Cover Snark (63): A Snark Too Far

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Pendomus (Pendomus Chronicles #1) – Carissa Andrews

Thoughts: I am full of questions: What happened to her face? And where did the giant flower come from? And how did she get her hair to do that? WHY WON’T SHE STOP LOOKING AT ME?

2. Big Sky Wedding (Parable, Montana #5) – Linda Lael Miller

Thoughts: The idea of buying a super expensive dress only to wear cowboy boots and a cowboy hat (finders keepers, so don’t tell me that’s his hat) with it makes me cringe.

3. The Shadow Prince (Into the Dark #1) – Bree Despain

Thoughts: Prepare for the tantrum in 4, 3, 2, 1. Tantrum commencing. Oh good. It’s the first book in a new series. The Shadow Prince is a pretty cool series name, huh? EXCEPT, OH WAIT, LOOK AT THAT, IT’S THE BOOK TITLE. Maybe I’ll just start reviewing books so that the larger title is the book title. Maybe then they’ll learn. Or maybe you’ll all just correct me a lot, since you’re smartasses, since you enjoy snarky things, but really. HOW HARD IS IT TO MAKE THE TITLE OF THE BOOK LARGER THAN THE SERIES TITLE? Look, I resized my font! It was so easy. I can even do it again.

4. Empower (The Violet Eden Chapters #5) – Jessica Shirvington

Thoughts: What’s going on with her left arm? Weird tattoo? A ghost? Wasting disease?

5. Wolves – Simon Ings

Thoughts: BRB, must go listen to this song. Okay, back. This reminds me a lot of Lies, Knives, and Girls in Red Dresses, only somehow creepier in the increased minimalism. I usually hate when font treatments are like that (smushed together and confusing), but I just love how this all fits together.

6. Forged by Legacy: Beginnings (Forged Series #0.75) – Angela Orlowski Peart

Thoughts: How much does this look like an Alexandra Adornetto cover? SO MUCH.

7. Confessions of a Royal Bridegroom (The Renegade Royals #2) – Vanessa Kelly

Thoughts: She’s totally undressed like Little Red Riding Hood. Look at that awesome red cloak thing! Also, I like how she’s going in for the moob grab. That’s right, gurrrrl. You have to go for what you want! Also, I don’t have a great look at the furniture, but I’m going to pretend it’s a fainting couch, because why not?

8. Merry Gentleman – Josephine Myles

Thoughts: Bahaha, I love m/m romance covers. They are endlessly hilarious. The title. The bird (Go home, seagull, you’re drunk) carrying a Christmas ornament. The hipster and yuppie falling love, and how disappointed the hipster is to compromise his principles thusly. Even his scarf cannot comfort him.

9. Take Me Now (Take Me Now #1) – Faith Sullivan

Thoughts: More like Take a Nap. Neither looks like they’re being figuratively taken. Also, it weirds me out that I can see the hair on his shoulder. And do his sideburns come closer to his eyebrows than normal? *tilts head*

10. Lost Lake – Sarah Addison Allen

Thoughts: THIS IS A STUPID WAY TO REVEAL A COVER. So far as I can tell, the only image of this cover that’s not on this banner is the one screencapped from this banner and put on GR. Christina does not approve. I am also puzzled as to why this book is so square. Are there illustrations?

11. Wulfe Untamed (Feral Warriors #8) – Pamela Palmer

Thoughts: The drool going down that wolf’s face really makes me uncomfortable. Is the wolf rabid? Is this some paranormal romance retelling of Old Yeller? Also, for Bekka, REMEMBER THIS?

12. All Is Fair (The Split Worlds #3) – Emma Newman

Thoughts: Not a huge fan of this one, sadly. The flowers up front look really weird. It just feels off to me. I really do not like looking at the demon flowers. Oh look, horseshoes on chains. That’s weird.

