posted at Thursday, October 17th, 2013 at 6:00 AM | Cover Snark
Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Today, since I’m in California with Gillian (Writer of Wrongs), you’re getting double the snark!
Shiny and New:
1. The Cabinet of Curiosities: 40 Tales Brief & Sinister – Stefan Bachmann, Claire Legrand, Katherine Catmull & Emma Trevayne
C: This whole thing is magical, but I especially love the cyclops umbrella with teeth.
G: It’s like Howl’s Moving Castle meets Monsters, Inc. meets Up.
2. The Star Catcher (The Star Child #3) – Stephanie Keyes
C: The guy from the Easy cover should not be allowed to be on any other covers.
G: He has the creepiest hair. And he looks like he’s sniffing her shoulder.
C: Actually, I think her two-tone hair is pretty creepy.
G: They should never reproduce and have children with hair.
C: Bald children only. Airbenders, the lot of them.
3. Exile – Kevin Emerson
G: I don’t understand this tagline. Where are you going to meet me?!?!
C: I don’t know. In the X? Is this a drug metaphor? Also, that cable is worthless. SO SHORT.
4. The Silversmith’s Wife – Sophia Tobin
C: What’s with the text upsidedown and sideways on the top right?
G: This is beautiful. I can has?
5. Find Me Where the Water Ends (So Close to You #3) – Rachel Carter
G: That girl really needs to buy a ponytail holder.
C: Her hair’s blowing to the left this time, because she ain’t right! BURN.
6. Life by Committee – Corey Ann Haydu
G: I like her shoes.
C: Me too. Committee votes that the shoes now belong to us. Boyfriend stealers do not deserve the shoes. And, wait, who is assigning her to kiss people’s boyfriends?
7. Heartbeat – Elizabeth Scott
G: *sneezes at pollen font*
C: EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE IN ONE ELLIPSIS!
8. Come Rain or Shine (Shine On #3) – Allison Jewell
G: Pretty hair is pretty.
C: Pretty dress and makeup is also pretty.
10. (Don’t You) Forget About Me – Kate Karyus Quinn
C: I reject the fact that there is not a person raising their arm on this cover.
11. Where Silence Gathers – (Some Quiet Place #2) Kelsey Sutton
C: This model clearly learned about posing from the covers for The Selection series.
G: Except her BO looks like it’s WAY worse than America’s.
12. Born of Deception (Born of Illusion #2) – Teri Brown
C: Veils are not as pretty in red. It sort of makes her look like she’s got the chicken pox.
G: I thought she had a wound on her forehead. Or a giant zit.
13. Say What You Will – Cammie McGovern
C: This reminds me of Rainbow Rowell’s covers, particularly Attachments. I’m also cheered that they apparently can’t say they love each other. No instalove. Yay!
G: Chairs aren’t known for being very open with their feelings.
C: That’s couches, which is why they’re much beloved of psychiatrists.
15. Don’t Call Me Baby – Gwendolyn Heasley
G: Nobody puts baby in the ocean.
C: Looks like the sun actually DOES shine out of her ass.
16. Sweet Reckoning (The Sweet Trilogy #3) – Wendy Higgins
G: She looks like Rebekah from The Vampire Diaries.
C: She looks like … candy. Maybe that’s why he’s about to take a big chomp out of her shoulder.
17. My Last Kiss – Bethany Neal
C: I think I like it, but it hurts my brain.
G: I keep thinking my eyes are broken.
18. Sleep No More – Aprilynne Pike
C: No, thank you. I would prefer to keep sleeping. This looks like a zoom in on the Ultraviolet cover.
G: Ah, yes, the past can hurt. The way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.
19. The Taking (The Taking #1) – Kimberly Derting
G: Ew, bugs.
C: Much as I hate to defend bugs, I think that looks pretty cool.
G: If I’m not living my life, can I volunteer for Kate Middleton’s?
C: And I shall be…Grace Kelly in the past. Because WHY NOT?
20. A Creature of Moonlight – Rebecca Hahn
G: I like the font treatment but the dragon looks pretty crappy.
C: Serious waste of a dragon.
21. The Dead and Empty World – Carrie Ryan
C: Something new and different for Carrie Ryan. *looks around* *shambles off*
22. Landline – Rainbow Rowell
C: Blast from the past! Brendan Fraser will pop up any minute now!
G: I can’t hear you; I’m too busy listening to my walkman.
23. Only Everything (True Love #2) – Kieran Scott
G: Those are some tight pants he’s wearing.
C: Looks like the title’s shooting Cupid’s arrow away from them. This can only end well.
24. Best Served Cold – Tawdra Kandle
G: BREAST SERVED COLD!
C: I think it’s a breast of fresh air.
G: Her breasts are certainly getting a lot of fresh air and tempting all the tawdry candles.
25. Paranoia (The Night Walkers #2) – J.R. Johansson
26. Strange and Ever After (Something Strange and Deadly #1) – Susan Dennard
C: This model gets to travel all around the world and wear gorgeous dresses, and she always looks SO BORED.
G: Seriously, if she doesn’t want them, I will take her hair, her bracelet, her dress AND her boyfriend.
27. Valentine Joe – Rebecca Stevens
C: 15 is not old enough to fight. Stop lying to the recruiters!
29. Forget Me – K.A. Harrington
30. Guardian (Proxy, #2) Alex London
C: Sure does match the first. *shrugs*
G: That is definitely a cover.
31. Conversion – Katherine Howe
32. Hero Worship – Christopher E. Long
C: Life advice: run away from the splosion.
G: Also: NO CAPES!
33. The Gospel of Winter – Brendan Kiely
C: This so does not look like a YA book.
G: But it’s preeeetty.
34. Starbird Murphy and the World Outside – Karen Finneyfrock
C: I hereby reserve the name Finneyfrock for my future steampunk novel. Just in case.
G: The birds are burping bubbles.
C: Maybe they just back from the Willy Wonka factory tour.
35. The Fourth Wish (The Art of Wishing #2) – Lindsay Ribar
C: *shields eyes from all the pink*
G: Who thought hot pink and chartreuse would be a good color combination?
36. Of Neptune (Of Poseidon #3) – Anna Banks
G: YEUCH. That SURE looks like the strong heroine I’d like to read about.
C: Maybe he finally killed her with his “serial killer eyes.”
37. Jubilee – Karl Schroeder
G: It’s like sci fi Rivendell.
C: I would go to there.
G: Maybe that’s you.
C: And you’re the one holding all my bags. You know, the short one.
38. Camelot Burning (Metal & Lace #1) – Kathryn Rose
G: NYA AH. (Author’s note: this is something like the sound she made)
C: How can you take such rich subject matter and get THIS? I just. I can’t.
39. The Vanishing Season – Jodi Lynn Anderson
C: Mermaids, moths, and snowflakes?
G: Oh my.
40. Fiendish – Brenna Yovanoff
C: Talk about your fixer upper.
41. The Cypress Project – Gennifer Albin
G: Goodbye, crewel world. *puts hand to forehead*
42. Don’t Close Your Eyes: Wake/Fade/Gone – Lisa McMann
C: Or the weeping angels will get you.
43. The End or Something Like That – Ann Dee Ellis
C: It looks like a diorama for elementary school. Only mine were never that good.
G: Mine were. *flips hair*
45. Elite Invitation – Michelle A. Valentine
C: Yes rhinestones. Yes fist-clenching. Yes Phantom of the Opera.
G: No likey.
C: I wish I’d said that. *pouts*
46. Vision – Lisa Amowitz
G: “The light is darker than you’d think?” Is the water also drier than you think?
C: I am having a vision. Of a bad cover.
47. The Rain Is a Lie (Crewel World) – Gennifer Albin
C: As long as the cake is not a lie.
G: Cake? What cake?
C: THE ONE YOU PROMISED ME. In other news, I think he will grow up to date that girl from the Ransom Riggs cover.
G: They’re a match made in swiss cheese hell.
48. 16 Things I Thought Were True – Janet Gurtler
G: Why doesn’t this match the other ones?
C: I don’t know. Also, it’s weird that this is the second week in a row with a #title. #newtrend #overitalready
49. Ready to Go – Stephanie Mann
G: The font is just appalling.
C: It seems appropriate that it kind of looks woody though.
50. Emilie & the Sky World (Emilie #2) – Martha Wells
G: Strange Chemistry continues to up their game with the covers.
C: The dirigible has crashed! Oh no!
51. Vivian Divine Is Dead – Lauren Sabel
C: The little skulls look like Jack Skellington! What’s this? What’s this? There’s roses in the air. What’s this? What’s this?
G: There’s cover magic everywhere.
52. Wicked Games – Sean Olin
C: ARM HAIR.
G: EWWW, that is so much arm hair, that even the wicked gams would not make up for it.
53. Brazen – Katherine Longshore
C: Requisite grumbling about how much this redesign sucks. Duty is a bad word to put on a brown cover.
G: Heh heh. Doody.
54. “Love” and Other Foreign Words – Erin McCahan
G: This is too similar to so many titles.
C: She’s got to step up her game if she wants to be the next Vanna White.
55. The Fever – Megan Abbott
C: Tragic twerking accident.
56. On the Fence – Kasie West
G: I’m on the fence about this cover, but NOT about how excited I am for more Kasie West books.
C: Her knee is the sun.
57. The Secrets of Lily Graves – Sarah Strohmeyer
C: She looks like Zooey Deschanel!
G: AND SHE’S CHEATING ON NICK!
58. The Last Best Kiss – Claire LaZebnik
G: He must be really tall.
C: Or just a jerk unwilling to bend to meet her partway. I don’t feel like it would be the best kiss when you have to balance so precariously.
59. The Wife Campaign (The Master Matchmakers #2) – Regina Scott
C: Wickham’s search for a wealthy and stupid wife after the traumatic death of Lydia in a swan attack.
G: He just swanned right in there.
60. Sugarplum Homecoming – Linda Goodnight
C: Harlequin’s starting ‘em young these days.
G: Dash and Lily: HarlequinTween edition.
61. Warrior Beautiful (Riders of Paradesos #1) – Wendy Knight
C: THE DREAD PIRATE UNICORN IS HERE [TO PROTECT] YOUR SOULLLLL.
62. The Shadow Hero – Gene Luen Yang & Sonny Liew
G: WILL NOBODY LISTEN TO EDNA MODE?
C: And such an ugly cape too.
63. The Copper Promise – Jen Williams
C: Dragonnnnn! I like it, but that’s really all I have to say.
64. Butterman (Time) Travel, Inc. – PK Hrezo
C & G, in a chorus: BUTTERMAN, BUTTERMAN, DOES WHATEVER A BUTTER CAN? Nananana nananana nannana BUTTERMAN.
65. Assorted New Discworld Covers – Terry Pratchett
C: LOVE these, except that they seem to have left the title off the orange one. I especially want Mort. Look at it!
G: It’s my favorite one as well!
66. Meridian (Arclight #2) – Josin L. McQuein
G: That just looks like an acid trip.
C: Something about a black light. It does erase the line between light and dark, after all. Because it’s black. And a light. BLOOOOWWWWING YOUR MIND.
67. Talker 25 (Talker 25 #1)- Joshua McCune
C: Apparently they do not come in peace. The snakes with wings will destroy ussssss.
G: Harry Potter, talk them out of it!
68. The Things You Kiss Goodbye – Leslie Connor
C: I LOVE TRUCK.
G: I’d like to kiss that braid goodbye.
69. In the End (In the After #2) – Demetria Lunetta
G: That’s like the same cover.
C: I really thought it was a slightly altered paperback redesign.
1. Bruised – Sarah Skilton
Hardback vs. Paperback:
G: I much prefer the original.
C: Me too, mostly because I wouldn’t know what was happening on the paperback if I hadn’t seen the hardcover.
2. Unchosen (The Reaper Diaries #2) – Michele Vail
Harlequin Teen vs. A. Freeman:
G: It’s a mondo ick mess.
C: If death has never looked this good, well…just wow. Also, what’s the deal with the switch from Harlequin? Anyone know?
3. Vengeance – Megan Miranda
UK vs. US:
C: So either it can look like it’s about fairies or a guy peeing in a lake. And, seriously, how did he get onto that little dock thing?
4. The Art of Wishing (The Art of Wishing #1) – Lindsay Ribar
Hardback vs. Paperback:
G: I wish for this cover to go back to the way it was.
C: I wish for that as well, and for publishers to stop redesigning the GOOD covers.
5. My First Love and Other Disasters (Victoria Martin #2) – Francine Pascal
Original vs. Redesign:
G: Loving Lilly Kane was certainly a disaster.
C: But I’m still going for the Seyfried cover for the lols.
6. The Violent Century – Lavie Tidhar
Hodder vs. ?:
C: This book has the COOLEST covers.
G: I like this one even better.
C: I have a weakness for anthropomorphized things.
WTF of the Week:
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to email@example.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.
1. Invasion – A. Star
G: He really her rocked her woooorld.
2. His Reign (The Opeth Pack Saga #1) – Sascha Illyvich
G: More like the Opeth Package Saga!
C: Looks like he’s checking to make sure his package is still there.
3. When Pleasure Blooms – Lance Greenfield
Outstanding Cover of the Week:
The Cabinet of Curiosities by Stefan Bachmann, Claire Legrand, Katherine Catmull, Emma Trevayne
The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.
Today, Gillian, my co-snarker and Writer of Wrongs (Writer of Wrongs), selected The Cabinet of Curiosities. Here’s why:
“I picked this cover because of how unique and charming it is. There are so many little details and new monsters to discover, and there’s a lovely, magical, almost whimsical quality to it. It reminds me of a lot of my favorite animated movies, which is always a plus in my book.”