Cover Snark (86): The One Where Polls Make a Comeback

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. How to Outrun a Crocodile When Your Shoes Are Untied – Jess Keating
How to Outrun a Crocodile When Your Shoes Are Untied - Jess Keating
Thoughts: Take long enough steps that you don’t step on the laces. Doesn’t seem that complicated. I would also recommend climbing something.

2. Trust Me, I’m Lying – Mary Elizabeth Summer
Trust Me, I'm Lying - Mary Elizabeth Summer
Thoughts: Look at the gun necklace! It’s far more adorable than it has any right to be. Trusting her is one of the classic blunders, even if she does have good taste in jewelry.

3. Totem – Jennifer Maruno
Totem - Jennifer Maruno
Thoughts: Even the cover is unimpressed with itself.

4. Heavyweight – MB Mulhall
Heavyweight - MB Mulhall
Thoughts: That guy doesn’t really look like he weighs 220 pounds to me. Maybe he and the scale are both VERY tall.

5. All Good Things (The Good Life #0.5) – Jodie Beau
All Good Things By Jodie Beau
Thoughts: Is it just me or do his feet look like they’re transparent? Is he turning into a ghost before our eyes?

6. Dark Days – Kate Ormand
Dark Days - Kate Ormand
Thoughts: This looks like a placeholder cover. The Clock Is Ticking until the cover reveal!

7. Shaman Rises (Walker Papers #9) – C.E. Murphy
Shaman Rises (Walker Papers #9) by C.E. Murphy
Thoughts: Looks like the shaman’s already up.

8. The Hunt (Project Paper Doll #2) – Stacey Kade
The Hunt (Project Paper Doll, #2) by Stacey Kade
Thoughts: Dear tagline, I cannot read you. Though, all things considered, maybe this is for the best.

9. Alliance (Paradise Reclaimed #3) – Aubrie Dionne
Alliance (Paradise Reclaimed #3) - Aubrie Dionne
Thoughts: That’ll teach you to cheat on a witch. Enjoy an eternity as a head in a crystal ball.

10. Gilded – Christina Farley
Gilded - Christina Farley
Thoughts: Okay, this isn’t really selling the Korean setting, but the magic bird is pretty. I still wish it stood apart from European-based stuff, though. Instead it’s sort of generic fantasy. Oh well.

11. The Vampires of Manhattan (Vampires of Manhattan #1) – Melissa de la Cruz
The Vampires of Manhattan - Melissa de la Cruz
Thoughts: Okay, I’m supposed to be snarking the cover, which, DON’T BLINK, but I happened to see the blurb while I was grabbing the link and apparently this is part of a new genre: HIPSTER HORROR. BRB, DYING. OF LAUGHING. CRAUGHING.

12. The Lost Mission (Boy Nobody #2) – Allen Zadoff
The Lost Mission – Allen Zadoff
Thoughts: And here I was thinking one of those dudes was going to be the first casualty. Ah well.

13. Rivals in the City (The Agency #4) – Y.S. Lee
Rivals in the City (The Agency #4) - Y.S. Lee
Thoughts: Mrs. Peacock on the steps with a parasol.

14. The Given (Celestial Blues # 3) – Vicki Pettersson
The Given (Celestial Blues # 3) by Vicki Pettersson
Thoughts: These could not look more like paranormal Mad Men. Even the gender dynamics are perfect. Only, I guess the guy should be holding a tumbler of whiskey instead of a gun.

15. Witch Hunt (Witch Finder #2) – Ruth Warburton
Witch Hunt by Ruth Warburton
Thoughts: Though the pink’s a bit overwhelming, I love the illustrations on this, and the way they all seem to be going for an attack.

16. The Star Thief (Star Thief Chronicles #1) – Jamie Grey
The Star Thief - Jamie Grey
Thoughts: I can hear her mother now: “how many times do I have to tell you to brush your hair before you go to photo shoots?!? Also, thieving is wrong. And why are you in a ring? Did you run off to join some kind of weird circus?””