13. Heartkeeper (Heartkeeper Saga #1) – B.T. Lyons

Thoughts: Mouse investigates miraculous disembodied head. I’m skeptical too, mouse. Apparently the author illustrated both covers. Talk about multi-talented. I call this author as my Pictionary partner, and apologize in advance for everything I will draw.

14. Heartbound (Heartkeeper Saga #2) – B. T. Lyons

Thoughts: Bear looks PISSED. Of course, if someone through a weird golden orb at my junk, I might look that angry too. Actually, what is that? Where did it come from? Is the horse peeing on the bear? That’s pretty much the only thing that makes sense from that trajectory. The horse looks rather embarrassed by the incontinence and its unintended consequences (pissed on bear = pissed off bear).

15. The Midnight Heir (The Bane Chronicles #4) – Cassandra Clare & Sarah Rees Brennan

Thoughts: Are we finally done with his nasty looking hands? PLEASE?

16. Kinetic (The Luminaries #1) – S.K. Anthony

Thoughts: Dear tagline, you have a comma splice in you.

17. Prince Thief: From the Tales of Easie Damasco – David Tallerman

Thoughts: I sort of love the expressions on their faces. Also, I have no clue what’s happening here, but the guy in the front sort of looks like he was caught mid-jig. Yes, I know he’s probably running, but my way is funnier. It would also explain the judgmental but slightly amused face on guy #2.

18. Beautiful Bombshell (Beautiful Bastard #2.5) – Christina Lauren

Thoughts: I cannot tell what is her clothing and what is her hair. This is disconcerting.

19. Allure – Robin Woods

Thoughts: I choose to pretend this is the Hogwarts express. This may be due to the magic swirlies and all the HP redesigns, but I’m okay with that.

20. Othersphere (Otherkin #3) – Nina Berry

Thoughts: Wait, that blurb from RT is obviously about the first book in the series… Could we not find blurbs for this one?

21. Time Crossed (Time Thief #1.5) – Katie MacAliste

Thoughts: She looks a little bit like Liz Lemon. A very unhappy Liz Lemon. Probably because of all the sandwiches that went uneaten for those abs. Or maybe because she time traveled into the 1990s, based on that short shirt.

22. Kiss of Venom (Elemental Assassin #8.5) – Jennifer Estep

Thoughts: He looks quite angry. Does he disapprove of the kangaroo?

23. Witch Finder (Witch Finder #1) – Ruth Warburton

Thoughts: I really don’t know what to make of this. I think I would like it more without the girl and especially the weird rose.

24. Student Bodies (Poltergeeks #2) – Sean Cummings

Thoughts: Hahahahahahahahahahaha. I can’t.

25. The Island (The Line #3) by Teri Hall

Thoughts: This seems a good time to rub in the fact that’s I’ll be composing Cover Snark from St. Thomas next week. The crazy S in the title is unnecessary.

26. Ex-Purgatory (Ex-Heroes #4) – Peter Clines

Thoughts: Did Dr. Manhattan turn white?

Cover Battles:

1. Vicious – V.E. Schwab

US vs. UK: THE UK COVER IS AWESOME. The US cover gave me no idea what it was about but now I know, and I want to go to there. It’s not about a wine connoisseur who lives in a high rise, but about superpowers and stuff. SWEET.

2. A Little Too Far – Lisa Desrochers
 
Take 1 vs. Take 2: When I heard they redesigned: “So glad they redesigned because this cover was so stereotypical and not sexy.” When I saw it: “Wait, is that actually different? Not really. I give up.”

3. Barely Bewitched (Southern Witch #2) – Kimberly Frost 

Original vs. Redesign: While I do love that dress, the illustration style for the original really isn’t my thing.

4. Catching Liam (Good Girls Don’t #1) – Sophia Bleu

Take 1 vs. Take 2: Mostly a good change, I think. This cover definitely looks more like something I’d expect to see in a bookstore. Plus, I’m reading this now, and that pose and outfit and look really fits the main character. However, that’s not how I pictured Liam. Oh well.

5. The Haven – Carol Lynch Williams

Take 1 vs. Take 2: I’m a bit torn here. I’m not completely in love with the font or the person on the first cover, but the second looks a bit too much like Absent.

WTF of the Week: 

1. Present Perfect – Alison G. Bailey

Thoughts: She won’t stop looking at me. Also, those many awful shades of yellow. And how they greyes out all of her but her eyes. So much no.

2. Secrets in the Blood – Kymber C. Hawke

Thoughts: If a book has a title but no one can read it, does it make a difference? 

Outstanding Cover of the Week:
Wolves by Simon Ings

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31 responses to “Cover Snark (63): A Snark Too Far”

  1. Judith says:

    1. The Shatter Me eye in real life. That does not look healthy.

    5. Oh, minimalistic covers, how I love you. This is creepy and awesome.

    6. So when you do a cover like everyone else’s, AT LEAST get a gorgeous font to make it stand out. It’s pretty but pretty boring as well.

    9. I keep discovering dead people in these covers but… doesn’t he look dead? I think he does.

    12. At first I was like, OH PRETTY, but then I actually *looked* at it and… nope. There are things wrong with this one.

    14. “Is the horse peeing on the bear?” HAHAHA.

    15. Yep. This is still Magnus Bane’s body parts one book at a time. Also, the dude needs a manicure.

    24. Iron Maiden, Dementors and a Patronus. This is gonna be such an original story.

    CB 1. I actually really like the US cover because it’s so different. But I would DEFINITELY pick up the UK cover.

    CB 2. HAHAHAHA. “Cover change”. Good one.

    CB 3. I hate them both, but I hate the illustrated one even more.

    CB 4. The new one, definitely! She is actually catching him. I think that deserves bonus points.

    CB 5. I choose the first without the person. The person can go away.

    WTF 1. Ooooh let’s make a paint brush stripe through “Perfect”, that will look so awesome!

    • Christina says:

      1. OMG, it is!

      5. I love it so hard too. *sighs happily*

      9. Yes, he does, but I thought I would go for something different, since the title lended itself to sleeping.

      12. Things just look oddly stretched.

      15. Seriously, I thought Magnus was vain. Why would his nails look like this?

      24. I was trying to make out that band name and failed.

      1. I don’t hate the US cover but it’s very weird and doesn’t give me a sense of anything.

      4. True, the literal award goes to the new cover.

      5. I would be on board with that.

      1. AND LIKE, WE COULD ADD A FEATHER FOR SOME REASON IN A THIRD SHADE OF YELLOW. This will be off the charts awesome.

  2. meg says:

    Thanks to that eyeball/emotion study, I am currently still super freaked out by pictures of people looking at me. #1 was super creepy and I’d finally calmed down by the time I got to the WTF of the Week and HOLY NIGHTMARE-INDUCING EYEBALLS BATMAN!

  3. 1. This is why I hate covers where eyes are a major focus. THEY WANT YOUR SOUL.

    4. I may not like this series–in fact, I hate it–but I hate the bad Photoshop job on this cover even more.

    5. That’s really, really creepy. I APPROVE.

    11. Spirit Wolf must see a really nice Spirit Bone. The little monster has a face like I’LL GET I’LL GET IT, OH BOY, I CAN’T WAIT TO DROOL ALL OVER IT.

    15. How original! More hands! God, you’d think the designer doesn’t give a damn. MAYBE THEY DON’T. That idea cheers me up. <3

    20. Can I have her hairstyle? I want it. That’s pretty much all I can see.

    24. She can’t either. It’s in her eyes!

    25. That funky S makes me want the book to contain alien abduction because that’s OBVIOUSLY the beam of light abducting some unlucky sucker.

    2. Their rationale for the redesign: NEEDS MOAR BOOBS IN SILHOUETTE.

  4. S.K. Anthony says:

    I love reading your snarks and I knew if my cover made it here you would jump on the tagline lol

    (That be #16)

    You just made my day, thanks 😉

  5. Riley says:

    Oh my god, “Take a Nap.” I am CRYING. Also, the photoshopped cat in the Barely Bewitched cover. Just… how did anyone think that looked good, I don’t understaaaand.

  6. I actually love both covers for Vicious, the first one is just a bit more grand. Otherwise none of the covers stand out for me. Well, not true. I find Student Bodies hilarious and want to read it because of her Iron Maiden t-shirt :)))

  7. Awesome job yet again.

    Now if the rose on 23 was down just a bit more away from her face (or gone completely) I’d be gaga for this cover.

  8. Kristin says:

    You had me laughing at the Prince Thief’s jig. LoL
    Kristin @ Book Sniffers Anonymous

  9. 1. I am more bothered by the title font then I am by the weird scar on her face.

    3. Preach it!

    6. I do not like landscape at the bottom with floating people covers at all.

    9. What are they lying on? Concrete? They look totally uncomfortable.

    16. I just googled comma splice (I’m so not a grammar person) and I will probably spend the next several months obsessing over whether or not my comma usage is correct.

    18. Not a fan of orange and purple. Ever.

    23. I love this! It’s pretty, though I could do without the snake.

    WTF 1. This seriously creeps me out.

    WTF 2. I’m not a designer or an artist, but even I know you can’t put a dark font on a dark background.

  10. B.T. Lyons says:

    You. Me. Pictionary. Any time.

    (I had tears rolling down my face I was laughing at the “Heartbound” one so hard! *bows humbly* An honor to be roasted. 🙂 )

    • Christina says:

      I love pictionary, even if everyone makes fun of my drawing skills. Whatever, my stick figures are art.

      Thanks for being such a good sport! And congrats on double book release in such a short time span!

  11. GillyB says:

    3. I AM SO WITH YOU ON THE SIZE OF TITLE VS SERIES FONTS GRARRR

    4. WTF is this? Why is this just some girl’s shitty wannabe modelling shot, complete with mild duckface? OMG I JUST SAW HER ARM.

    8. This cover does NOT dismay me. This cover is delightful and funny and the seagull with an ornament in its mouth is comedy genius.

    9. They look deceased.

    14. “if someone threw a weird golden orb at my junk” ROFL.

    15. EW MAGNUS GET A GOD DAMN PEDICURE

    16. Comma splice your face open.

    23. I almost really like this. Visually, it’s working for me, though I’d tweak a few things, like her pose and the rose (RHYME)

    24. You know those big metal ball things with electricity in them that make your hair stick up all staticky when you touch them? Yeah.

    15. YOU BITCH I HATE YOUUUU

    CB 1. A WINE CONNOISSEUR WHO LIVES IN A HIGH RISE

    CB 2. Of course this one’s different. You can see her boob.

    WTF 2. That is such an existential question. “If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it… if a book has a title but no one can read it…”

    Also, B.T. Lyons, you are an awesome sport.

  12. Brandy says:

    14. Can…not…stop….laughing.

    CB1. YES! I want to read that book the UK cover is for. Totally skipped over the US. Fail.

  13. Megan K. says:

    Eh, so many unimpressive covers this week! What is becoming of originality and beautiful covers? The cover for WOLVES is gorgeous, but it kind of reminds me of Of Monsters and Men’s music videos, you know, half illustrated, half real. I think #8 and #24 should be part of WTF, though. And #12 reminds me too much of the cover for this and this, only less pretty.

    I wonder why authors think putting shirtless men or women in their bra and undies are appealing. The trend is getting SO old.

  14. The snark is here!!!! yes :). I’m fully anticipating some awesome blurbs for publisher marketing.

    1. Doesn’t that flower kind of look like it’s got an anthropomorphic hand that’s stroking where her neck is, or am I just imagining random hands on necks? SO WEIRD. And actually, my hair kind of looks like that – though hers seems to have the consistency of paper???

    3. lol. yes. but at least the author name is a decent in between size?

    4. what happened to the other covers? they were purple and wing-filled, right? I shit you not, this does not make me think of a book at all – more like a headshot for an audition. although, hey, look it doesn’t have the series title larger than the book title 😀

    5. I really like this too.

    6. Why is it Forged Series 0.75? I’ve seen some 0.5s but never a 0.75….

    7. Sometimes I wonder what the models who pose for these covers think…. Also, you may have to fight me for that cloak.

    8. lololololol. I am *this* close to crying from laughing.

    10. The crocodile on the side looks like a shoe! I want those slippers now. (Okay, so I’m seeing weird shapes everywhere. What can I say?)

    12. Agreed. Flowers up front take up too much space/draw attention away from the other lovely details, though it appears they were listening to you re: book & series title font size :).

    13. Mouse goes sniffing up disembodied head’s nose. Though I’m a fan of the colors of both covers. Also, lol at 14.

    16. I want that dress. So long as it doesn’t flutter over my head like that.

    22. LOL omg the pouty face! He looks like he needs a good pinch of the cheeks.

    23. could’ve been cool to just feature the rose in the middle.

    24. I……..

    CB1: OMG YES UK COVER FOR THE MAJOR WIN.

    CB2: Actually really dislike the cover redesign because… okay, do her boobs look a little weird to you, or is just me? Also, I’m not sure we really need that JLA blurb, ’cause I’m sure we didn’t get sexsexsex from the naked people.

    So I failed. I was like, I guess there wasn’t a whole lot of cover reveals this week for me to feature, and then up comes cover snark with so many that I missed. Sadface.

  15. This was a slow week for covers. Oh shit. Now it’s gonna go and explode for next week. *facepalm* I really love the UK cover for Vicious. Most of the other covers I’m pretty Meh about. But that Wolves cover is awesome. Reminds me of the UK cover for Charm and Strange.

  16. Wolves’ cover is AMAZINGGGGGG.. I think I want a big poster of that!!

    – Juhina @ Maji Bookshelf

  17. Amy says:

    How did I forget to comment on this yesterday?!!

    3. AHhhh I hate when the title font is smaller!! Drives me nuts!! I’m all about knowing the series title, but it doesn’t need to be so damn huge!

    4. I am very bored with that cover.

    5. That is a cool cover.

    9. Maybe he’s a werewolf and he is about to change? He’s getting all fuzzy!

    13. This mouse makes me want to watch Cinderella, or An American Tale… or some mouse cartoon. I also strangely want to put a top hat on that mouse. He would look adorable with it.

    14. Hahaha!!

    16. Dude, she’s about to lose her dress. Talk about wardrobe malfunction.

    18. Perhaps her clothing is made of her hair?

    22. Another book with the kangaroo!! The kangaroo doesn’t approve of paper books apparently and only wants to read on its tablet.

    23. I love the border of the cover, even the girl isn’t too bad, but the weird rose that looks sugar coated or something is a bit odd.

    25. Is the S supposed to resemble lightning or something? I don’t get it. The scenery is pretty though.

    Cover Battles

    2. I’m not really understanding the redesign. It’s almost the same.

    3. I like the redesign better.

    4. I like the redesign. It looks fun! I think I would be more likely to pick it up if I saw it in a store.

    5. I like the original better.

    WTF of the Week

    1. Her eyes are freaking me out! And why is she in black and white besides her eyes and shirt?!! And the feather!! WTF is with the feather?!!

  18. Ashley says:

    My first reaction for Beautiful Bombshell was “who says she’s even wearing clothes.” I understand that says more about me than the snark.

  19. Shelver506 says:

    1. The cover bores me, but I do hope she has actual facial scars. A scarred heroine is always cool, especially if she’s not magically healed somehow.

    3. That’s just confusing. Also, the cover is rather boring. It’s a floaty thing with hieroglyphics. Woot. At least make it sparkle or something. Or shoot laser beams. Laser beams might be cool. (Please don’t ACTUALLY make it shoot laser beams. That would be awful.)

    5. That is ridiculously creepy. Resisting the urge to hide under bed. However, it took me a long while to figure out that the titles was just “Wolves” and not a misspelling of “Summonings Wolves” (which would have made little sense anyways.)

    7. Does her leg look funky to anyone but me?

    11. The wolf doesn’t look fearsome like I think it’s supposed to. If anything, it looks like it’s playing fetch. Awwww, good boy, Wolfie.

    16. What a sad trombone of a tagline.

    20. Why is she wearing only a camisole? Isn’t she chilly? Lady, didn’t your mother give you a jacket before you left the house?

    21. Her jeans are so low. How can she do anything productive in those jeans? Bend over and bam. Full moon.

    23. I don’t mind the girl (I’m a sucker for gingers), but yeah, the rose has got to go.

    24. I take it back about being a sucker for gingers.

    CB5. Dang. I liked the original cover SO much better.

  20. Lynn K. says:

    1. Pendomus – Too many things going on here..

    3. The Shadow Prince – Why do they keep doing that??? On the other hand, I do like the cover.

    4. Empower – The Aussie covers are boring..

    5. Wolves – This reminds me of another art piece I saw. Awesome!

    7. Confessions of a Royal Bridegroom – The ridiculous poses on these HR covers aside, I really like the painted look they have. 😀

    12. All Is Fair – Too much greeeen. Somehow it doesn’t work as well as the covers for book 1 and 2. On the other hand, I really like this artist’s distinct style.

    13. Heartkeeper – I’m getting Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan) vibes from this..

    14. Heartbound – Too cluttered.

    16. Kinetic – I like the photomanip. Really vibrant colors!

    20. Othersphere – Cut and paste.

    CB

    1. Vicious – Eh, I still like the US cover more but you have a point about the impression it gives. xD

    2. A Little Too Far – I prefer 1..

    4. Catching Liam – Kept thinking this is a book by Miranda Kenneally whenever I see the title.

    • Lynn K. says:

      Secrets in the Blood reminds me of the redesigned Venom/Belladonna covers!

    • B.T. Lyons says:

      THANK YOU!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!! When I was doing the cover for Heartbound, I did the background in its own image set so that the foreground characters could be separated and rearranged for other promotional graphics (bookmarks, that sort of thing). As it came together I was looking at it thinking to myself “this is too much … erg, I dunno” but everyone said it looked fine. I was under a massive time crunch – like under a week to finish the cover before it was released – so I couldn’t redo it and that crowded look bothered the HELL out of me, but people said it was just me. So I really mean that, thank you for simply saying it was cluttered, because now I know I am not insane! 😀

  21. 3. Chuckling over this rant. I thought the same thing! Why in the world do they make the series title larger than the actual book title. The way publishers think is beyond me.

    5. O_o I can’t decide if I like it, or if I’m really creeped out.

    15. Why do they keep showing his gross fingernails. WHY. Also Magnus would totally look after his nails better than that. No me gusta.

    16. Ooooh, I like it.

    17. I like him too.

    25. Please don’t rub it in, I’m stuck in England until September! *cries* (but I expect pictures!)

    CB1. YESSSSSS BRITANNIA! We finally did something right *sobs*

    CB5. Erm… the new cover looks just like Haven by Kristi Cook. Really?

    WTF1. What in the world is that fluffy thing above the N and the T? A furry banana?

  22. Angie F says:

    2. I just find cowboy boots really ugly no matter what you wear with them. She’d be better off barefoot.

    3. I hate that too! It also bugs me when the author name is HUGE and you can barely see the book title.

    4. *yawn*

    8. That bird….why is that there?!

    16. The tagline just sounds awkward, but I do like this cover.

    22. I really need to start this series. I own 6 of the books…

    24. Much like Entangled, Angry Robot has odd looking covers…

    Cover Battles
    2. At least it’s sexier. There is boob.

    3. I like the redesign better too.

    4. Why doesn’t Liam have a shirt on?

    WTF
    1. I seriously jumped back from my screen a little. I don’t like being stared at like that…

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