Cover Snark (79): The One with a Real Cover Cock-Up

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Wish You Were Italian – Kristin Rae
Wish You Were Italian - Kristin Rae
Thoughts: Five seconds later, she falls off the Vespa and is run over. Maybe you’ll be Italian in your next life. Also, what’s up with the “if only” in the top right corner? A series of some sort, I’m guessing, but it makes the title look like “If Only Wish You Were Italian,” which pains my brain.

2. Magic Breaks (Kate Daniels #7) – Ilona Andrews
Magic Breaks by Ilona Andrews
Thoughts: Wait, are white lions really a thing? OMG, THEY ARE. *falls into Google images pit*

3. Something’s Come Up – Michelle Pace & Andrew Randall
Something's Come Up - Michelle Pace & Andrew Randall
Thoughts: *waggles eyebrows*

4. We Were Liars – E. Lockhart
We Were Liars - E. Lockhart
Thoughts: We Were Swimmers? We Were Broadcast on a Fuzzy Television Station? Seriously, what am I meant to get from that title font? Entertainment Weekly needs to step up their cover creation, since obviously they made this.

5. The Swift Boys & Me – Kody Keplinger
The Swift Boys & Me - Kody Keplinger
Thoughts: They’re all so young. And presumably short. I wonder what those boys are standing on. Also, creepers, get down.

6. Lingering Echoes – Erica Kiefer
Lingering Echoes - Erica Kiefer
Thoughts: COMMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE? That aside, that’s way too long of a tagline. I do like the repetition of Echoes, however.

7. The Meta-Rise (Bot Wars #2) by J.V. Kade
The Meta-Rise (Bot Wars #2) by J.V. Kade
Thoughts: In a dystopian future, only children can save the world from a cross breed of cylons and cyclops.

8. The Kingdom – Emily Walker
The Kingdom - Emily Walker
Thoughts: Does she have…wait for it… deer legs?

9. Storm Siren – Mary Weber
Storm Siren - Mary Weber
Thoughts: This looks like a live action The Last Unicorn. Right?

10. Shimmer (The Rephaim #3) – Paula Weston
Shimmer - Paula Weston
Thoughts: This cover is not very shimmery. Also, I am loling at the staccato approach to the tagline. Describe the book in four words: NOW GO.

11. Because It Always Comes Back to You – Jolene Perry
Because It Always Comes Back to You - Jolene Perry
Thoughts: Hipsters: they fell in love before it was cool.

12. Catch Me – Claire Contreras
Catch Me - Claire Contreras
Thoughts: The ground will be there when you fall. Maybe it will be your friend. Though, I am skeptical that you will actually fall. I’d imagine that bridge through your throat would keep you pretty well anchored.

13. Fracture Me (Shatter Me #2.5) – Tahereh Mafi
Fracture Me - Tahereh Mafi
Thoughts: Ooh, pretty colors. I still think the eye with weird eyelashes thing is super lame though, even if it is well done. However, I think it’s cool how the eyes blink on the between book novellas.

14. Complicit – Stephanie Kuehn
Complicit by Stephanie Kuehn
Thoughts: A boy made of match smoke. How creepy would it be if you lit a match and he appeared? TRIPPY.

15. Maybe Always – Summer Yaxley
Maybe Always - Summer Yaxley
Thoughts: No one knows who you are? Flagrantly imitate Jennifer L. Armentrout.

16. Me After You – Mindy Hayes
Me After You - Mindy Hayes
Thoughts: Hmm, so the measure of who I am is someone who can eat a whole lot of pizza and look at a lot of bad covers? I guess I’ll take that.

17. Broken Hearts, Fences and Other Things to Mend – Katie Finn
Broken Hearts, Fences and Other Things to Mend - Katie Finn
Thoughts: Oh hey, this girl can totally help out the girl from the previous cover. Also, I didn’t notice the smaller font at first and thought the title was “Broken Hearts, Fences to Mend.” You don’t want people confused by the title.

18. The Island of Excess Love (Love in the Time of Global Warming #2) – Francesca Lia Block
The Island of Excess Love (Love in the Time of Global Warming #2) - Francesca Lia Block
Thoughts: Umm, how awesome are these covers? The dude has antlers! It does sort of look like she’s Ursula and Eric’s about to take her out with his ship, because of the placement, but oh well.

19. The Body in the Woods – April Henry
The Body in the Woods - April Henry
Thoughts: When camouflaging yourself in the forest, choosing the correct shade of eyeshadow is CRUCIAL.

20. Hungry – H. A. Swain
Hungry - H. A. Swain
Thoughts: Spoiler: Soylent green is people.

21. The Winter Horses – Philip Kerr
The Winter Horses - Philip Kerr
Thoughts: LOOK AT THE FLUFFY HORSES. Are they being stalked by a sheep? Goat? Dog? This is where a high res cover would come in really handy.

22. How I Got Skinny, Famous, and Fell Madly in Love – Ken Baker
How I Got Skinny, Famous, and Fell Madly in Love - Ken Baker
Thoughts: I sincerely hope this book is not suggesting that getting skinny is a prerequisite for the love part. Also, it’s a pear in the spotlight. Are they saying pear-shaped people are non-skinny?

