Cover Snark (85): The One with All the Vampire Academy

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Prada and Prejudice – Katie Oliver
Prada and Prejudice - Katie Oliver
Thoughts: What a clever title! Which is why someone else already used it. PUNNINESS FAIL.

2. Vampire Academy: The Official Illustrated Movie Companion – Brandon T. Snider & Richelle Mead
The Official Illustrated Movie Companion for Vampire Academy - Brandon T. Snider & Richelle Mead
Thoughts: Oooh, I have an idea. Let’s put the top half of the hero up top and have the girls kneeling down below. Let’s suggest fellatio and male dominance. YEAH.

3. Run – Gregg Olsen
Run - Gregg Olsen
Thoughts: Cut a bitch and run. This is how you survive.

4. The Bridge from Me to You – Lisa Schroeder
The Bridge from Me to You - Lisa Schroeder
Thoughts: Her definition of bridge is more all-encompassing than mine.

5. Used (Unloveable #1) – Lynetta Halat
Used - Lynetta Halat
Thoughts: Lol. Haha. Hackneyed plot.

6. Portrait of a Donor (Starters #1.75) – Lissa Price
Portrait of a Donor (Starters #1.75) - Lissa Price
Thoughts: I could do without the person on the cover, but I love the blue computery bits.

7. Insanity – Cameron Jace
Insanity by Cameron Jace
Thoughts: Ooooh, this has an Alice in Wonderland feel. Of course, this has been a trap in the past.

8. Falls the Shadow – Stefanie Gaither
Falls the Shadow by Stephanie Gaither
Thoughts: Oooh, creepy screaming shadow face. Interesting.

9. The Bodies We Wear – Jeyn Roberts
The Bodies We Wear by Jeyn Roberts
Thoughts: That sounds very Cruella de Vil or Mr. Burns. Puppy chic. Or maybe she teams up with Hannibal and uses the parts of a person he doesn’t?

10. Devil’s Frost (The Spellspinners of Melas County #3) – Heidi R. Kling
Devil's Frost by Heidi R. Kling
Thoughts: What happens when you put a Targaryen on ice?

11. The Forgotten Girl – Jessica Sorensen
The Forgotten Girl by Jessica Sorensen
Thoughts: Tagline, I don’t think you make sense. She’s either a killer or she’s forgotten where she put her keys. You know. Either or.

Cover Battles:

1. Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy #1) – Richelle Mead

Vampire Academy
Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy #1) - Richelle Mead

Regular vs. Movie Tie-in: Neither would be my first choice, but really anything’s better than the standard Mead covers, I think.

2. Vampire Academy: The Ultimate Guide – Michelle Rowen and Richelle Mead

The Ultimate Guide to Vampire Academy Movie Tie-in version - Michelle Rowen and Richelle Mead
Vampire Academy Ultimate Guide

Thoughts: This reminds me of when my cat hides behind something and thinks he’s not visible but he SO is. Also, was this really necessary? I declare the original the winner.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Kiss & Tell – Sandy Green
Kiss & Tell - Sandy Green
Thoughts: I always wanted to be escorted down the aisle by goldfish.

2. Selima and the Merfolk – Vanessa Salazar
Selima and the Merfolk - Vanessa Salazar
Thoughts: THERE IS A LITTLE GIRL IN HIS ELECTRIC GREEN HAIR. AHHHH

3. Renegade Lady (Renegade Sons MC #1) – Dawn Martens & Emily Minton
Renegade Lady - Dawn Martens & Emily Minton
Thoughts: Bahahaha, the tattoo of a motorcycle and his smokepeen. Ladilalala.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Insanity

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Insanity by Cameron Jace

Today, welcome Gaby (Queen Ella Bee Reads), who has selected Insanity by Cameron Jace. Here’s why:

“So I normally don’t like covers with faces on them but this one’s kind of CGI-ed, psychedelic and not at all like a real person’s face? And then there’s her hair which is the coolest. But really, I should stop making excuses for myself, especially when I’m totally entranced but the colorful and creepy nature of this cover. I dunno if this Wonderland retelling is going to be any good, but, well, at least the cover works for me. Also, LOOK AT THAT A IN “INSANITY” IT IS SO CLEVER.”

To learn more or purchase: Goodreads|Amazon

26 responses to “Cover Snark (85): The One with All the Vampire Academy”

  1. Ellis says:

    1. Yup. That’s what I thought. Sorry, writer person, but this title is no longer available. Unless you don’t care about originality and such.

    2. Hahahaha. I want your commentary to be the blurb for this book. For serious.

    3. NO ONE WAS SUGGESTING TO CUT A BITCH. Oh wait, there’s a knife. Nvrmnd.

    4. Bahahah, you were on fire when writing these. It is Judgement Day: the Cover Snark Edition.

    5. It kinda looks like she’s peeing in a field… Which eh, we’ve all been there but I wouldn’t want someone to photograph that particular moment.

