Review: Suddenly Royal

Review: Suddenly RoyalSuddenly Royal by Nichole Chase
Series: Suddenly #1
Published by Author on April 17, 2013
Genres: Contemporary, Romance
Pages: 465
Format: eBook
Source: Purchased
AmazonThe Book Depository
Goodreads
half-star

Samantha Rousseau is used to getting her hands dirty. Working toward a master’s degree in wildlife biology while helping take care of her sick father, she has no time for celebrity gossip, designer clothes, or lazy vacations. So when a duchess from the small country of Lilaria invites her to dinner, Samantha assumes it’s to discuss a donation for the program. The truth will change the course of her life in ways she never dreamed.

Alex D’Lynsal is trying to keep his name clean. As crown prince of Lilaria, he’s had his share of scandalous headlines, but the latest pictures have sent him packing to America and forced him to swear off women—especially women in the public eye. That is, until he meets Samantha Rousseau. She’s stubborn, feisty, and incredibly sexy. Not to mention heiress to an estate in his country, which makes her everyone’s front-page news.

While Sam tries to navigate the new world of politics and wealth, she will also have to dodge her growing feelings for Alex. Giving in to them means more than just falling in love; it would mean accepting the weight of an entire country on her shoulders.

Well, I suppose it was inevitable that I would eventually find a new adult novel that I resolutely do not enjoy. While Suddenly Royal is largely inoffensive, it’s also so cliché-ridden that I wanted to cry. Billed as a Princess Diaries for an older audience and having received decent early reviews, I was resoundly disappointed with my experience here. If this is The Princess Diaries, then it’s the sequel, The Royal Engagement only without the random musical numbers, Julie Andrews, and hair that makes a boy moose go WAAAAH.

moose

The highest praise I have to offer is that the cover matches the book perfectly, and is actually directly from a particular scene. Rather than my usual review, I’m going to list some bullet points of what let me down about Suddenly Royal.

The Writing – Given that Suddenly Royal has been out for a couple months, I was not thrilled to note quite a few typos as I read. Even the well-edited parts aren’t impressive, full of telling rather than showing, and repetitive diction. Perhaps even worse than that are the occasional odd word choices, like “perfect rump” or the supposedly flirty conversation where Sam points at a word that means “stuffed,” which is apparently sexy but noooo. Everything that wasn’t awkward was cheesy as all get out.

queen surfing
Awkward like inviting a bunch of kids and your grandma to your bachelorette party.

Characterization – We’re told that the characters are a lot of things, but they really don’t exhibit any depth at all, just one or two surface characteristics. Sam does not exhibit her apparently vast intelligence or cutting wit pretty much ever. Alex at no point comes off to me as anything more than a smarmy playboy prince, and I basically found him incredibly not attractive. Both gay characters are very stereotypically gay. All the other girls besides Sam are very girly, to showcase how different and special she is since she hates shopping. Also, expect every single woman but Sam to unbutton her shirt in front of Alex, and for Sam to slut-shame her for being scantily clad. The hired help adore being hired help; “Life is so unnerving for a servant who’s not serving,” after all.

making faces

Banter Fail – The flirting in Suddenly Royal leaves so much to be desired, probably because the characters lack personality. The conversations Alex and Sam have are stilted and skim only the surface of incredibly mundane subjects. Their intense attraction to one another never made any sense to me.

I loathe you
This = a better foundation for a relationship.

Sexiness Fail – Once they finally fall into bed together, the sex is entirely uninspiring. There’s basically no foreplay, some quick thrusting, and then, quicker than you can say “why the hell am I reading this?”, spontaneous orgasms.

queen is never late
But the prince is often early.

Plot – My problem here is that there really wasn’t one. She learns she’s a duchess and the goes to be a duchess. That’s about it. There seems to have been some effort made to make Suddenly Royal deeper and not just about the romance, only it was still totally just about the romance, only with endless stretches of book where nothing happened at all.

Pacing – What was the timeline? I have no clue. The time seemed really drawn out and then would skip weeks or months without warning. For the most part, the pacing was mind-numbingly slow as things continually failed to happen.

shut up

On the plus side, there’s no instalove, though the banterless writing and lack of deep connection does make it feel that way. However, props are due for the characters not rushing into the “I love you” stuff.

I am not impressed, and I will not be reading any more of this series. That’s it. I’m done. Why are you guys still here? I said GOOD DAY, sir.

nix

Favorite Quote:
Nope.

29 responses to “Review: Suddenly Royal”

  1. Angie F. says:

    I’ve mostly been seeing high ratings for this one, but hmm…it does seem kind of bad.

    I adore the Princess Diaries, so that comparison would have sold me, but from what you’ve said it seems lame. The romance especially. I love me some banter, and hate to love, but I need some actual chemistry and steam with that! Also, spontaneous orgasm? No thanks!
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    • Christina Franke says:

      Sometimes I get it, but in this case I REALLY don’t see the appeal.

      Umm, yeah. The Princess Diaries comparison got me, but like no. And yeah, the sex was just so sad. No foreplay but simultaneous quick orgasms. I just bet.

  2. Gillian says:

    “A Queen is never late” But a Prince is often early

    CACKLING MADLY

    Lollll, that last gif of Julie is perfect. ALL the gifs are perfect, especially since we obviously just watched this cinematic classic. Too bad there was no boy-moose-catching hair in this. Only thrusting and stuffing and slut-shaming. THE TRIFECTA
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    • Christina Franke says:

      I am SO proud of myself for this gif usage. The review was SO boring before that, much like the book. BUT THEN. This is why gifs exist. This right here.

  3. Kayla Beck says:

    So, this is basically just The Princess Diaries where Mia has sex? *sigh* I guess the cover is cute.
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    • Christina Franke says:

      And terrible. Don’t forget terrible.

      • Kayla Beck says:

        So this is basically just a terrible alternate Princess Diaries where Mia has awful sex? *sigh* I guess the cover is cute.

        Better? 😀
        Kayla Beck recently posted…Review: Ashes to Ashes by Melissa WalkerMy Profile

        • Christina Franke says:

          Haha. Yes. Very important distinction. Why why why is this one of the only ebooks I’ve spent money on? *cries* *kicks hype*

          • Kayla Beck says:

            Now class, did we not learn our lessons about hype from Twilight, City of Bones, and Divergent?
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            • Christina Franke says:

              SHHHH. No, we didn’t. Also, Twilight was the shit back when I first read it. Figuratively. Not, it’s more literal, but hey at least it reintroduced me to YA.

              • Kayla Beck says:

                Twilight made me doubt anything that my friend Leslie recommends to me. She does not get to make suggestions any more. She had me go through the whole series because “it gets better”. Umm… No. No. No.

                No.

                The Hunger Games is what got me into YA. Before that, it was nothing but literary fiction and sci-fi/fantasy. I was so excited when I realized what YA was.
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                • Christina Franke says:

                  Ha, you’re lucky you started with that. I got into YA three years before THG really became a thing. *shrugs*

                • Kayla Beck says:

                  I had read YA before THG, but it wasn’t a thing that I was actively reading. I thought it was just stuff for me to occasionally delve into and pretend I was a kid again, like with Harry Potter. Then I had to develop the old, tired collection at the library branch I managed, so it worked out in the end.
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                • Christina Franke says:

                  Hahahaha. You didn’t like how good it got with the pedophilia and the Alien moment? No?

                  I wish it had been something less hackneyed, but my friend Katelyn was like I JUST READ THE MOST WONDERFUL STORY. And it was Twilight. And I dug it. Until I didn’t anymore. :-p

                • Kayla Beck says:

                  The pedophilia had me from the start. Because that’s what Edward was – a pedophile. And Bella was a necrophiliac. I was grossed out even when it was uncool among my peers to be grossed out by Twilight. *shudders* And I refuse to talk about Breaking Dawn other than to say that was probably one of the stupidest freakin’ books that I ever finished. I feel without a doubt in my mind that she only wrote it for the paycheck. I mean, would you name a character Renewhateverthefuckitwas with good intentions?
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  4. Dahlia Adler says:

    Dying at this review, in large part because by about two paragraphs in I could no longer remember between Sam and Alex which was the guy and which was the girl. I actually refrained from this one because I thought it sounded too cute for me personally – the royalty stuff isn’t my kind of thing – but really, there’s nothing sadder than lame banter, except maybe zero foreplay.

    • Christina Franke says:

      Ha, I think Sam is the girl, but I’m honestly not sure either. I did read this in June or something, but still that’s not good.

      It’s not cute. It’s just boring honestly. ZERO foreplay.

  5. I hate/love you for using gifs from The Princess Diaries. Now I want to watch both the movies again but can’t because I don’t have them. D: Suddenly Royal was never on my radar in the first place, but now it’s on the NOPE NEVER NOPE radar. Not a fun place to be.

    The model’s face makes me think she knows it’s bad too but doesn’t care because she’s making money off this. If you say it matches…
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    • Christina Franke says:

      Oh, come now. You just love me. Right? Did you check your school’s library? Ours had some DVDs, which I didn’t realize until a good way into undergrad.

      Ha, she probably does know. The next cover has an equally insufferable expression on the model, too.

  6. Molli says:

    Where do I even start, Christina? First of all, the Princess Diaries gifs are HILARIOUS. I laughed so much reading this one too.

    But okay. The premise sounds SO cute, so it’s actually sort of a bummer this was such a flop. The characters seem really ridiculous stereotypes that I’d probably hate.

    And BOO to no chemistry and awful, quick sex scenes. I can’t stand that. If you’re going to write sex scenes, do it right, darn it!

    THE LAST GIF IS PERFECT. hahaha.

    Seriously though, ew, don’t you just wish you could get your time back after reading something like this?
    Molli recently posted…Dual Review: Torn and Ascend by Amanda HockingMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Score! Making people laugh is always awesome.

      Right? I want to be swooning over here, okay? None of this lame sex.

      Yes. And my money. *sighs heavily*

  7. Nara says:

    “A queen is never late. But the prince is often early”
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I legit burst out laughing at that line, leading to my younger brother asking me what’s so funny and me awkwardly deflecting the question haha.

    This does sound rather similar to The Princess Diaries. Except with crappier characters and a lack of actual plot. To be quite honest, this probably wasn’t the type of book I really wanted to read anyway, but now it’s definitely on my NOPE pile.
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    • Christina Franke says:

      Bahaha, I cracked myself up when I came up with that one, ngl. Rarely have I been prouder of myself.

      At least I can save others.

  8. Lili says:

    Bahahah. I’m cringing so much that my name is under recommendations just because we read this together. *crawls in a corner to die*

    BOY MOOSE GO WAAAH!!!!! klsjdflkjfglkdjfg <3

    Haha our conversation about the word rump is coming back to me! And I will never think the term "stuffed" is sexy. Ever. Because it's not. Just no. I can't.

    Meh I touched upon all the characterization issues in my review too. Apparently, girls just can't keep their shirts buttoned. You know how much the stereotypical flamboyant gays pissed me off. It's like…this girl had so much potential with the birds. THE ONE BIT OF POTENTIAL IN THIS ENTIRE STORY and the author didn't even milk it. Shame on you. Shame.

    Hey now, there aren't only spontaneous orgasms, there's the constant fact that they bask so much in sexual glory that they're apparently equivalent to God. Can't forget that, now.

    *holds out I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR mug*

    I'm so glad this mess is over.

  9. I LOVE YOUR GIFS! I was going to say that I spent the entire time watching Paolo go “WAAAAAAA” but then I saw that a GIF had a moment of Chris Pine, so I stared at that one for a long while too. And man oh man, that entire review was HILARIOUS.
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  10. Judith says:

    This sounds very, very, VERY bad. I was going to say “who would even publish this?” but then I saw it was self-pub. There’s a reason for that, obviously. I’m glad this book exists though, because I’m dying over those gifs. Your review is perfect. *applauds*

    Now I want to watch The Princess Diaries. Dammit.
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  11. Ellis says:

    Bahahaha, the prince is often early.

    Sooo, I actually liked this book, which is weird, because we often agree on bookish stuff. I read it during finals and it was a but of mindless fun. I don’t come down as hard on the books I read during exam period. I guess my brain needs some fluff then. I think it’s why I’m more or less okay with Divergent and Insurgent.

    But holy shit, did this book drag. It was waaaaay too long. I agree about the slut-shaming, which was totally unnecessary. Then there were also all the guys trying to “protect” her and her father’s cancer would be cured with homeopathy… ? I don’t know, it all sounds so bad in hindsight =/

    I’m actually surprised you didn’t mention the disastrous worldbuilding. Oh, and that they invent Lilarian and no one ever speaks it x_x As a small monarchy where English isn’t the main language, this country is an utter fail. Also, “Lilaria” sounds like something you come up with in three seconds.

    And still. I liked this book >_< How.

    Perfect gif usage is perfection. Make all the boy moose go waaaaah 😀 😀 😀
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  12. Sarah J says:

    This is one of the best reviews I’ve read in all day. I can’t stop laughing. Those gifs and the commentary all just worked perfectly. I’m honestly surprised this is New Adult. It looked like a middle grade novel. I’ll be keeping this far away from the grabby paws of my younger sister if she comes across this. I’ll be staying from this because it reeks of bad sex, characters, and storyline.
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