posted at Thursday, September 26th, 2013 at 6:00 AM | Cover Snark
Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Shiny and New:
1. These Gentle Wounds – Helene Dunbar
Thoughts: Looks like Losing Hope with all of the lens flare in the world. It’s like male models who don’t get to take their shirts off are all mopey because they think they’re not hot enough. Those gentle wounds on his psyche, inflicted one ugly sweater at a time.
2. What I Thought Was True – Huntley Fitzpatrick
Thoughts: He thought they were going on a date to the arcade. False. On the plus side, he gets to eye her in her bikini, but now he’s stuck in the water in pants. So awkward and over-dressed.
3. Bad Idea – Damon Suede
Thoughts: I’m actually really entertained by this one. Like, I usually hate smirky face dudes, but the lightbulb! I enjoy covers that poke fun at themselves.
4. The Undead Pool (The Hollows #12) – Kim Harrison
Thoughts: So there are blue shiny lights emanating from that ball she’s squeezing (metaphor for his?) and blue shiny lights coming from behind her. What’s up with that? Also, I feel like a leather corset would result in lots of gross boob sweat. Do not want.
5. Dangerous Depths (The Sea Monster Memoirs #2) – Karen Amanda Hooper
Thoughts: Shininess fail. And I love shiny things. The degree to which this looks real is simply shocking, like that lightning on the rocks, which, if they could, would be flipping us off because they hate their life.
7. Royally Lost – Angie Stanton
Thoughts: That’s pretty adorable. And they’re wearing normal clothes! Clothes travelers might wear. Shocking. This makes me want that European really vacation really badly.
8. Under Nameless Stars (Zenn Scarlett #2) – Christian Schoon
Thoughts: Love the stars and the space ship and the font. Not a fan of her weird dominatrix spacesuit. She totally looks like early years of Alias Jennifer Garner, right?
9. The Truth About Alice – Jennifer Mathieu
Thoughts: Oooh, I love the photo treatment. Makes it much more original than just black and white. Took me forever to figure out the font in the background spells out SLUT. Not sure that I like that.
10. The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender – Leslye Walton
Thoughts: Ooooh, pretty. This is the sort of cover that I love and many people find boring. I also like the title, though it’s a bitch to type.
11. Idols (Icons #2) – Margaret Stohl
Thoughts: Too much brown and a cover either looks delicious, like a chocolate bar, or like shit, literally. I know what I think about this one. What say you?
12. Circle of Blood (Witch Hunt #) – Debbie Viguié
Thoughts: Green and orange. What an inspired color combination! Even better, lets stick the cover model on here in black and white, like a reverse Pleasantville.
13. Shadowbound – Dianne Sylvan
Thoughts: She’s meant to look like a badass, but she’s definitely looking more crazy than anything else. I mean, full body pleather is not a look a sane person generally goes for. She also apparently has a bat army. Which might live in her gravity-defying hair.
14. Banishing the Dark (Arcadia Bell #4) – Jenn Bennett
Thoughts: Sometimes illustrated heroines really works, but not here. Also, that tagline sounds like some sort of weird kink, and just no.
15. Stone Cold (Broken Magic #2) – Devon Monk
Thoughts: Obviously he was morally obligated to blue steel.
16. Prince’s Fire (Hearts and Thrones #3) by Amy Raby
Thoughts: Yellow isn’t my best color, but I would be willing to try if someone would give me that dress. Even if it is the color of a highlighter. Don’t care. What I DO care about is how lame that tagline is, especially paired with the volcano explosion. SUBTLE.
17. Wild – Alex Mallory
Thoughts: Okay, I so love the title treatment, but otherwise nope. And since when are “the woods” not part of the world.
18. Phoenix Island – John Dixon
Thoughts: Rambo 222: Electric Boogaloo.
19.Remember Love – Riley Rhea
Thoughts: The full jacket of this cover is hilarious (unlike the cover which is a snoozefest). He’s totally counting down the steps until he can look up her skirt.
20. Wild Child (The Wild Ones #1.5) – M. Leighton
Thoughts: Something revolutionary and original for M. Leighton! Half-naked people. I wonder if she has a tongue ring, because her tongue looks oddly shiny.
21. One & Only – Viv Daniels
Thoughts: The cover’s not interesting, but the fact that it’s by Diana Peterfreund is. Did not call her for someone to jump on the new adult bandwagon. I’m a little concerned about how the title/tagline suggest it plays into the myth that you should remain virginal until you meet “the one” but maybe the plot’s different. >_>
22. Starbreak (Starglass #2) – Phoebe North
Thoughts: Definitely prefer this one to the Starglass cover, though she really doesn’t look dressed for hiking to me. Then again, hiking might not really be a popular activity on a spaceship.
23. Dorothy Must Die – Danielle Paige
Thoughts: It’s not often that I prefer the novella cover to the actual book’s cover, but…no. I just do not see the appeal of the clothes on a blacked out person. Also, white shoes, which is interesting.
1. Rootless (Rootless #1) – Chris Howard
US vs. Mexican vs. Hungarian vs. German: Chris Howard is a lucky guy. All of his covers are so interesting, though the US is losing by a long shot imo. The German cover is such a stereotype of Germany that I am dying.
2. Secret (Elemental #4) – Brigid Kemmerer
US vs. Australian: Do I have a “none of the above” option? If not, US. I’m sorry Australia, but her hair and his neck are forming a whirlpool, and I really don’t know what to do with that. Also, tagline, if “nowhere is safe,” it’s redundant to specify that other locations are unsafe; that’s been covered already.
3. The King of Threadneedle Street – Moriah Densley
Original vs. Redesign: Could any street sound less kingly than Threadneedle Street? Does he rule over tailors or something? At any rate, it appears that the only thing Money can’t buy Lord Preston is a good cover, though not for want of trying.
WTF of the Week:
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to firstname.lastname@example.org and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.
1. Finding Faith (Blow Hole Boys #2) – Tabatha Vargo
Thoughts: Any sexy this cover has is lost the moment you start contemplating which part of a guy is the “blow hole.”
2. Experimenting with Babies: 50 Amazing Science Projects You Can Perform on Your Kid – Shaun Gallagher
Thoughts: I get that this is tongue in cheek, but it definitely results in as many laughs those dead baby jokes did.
3. Can’t Go Home – Angelisa Stone
Thoughts: Abducted by a serial rapist and trapped on a neverending carousel ride. Or, at least, that’s what I’m getting from the cover.
4. After the Kiss (Blood and Snow Season 2 #1) – RaShelle Workman
5. Playful Punishments – John Satisfy
Thoughts: Nothing says “playful” like fireworks set off all over your body. Erotica author names crack me up by the way, though I totally would have gone for Shirley Satisfy, rather than John.
Outstanding Cover of the Week:
Starbreak by Phoebe North
The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.
Today, Welcome Shae (Shae Has Left the Room), who has selected Starbreak by Phoebe North. Here’s why:
“To be honest, it was close between this one and DOROTHY MUST DIE, but DMD lost points for the EW watermark. That said, oh my gosh, this cover. I love that it’s more sophisticated that the original, but the girl is still clearly the same. I also love the colors but the win for me is the clear promise of exoplanetary exploration with those Tatooine-esque moons. (Yes, I know Tatooine had multiple suns, not multiple moons.)”