23. Much Ado About Nothing – C.E. Wilson
Much Ado About Nothing - C.E. Wilson
Thoughts: I’ve been waiting for a Much Ado retelling, but NO NO NO. Note that it was apparently quite cold when they were doing the photo shoot, because he has sticky-out nipples. AND saying something is for everyone else is not helpful if you don’t say who they’re opposed to. For example, kdrama is for people who love having feels, and cop dramas are for everyone else, maybe.

24. Darklove (Dark Ink Chronicles #5) – Elle Jasper
Darklove - Elle Jasper
Thoughts: Dear people who pose models, women do not pose like this. Ever. “I’m just going to put all my weight on one leg and put the other out so you can see my pointy-toed stiletto boots. I AM SO READY FOR BATTLE.” Said no woman, ever.

25. In the Shadows – Kiersten White
In the Shadows - Kiersten White
Thoughts: Is that Evie walking in the dude’s shadow?

26. Eleanor – Johnny Worthen
Eleanor - Johnny Worthen
Thoughts: I find this inexplicably creepy, like she just finished burying a body or something.

27. Thirty Sunsets – Christine Hurley Deriso
Thirty Sunsets by Christine Hurley Deriso
Thoughts: Just standin’ on the dock of the bay, watching the tiiiide roll away.

28. Iron Pendulum (The Periodic Series #2) by Megan Curd
Iron Pendulum (The Periodic Series, #2) by Megan Curd
Thoughts: Second verse pretty much the same as the first, but I actually really like these covers.

29. Entangled (Evolve #2.5) – S.E. Hall
Entangled - S.E. Hall
Thoughts: If it’s hotter than a Georgia summer, then no one’s going to feel like cuddling outdoors. Air conditioning is the friend of summer romance.

30. The Rules for Breaking (The Rules for Disappearing #2) – Ashley Elston
The Rules for Breaking - Ashley Eaton
Thoughts: Rule #1, when trying to break an author: Destroy laptop Throw their printed manuscript in the air. They will be broken emotionally and you will have time to disappear.

31. Shaken Not Stirred (Mixology) – Alyssa Rose Ivy
Shaken Not Stirred - Alyssa rose ivy
Thoughts: Never drink the vodka in Wonderland.

32. White Heart of Justice (Noon Onyx #3) – Jill Archer
White Heart of Justice (Noon Onyx #3) by Jill Archer
Thoughts: These covers are just so pretty. I looove the artwork.

33. Wildflower – Alicia Whitaker
Wildflower - Alicia Whitaker
Thoughts: Something tells me this author is a fan of Taylor Swift?

34. Your Exception – Bria Starr
Your Exception - Bria Starr
Thoughts: Up til now, Henry never liked women. Despite her vagina, he loves Stella. Oh well, love isn’t perfect, but he can make an exception this once even if it makes him feel frightfully hetero.

35. The Return of Zita the Spacegirl (Zita the Spacegirl #3) – Ben Hatke
The Return of Zita the Spacegirl - Ben Hatke
Thoughts: Someone put a child in handcuffs. Rude and creepy. She also appears to be companions with Reepicheep and one of the ghosts from Pac-man, among other things.

36. Mr. 365 – Ruth Clampett
Mr. 365 - Ruth Clampett
Thoughts: He’ll kiss your…dog?

37. Far From You – Tess Sharpe
Far From You - Tess Sharpe
Thoughts: This is the UK Cover. The tagline is hard to read, but oh look it’s shiny and giffy.

38. Across the Wire – Stella Telleria
Across the Wire - Stella Telleria
Thoughts: Hmmm, interesting. I’m not sure what to make of the tagline, but it does make me curious.

39. Earthquake (Earthbound #2) – Aprilynne Pike
Earthquake - Aprilynne Pike
Thoughts: Hahaha, Booklist. Just say, “this book will appeal to everyone” and move along. Hiking on a symbol floating in a desert. That’s cool, I guess.

Cover Battles:

1. A Breath of Frost (The Lovegrove Legacy #1) – Alyxandra Harvey

Stormcaster - Alexandra Harvey
A Breath of Frost by Alyxandra Harvey

Take 1 vs. Take 2: Not entirely sure if this is a redesign or a British and a US cover. Either way, I’m feeling pretty meh about it. Like, neither face or generic fancy dress lady are doing much for me. I suppose the frosty effects look cooler than lightning house? *shrugs*

2. The Perfect Distraction – Melissa Rolka

The Perfect Distraction
The Perfect Distraction - Melissa Rolka

Original vs. New Adult: I’m guessing it wasn’t selling well enough, so they made the cover more new adult-y. That will probably pay off. Also, to answer the question of who will win, I’m guessing the bigger asshole.

3. Always, Forever – Nancy Ohlin

Thorn Abbey
Always, Forever - Nancy Ohlin

Hardcover vs. Paperback: Redesigning for a paperback cover reveal on a standalone is legit. However, title changes are the worst. Such a nightmare for cataloging. Also, this title is redundant, repetitive.

4. Red – Alison Cherry

Red - Alison Cherry
Red - Alison Cherry UK

US vs. UK: Hmm, well, the UK cover gives you more of a full view of the plot of Red, but the US cover gets the unlikely dark red shade of her hair.

5. Charm & Strange – Stephanie Kuehn

Charm & Strange - Stephanie Kuehn
Charm & Strange - Stephanie Kuehnpb

Hardback vs. Paperback: Hmmm, I think I like the new one? It seems about as accurate as any cover for C&S could be.

6. Earthbound (Earthbound #1) – Aprilynne Pike

Earthbound
Earthbound - Aprilynne Pike

Hardback vs. Paperback: Does the cover count as a spoiler if it’s asking about whether an earthbound heart can soar and they’re shown in the clouds? Definitely an improvement though.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to cynicalsapphire@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Friday Night Cocktails – Allison Rushby
Friday Night Cocktail - Allison Rushby
Thoughts: Okay, so this was posted on cheezburger.com, but omg it’s hilarious, so I wanted ot share it. Also, props to Rushby for linking me to this, because owning the hilarity is mature. Anyway, what really makes this is that the two women are totally staring at his groin region.

2. Stone of Destiny (The Danaan Trilogy #2) – Laura Howard
Stone of Destiny - Laura Howard
Thoughts: “Miss, I’m going to need you to stand in the flowers. No, not BY the flowers. IN THEM. Further, further. Oh, just like that, with your head leaned at an awkward angle is perfect.”

3. Stirring Up Trouble (Stir #1) – Z.A. Maxfield
Stirring Up Trouble - Z.A. Maxfield
Thoughts: I do believe you ordered the chef’s surprise?

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Storm Siren - Mary Weber

Today, welcome Kristie (Lost in Ever After), who has selected Storm Siren by Mary Weber. Here’s why:

“Because I feel like if the woman was to turn around, her secret identity would be Storm from X-Men. “

To learn more or purchase:
Not on Goodreads or Purchasing Sites as of this writing.

52 responses to “Cover Snark (79): The One with a Real Cover Cock-Up”

  1. Angie says:

    1-*FALLS OVER LAUGHING* There are ugly covers and then there is this cover.

    2-I actually kinda like this one. It’s generic but pretty snow and all that. Plus swords. I really love swords.

    10-The third book has a cover and the second book isn’t even out in the US yet and this makes me bitter. Although I do kind of like these covers, or at least the fact that they all match.

    13-I love these covers, although I still don’t understand the eye thing. But they do have such pretty colors so I will forgive them for not making sense to me.

    18-I love the LitToGW covers. They are stunning.

    I think I prefer the US covers of Red and Charm and Strange, but I definitely prefer the UK cover of Earthbound.

    The rest of them are all just so boring/generic/ugly. Boo.
    Angie recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday: Top Ten Creepiest/Scariest CoversMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Bloomsbury has been putting out some seriously terrible covers lately. I don’t know what’s up with their cover department tbh. After Eden was a bigger disaster, but how did either get out the door?

      2. I like it too. The model’s gorgeous and possible a POC? Or a mix?

      10. Well, I think it’s the UK cover, if that helps.

      13. I just don’t like the floating cyclops eye concept.

      18. So stunning. I can’t even about how cool they are.

      CB: Both Charm & Strange and Earthbound are hardback to paperback redesigns, not UK, just fyi.

  2. Kim W. says:

    1. You know that if you would just sit normally, you could HOLD your love interest, right? Also, where’s your helmet? I don’t think you have thought this through. Just saying.

    3. Something’s come up: junk from your back pockets?? But a plus for POC.

    4. “We said we didn’t pee in the pool. We were liars.”

    10. Are those her wings? Ice blue wings? Seriously? For some reason I feel that those birds should represent other angels. I mean, why else include them?

    13. Well you may not want to lose her, you are losing quite a few of your feather eyelashes. I do love the way these covers are done and that they are quite unique. BUT these cyclops covers are quite scary(not the novella ones because luckily they have their eyes closed).

    15. Wow this looks too much like Jennifer L. Armentrout’s covers. And they are just pretty generic NA covers.

    16. I actually like this one.

    18. I LOVE THIS COVER. I don’t know this series but I want to read it now.

    21. I really want to read this book, but I’m not so sure what I think of this cover. The girl looks real but the horses look painted, at least that’s how I see it.

    26. This book is about Eleanor. Where IS Eleanor? Oh way over there in the corner of the cover.

    29. What is up with people’s hands in each others back pockets this week?

    30. If you want to help your girlfriend, make sure you really ARE holding her hand.
    Kim W. recently posted…Book haul OctoberMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. Her sunglasses will protect her in the event of a crash, obviously. Don’t yours? It’s SUCH a stupid pose. She’s not holding on ANYWHERE.

      3. Well, I was making a dick joke, but if you want. I was wondering if that was a POC. I thought so, but the lighting made me unsure. Haha.

      4. OMG, perfection. I should have said that.

      10. It’s stylistic. One of the other covers is red shades.

      13. Seriously, WHY CYCLOPS EYES?

      15. They are generic, but they copied everything about the placement on that cover.

      18. I really liked Love in the Time of Global Warming. Definitely strange, but in a good way.

      21. The cover could have been better.

      29. It’s the sexy obviously.

      30. Never let go, Rose.

  3. I genuinely cannot believe “Broken Hearts, Fences, and Other Things to Mend” is missing an oxford comma. I just can’t handle that. (I actually love the typography, though – I’m a sucker for that.) But. Oxford comma. Go.
    Tara @ Hobbitsies recently posted…Where the Stars Still Shine by Trish DollerMy Profile

    • Okay, I’ve investigated and both Goodreads and Amazon have it listed as having the oxford comma, so I am hopeful they’ll fix the cover.
      Tara @ Hobbitsies recently posted…Where the Stars Still Shine by Trish DollerMy Profile

    • Also, total sidenote – “If Only” is the new YA romance line from Bloomsbury. I don’t…know why? I mean, it’s not like’s an e-book only line – they’re being sold in paperback, so I don’t get why there’s a distinction, but c’est la vie.
      Tara @ Hobbitsies recently posted…Where the Stars Still Shine by Trish DollerMy Profile

      • Christina Franke says:

        Ha, I think it is now grammatically correct to not use the oxford comma in most circumstances, but it certainly is fancier. They did fix The 5th Wave cover, which at first just said “The 5 Wave”, so maybe.

        Ohhhh, huh. I’m not generally a big fan of series that are across multiple authors like that. If it’s not the same characters or world, then it’s not a series. But whatever.

  4. Alessandra says:

    My favourite cover for the week is the Iron Pendulum. Also, I’ve just discovered that Steel Lily is only $1.20… uhm… must resist temptation.
    Alessandra recently posted…Book review: In The Blood by Sara HantzMy Profile

  5. Lucy says:

    I misread LINGERING ECHOES as “fingering echoes.” I need to get out more.

    Or write an NA called Fingering Echo.

  6. Anya says:

    24. Also, I like to fit with my midriff and chest exposed so that the bad guys don’t have a hard time stabbing me, it’s so sad when they can’t figure out where my vital organs are!
    Anya recently posted…Read-a-thons: 24-hour vs. Week-longMy Profile

  7. 1) “Air conditioning is the friend of summer romance.” THANK YOU.

    2) I would be so betrayed if I owned Thorn Abbey and bought it again because it was retitled — lame!
    Audra (Unabridged Chick) recently posted…Interview with Evangeline JenningsMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. The only time of year where I dislike being single is winter, because I would like a snuggle buddy. In the summer, the idea of cuddling and kissing has very little appeal. Too fucking hot. Get off me.

      2. Right? I feel like I may have almost done that once. NOT COOL, GUYS.

  8. Ellis says:

    1. Well, she wouldn’t exactly hurt herself if she fell. It’s all paper towns anyway. Except if she boinks her head against the scooter. That will hurt. Also, really? It disappoints you that he’s not Italian? Tsk.

    2. Eeeh, Kate Daniels. I’m glad they’re taking a slightly different direction with these covers. It bugs me that they’re not using a consistent cover model for the previous books.

    5. Uhm, what is going on with her foot? Is this intentional? Is this part of the story? Because if it is, props.

    6. That tagline (which is so very much a blurb) should have gone on the back cover. This is just silly. And overly dramatic. Jeez. Get it together, cover.

    8. This make-up artist will be so proud. All the attention on her work.

    9. So, it’s like Storm with longer hair? Cool.

    14. I’m sooo happy this has a good cover. I’ve been waiting on this book for months.

    21. How many times have you seen a sheep in the woods? Have you even been in any woods? Have you? I don’t think you have. Sheep don’t roam those foresty realms.

    26. It IS so creepy. But a beautiful creepy. Gah, how I want this book without even knowing what it’s about.

    29. I don’t know. This cover doesn’t scream “hot” to me. It’s too green and blue in overtone, which is quite the opposite imo.

    31. HOW ARE THEY NOT DROWNING? This bottle it full. They should be dead.

    36. I hate this special branch of “omg porn for wimin”. Dudes with puppies isn’t necessarily the most erotic our brains are willing to go thankyouvermuch.

    39. Is she wearing platforms? Practical, as usual. Sigh.

    CB #2: OMG NO. Why why why.

    CB #5: Aaaaah, I love eet. All the Stephanie Kuehn covers! I want ALL OF THEM.

    WTF #1: Hahahaahahahahahaha. Yeah, that.
    Ellis recently posted…The Delirium Dissections (6) – A Not So New NormalMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. The blurb’s all about how she like runs away from her parents to find an Italian boy to date. WUT?

      2. I like this cover model a lot. I don’t remember what the other one looked like, but the covers have definitely gotten better.

      5. I think she’s shyly digging it into the grass?

      6. It is totally a blurb.

      9. Huh, you are not the only one to get X-Men from this. Clearly not enough people have watched The Last Unicorn.

      14. I hope this book doesn’t make me feel stupid like the previous one did. X_X

      21. So it is a sheep? Maybe it’s a zombie sheep?

      31. Is it full? I thought it was empty? Oh, but that might be the vodka line. I thought it was just a weird bottle design.

      36. Nothing about this says sexy times to me. It says Christmas movie on Lifetime starring Tim Allen.

      39. I don’t think so? I think it’s just the angle of her foot.

      CB5: Have them you shall.

  9. Meg says:

    2. I always thought back sheaths were the niftiest thing ever until a friend pointed out how easy it would be to stab yourself in the neck.

    4. $10 says one of the models peed in the ocean at some point during that shoot.

    9. It looks like something I want to read is what it looks like.

    14. Boy-generating matches, eh? So, would a whole pack of matches give you multiples of the same boy or would you get a new boy with each match? Either way, hmmm…

    17. I too thought the title was Broken Hearts Fences to Mend. Love the font though.

    18. LOVE LOVE LOVE the covers for this series. I have yet to read the first one, but I will get to it. Before I do, I will sit and admire it for a while.

    19. This makes me think of Josh Hutcherson covered in mud and hiding in a creek despite being nothing like that.

    20. SOILENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! SOILENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! (sorry, it’s like a yawn, if one person says it I have to say it)

    23. those nipples could poke your eye out.

    26. …or maybe she was dead all along. DUN DUN DUN.

    31. I know alcohol is sterilizing and all, but it still seems unsanitary to put half-naked, tiny people in it.

    37. THE LIGHTS GET BRIGHTER! WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT?!

    CB 5. I like the old one, the cool color palette and tree silhouettes seem murky and ominous.

    WTF 1: HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA (I am mature and dignified)

    Cover of the Week: I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THIS REASONING

  10. Christina Franke says:

    2. Back sheathes just look really needlessly complicated. I mean, reaching like that is not the most natural of motions.

    4. When you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go.

    9. Too bad they didn’t get it on the bookish sites before revealing the cover.

    14. This is probably more likely than me getting a boyfriend a normal way tbh.

    17. I like the font, but the background color doesn’t look good with it.

    18. I really liked it, but it’s definitely weird to the max.

    19. BAHAHAHA.

    20. Damn is it “soilent.” I Googled, but google may have lied to me. DAMN. Also, my friends and I did that same thing with Soilent green is people.

    23. This is not the last sight I want in my life.

    31. They put snakes in it, so… And worms.

  11. LG says:

    #7 – I read that as “Butt Wars: The Mega-Rise.” I obviously need more coffee.

    Cover Battles # 6 – The stock art for the hardcover is overused (I swear I’ve seen it in at least three other covers), so just about anything would be better than that.

    WTF #2 – “Stoned of Destiny” would make a better title with this cover.

    WTF #3 – I like the books I’ve read by Z.A. Maxfield, but that cover is awful.
    LG recently posted…Mindtouch (e-book) by M.C.A. HogarthMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      7. THIS DELIGHTS ME.

      CB6. Oh really? I’m not the best at spotting stock covers, honestly. It’s just kinda lame-looking too. The new one looks more professional.

      WTF 2: PERFECTION.

      WTF 3: I love the m/m romance covers. They’re like intentionally terrible for lols. They must be.

  12. Angie F. says:

    1. I think this cover is cute, but I don’t like the title.

    2. They are! And they’re pretty cute. 🙂

    7. This looks like a video game cover.

    13. This is the only cover for the series I actually like! Also, the author says the eyes are closed on the novella’s since they’re not from Juliette’s POV, which is kind of clever.

    15. I was totally thinking this was a JLA book…

    18. I need to read these!

    19. This totally reminds me of the lady at the hospital yesterday who wore purple lipstick, eyeshadow, and shirt to camouflage her cold sore…

    24. But she does look kind of bad ass…

    30. Really? Turning another perfectly fine standalone into a series…

    36. Aw, hahaha!

    Battles
    1. The second one!

    2. I do like the second one better, the pink catches my attention.

    4. US!

    5. Hardback!

    WTF
    1. That is amazing! 😀

    3. Oh my….
    Angie F. recently posted…Review: Olivia Twisted by Vivi BarnesMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. It’s good that you like it, as it’s not been a favorite with Cover Snark readers thus far.

      13. Ah, that does make sense. But, also, even cyclops eyes need to blink, right?

      15. RIGHT?

      19. GROSS GROSS GROSS.

      30. Oh, I already knew about this one. But, ugh, that trend.

  13. Kayla Beck says:

    2. *eaten by Google monster*

    3. Giggety

    12. I thought we were done with the 80s porn covers?

    13. I have fake eyelashes that are feathers. Trust me when I say it is not fun.

    16. I hate to think that I am measured by some of the meetings that I’ve survived. O.O

    18. I usually don’t like pink, but this cover is fucking awesome.

    20. I feel like forks beckon me exactly like that cover. “Come use me to eat the cake, Kaylaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” *sigh* This is why I’m fat.

    23. Bahahaha, now all I can see is a nipple! It reminds me of this!

    30. It’s not terrible, but I liked the cover for the first book a lot better.

    39. This is a fairly terrible cover. There’s wayyyyyyyyy too much going on!

    CB1. The first cover is the US cover and the second one is UK – I think. I don’t want to go back to Google though. *stares at the monster*

    CB3. The first cover was beautiful and the second one is just silly.

    CB6. I dislike them equally.

    WTF3. Ugh, this can never be unseen. *gouges out eyeballs*
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Blog Tour (Guest Post & Giveaway): Eye of the Soul by Terri RochenskiMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      12. We will never be done.

      13. WHY?

      16. Meetings can be mindnumbing.

      20. Hahahaha, mmmm, cake. Why don’t I have any cake?

      30. Both covers for this series are uninteresting to me.

      CB1. The person I repinned it from made it sound like a redesign, but GR makes it look like US/UK. I don’t know. I do not have time to research such things.

      • Kayla Beck says:

        13. I got them for a thingy in New Orleans. I like to be a little over the top whenever I’m there, but it won’t be with feather eyes again.

        16. Can be? I’d like to be shown one that isn’t. Even the good ones seem to drag on far too long.

        20. We need cake. And it’s my quasi-MIL’s birthday today! I’ll get to eat cake! *dances*

        30. I’m biased. She’s a Louisiana girl from my area.
        Kayla Beck recently posted…Blog Tour (Review): Waterfell by Amalie HowardMy Profile

  14. Gillian says:

    1. I agree with the “If Only…” confusion, but the cover has shades of The Lizzie McGuire Movie, so I’M SOLD.

    3. We all know what that “something” is. *waggles eyebrows back* Is this the… cover cock-up?

    5. Come on, this cover is adooooorable.

    6. That comma just gave me a seizure. That is the worst comma I’ve ever seen.

    8. *snort*

    14. If that happened I would check myself into therapy for the rest of my life.

    17. Confusing it may be, but I love this cover.

    18. I LOVE these covers. I should read these books. Because covers. “ERIC LOOK OUT DON’T HARPOON HER IN VERY SLOW MOTION, SO SLOW SHE COULD EASILY RUN AWAY BUT SHE CAN’T BECAUSE SHE’S THE VILLAIN!!!”

    20. That is creeeeeeeeepy.

    23. Beatrice and Benedick you are NOT.

    31. “Never drink the vodka in Wonderland.” BWHWAHAHAHAHA! I was trying to find a spin on, “The worms at the bottom of the tequila bottle”, but YOU WIN.

    32. OMFG YES. This is my kind of illustrated cover. NNNNGH. (That is s a sound of cover lust)

    35. Zita looks like my kind of girl. Also, hiiii Reepicheep, you have wandered quite far from the Christian allegory from whence you came.

    36. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    37. Oooooooo. *is mesmerized*

    39. Whooooa, cover style change!

    CB3. This fucking book.

    CB6. I kind of liiiiked the original cover. I like the redesign a lot, though.

    WTF1. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS WHY STICKER PLACEMENT IS VERY IMPORTANT AND THE DIRECTION OF THEIR GAZES OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHA

    WTF3. I JUST CHOKED ON MY TONGUE. Never order the chef’s surprise in Wonderland.
    Gillian recently posted…How to Convert a YA Doubter into a YA BelieverMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. The Lizzie Maguire Movie clearly needs to be rewatched so I get all of those references. Did she ride around Italy on a vespa without holding onto anything?

      3. NOT YET. BUT SORT OF.

      6. I KNEW YOU WOULD ENJOY THAT COMMA. (GRANDPA DOESNT NEED A COMMA TOO)

      18. Villains are like t-rexes and can’t see things that aren’t moving. Slower is better. OR SOMETHING.

      23. *bristles at their presumption*

      31. *puts on crown*

      35. She does look pretty ballin’. I am a bit creeped out by the fact that someone handcuffed a child, but that’s no problem for her apparently.

      CB3. It wants you to read it agaaaaain, Gillian. It’s a trap.

      WTF1. WHY, YES, IT IS IMPORTANT.

      3. Lol.

  15. Judith says:

    1. The guy is practically perfect in every way, but he has one major flaw: he is not Italian. Better dump him now, girl!

    3. *snorts*

    5. Middle grade? Innnnnnteresting.

    6. Beware of commas: they randomly appear in your sentence when they are not supposed to.

    9. She’s probably pissed off because Noah Hutchins stole her title when he kept calling Echo his siren. HEAR THAT NOAH, YOU CAN STOP NOW.

    12. If you’re worried about who’s gonna catch you, don’t jump off effing bridges. The water doesn’t tend to catch you when you do.

    13. I don’t think a book with a male POV should have pretty feathered eyelashes on the cover.

    15. Ha, I was certain this was an Armentrout book until I saw the name.

    18. There are antlers and a pirate ship, is this secretly Siege and Storm?!

    26. It’s VERY creepy. It looks like the setting of one of the Scandanavian crime shows that I love to watch so NOPE.

    29. More ass-grabbing because why not.

    32. Oooh, this is very pretty! I also like that she’s actually dressed for snow and not, y’know, half naked.

    33. She really looks like Alison from PLL. Except that Alison wouldn’t wear those clothes and hold a guitar because she’s too busy creeping people out and stuff but oh well.
    34. Oh. Em. Gee. Giant freaking floating faces. That’s so unique and different!

    36. Bestiality? Really?

    37. IS IT ACTUALLY SHINING THAT IS SO AWESOME. If the real cover isn’t shiny, I will be really disappointed.

    CB 4. *shudders* *moves on*

    6. I have no idea what it’s supposed to be but I really like the new cover. It’s pretty.

    WTF 3. Hahahahahahahahahaa.

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. It’s always good to restrict your dating pool to a particular type of person. Basing romance choices on narrow-minded restrictions is a sign of maturity and imminent true love.

      6. Sneaky bastards!

      9. Baby bothered me more than Siren, but I was pretty much alone in that. Just stop with the pet names entirely, Noah; she’s not your damn dog.

      13. Apparently it’s Juliet’s closed eye because she doesn’t know what’s happening since it’s not from her perspective.

      15. COPYCAT.

      18. Weirder and not set in Russia. Haha.

      26. She sort of reminds me of Emily from Revenge, particularly in the flashbacks.

      29. Dat ass.

      32. Also, how much do I want that cloak?

      33. UGH, Alison is so irritating.

      36. apparently women go for this?

      37. I mean, I doubt it will be a gif, but hopefully the finished cover has the brighter lights.

      CB4. Shudder at which thing?

  16. Now that I’m out of my funk, it’s time to comment on some snarked-up covers!

    2. This series doesn’t get great covers even though I hear it’s good enough to deserve great ones, but this is pretty decent. Awesome-looking lady and a pretty white lion! (I knew there were white lions solely because of this one show I used to watch called Kimba the White Lion.)

    4. I DON’T CARE HOW BLAND THE COVER IS. I WANT TO LOVE THIS BOOK SO HARD NEITHER OF US CAN WALK STRAIGHT.

    5. Not extraordinary, but it’s pretty cute. I want her shirt and almost want her hair, but I do like my short hair very much.

    10. If the dust jacket does not shimmer, consumers should complain until the publisher MAKES it shimmer. It’s only right.

    13. I love it because pretty purple, funny feathers, and an eye that ISN’T staring at me. I just don’t want it open and staring into my soul. Or at my butt when I’m changing clothes. The Lost Sun totally did that and I had to put it out of the room before I could change clothes. True story.

    14. Oooh, I like. the cover looks great AND this book sounds awesome. I may not have cared for Charm & Strange, but I’m willing to give her another shot.

    18. OH MY GOD, IT’S SO PINK. I want to request it when Macmillan’s spring catalog goes out solely because it’s so pretty, but I’m not sure I’d be able to put together the words to review it. I sure couldn’t with Love in the Time of Global Warming.

    20. Someone really should feed whoever last had that fork. Them trying to eat the fork is really not a good sign and now they’ve probably got a few missing teeth to show for their efforts. Surely they can find a good corpse somewhere!

    23. I’m laughing at about five different details, from everyone’s failure to notice/Photoshop his nipple to all his piercings to that patch of hair on his chin to everything beyond that. I’d snicker hard at this in a bookstore!

    24. I’m pretty sure Jim C. Hines has done this pose before and caused himself a great deal of pain. The photographers who ask women to pose like this are evil. EVIL.

    29. I take your Georgia summers and raise you some Florida summers. The summers are the #1 reason I don’t want to stay at college for summer even though I should. Hot and humid and overly sunny and downright unbearable. We don’t even have winter, really; we have fall/spring and then summer. One season and one hybrid season.

    31. If I had to choose between a bottle of vodka with roaches floating in it and this bottle of vodka, I’m genuinely unsure what I’d choose. Your snark is spot-on, Christina. Spot-on!

    37. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas~…

    5. I definitely prefer the new one. It plays just as much on the novel as the hardcover’s image, if not more so, and it looks good.

    6. Just about anything would have been an improvement over the first cover! Also, her boots. MINE.

    1. I genuinely don’t know what to say other than THIS IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.

    3. FUCK YES. THE NAKED CHEF-MAN MADE IT IN. Thursday is now done.
    Ashleigh Paige recently posted…Review: The Grimm Legacy by Polly ShulmanMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      SO EXCITED YOU WILL BE AT BEA!

      2. I’ve never heard of this show. But, yes, I like these covers better than whatever they were doing before. And that girl is like absurdly gorgeous.

      4. ME TOO. DAMN BLYTHE AND DAHLIA FOR HAVING THIS IN THEIR POSSESSION ALREADY.

      10. I WAS PROMISED SHIMMER.

      13. bahahahahaha, I must be an exhibitionist, because I would change in front of staring books. Enjoy the view, book people.

      14. C&S and I had our problems, but I definitely came out of it thinking she was talented, even if that book was a struggle. I’ll keep trying. Less science this time, PLEASE.

      18. Did you like LiToGW?

      23. I saw those things. I just don’t want to.

      24. To me, it’s really not a sexy pose either. But I’m not attracted to ladies sexually, so maybe I’m missing something.

      29. But don’t you have sea breezes? And pools everywhere?

      31. Ew. NO VODKA. NO VODKA. I would so drink the people vodka.

      5. I think it fits the story more, but the hardcover gets how fucked up and weird it is, more of the mood, I guess.

      1. ISN’T IT? I DIED.

      3. *applauds for a snark well done*

  17. Brandy says:

    #23 NOOOOOOO!

    #35 The new Zita book!!!!! I had to call my daughter in to see that. She loves them. It may look all sorts of corny but those books are marvelous, particularly for girls who love graphic novels, sic-fi, and gaming and want to see themselves as heroes in such a story.

    #36 I would not date that guy. I would make fun of friends who did.

    WTF#3 AHG! My eyes. That is all kinds of wrong. Blech.
    Brandy recently posted…WoW: HorizonMy Profile