    10. They will melt it because Targaryen’s are literally hot.

    CB 1. WHAT. No. Noooooooo. They look like Pan Am ladies.

    WTF 3. Hahahaha his smokepeen. That reminds me of the cloudpeen I once made. I was nine and we had to draw a memorable scene from our holidays. We’d been in Florence that year, so naturally, I drew David. I couldn’t get his penis quite right (and also, nine-year-olds, so I felt like I needed to censor) so I just drew a cloud in front of it. My teacher was so proud of my skills that she taped it on the windows, so that every one passing by the school could admire my very phallic holiday. I want to say this is where it went wrong but I think I was just born this way. Peniswings.

    Totally agree with Gaby. I also want her hair colour. Gah, this cover is so good. I actually have two fairy tale collections by this author, so I’m curious.
    Ellis recently posted…2013 In BooksMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. It’s annoying. If you can’t be clever and original with the title (at least when it’s TRYING to be clever and original), just no.

      3. HA.

      5. LOL OMG IT DOES. SHE IS HOLDING THE BACK OF HER DRESS UP. AHHHHHHHHH.

      10. Is she actually hot or just doesn’t burn? The show has not given me this much detail.

      CB1. This is true, but my first choice was NONE OF THE ABOVE.

      Bahahahahaahaha. OMG, I am dying. Ellis, you killed me. BAAAAAAAAAAAA. HABANA FOREVER

  2. I love this post! What a great, funny v way to start off my day!
    Kate- Midnightbookgirl recently posted…My Pros and Cons of Blogging ListMy Profile

  3. Annie says:

    yeah – that bridge is totally just a fence.

    And I read the other Prada and Prejudice and thought maybe this was just a new cover for the other story. Serious title fail.
    Annie recently posted…the fall of CamelotMy Profile

  4. Kayla Beck says:

    4. I do like her shoes. Hey publishers – can I raid your wardrobe closets for your covers, please? I mean, I’m not thin enough for the clothes, but I can definitely make off with some shoes, purses, jewelry, etc.

    7. I refuse to do anymore Alice in Wonderland books unless they’re written by Lewis Carroll – and I don’t see that happening.
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Blog Tour (Interview & Giveaway): Taste of Darkness by Maria V. SnyderMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I’ve always wished I could shop off tv and stuff. Just snap my fingers and have it. This is what I would do with my witch powers, btw.

      7. That would be interesting.

      • Kayla Beck says:

        4. That would be an awesome power. I still want the red shoes from last week’s Cover Snark.

        7. I just tried to read Unhinged, and I’m so over and tired of these A-i-W redos now. There will never be another Lewis Carroll, and damnit, if there is, s/he won’t be copying crap from the original! It’s time to just leave Wonderland down the rabbit hole. (I’m done ranting now.)

  5. Nori says:

    I kind of liked the girl being walked down the aisle by gold fish…

    And is there some kind of rule that says all Richelle Mead books must have terrible covers? Seriously, all of them are bad.
    Nori recently posted…The Offering by Kimberly Derting -Spotlight BLOG TOURMy Profile

  6. 2. Ick. Also, he looks so old. Double ick.

    7. The tiny speckles of blood make me roll my eyes. Go all-out!

    9. Or shapeshiftery a la IMPOSTOR.

    CB1. The new cover has girls that actually look scary. Like, they-might-eat-me scary. I find Angelina Jolie lookalikes in a different way.
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…January 2014 New ReleasesMy Profile

  7. Hmm, not many covers I like this week. Portrait of a Donor is probably my favourite. I just don’t like the face and the font in Insanity. The VA covers in general… I feel bad for the series.

    Great post!
    P.E. @ The Sirenic Codex recently posted…Diversity in YAMy Profile

  8. Look, Alice in Wonderland retellings seem to not be the MOST popular in YA (except for Splintered which I’m still honestly scared to read), but Insanity sounds really awesome. Granted, I’ve only read the tagline and first sentence of the synopsis, but my ‘yes’ senses are tingling. It will probably end up biting me in the ass, but I want. And I also really like the cover for Run. I don’t know why. I like the knife.

    Selima and the Merfolk. “Merfolk” is now slang for marijuana, obviously.
    Blythe Harris recently posted…Review: Cruel Beauty by Rosamund HodgeMy Profile

  9. Okay, that first one totally cracked me up so bad…

    I HATE all Richelle Mead covers. They’re the epitome of YA “trends” with girl on the cover. The one for Silver Shadows is PATHETIC with really bad edges on the faces. LOL. I don’t know about you, but I would CRINGE before having that on my shelf.

    You’re funny. Y’know that? And I enjoy your Cover Snark.

    – Nova
    Nova Lee @ Out of Time recently posted…ARC Review: Unhinged – AG HowardMy Profile

  10. 1. How original..
    2. What an ugly cover. And Dimitri looks creepy, not hot at all.
    3. I like the knife in the ‘u’ but that’s it.
    6. Not bad for a short story.
    7. I really like this cover.
    10. I’ve read the first book a long time ago and didn’t like it. The covers all look the same too.

    1. Vampire Academy, I think I’d go with the older cover. I think the Angelina Jolie look a like looks better.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 225. Brodi Ashton – Evertrue.My Profile

  11. Meg Riggs says:

    Great post – I love looking at all the covers, even if some of them make me want to run for cover *cough*VampireAcademy*cough*. I always seem to find at least one or two books to look up and consider reading – thanks for the posts! My boyfriend and I love reading through them together.

  12. Angie F. says:

    1. Oh..I actually thought this was a new cover for that book…oops.

    2. Well, according to the movie poster they do “suck at school,” soo…

    7. I just won this book.

    11. The tagline is weird, but I’m totally gonna read this.

    Battles.
    1+2. No and no. I hate all of Mead’s covers. Let’s just wrap them all in shiny gift wrap or something.

    WTF
    1. That is interesting…is she underwater?
    Angie F. recently posted…Life of a Blogger: Non-Bookish HobbiesMy Profile

  13. Kathy L. says:

    3.The knife in the U is cool.
    7.I really love the blood spatter on her cheek and the way her hair falls up.
    8.This gets more interesting the longer I look at it.
    9.I’m guessing this is about a witch that skins people so that she can wear their skin like a leotard and not melt in the rain.

  14. 4. I love this cover. Her legs are very tanned.
    6. The computery bits are indeed awesome.
    7. Ermehgerd! LOVE IT. I haven’t done too well with Alice in Wonderland retellings, though.
    8. Creepy is always good.
    11. This cover confuses me. Are there three different models/poses/heads? Or just two? It hurts my eyes.

    WTF1: This reminds me of WoW!
    Amber @ Books of Amber recently posted…Erased by Jennifer RushMy Profile

  15. 2. I was all like ‘what’s Vampire Wacademy?’

    4. Girl, you are totally going to fall off – IT’S EASIER IN BAREFEET (pro tip)

    6. At least it’s not the girl from the Starters cover again *shudders*

    8. Oooo me likey. Blue is (almost) always a winner.

    9. !! new Jeyn Roberts !! (must stalk later)
    Kat (AussieZombie) recently posted…I’m Leavin’ On a Jet Plane – And a Blog HiatusMy Profile

  16. 2. DUH. That’s how stuff sells. Except no, these don’t usually sell well from what I remember and the image is still creepy.

    4. She probably thinks that low fence IS a bridge because smelling the flower in her hand got her high.

    8. That’s going to be a seriously awesome cover when the book is in print. The letters are gonna feel funky and I bet the cover will be shiny and I WANTS IT NOW. Less for the plot, more for the greatness the cover will (hopefully be) on the finished copy.

    1. To me, they’re both terrible and the bland covers where the VA symbol takes over and you can just barely see the face in the background if you squint is the best one.

    3. The smoke is a smokescreen to hide the fact he’s jacking off with both hands. HE TOTALLY IS. Between the tattoo and his hands, it appears he really wants to bring attention to his nonexistence penis. SOMEONE has size issues.

  17. Gillian says:

    1. I WAS GONNA SAY. That book exists already. *grumblegrumble*

    2. That is just about the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Why on earth did they choose those two pictures? Choose a non-awkward pic of Rose being bad-ass and no pictures of old-looking Dmitri.

    3. Ooo. I like the knife in the U. I WILL KNIFE U. Har har har.

    4. Nice gladiator sandals.

    6. LOVE THE BLUE COMPUTERY BITS.

    7. Ooooo, I love gorgeously illustrated covers.

    8. I freaking LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS ONE.

    CB1. *shudders* Why do the cover gods hate Richelle Mead?

    WTF1. She also looks mildly decapitated.

    WTF2. AND I’M PRETTY SURE THE ELECTRIC BLUE GIRL IS VOMITING SOMETHING MAGENTA

    WTF3. SMOKEPEEN!!!!!

    This was my second fave cover, so well done, Gaby! I would have chosen the… one whose name i can’t remember, the shadow screaming face or whatever. *is too lazy to scroll back up* BUT THIS ONE IS SUPAH COOL ALSO. I MEAN THE A IN INSANITY IS BRILLIANT
    Gillian recently posted…2013 End of Year Book SurveyMy Profile

  18. Gregg Olsen says:

    Loved your post and your readers’ comments. I like the knife in U too…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge