since they’re flying they’re birds) are terrifying. If I’m building my continent, I’d rather it didn’t have purple blob birds and constant lightning attacks.

54. Damnation (Theirs Not to Reason Why #4) – Jean Johnson
Damnation (Theirs Not to Reason Why) - Jean Johnson
Thoughts: Those are some intense-looking guns, though I initially thought those were her mech-hands. And I like how she’s not busting out of a bustier.

55. The Lady ParaNorma – Vincent Marcone
The Lady ParaNorma - Vincent Marcone
Thoughts: That is awesome. Cardinals don’t usually get to be the fantasy bird, but they’re pretty badass. Take that crows, rooks and ravens!

56. Zodiac – Romina Russell
Zodiac - Romina Russell
Thoughts: How about with a long-range weapon, like a gun or crossbow?

57. Return of the Ascendant – Raine Thomas
Return of the Ascendant - Raine Thomas
Thoughts: Ew, if a guy wants to RULE your heart, RUN RUN RUN in the other direction.

58. The Silkworm – Robert GalbraithThe Silkworm – Robert Galbraith
The Silkworm by J.K. Rowling
Thoughts: Hmmm, the title font is interesting, presumably it looks like silk threads, but I am shockingly not an expert on silk threads. I do like the colors, and it’s pretty interesting for a mystery cover.

59. The Ring of Morgana (The Children of Camelot #1) – Donna Hosie
The Ring of Morgana (The Children of Camelot #1) - Donna Hosie
Thoughts: FAKE-ASS EYE COLOR. GREEN PUPILS. NO TO THAT.

60. Blackfin Sky – Kat Ellis
Blackfin Sky - Kat Ellis
Thoughts: This is pretty cool. Though I am curious what the fingers are pointing at. Is that a worm? Or what?

61. Rebels: City of Indra (The Story of Lex and Livia #1) – Kendall & Kylie Jenner
Rebels City of Indra - Kendall & Kylie Jenner
Thoughts: Well, I took a guess at what’s the title and what’s the series, but Goodreads said something else, and honestly I have no fucks to give. Basically, this looks like a couple of other celebrities (I’ve been informed that’s what they are) came along to finish what Tyra started.

62. Noma Girl – Elizabeth Fama
Noma Girl - Elizabeth Fama
Thoughts: Well, as is usual with tor.com covers, the art is gorgeous, but I am weirded out by how much the girl looks like someone I went to college with. Also, looking at the nose rain makes my nose feel sympathy pains.

Cover Battles:

1. Magic City: Recent Spells – Paula Guran, ed.

Magic City Recent Spells - Paula Guran, ed.
Magic City Recent Spells - Paula Guran, ed.

Take 1 vs. Take 2: Neither’s stunningly original, but the second attempt looks much more professional. Good work, I say.

2. I Am the Mission (The Unknown Assassin #2) – Allen Zadoff

The Lost Mission – Allen Zadoff
I Am the Mission (The Unknown Assassin #2) - Allen Zadoff

Take 1 vs. Take 2: And I am the walrus. A walrus who would like to undo this redesign. The colors on the original were so much better.

3. The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #1) – Rick Riordan

The Lighting Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #1)
The Lighting Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #1) - Rick Riordan

Original vs. Redesign: Hmmm, as much as the concept is really similar only much shinier, I prefer the original look I think. I like the simplicity of it, and I like that Percy is not standing on his dad’s head; the original seems more empowering.

4. The Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #2) – Rick Riordan

The Sea of Monsters
The Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #2) - Rick Riordan

Original vs. Redesign: Okay on this one, I’m definitely going for the shiny redesign. I like the addition of scylla and charibdys in a much more visible form.

5. The Titan’s Curse (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #3) – Rick Riordan

The Titan's Curse
The Titan's Curse (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #3) - Rick Riordan

Original vs. Redesign: So, The Titan’s Curse cover is probably my favorite of the Riordan covers. I love the shades of blue and purple so much. The new one’s a big step down in my opinion.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

WTF of the Week is still on hold until there aren’t more than 60 covers, but one current release simply DEMANDED to be featured here.

1. Lailah (The Styclar Saga #1) – Nikki Kelly
Lailah - Nikki Kelly
Thoughts: SHE HAS A HALO AROUND HER HEAD, AND A LIGHT SHINING FROM HEAVEN AND ZOMBIE HANDS ARE WORSHIPING HER.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

No Place to Fall

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

No Place to Fall - Jaye Robin Brown

Today, welcome Kara (Great Imaginations), who has selected No Place to Fall by Jaye Robin Brown. Here’s why:

“You are right. It DOES look like Paper Towns. But I really love the hell out of the colors and typography. And that lollipop is adorable. I want to EAT it. The whole cover stands out and pops and catches my eye.”

To learn more or purchase:Goodreads|Amazon|TBD

26 responses to “Cover Snark (92): All Praise Zombie Jesus”

  1. Ellis says:

    6. Did she fart? Did that fart backfire? Is that backfiring fart the reason her hair is all over the place?

    11. Alex Pettyfer is that you? Why you always have to be in the creepiest things?

    Note how I’m apparently in a very questioning mood today. What is life? What is air?

    12. Bolero. The word you’re looking for is bolero.

    15. Paper Towns 2 with the My Life Next Door tagline, take 2.

    17. They need to stop it with the ketchup covers. Those are freaking me out way more than actual blood on covers.

    28. Don’t forget the questions about the creepy Dauntless train, because for serious, who rides that fucking thing just so that the black-wearing mofos of this society can hop on when they please? It is the biggest mystery. See, even the cover hints that this will be resolved.

    34. Somehow the background isn’t working with Big L’s sis, which is what’s really bothering me here.

    50. Um. This doesn’t fit the previous covers? Like, at all? (Questioning design choices here.) The only giveaway is the title font but I’m having a confused and I don’t like it.

    61. NO. OH MY GOD NO. KRIS JENNER STOP THIS FUCKING MADNESS ALREADY. The Baby Kardashians be writing books now. *headdesk* *headwindow* *headskyscraper*

    “I am the walrus.” I am d y i n g.
    Ellis recently posted…Review: The Last Best Kiss by Claire LaZebnikMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      6. I have no idea how the mechanics of that could possibly happen, but then again that’s the point of the cover, so…

      11. Not enough cheekbones.

      lol life. Obviously.

      12. IS THAT WHAT A BOLERO JACKET IS? I NEVER KNEW.

      15. I am puzzled. My Life Next Door doesn’t have a tagline.

      17. Hahahaha.

      28. That train must use up so much energy since it’s constantly running. And how is always coming just as they need to go somewhere. Do they push a button to activate it as they get close?

      34. HUH?

      50. I expect less than nothing from them after redesigning a good cover into a terrible cover, so I don’t give any fucks.

      I am the eggman.

  2. When I was 13, I bought a book just because the girl on the cover had impossibly green eyes.
    Lenore Appelhans recently posted…I Have A Serious Series ProblemMy Profile

  3. 4. I’m not so sure what they want to achieve with these covers.. The first one was cool, but after that they are a bit meh.
    8. I like the creepy vibe. I’m also not a fan of the font.
    9. I think he’s just sitting on the floor? On the football field.
    10. The swirls on the left are pretty.
    12. Pretty girl, her red hair looks great against the blue.
    13. Cool, I like turtles.
    15. I LOVE IT.
    18. It does work for me.
    33. Don’t mind the cliché tagline, I’m freaking excited for this book 😀
    43. Very cool, especially for a self-published book!
    48. Cool. It doesn’t make much sense, I agree, but I’d buy it.
    55. Reminds me of something that would work with Neil Gaiman’s stories.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Early Review 235. Anthology Grim.My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      4. The first one was fine. The second one looked like a sequel to the movie White Chicks, and this one’s kind of like the Once Upon a time red queen as Alice. Just why? Especially since it’s not fucking like Alice in Wonderland at all.

      8. The font’s not implicitly terrible, but it just super doesn’t fit at all.

      9. Oh, that’s the painted line. But the football’s sitting on something? The perspective is all weird. Where is her ARM?

      10. I like swirls. Usually.

      13. The turtle’s pretty cool.

      33. I am also absurdly excited for the book, but I try to separate that out from the cover.

      55. It is very Wolves in the Walls. Or the Ness book about cancer.

  4. Kayla Beck says:

    4. Is it just me or are her boobs really weird?

    22. I almost don’t want to admit how excited I am about a new Fear Street novel. I know I’m not 12 anymore, but… *makes grabby hands*

    23. Where did the cute ginger girl go?!

    26. If they got rid of the faces/weird moon, it would be a cool cover. If there was an island, I’d think of Lost.

    32. Dear Tagline, I think you know exactly what’ll be seen if someone is wearing white in the water.

    33. The more I look at it, the more I like it. I love that she’s not classically beautiful, but she looks hungry.

    36. I would not be opposed to Titan A.E. launching an expanded universe.

    47. I needed this book in my life 20 years ago.

    59. Hey, at least they aren’t violet.

    WTF1. This just makes me uncomfortable.
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Cover Reveal (Excerpt & Giveaway): Honor Among Orcs by Amalia DillinMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      4. Fairly certain it’s just the ruffles/time period on the dress. History’s done some weird things to boobs and butts.

      22. His adult novels were hilaribad, so I wonder if his YA will still be good.

      23. Apparently the alien planet sucks the life out of her hair.

      26. I like that there’s not an island, because yuck LOST. But the face moon is unfortunate.

      32. Hahahaha, especially without a bra.

      33. She reminds me of the blonde on the Office which is confusing to my feels.

      47. No kidding. I bought anything with a horse/pegasus/unicorn. And by I, I mean my parents bought them for me if I whined enough.

      59. They’d be equally fake.

      • Kayla Beck says:

        4. The side-boob sag is just killing me. It’s a fear of mine that causes me to buy very expensive bras. Thank goodness I wasn’t born 100 years ago!

        22. Superstitions scared the crap out of me, but I’m hoping that the new stuff is still campy/creepy/cool.

        23. *makes note to self to never take her ginger locks to L’eihr*

        47. You should see my old bedroom. All of my over-the-top unicorn and pegasus posters from the 80s are still framed and hanging on the wall. I’m amazed that I didn’t grow up to work at Disney as a princess.
        Kayla Beck recently posted…Review: Ask Again Later by Liz CzukasMy Profile

  5. Judith says:

    1. I do like the tagline. It hints at insanity. I like insanity.

    2. Oh look, it’s a YA cover in its natural habitat.

    4. Also known as The Trainwreck Cover Chronicles.

    6. Looks familiar.

    9. No. Just no.

    14. A manicpixiedreamgirl. A dream of a book without cardboard characters. A choice to skip this book.

    15. Now I can never unsee the S. Also, this is my least favorite of the three, but still one of my all-time favorite covers ever.

    16. If this is paradise, I say no thank you.

    21. The bird is awesome. This has the potential to be really pretty irl.

    22. See, I knew parties were scary.

    27. They should obviously have done the map with an arrow and “you are here”. It doesn’t take that much imagination.

    30. *snorts*

    31. Photoshop is fucking creepy dude. Get it away from me.

    33. LEGOLAS AND SIS SIBLING STORY AW YESSSS.

    34. At least it’s not about starving models. Or is it.

    37. DAMN YOU, ZOMBIES.

    38. It doesn’t look like she’s about to marry him…..

    43. Wow, never would have thought this was self-pub. Pretty pretty.

    45. His wings are very manly. *snorts*

    50. I will never get over these redesigns, and I haven’t even read the series yet.

    53. Those birds look like little demonic flying babies. No thanks.

    CB 3. The second weirds me out tbh. My favorite is actually the Dutch one which is really pretty irl. However, the first best describes the series.

    CB 4. I suppose a giant fucking face is better than a giant fucking eye, but eh. The second for the colors.

    CB 5. That horse (oh my god I forgot the mythological term I suck at life) looks uncomfortable.

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Yeah, I actually really like this cover. The font color! The gloves! I am intrigued. And I also love insanity books.

      4. seriously. The first was fine, but oy.

      6. The concept is the same, yeah. The chair is a nice touch. But all the font needs to go.

      9. Isn’t it terrible? He kinda looks like Jim Carrey. And she has no arm. Which would be cool if I thought the character actually was missing a limb.

      14. Bahahaha.

      15. Same. It’s also my least favorite of the three by a lot, but it’s still a really good cover in the grand scheme of covers.

      16. I mean, I would like to go to there, but preferably not with them.

      21. The white bits need to be shiny and raised.

      22. BALLOON-POPPING. NO ONE WANTS THIS. And, ugh, cleaning up after.

      27. It also kind of looks like a middle grade. I don’t see teens dressed like this.

      30. Even her outfit is straight up LOTR elf. And her hair. SHE IS AN ELF.

      38. Obviously not. The cover’s asking if YOU want to marry him, so he’s obviously not married to her.

      50. Same. I’m less interested in the series because they did this to it.

      3. Hmmm, yeah, it’s not grabbing me online, but sometimes in person makes a huge difference. I just didn’t want to compare eight million covers. haha.

      4. Agreed. And on the reveal, some smartass was all “but the cyclops wasn’t actually that big.” So at least the new one is more in scale.

      5. PEGASUSSSSSSS.

  6. Gillian says:

    3. That umbrella’s really not gonna help you.

    5. TIC. HER HEART TIC. AAAARRRGH.

    11. Period Sex. The Red Light District. Unintentional dirtiness.

    15. I’m not in love with the phoenix design, or the shape of the R, but we’re grading in comparison to the other series covers, which are SO stellar. I’m sure it’ll be really striking in person.

    17. EWWWWWWW.

    18. Ugh it’s so pretty I wants it I must have it arrrgh

    23. Yeah. Different girl. Still not a russet skinned dude. And why is the cover all “NOT FINAL!!!!!” when they had a big reveal this week?

    24. The uniboob speaks a language?

    26. This would be more effective if they made the split circle look more like the moon. It’s a neat cover besides that, though.

    29. IT’S MAGENTA.

    33. Hey, the more Legolas in this world, the happier I am.

    35. I have dreams in my nostrils. Oh, and in my phalanges.

    37. I SAID GOOD DAY.

    40. IF THAT DOG DIES…

    41. I LOVE STRICTLY BALLROOM IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME I JUST WANT TO DO MY OWN STEPS

    43. THAT’S AMAZING and also a little bit about absinthe probably

    45. THOSE WINGS. THAT SASS. I DIE.

    48. Ooooo.

    49. Also, you reference Dirty Dancing, I expect big things. BIG THINGS, YA HEAR ME?

    50. *WEEPS ANEW OVER THIS COVER REDESIGN* *DROWNS IN TEARS* Also why the fuck is she at a beach, this is set in a village in the Cotswolds, not Nantucket.

    53. I was all set to like this in a sort of cheesy way until I saw those GODS-CURSED ABOMINATIONS FLAPPING THROUGH THE SKY WITH THE DEVIL IN THEIR EYES.

    54. That tagline is so grammatically wonky i don’t even know what to say.

    56. Drones. Duh.

    58. Lul. “Robert Galbraith.” The title looks more like chalk. It goes with the first in a nice way, I think.

    59. Whoever colored her eye all fake-ass green went over the pupil. LUL.

    60. OOOOO!

    61. NOOOOOO.

    I’m not even sure if I like the new PJ covers more than the old. I just know I must have them. I think I do like the new SoM cover. I agree that The Titan’s Curse is my FAVE of the original covers. THE BLUE WITH THE GOLD FONT. I do like the epicness of the new cover, though. But it looks a little bare compared to the other new ones.

    Is that a lollipop? Pretty sure it’s a pin.
    Gillian recently posted…Mortal Heart by Robin LaFevers Cover Reveal and ARC Giveaway!My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I didn’t think you were awake today, but you must be doing actual life things. I don’t even know this Gillian.

      3. Love will, though. It’s a numbing sensation. You’re mobile but essentially catatonic.

      5. NERD RAAAAAAGE.

      11. The nice autumn background that HOLD ON is that a graveyard? WHAT THE FUCK. And her hair is purple? Huh.

      15. In person has shiny effects, but it’s always going to be my least favorite, I think. The phoenix looks too much like a chicken.

      18. I know. I wish it weren’t a White book. Her stuff usually doesn’t work for me, but that COVERRRRR.

      23. I think they finally got a final one out there, but they gave YABC this to reveal, which fail. And yeah, he’s tan, but tan doesn’t mean non-white.

      24. OH MY NO.

      26. Yeah, general consensus is good minus face moon.

      29. IS MAGENTA GOOD OR BAD?

      40. Hopefully not since it’s about autism, but anything feels ruining puts the dog in peril.

      41. YOU WOULD LOVE THAT MOVIE BECAUSE YOU HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE.

      43. Probably so. :-p

      49. Basically, this is on my to-read list, and I want to be wowed. NO SPAGHETTI ARMS, BOOK, OR I’LL BE ALL BOO YOU WHORE.

      50. It is the WORST. Also, I didn’t know about the setting and now I am loling.

      53. WHAT ARE THOSE BARNEY BIRDS?

      54. It’s actually the series title.

      I was thinking I would retry Percy on audio, but I kind of want to buy Titan’s Curse, because I’d never noticed how pretty it was. Maybe I’ll love it this time.

  7. 1. She’ll break if you touch her? Lady, might I suggest calcium supplements?

    4. Yeesh, isn’t this YA? How old is she supposed to be?

    6. I kinda like this. Not sure why, but I do.

    8. FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER!!! FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!

    9. Ew, he’s old, too. What is with all these old people?

    12. WOW that dress. Also, her makeup is lovely. Bravo, cover people.

    13. Oh my word, it’s Aladdin 3!

    14. This is adorable. Also, it looks like it’s set in the South! Yesssss.

    15. I like the way the covers in the series transition from black to red. Very violent. I approve.

    16. Even in Paradise, guys wear dorky rolled up khakis…

    17. Zombie sex? Ew ew ew ew ew.

    18. Oh I like this. It’s pretty and different, and I have a softness for black birds and tea cups.

    32. I feel very uncomfortable now.

    46. Why does it HAVE to say “Sequel to Blackout” at the top? Just give it a dang series name and be done with it.

    47. It’s a Blackjack spinoff novel! (I wish. Gillian would die.)

    CB2. Ku Ku Kachu
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Interview with Danielle Jensen, Author of STOLEN SONGBIRDMy Profile

  8. 1. Hahahaha I feel like she’s hugging herself from the way the hands are

    3. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA THE TSUNAMI THAT KILLS YOU

    4. I feel like her hair is way too big for her face

    6. I started hysterically laughing at the cover because a) it reminds me of Myra McEntire’s covers, and b) the BOOM! at the bottom in a brown box is so horrible that it makes me feel like she falls off the chair onto a bomb and explodes

    9. It looks like the two models were really badly Photoshopped onto some kind of hay bale?? Wait that’s a football field

    13. This is totally that Avatar: The Last Airbender episode where Aang wanders into the water while sleepwalking, ends up on an island, and realizes the island is actually a giant swimming turtle with a forest for a back!

    14. i WAS LITERALLY THINKING THE SAME THING TOTAL PAPER TOWNS

    16. The guy spinning the girl looks really bored/tortured, and what are they even standing on? That must be hard to twirl in

    21. I really love that immensely fat bird, too

    28. Haha I remember how you didn’t like the Divergent series, so finger’s crossed it’ll clear up all the world-building issues!

    29. It looks like the cave she’s standing in is a cutout of a heart lol

    35. She’s about to cry because she was dreaming about a really great round of sex and she just woke up

    38. HAHAHAHA IT DOESN’T EVEN LOOK LIKE THEY’RE STANDING IN NEXT TO EACH OTHER

    40. The cover kinda reminds me of the original cover of Maybe One Day, but I really love the idea of autism

    48. Definitely agree, loving the butterfly wings because they’re so deteriorated

    59. OMG I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE THE PUPIL my life is over

    61. Heh heh. Heh heh. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE I literally can’t imagine them writing a dystopian book like I’m kind of scared on what it’ll even be like. But I do like the cover because of the watercolor eye

    WTF: Ooh that’s, uh, interesting

    Fantastic post, Christina! <33
    Eileen @ Singing and Reading in the Rain recently posted…The Cellar by Natasha PrestonMy Profile

  9. Annie says:

    10. I love your Double Dead comment! But also I think the cover is pretty.

    And I love Strictly Ballroom!
    Annie recently posted…pantser or plotterMy Profile

  10. Thanks for making me laugh *loudly* in a very quiet and crowded atmosphere. Much appreciated 😉

    #5 – really?? “tic” THAT’S what they go for? Ughhh is right.
    #6 – Seriously. Laughing so hard right now
    #7 – Someone call me when FaceTime quality is actually that high of a resolution. Then we’ll talk
    #13 – Drift is going on my wish list right now. Beautiful cover, and the story is really interesting!
    #23 – Funny thing – Aelyx doesn’t even have a ponytail anymore at the end of Alienated. A bit too late there I think
    #30 – So punny xD
    #37 – Once again, I’ve burst my spleen while trying to hold in the laughter
    #43 – Self-published? Dang. I’m just gonna slow clap it out
    #48 – Looks freaking deadly. Can I have the dagger?
    #59 – Where did her pupil go?
    #61 – Are you kidding me. They wrote a book. Thank god Ragnarok is supposed to happen next week
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…I Have a Confession About Kindles, Ereaders, and Phone AppsMy Profile

  11. Angie says:

    1. NEVER FEED THE MODELS. THEY ARE WORSE THAN GREMLINS.

    4. These covers keep getting worse and worse. The first one was pretty because you know, pretty dress cover, but then the faces on the next two got seriously creepy.

    12. Can we please just find a way to bring back the wearing of ridiculous, gorgeous, fancy dresses? They need to make a comeback.

    14. I seriously though Paper Towns rip off before I even saw your comment. Awesome.

    15. I didn’t even see the transition thing turning it into Ruins until now, but now it cannot be unseen. I still love it though. It’s just so pretty and red.

    55. Yes for creepy covers, unique covers. Love it.

    58. I actually really love the font and I want it. Plus colors.

    ~I am so, so excited for the Percy Jackson redesigns, mostly because they are so pretty color wise.
    Angie recently posted…That Time I Went to Seattle to Meet Two of My Favorite People + GiveawayMy Profile

  12. Isabel says:

    How the heck did I miss so many of these cover reveals! I’ve been stalking the internet for them and never saw them revealed!
    Isabel recently posted…Trailer Reveal: Soul Betrayed by Katlyn DuncanMy Profile

  13. Blrrrrrg. It’s been one of those weeks.

    2. I was thinking acid, honestly. That camera looks like it’s having a blue-tinted acid trip and probably thinks it’s being hunted. Or maybe it’s the hunter. Who knows? It might be both, it’s tripping so hard!

    4. What the hell is wrong with her hair?

    9. I remember having hair like hers once. It was hell to maintain and I had to get it dyed again every month, but I kinda miss it.

    10. This looks like a romance novel I’d find in the paperback section, not a YA book.

    12. I’ll take all of it! We can have a staredown at bookish prom because we’re both wearing the same thing.

    16. For some reason, this cover really gets to me. It’s like they’re all happy being friends and playing around on the beach, so before you even read the tagline, you know shit is going down.

    22. Did you say LOUD NOISES? I LOVE LOUD NOISES. (I actually hate them, but unintended reference to Sailor Moon Abridged makes me happy.)

    23. I like it, but yeah, the whitewashing needs to be fixed something fierce. Do they need me to go Caps Lock on them like I did on the Shadow Falls After Dark books? Probably, but me going Caps Lock did nothing, so whatever.

    33. I like it, but her hair is weird.

    34. The appetites of girls vary. My friend eats almost nothing. I eat as much as I can of whatever I’m eating because bottomless pit stomach.

    37. If this book isn’t comedic, then a great opportunity has been lost.

    38. I’ve been spending way too much time with my friends because I thought Doctor Who first.

    43. THAT CLOCKWORK FAIRY. I– I CAN’T.

    46. …That’s not a fountain of blood resulting from the spontaneous explosion of a group of teenagers?

    50. Nah man, this is a knockoff of the cover to Sacred by Elana K. Arnold. It just zooms in more.

    61. I THOUGHT THE SAME THING. Apparently, eye covers are all the rage when you have celebrity YA books.

    1. I agree! So much better.

    1. THOSE GOD DAMN WATTPAD BOOKS. It’s hard to believe this design is coming from Feiwel & Friends.

  14. Angie F. says:

    4. Love the pink! Otherwise…no.

    8. *scared*

    11. Ew, thanks for that.

    13. That is so cute!

    21. Cute!

    22. I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS. And I have a very real fear of red balloons popping…

    23. WANT NOW!

    30. That leaf…so random.

    42. Love!

    43. Love again! And the title makes me think of Moulin Rouge.

    49. Adorable, but Mean Girls is the best, so this book better be great.

    Battles
    1. Take 2!

    WTF.
    I miss them! THis one isn’t THAT bad, but it does look like some campy b-horror.
    Angie F. recently posted…Review: The Secret Diamond Sisters (The Secret Diamond Sisters, #1) by Michelle MadowMy Profile

  15. […] Well Do You Know Your Hardcovers? Cover Snark 92 on A Reader of Fictions, and Kara picks the cover of the week.  Have a good week, […]

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