17. Love, in English – Karina Halle
Love, in English - Karina Halle
Thoughts: Apparently the way English speakers convey love is with hair flips. Heavy metal is so much deeper now that I understand this.

18. Deceiving Lies (Forgiving Lies #2) – Molly McAdams
Deceiving Lies - Molly McAdams
Thoughts: As opposed to all of those lies intended to convey the truth. Thanks for narrowing that down, title. It ALL makes sense now.

19. Music of Sacred Lakes – Laura K. Cowan
Music of Sacred Lakes - Laura K. Cowan
Thoughts: I feel like this cover wants to be Love Letters to the Dead.

20. As You Turn Away (The Walker Boys #1) – Molli Moran
As You Turn Away by Molli Moran
Thoughts: “Don’t let go, Rose!” “There’s only room for one on this hay bale, Jack.”

21. The Immortal Circus: Final Act (Cirque des Immortels #3) – A. R. Kahler
Final Act (The Immortal Circus) - A. R. Kahler
Thoughts: What scares me about this is the look in her eyes. Though it’s cool that whips come in shiny green.

22. The Islands at the End of the World – Austin Aslan
The Islands at the End of the World - Austin Aslan
Thoughts: There are worse places to weather the apocalypse.

23. What Is Hidden – Lauren Skidmore
What Is Hidden - Lauren Skidmore
Thoughts: Oh man, this cover gets me. A pretty mask and pretty colors and swirly font. You win, cover. You win.

24. Julia’s House for Lost Creatures – Ben Hatke
Julia's House for Lost Creatures - Ben Hatke
Thoughts: I’m noticing that every picture book cover I include has monsters. Whatever, I like them. I regret nothing.

25. How to Get a (Love) Life – Rosie Blake
How to Get a (Love) Life - Rosie Blake
Thoughts: The use of “dodgy” makes me love this tagline, but I could do without the heart-shaped clock that has eliminated the hour of 12 o’clock. Run loves on a 22 hour day apparently.

26. Saving Lucas Biggs – Marisa de los Santos & David Teague
Saving Lucas Biggs - Marisa de los Santos & David Teague
Thoughts: *pets* Middle grade covers are magical.

27. Evernight (Darkest London #5) – Kristen Callihan
Evernight - Kristen Callihan
Thoughts: The guy looks like Fran Kranz kinda, right? It’s like he hooked up with Blair Waldorf for some sort of Joss Whedon show on the CW.

Cover Battles:

1. The Caller (Shadowfell #3) – Juliet Marillier

The Caller
The Caller - Juliet Marillier

Australian vs US: The Australian one’s a bit boring. On the other hand, the US one says this: “Those yoga classes are really paying off. In a couple more lessons, I bet I’ll be able to touch my toes!” I’ll go with the Aussies on this one.

2. Take a Chance – Abbi Glines

Take a Chance - Abbi Glines
Take a Chance - Abbi Glines

German vs. US: You have a choice between tank tops. Stomach-bearing 90s tank top or longer modern tank top? Is Topanga your spirit animal? DECIDE.

3. Boys Like You – Juliana Stone

Boys Like You - Juliana Stone
Boys Like You - Juliana Stone

Take 1 vs. Take 2: Hmmm, I like the font much better on the first attempt, but I like the more unique subject matter of the second. Both are decent.

4. The Shadow Prince (Into the Dark #1) – Bree Despain

The Shadow Prince
The Shadow Prince (Into the Dark #1) - Bree Despain

Take 1 vs. Take 2: I think I like the colors of the first one better, but they’re both okay. Ooh, but I am glad they made the book title larger than the series title. Good designers.

5. Wait for You (Wait for You #1) – Jennifer L. Armentrout

Wait for You
Wait for You Harper
Wait for You - Jennifer L. Armentrout French

Self-Pubbed vs. Harper vs. French: Huh, well, the French have found a way to make me like the kissy face new adult covers. Reminding me they’re better than the 50 Shades inspired ones.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Saving the Hooker: and the Death of a True-Life Love Story – Michael Adelberg
Saving the Hooker and the Death of a True-Life Love Story - Michael Adelberg
Thoughts: The recommended method of hooker-saving is putting them into a laptop.

2. Resigned Fate – Shay West
Resigned Fate - Shay West
Thoughts: That machine has rabies.

3. Borrowed Promises – Judith Ingram
Borrowed Promises - Judith Ingram
Thoughts: Just because you need to find love is no reason to corner a poor deer like that. Run, little gazelle, RUN!

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Saving Lucas Biggs

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Saving Lucas Biggs - Marisa de los Santos & David Teague

Today, welcome Elizabeth May, the author of The Falconer, who has selected Saving Lucas Biggs by Marisa de los Santos and David Teague. Here’s why:

“The cover for Saving Lucas Biggs is awesome. It’s like if the cover for Sarah Rees Brennan’s UNSPOKEN and Jackson Pearce’s SWEETLY had a love child in middle grade. Plus, I love covers that tell their own stories and have little details — the tree branch clock, the hammer, the star and the pen. Did you see those things in there?! That’s some illustration dedication. Wait, now that I’m looking again, is that a chisel in there, too? And I want to stand on the edge of a time travel clock too, little girl.”

To learn more or purchase: Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

28 responses to “Cover Snark (86): The One Where Polls Make a Comeback”

  1. 1. I had no idea what I could expect from a book like that. Weird title and the blurb doesn’t sound very interesting either.
    2. I like it! Although I wished they gave her the same necklace with a different pendant on the other side.
    3. It looks like a picture I could find on Tumblr with a motivational quote on it. It doesn’t scream ‘book cover’ to me.
    6. Yes, it looks more like a temporary cover!
    8. Better leave the tagline if you can’t read it. I see something about “don’t get involved, don’t trust” so I guess it’s a nice clichéd line.
    10. I’d pick it up in the store 🙂
    11. Hipster horror, ohhh, sounds scary *cough*
    13. Great, another series where they change the cover.
    15. I think it’s okay, just like the first cover, but I thought the first book was horrible..
    23. A face cover that works!
    24. How cute 😀
    26. So pretty.

    1. Hmmm. Marillier has prettier covers for her other series. I hope the Dutch one is released soon, because I love those 🙂 But, since I like the other US covers, I’m going with that one.
    4. Shadow prince take 1. I like the colours and the placing of that.. time turner table-ish thing.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…FF 24. What I look for in book boyfriends.My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. I might have been into that blurb when I was a kid, but not so much as an adult.

      2. Ooooh, I love your pendant idea. They two different necklaces are upsetting.

      11. The store is out of PBR. DUN DUN DUN.

      13. This is the British cover! No worries.

  2. I actually like cover of Trust Me, I’m Lying even though it has more of a movie poster look than a book cover one.

    The cover of The Hunt is thankfully the paperback one, I hope they do a better job on the hardcover.

    Love, in English. Bahahahahaha.

    Music of Sacred Lakes, you failed miserably to be Love Letters to the Dead.

    They obviously photoshopped the eye mask on her face on the cover of The Immortal Circus: Final Act. Her eyes look all kinds of weird.

    I wouldn’t save the hooker on Saving the Hooker cover.

    Elizabeth May and I seem to agree on the fact that Saving Lucas Biggs has the best cover this week.
    Sana @ artsy musings of a bibliophile recently posted…Review: The Promise of Amazing by Robin ConstantineMy Profile

  3. Yes, what is happening with his feet for All the Good Things?? Somebody got overly fond of the fade effect in their editing program. It’s kind of happening to his arm in the foreground too!

    What in the crap is hipster horror? Do they wear beanies and kill their enemies with retro weapons?! I can see it now: “We were into bows and arrows before The Hunger Games.”

    Oh that cover for #23 What is Hidden is so pretty and brings out her eyes really well. Also, that cover for Gilded with the pretty bird-of-blue-light is beautiful and is the kind of cover that would make me stop in a bookstore and investigate.
    Terri @ Starlight Book Reviews recently posted…Book Chat: Reading Burn OutMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      That can’t be intentional. I mean, that’s not the effect sunshine causes on skin. Or maybe they’re both dead and the happy park is a lie.

      Or maybe it’s someone digging through their trash and discovering they bought their flannel shirt at the Gap?

  4. Judith says:

    1. He (or she) has his (or her) shoes on the wrong feet. The logo goes on the inside. Psssh.

    2. OKAY I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I love the two pictures together and the font and the title and yes.

    3. “Have you taken your picture yet? Can I get out of here now?”

    7. *snorts*

    8. There is this show I once watched a few episodes of, called Real Humans. This looks like the YA version.

    9. The only way to get rid of a bad boy is to catch him in a crystal ball.

    11. Hipster… horror… oh god, why.

    12. Lolol, their fighting looks so legit.

    13. Look, it’s Mary Poppins.

    16. I like how the background looks all magical and colorful, but her pose looks slightly uncomfortable.

    19. Except that Love Letters did it right. Even the dude on the cover realizes that.

    26. This is so prettyyyyyy. And adorbs.

    CB3. I like the second except that it stole Blackout’s background. They look like very different stories.
    Judith recently posted…Ellice Reviews: How to LoveMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Wait, does it really? I freaking own a pair of those and I have no idea. Too lazy to go upstairs and check. haha.

      8. It looks like Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse to me. Or a particular scene in Cress.

      16. It’s a weird pose. WHAT IS SHE DOING SITTING ON A METAL CIRCLE?

      CB3. It did do that, and not to as good of effect.

  5. Dahlia Adler says:

    I love the cover of TRUST ME, I’M LYING so, so much, and I need this book in my life, and it is not coming fast enough, and I am sad. Loving the gorgeous shiny greens on WHAT IS HIDDEN and THE IMMORTAL CIRCUS, and I’d do some pretty unacceptable things for the outfits on THE STAR THIEF and EVERNIGHT.
    Dahlia Adler recently posted…Top Ten Goals/Resolutions of 2014My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I’m a little surprised you want the body suit from The Star Thief, considering that it’s very futuristic and spacey, and you’re a contemp girl. Still, you could be a very chill cast member of Zenon.

      I DO want that dress from Evernight. Maybe for Halloween, I should just wear fancy dresses because why not. This may have to be a thing.

      • Dahlia Adler says:

        My fashion sense is all over the map. In my dream life I rock the hell out of Steampunk. Like, all I want in life is to look amazing in a corset, skirt that looks like curtains, and fingerless elbow gloves. Is that so much to ask, Christina? Is it?
        Dahlia Adler recently posted…Top Ten Goals/Resolutions of 2014My Profile

        • Christina Franke says:

          SO not. I mean, when I was younger, my dream life involved Prince Harry falling in love with me but tbh those fantasies were more about the bitching ball gowns I would get to wear places. At the time, I didn’t realize that, but looking back now I was really in love with the clothes. Shallow girl. I want my elbow gloves to have fingers, Audrey-Hepburn style. I would also like to look like Audrey Hepburn in general, but I think that ship has sailed.

  6. Annie says:

    aaggh!! I voted on almost all the Cover Battles before I realized I could choose neither. Way to pay attention 🙂

    I have to admit I kind of like the Gilded cover. It doesn’t say Korean at all, but it’s pretty.

    “Mrs. Peacock on the steps with a parasol.” – brilliant.
    Annie recently posted…the fall of CamelotMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Bahaha, well, back in the day, I didn’t offer that option, but I thought people might like to be able to go with none of the above.

      I like it, but it comes close to whitewashing.

  7. Totally agree on Witch Hunt. It is a bit too much pink but for the rest whyyyyyyyy is it so adorable ;______; why does the story have to suck so hard?

    You know what I really don’t get is the cover change for Wait for You. The original had SUCH NICE TYPOGRAPHY. And then Harper’s like, Yeah, let’s make it generic and put one solid color block on the cover – THAT’S attractive. Like. WUT. I hate that. They ruined it. And it wasn’t even *that* great. But the best part was the typography. GRRRRR.

    Looooove What is Hidden. *goes to find out what it’s about*
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Review: Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne JonesMy Profile

  8. Kathy L. says:

    1.You really don’t need to run from a crocodile that small, just walk.
    2.I LOVE THIS COVER! Kind of weird how her right eyebrow is higher though.
    6.This is nice but the Y looks off.
    10.I know, right! I was totally surprised when I found out this was set in Korea.
    14.Oh I like that dress! Do not like his shadow wings though.
    15.I love the little details on this one.
    16.Am I the only one getting an elf vibe from her?
    22.Awesome tagline and I love the idea of an apocalyptic Hawaii.

  9. Saving Lucas Biggs is my favorite of the week too because it’s so darn CUTE!

    OMG, those WTFs! I can’t even begin with the hooker one. That one will be forever seared into my brain!

    I also really love Love, in English’s cover. PRETTY!
    Steph Sinclair recently posted…Review: The Dream Thieves by Maggie StiefvaterMy Profile

  10. Gillian says:

    1. Yeah, crocodiles are famously bad climbers. They’ve got big heads and little arms.

    2. That necklace is adorable, but I can’t bring myself to wear a gun around my neck.

    6. It DOES look like a placeholder! Maybe because it’s all text and no picture.

    7. Rise and shine, sleepy shaman! We’re burning daylight here!

    10. I had NO IDEA it was Korean fantasy! It is purdy, but man. Never would have guessed that, even though the border is vaguely Korean.

    11. Hipster Horror. HIPSTER HORROR? WRITTEN BY MELISSA DE LA CRUZ? FAMOUS BACON FRUIT HIPSTER? I am a hipster, and I am horified. (I am not actually a hipster.)

    13. Oooo. I like.

    14. I can haz her dress please?

    15. The illustrations are gorgeous.

    17. That comma. Why that comma.

    18. DECEIVING LIES? THAT IS REPETITIVE AND REDUNDANT AND ALSO SAYS THE SAME THING MORE THAN ONCE.

    20. HAHAHHAHA to your commentary on Molli’s cover!

    21. *suddenly desperately needs a sparkly green whip*

    23. Ooooo, that’s a lot of prettiness.

    25. “Run loves” SNERK.

    26. Pretty pretty love love *pets pets*

    CB. YAY FOR POLLS! HURRAH AND HUZZAH AND DRINKS ALL AROUND!

    CB2. At least the first one doesn’t have their stupid faces on them.

    CB3. Aesthetically, I like the first better, but points to the second for originality.

    CB4. I much prefer the second. I’m actually now interested in checking this out.

    WTF1. WUT.

    WTF2. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    FABULOUS CHOICE, Elizabeth!
    Gillian recently posted…Review: Through the Ever Night by Veronica RossiMy Profile

  11. As always, awesome post.

    I agree with the pick for best cover. I love how blue and starry it is! I also really like the Original Boys Like You cover. Maybe it’s the wannabe photographer in me, but that shot with the sun is so perfect and adorable, and I love the font. Music of Sacred Lakes is also remarkably like Love Letters to the Dead… hmm… :p In general, I voted for either “none” or the original.

    Saving the Hooker and Redesigning Fate have pretty horrific covers… lol at the rabies comment.
    P.E. @ The Sirenic Codex recently posted…DNF Review: AboveMy Profile

  12. 2. That cover is creepy as fuck and I therefore want it/the book. WAIT, SHE’S NAMED JULEP?! LIKE MAH FAVORITE NAIL POLISH BRAND.

    6. It looks the same way to me! I want to see what’s going on with the fire/volcano, but the letters are in the way. DARN YOU, LETTERS.

    8. Eugh. The first book’s original cover wasn’t that great, but this one is probably worse. Not even the pink can save it.

    10. Yep, generic old fantasy bird. I glanced at the cover quite a few times and didn’t even bother stopping to look at what the book was about for a while. Now that I know, I wants it badly. Amazon fail! (Here’s hoping it shows up on Vine.)

    11. WHAT IS HIPSTER HORROR AND HOW CAN I KILL IT? I can’t believe she’s able to keep writing books in the Blue Bloods world. At least now I know what happened to Oliver!

    16. I am distracted from the blahness because she’s so pretty and the stars are so pretty and prettyyyyyy…

    26. This reminds me of the original (AND FAR SUPERIOR) cover for Unspoken. I like it!

    27. Hey, Blair has to do something to pay for all those headbands now that the show is over!

    1. I also vote Aussies because the US model looks like she’s waking up after a really wild night. “Oh God, what did I do last night?”

    4. I’m in the minority and didn’t like the first cover but likes the second. I like the people and the better visibility of the signs, I guess.

  13. MB Mulhall says:

    I love seeing my cover here, even if it gets a bit of snark! ^_^

    In it’s defense, Ian is quite tall and is a wrestler so he’s got muscle for the weight..although you’re probably right, the scale wouldn’t be so tall, but I figured people would have been scared away by naked feet on a digital scale. Feet aren’t so appealing to most 😛

    Love the choice of the week as well! So pretty 🙂
    MB Mulhall recently posted…Like What You Read? Review it!My Profile

  14. Is it bad that I take major offense to that Vampires of Manhattan one? Like I thought it was a fanfic. Come on, that CAN’T be a co-incidence… can it? LOL.

    I actually like the cover to Trust Me, I’m Lying and The Start Thief. Again, I had a BLAST reading your comments! ^.^
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  15. Kayla Beck says:

    2. It’s Fetty – my imaginary boyfriend, Justin Trantor, designs that line!

    3. That shits scares me. I would not allow it in my house.

    11. Okay, they need to get off of my Doctor Who stuffs. This is blantant thievery of “Angels Take Manhattan”. Also, I will have no angels on my shelf.

    14. All I can ever say about this series’ covers is that I want her clothes. Not that they’d look good on my figure or anything, but STILL.

    16. Makes me think of this book.

    17. “Love, in Portuguese” or “Love, in Italian” would be a more believable title.

    22. His last name is Aslan. I am instantly intrigued.

    24. This book can find a home with me.

    CB2. Spirit animal? Topanga was my fashion icon! (There will be no photographic evidence.)

    WTF3. The deer is the other woman! Doe, a deer, a female deer. Ray, a drop of golden sun. Umm… Yeah… So that just happened.
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Blog Tour (Review & Giveaway): The Kept by James ScottMy Profile

  16. Angie F. says:

    8. I like this new cover theme much better!

    12. Hipster Horror, you say? That sounds so terrible that it makes me want to read this.

    15. Nooooo! I didn’t like the first book, but this gorgeous cover makes me want to read it! *conflicted*

    23. I concur.

    27. I love this series, but I do not love this cover. *sad*
    Angie F. recently posted…2014 LGBT ChallengeMy Profile

  17. 1. Or take off your untied shoes, chuck them at the croc, and run while it’s chewing on your high-tops.

    2. You get a point for every Princess Bride quote. Cover Love makes up the majority of your points.

    11. What now? Hipster horror? You’re joking. You must be joking.

    17. CRAUGHING NOW.

    20. I’m 100% biased, but I’m pleased at how not self-pubbed this looks.

    23. Cinderelly Cinderelly!
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…The Magic of the First ChapterMy Profile

  18. Lyn Kaye says:

    6. I do hope that is a place holder.

    9. The fake tattoo….it burns…

    10. WANT

    16. Is it me, or does she look like ScarJo?
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Stacking the Shelves #72My Profile

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