posted at Thursday, September 19th, 2013 at 6:00 AM | Cover Snark
Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Please pardon any dust or difficulties this week, as I’m still trying to get my bearings in WP. I’ll do my best, but keep in mind that I could have just canceled this week’s edition to get settled.
Shiny and New:
1. Divided (Dualed #2) – Elsie Chapman
Thoughts: Hmmmm, I see what they’re going for, as this has a more comic book-y sort of vibe, but the font really kills any promise the really shiny sword brings to this concept. Does the font think this is Buffy or something? It doesn’t fit in at all.
2. Four Seconds to Lose (Ten Tiny Breaths #3) – K. A. Tucker
Thoughts: Are they going to drown themselves in the ocean? That’s the only thing that makes sense because who wears shoes to walk on the beach? Especially the girl with slip-ons. I mean, come on! Let the sand between your toes. However, I don’t think one can drown in four seconds, so they probably have a bit more time than that.
3. Selling Scarlett (Love Inc. #1) – Ella James
Thoughts: Hahahaha. It’s Pretty Woman for the new adult set, apparently. The tagline really makes me wonder: is EVERYTHING else for sale? Like, could I order up her spleen or her left lung?
4. Jack in the Green – Charles De Lint
Thoughts: It is indeed quite green. I also think Jack needs to stop creeping on that girl who might have come to the stream for a wash.
5. The Violent Century – Lavie Tidhar
Thoughts: The Twilight 20th? Is that a thing? Should I know what that means or is James Ellroy making shit up? That aside, I am loving that barbed wire and the architecture and spotlights.
6. When Shadows Fall (The Small Gods #1) – Bruce Blake
Thoughts: Great job on the sky and the water. The sea monster could use a bit more work. I mean, I would be more terrified if it looked like it’s face wasn’t a tree branch or something.
7. Renegade (Mila 2.0 #2) – Debra Driza
Thoughts: Her collar bone looks so weird. I cannot see anything else. Oh wait, I can also see the series title, which is 8 million times larger than the book title. AND the font placement sort of makes it look like it says Renegade 2.0. Lame.
10. Undertow – Amber Lynn Natusch
Thoughts: Wearing a dress like that underwater is a good way to drown. She should give the couple from earlier some tips. It’s eye-catching, though. However, I question the logic of the title being reflected, since the whole cover appears to be underwater. What is it reflecting off of?
11. Resistance – Samit Basu
Thoughts: This hurts my brain.
12. Dancer of the Nile – Veronica Scott
Thoughts: Wow! She looks so Egyptian!
13. Holding on to Love (Holdin on to Love #1) – A.E. Neal
Thoughts: That girl is about to get an ice skate to the face. But, then, he will comfort her at her bedside, and love her despite the giant scar across her face. Romances, I should write them.
14. Positive/Negativity -D.D. Lorenzo
Thoughts: This is what I’ve been trying to say about snarky reviews. They may be negative, but they’re positive because it’s buzz and attention. So positive negativity, yeah? No need to cry so much your mascara runs or to stick a tiny starfish to your face. It’ll all be alright in the end.
15. The Sandman: Overture #2 – Neil Gaiman
Thoughts: THAT HOUSE HAS ARMS. I feel like Dali would approve.
16. Unnatural – J.A. Belfield
Thoughts: At first I was all “PRETTY KITTY!” but then I saw the half-naked, ghosty couple in the background. NOPE.
17. Recklessly Royal (Suddenly #2) – Nichole Chase
Thoughts: “Sleeping beauty is tired of sleeping alone.” Hahahaha, omg. So, we’re not actually going to wake her up; we’re just going to put the dude into a coma next to her. Maybe I SHOULD be writing the romances, because at least the couple meets if they’re not both in magically-induced comas.
18. The City Stained Red – Sam Sykes
Thoughts: It’s time for the weekly edition of “Christina doesn’t know what that thing is!” My guess is a crown…of snakes? Anyway, I love the simplicity and that title font is awesome.
19. Silver Mirrors (Apparatus Infernum #2) – Ann Aguirrus
Thoughts: I feel like her weapons are in really weird positions. And the dude looks like Frankenstein or something. And just no. Steampunk covers used to be so fun. What happened?
1. Dualed (Dualed #1) – Elsie Chapman
Hardback vs. Paperback: Nooooooooo. That font must die. I also don’t like the tagline change, though I know why they did it.
2. Love and Lattes (Meadow Ridge #1) – Heather Thurmeier
Original vs. Redesign: I WANT THAT CAKE. *coughs* Oh yeah, covers. Umm, I prefer the redesign for integrating the two concepts together rather than taking a picture of a couple and a picture of a coffee cup, and giving them each half of the cover.
3. Love on Landing (Meadow Ridge #2) – Heather Thurmeier
Original vs. Redesign: All I have to say to the original is: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE! The redesign is one I might actually be tempted to pick up, because the guy actually looks sort of nerdy cute, and, again, it’s way better integrated. Floating people always lose.
4. Love or Luxury (Meadow Ridge #3) – Heather Thurmeier
Original vs. Redesign: Realization: I do not care for covers with motorcycles. I guess the new one because the kissy couple doesn’t have a person riding through them, but I do not care for the way the eye is inexorably drawn to her white pants. Or the colors. They are not working out.
5. Night Broken (Mercy Thompson #8) – Patricia Briggs
UK vs. US: Oooh, some of the US covers for this series don’t work for me at all, but I’m loving this one. That fierce look in her eyes and the background color. Way better than another floating person. At least I’m consistent.
WTF of the Week:
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to firstname.lastname@example.org and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.
1. Gargoyle Addiction (Otherworlds Summons #1) – Livia Olteano
Thoughts: She’s got, she’s got it bad when she’s on the wall. Climbs down and climbs right back. She’s got, she’s got it bad. If she doesn’t see her gargoyle, her whole life’s off track. You know she’s got it bad when she’s stuck on the wall kissing stone for fun. It’s all she thinks about. She’s got it bad when she’s out with humans but keeps on think bout a gargoyle. She’s got it bad.
2. Kitty, Kitty Bang, Bang – Harlowe Wilde
Thoughts: I see the title and that gun’s location, and all I can think is that her lady parts are in danger. Also, no no no to that tagline.
3. Single Use Only – Pender Mackie
Thoughts: Here’s a M/M romance novel for those who like men who can only go for one and then they’re done. And the sexualization of the throat in that pose. Omg, I can’t.
4. Giddy Up (Branded #3) – Tilly Greene
Thoughts: The Asian lady is mostly naked, wearing a collar, and two men are watching her on horseback. Nope.
Outstanding Cover of the Week:
The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.
Today, Welcome Judith (Paper Riot), who has selected The Violent Century by Lavie Tidhar. Here’s why:
“Black, white and red is not really a unique combination, but it’s always one of my favorites. I think what I like most about this cover is the font treatment (aka the first thing I notice on every cover). It’s a pretty simple font, but in bright red and in combination with the barbed wire, it does stand out. I also like that the background is foggy and mysterious, but still imposing. I can imagine this would be VERY pretty in hardback!”