  18. Kathy L. says:

    1. Something about her facial expression seems off.
    2. I like how they are trying to make her look like she’s been in a fight with the cuts on her forehead and elbow but it just looks weird with the rest of her being spotless and the lack of blood.
    4. *squints eyes*
    5. How is that grass so green and lush? Is everyone’s lawn like that? Now I’m self-conscious about mine.
    7. Reminds me of Terminator.
    9. I want all of that! Her hair, those tattoos, her dress, and that mansion! GIVE IT ALL TO ME NOW!!! And if someone wants to give me the power to hold lightning bolts, I’ll take it, but no promises not use my powers for evil. *chuckles villainously*
    11. For a second I thought “oh what a pretty butterfly on her hand” and then I realized it’s just a boring pair of glasses.
    12. Anyone else getting a Demi Lovato vibe?
    13. These covers look better when the eye is closed.
    15. Wow those covers are similar! No subtlety there.
    16. Another cover that makes me want to squint.
    19. I wish she was wearing green lipstick too. It would take the cover from kind of cool to epic!
    20. Not a fan of the cover but that tagline interests me to no end!
    21. I’m pretty sure it’s a dog but they really should make it easier to see.
    23. NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    24. I like her hair and her tattoos are cool if not my style but what is up with the chain coming off her belt!?!? Also I don’t like the placement of that crossbow. It’s like the designer was trying to draw attention to her crotch.
    25. I like this but I don’t love the border.
    27. OMG I read that as Thirsty Sunsets! hahahahaaaa
    32. WOW I love this! That fire bird is so cool!
    37. Pretty lights!
    39. I normally adore Aprilynne Pikes covers but this one is so disappointing! 🙁
    CB1. I prefer the lightning house one but the girl should be smaller. I want to see more of those stairs.
    CB4. I am all about the UK one! I actually think the lighter red shade is prettier then darker one.
    CB6. Ok this one isn’t as bad as the Earthquake one and I guess if I’m honest I like it but I don’t love it!
    *shakes head* Oh WTF covers how silly you are.

    • Christina Franke says:

      2. Yeah, points for trying, but they need to go a bit further.

      5. Not even. They probably have an AstroTurf lawn.

      11. Huh. It does kinda look like a butterfly at a glance.

      12. Maybe if I’d ever seen Demi Lovato.

      19. She should have taken lessons from Peeta.

      24. She does have a crotch chain. Uncomfortable.

      25. The border makes it look like a tarot card or something.

      CB4. I actually like the dark shade, or maybe I just hate the way the light red is swooped over her eye.

  19. 1. Looks like an amateur tried to make a cover.
    2. The white lion, wow!
    6. That’s indeed a long tagline. I don’t feel like reading it.
    13. Pretty covers. I like that they still manage to make it something special.
    14. Pretty!
    18. I love the details in these covers!
    25. I really like it 🙂
    26. This is.. different.
    28. There is just something about these steampunk covers that I really like.
    32. Covers with art are the best! This series looks great.
    35. The chickens behind the girl with those cloaks, haha.

    I hate it when they not only change the cover, but also the title.. and I also don’t understand. Thorn abbey is far more appealing to me. The new cover from earthbound is so much better! The WTF 3 is hilarious, hahaha.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 212. Stacey Jay – Of beast and beauty.My Profile

  20. 3. I really, really despise couples that put their hands in each other’s pockets. It’s so cutesy and PDA and it’s yucky.

    17. Oh but I love the font and clouds so much! CUTE!

    21. I think it’s a Smooth Collie. Not completely sure though.

    30. LOL I love how creative you are getting with these covers.

    CB5. That is the THIRD cover redesign for Charm and Strange. Enough!
    Kara @ Great Imaginations recently posted…Book Review of All These Things I’ve Done by Gabrielle ZevinMy Profile

  21. 1. I wish I was back there ermehgerd.
    2. WHITE LIONS ARE TOTALLY A THING.
    3. http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/hSbE0.gif
    5. What the hell is her right foot doing? Some kind of weird yoga? Creepy turning a la The Exorcist? No me gusta.
    9. Her hair is so silver and pretty.
    12. Are they legally allowed to put Lana Del Rey on the cover?
    13. I didn’t notice the blinking thing D: SO COOL.
    19. Ikr, why does the body have make up on.
    20. This creeps me out for some reason.
    30. Rule #2: Warn me when there’s a sequel O_O I THOUGHT THIS WAS A STANDALONE.
    37. Ooooh, flashing lights.
    CB4. I definitely prefer the US one. The model on the UK one looks like a vampire. Or, I guess, a Brit who hasn’t seen the sun.
    WTF1. I’m dying.
    Amber (Books of Amber) recently posted…Siege and Storm by Leigh BardugoMy Profile

  22. Lyn Kaye says:

    9. ……wow, it does.
    13. I am such a sucker. I like the cover.
    24. The fake tattoos drive me INSANE.

    Covers
    1. I like the first one!
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Stacking the Shelves #65My Profile

  23. Lynn K. says:

    18. The Island of Excess Love – The deer antlers are intriguing!

    25. In the Shadows – I love Jim Di Bartolo’s art. The ones he did for Daughter of Smoke and Bone are gorgeous. Can’t wait! *__*

    32. White Heart of Justice – JASOOOON CHAAAAAAAAAAAN <3

  24. […] Creepin’ in Simon and Schuster’s Spring/Summer 2014 children’s catalog.It’s Cover Snark time over at Christina’s blog, A Reader of Fictions.There is a BRILLIANT post from Gillian at […]

  25. […] in Simon and Schuster’s Spring/Summer 2014 children’s catalog. It’s Cover Snark time over at Christina’s blog, A Reader of Fictions. There is a BRILLIANT post from Gillian […]

  26. Shawn Michaels says:

    Wow! There is so much to read through here. I love your post. It is amazingly outstanding. Thanks for sharing such an incredible information. Thumbs up!

  27. Indians are plenty smart. We catch small wood. Build small fire. Stand close and stay warm all over. White men not so smart. They catch big wood. Build big fire. Stand far away, burn face and freeze ass.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge