Cover Snark (61): Let the Snark Break

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Β Shiny and New:

1. Elusion – Claudie Gabel & Cheryl Klam

Thoughts: Saruman, FOCUS. You can get a girlfriend AFTER you finish betraying everything you’re meant to stand for. Also, my brain cannot comprehend how there is not a unicorn in this cover. LISA FRANK DEMANDS IT.

2. Into the Still Blue (Under the Never Sky #3) – Veronica Rossi

Thoughts: INTO THE LEATHER PANTS. And does she have a jacket around her waist? What is this? The 90s?

3. Tremor (Pulse #2) – Patrick Carman

Thoughts: BRB, thinking of Hayao Miyazaki.

4. Split Second (Pivot Point #2) – Kasie West

Thoughts: So…is this Laila? Or did Addie totally change her appearance? I do like the rain better than the bubbles or whatever on the first cover.

5. The Promise of Amazing – Robin Constantine

Thoughts: More like The Promise of ADORBS. THAT GIRL EVEN SORT OF LOOKS LIKE LYDIA. Also, ELBOW PATCHES. *swoons*

6. Nearly Gone – Elle Cosimano

Thoughts: *offers model towel* Okay, so I’m loving the tagline on this one, only she better ACTUALLY be the killer. I’m also liking the backwards numbers as letters, even if they got the idea from a crime drama.

7. Side Effects May Vary – Julie Murphy

Thoughts: Cute cover: CHECK! I am trying to make the pills and the checkbox and the ballet shoes and the ferris wheel add up to a plot: Ballerina with consumption does want to go on a date with you (Do you like me? Check YES!), so you go on the ferris wheel, and the power of your love makes her stop coughing up bits of her lungs.

8. Sally Slick & the Steel Syndicate – Carrie Harris

Thoughts: Honey, suspenders are SO last season. I do, however, love that she looks like she’s ready to take care of business and the boy behind her just looks like he’s about to pee his pants. Also, she reminds me of Kaylee a bit, so yay.

9. Before Jamaica Lane (On Dublin Street #3) – Samantha Young

Thoughts: “One simple lesson in seduction between two friends” Ummm, wait. You can’t just SAY that like it’s a totally normal thing. Or maybe I have boring friends. Only I’m pretty sure my friends are AWESOME. Okay, guys, let me know in the comments: ever had a simple lesson in seduction with a friend?

10. The Inventor’s Secret (The Inventor’s Secret #1) – Andrea Cremer

Thoughts: So cute. It’s like if Wallace & Gromit built a heart.

11. Frozen (Taken #2) – Erin Bowman

Thoughts: SO PRETTY. Not sure I like convenient puddle to reflect them or her weird pose. Nor do I know why they’re at Epcot, but it’s pretty.

12. Shark Out of Water (Grab Your Pole #3) – Jenn Cooksey!

Thoughts: That is not a shark. Also, not sure if it’s a boy or a girl. Whoever it is appears to have a mullet.

13. Dear Killer – Katherine Ewell

Thoughts: *tries to read all the words* *fails* *is frustrated*

14. Fake ID – Lamar Giles

Thoughts: FAKE IDS ARE ON SALE. GOTTA GET ME ONE OF THOSE. RUN LIKE THE WIIIIIIIIIIIND. On an unrelated note, pretty green color is pretty, and I like the paint effect around the edges.

15. Chasing Dirt Roads – Pixie Lynn Whitfield

Thoughts: All those years I BEGGED for a horse, and this bitch gets one and isn’t even happy about it. NOT FAIR. *slams door*

16. Sea of Shadows (Age of Legends #1) – Kelley Armstrong

Thoughts: I have no idea what’s happening, but I like it.

17. Let the Storms Break (Let the Sky Fall #2) – Shannon Messenger

Thoughts: These kids should be tornado chasers, since they apparently get caught anyway. Not a fan of how much larger the font is on book two.

18. A Cursed Moon (Weird Girls #2.5) – Cecy Robson

Thoughts: *yawns* Pretty font, but otherwise… *prowls for more interesting covers*

19. No More Goddesses – Kim Baccellia

Thoughts: Watched The Mummy once over 10 years ago probably and I am still creeped out by scarabs, even lime green ones. *hugs cat*

20. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before – Jenny Han

Thoughts: Ha, I love how it’s written with a Sharpie. And how she’s wearing normal clothes. And MIGHT be a POC. Cover rating: Cuteness.

21. The Woken Gods – Gwenda Bond

Thoughts: Independence Day sponsored by Anubis?

22. Unbreakable – Rebecca Shea

Thoughts: So, this is gorgeous, but WHAT IS HAPPENING? She died in a tragic fireworks accident? Katy Perry sole her song idea so she’s crying on the grass? What?

23. Nomad – JL Bryan

Thoughts: Her skirt is TOO shiny. I mean, I love shiny, but…that’s like food-preserving shiny. I do like the use of hot pink here though.

24. Life, Love & Lemons – Magan Vernon

Thoughts: Awww, this is cute. Look how many things couples can be doing on covers besides making kissy faces! However, what on earth are they lying on? It looks like a futon frame without a mattress on the grass or something. Whaaaat?

25. Deathsworn (Deathsworn #1) – Leah Cypess

Thoughts: Based on how awesome The Tenth Kingdom is, I think if you see a mirror portal, YOU TAKE IT. I’ll call this a win.

26. Ruins (Partials #3) – Dan Wells

Thoughts: Her hair is ALWAYS blowing to that same side. I want to gift her a pony tail holder. Otherwise, I love the background. Pretty ocean. Pretty sunset. Pretty title treatment. YESSSS.

27. Tsarina – J. Nelle Patrick

Thoughts: I do like the classic feel of this, but the color/wall paper pattern is upsetting to my eyes. Lol at the fact that she’s standing in a faberge egg.

28. This Is How I Find Her – Sara Polsky

Thoughts: When she’s not maintaining gardens outside creepy houses, she works as an umpire.

29. Ashes to Ashes – Melissa Walker

Thoughts: This looks WAY too similar to some other covers for me. Like this one. BRB, gotta go barf because that tagline.

30. Born in Blood (Sentinels #1) – Alexandra Ivy

Thoughts: “Trust the ones you fear.” NO. DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS COVER. The leather pants and shirtlessness MAY seem to convey trustworthy, but they are LYING to you. DO the opposite of trusting those you fear.

31. Special Editions of Daughter of Smoke & Bone / Days of Blood & Starlight (Daughter of Smoke and Bone #1-2) – Laini Taylor

Thoughts: Special editions just for Tesco. I quite like the Daughter of Smoke and Bone one. Reminds me of the Shades of London redesign.

32. Murder of Crows (The Others #2) – Anne Bishop

Thoughts: Bleh, feathers. I like her hair, though. It’s all short and colored and not long and flowy. Also, a girl with her hood up! That’s new.

33. Angel Seduced (The Hidden #3) – Jaime Rush

Thoughts: They look like they’re in a lamaze class.

34. Burn (Pure #3) – Julianna Baggott

Thoughts: Well, this was obviously leaked, since it’s small and blurry, but oh well. I pretty much love it, despite the lack of color. Don’t know why they’ve not followed the black background of the previous two though. Don’t think I like the inconsistency.

35. Compelled (Coveted #3) – Shawntelle Madison


36. Promise Bound (Lies Beneath #3) – Anne Greenwood Brown

Thoughts: So…like Ten Tiny Breaths + Breathless?

37. Teen Spirit – Francesca Lia Block

Thoughts: These are the ingredients that go into every Teen Spirit deodorant.

38. Steadfast (Spellcaster #2) – Claudia Gray

Thoughts: I WANT THAT DRESS. MIIIIIIIINE. Will steal it while she tries to put out the electricity in her hair.

39. Wanderers (Wasteland #2) – Susan Kim & Laurence Klavan

Thoughts: The font colors do not blend with everything else AT ALL. Especially the author names. *scrubs eyes*

40. Young, Gifted & Dead – Lucy Carver

Thoughts:Wow, that expression is punchable. However, this is also pretty awesome, even if it reminds me of a million other sunglasses covers, like Heist Society.

41. Fugitive X (Revolution 19 #2) – Gregg Rosenblum


42. Maybe One Day – Melissa Cantor

Thoughts: This really looks like a children’s or middle grade cover to me, not YA. The girls just look so young.

43. Salvage – Alexandra Duncan

Thoughts: BAHAHAHAHAHA. “Her fall is only the beginning.” I can’t. Don’t you hate when you get all dressed up only to fall off a planet and land on the beach? That can really destroy your Saturday. The question, my friend, is whether you can salvage your weekend.

44. Wrath (Soul Savers #5) – Kristie Cook

Thoughts: Maybe wrath is one the rise because of the number of people shoehorned into leather pants for this week’s covers.

45. Jump Zone (Cleo Falls #1) – Wylie Snow

Thoughts: I am attempting to reconcile the title/tagline with the cover image. I am failing.

46. My Own Mr. Darcy – Karey White

Thoughts: Well, they did successfully make the blur look like Matthew MacFaddyendyendn or however that’s spelled. Otherwise mehhhhhhhhhhhh.

47. Fire & Flood – Victoria Scott

Thoughts: LOVE LOVE LOVE the font treatments. LOATHE LOATHE LOATHE the burning feather.

48. Little White Lies – Katie Dale

Thoughts: Is Marureen Johnson’s cover flip having an impact? Look at this totally non-girly cover for a female author! In fact, this is downright creeptastic.

49. Wild West Promise – C.R. Moss & R.M. Sotera

Thoughts: Double D Ranch. I see what they did thar. Also, that hat was worth however much money he paid for it with how well it keeps him in the shade. Way to let your lady, who’s wearing a freaking long sleeve velvet dress in that weather, sunburn.

50. Burn Out – Kristi Helvig

Thoughts: Very reminiscent of Maria V. Snyder’s Inside for me. But I do like the colors and the tagline!

51. In Time (The Darkest Minds #1.5) – Alexandra Bracken

Thoughts: I am TIRED. GET IT?

52. Stripped – Jasinda Wilder

Thoughts: Of course she’s a virgin stripper. And he’s a tattooed (I’m assuming), wealthy sex god.

53. The Quantum League by Matthew Kirby

Thoughts: Baby Iceman and baby other X-Men whose character names I do not know off the top of my head. Also, they may be coming to ruin that ballerina’s date. RUDE. She has a hard enough life already, what with the CONSUMPTION.

54. Effortless with You – Lizzy Charles

Thoughts: Hmmm, looks more like Effortless WITHOUT Shoes.

55. Landry Park – Bethany Hagen

Thoughts: I think I might like this, but who really knows, because the image is TINY.

Cover Battle:Β 

1. Out of the Easy – Ruta Sepetys

US vs. Italian vs. French: Interesting to me that they all went for a blue or green color scheme. Also, I really think they all fit the plot really well, which is AWESOME. According to the ever reliable Google translate, the Italian title means “A Room Full of Dreams,” so that loses because LAME. I think I like the American cover a bit more than the others for the vibrant colors, but they’re all pretty great.

WTF of the Week:

1. Darkness Splintered (Dark Angels #6) – Keri Arthur

Thoughts: That pose. Those wings. The fact that she’s about to slice off one of those wings and her own head with a lightsaber.

2. Faking Normal – Courtney C. Stevens

Thoughts: Snakeroot + If You Find Me = this cover. The new trees growing on someone’s face trend baffles me.

3. Uh-oh… We Turned Our Brother into a Zombie? – K.B. Miller

Thoughts: Which is funnier? The title or the way they think zombies look?

Outstanding Cover of the Week:
The Promise of Amazing by Robin Constantine

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60 responses to “Cover Snark (61): Let the Snark Break”

  1. I get to snark before work today, my boss thanks you πŸ˜‰

    1. Replace the girl with a unicorn and you totally have a Lisa Frank Cover. This one makes my eyes hurt.

    2. Hey, I love the 90’s! I also really like this cover, leather pants and all.

    3. I love these covers, but I’ve heard that the first book wasn’t so great.

    4. I don’t like this as much as the first cover but it’s still pretty. And I think that I saw somewhere that it is a different character.

    6. You know she probably isn’t going to be the killer, right?

    9. Um no.

    19. OMG Scarabs are super creepy. *shudder* I hate any kind of bugs on covers. I am a wimp.

    23. There is no way I could walk in those boots, let alone kick something.

    24. I think it kind of looks like a picnic table, but looks too close to the ground so IDK.

    26. I think this is the pretties of the three. I want it.

    36. Every time I see an underwater picture where they aren’t wearing a swimsuit all I can think about is how hard it would be to swim in regular clothes.

    47. I like this one a lot, burning feather included, though it probably wouldn’t actually burn like that.

    48. I find this to be disturbing. I like it.

    52. Virgin strippers are all the rage these days.

    WTF 2. The tree in the middle of her face REALLY bothers me.

    WTF 3. I’m so confused here. Is the one on the left the zombie? Cause that’s not really how I picture zombies. But maybe that’s just me. Also not digging the floating head.

    • Christina says:

      I try to get it posted around 6 AM, but I don’t always make it. Haha.

      1. Yeah, I wish there was a unicorn. πŸ™

      2. LOL. I can’t handle the models, but I love the background.

      3. I DNFed the first book, and, yeah, I heard that too.

      4. I think I like this one better, but I’m not sure if it makes sense for Laila to be split, since she doesn’t have that power, but meh. Pretty.

      6. I know. SIGH.

      23. I love high heeled boots! Pretty much the only time I wear heels.

      24. That’s what I thought! Yay! I’m not alone! That’s why I got creative.

      26. I agree. And I think it’s actually a different picture of the girl, since the left arm is in a different position than on the other two.

      36. That’s why they’re drowning.

      48. Yeah, it really creeps me out. Haha.

      2. Trees do not belong on faces. The color of it makes it worse too.

      3. I THINK? The others look like witches.

  2. Kayla Beck says:

    1. This totally made me think of the bubbles in Labyrinth. Ahh, the thought of David Bowie in the morning…

    2. Her lips make me think that she’s been having work done. Also, I don’t think she likes Perry much anymore.

    3. The theme to Howl’s Moving Castle is now stuck in my head.

    17. I can barely see the series name.

    23. I would like for her to eat whatever her skirt is supposed to be covering.

    25. Is that the dark tower?

    26. Is it the same girl photo used in front of each background? (I have no idea as I’ve never gotten around to reading any of the books.)

    30. Oh, he’s totally afraid of her. Gingers in leather are always forces to be reckoned with.

    31. I like these a lot, but I doubt I would read them based on the cover alone. I just know enough about the books to appreciate these. I think I may buy them… *ponders*

    38. I know I’m beating a dead horse with this, but why do these girls have to be so fucking thin that it makes me uncomfortable?!

    41. Okay, this is so freakin’ cool. Best cover this week!

    • Christina says:

      1. *shudders*

      2. Her lips do look weird. And she does seem to hate him.

      3. You’re welcome.

      17. Good point. I imagine it’s raised or shiny on the hardcover, but it’s sneaky online.

      23. EW. You’re dirty.

      25. It does look a bit like Sauron’s place. LOTR’s everywhere this week.

      26. I think this one’s a different photo, since her left arm is in a different position. Pretty sure the first two are the same.

      30. Also, she looks like Olivia Wilde.

      31. But you don’t live in Britain?

      38. I guess they do.

      41. Lol. Except from what I hear it makes no sense, bc the character with a robot eye is a dude.

    • Kayla Beck says:

      23. I could’ve totally gone dirty with that, and I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t think of it. I’ll catch it next time, promise.

      30. I guess the eyes do a little.

      31. I have a really good friend who lives in London. If I can’t get them from a website, I’ll have him ship them to me. πŸ™‚

      41. Maybe Wall-E gets a friend in the sequel. πŸ˜€

    • Christina says:

      23. Well, still came across that way to me, so….

      30. And her face!

      31. Ah, nice.

      41. EVA.

  3. Debby says:

    3. OH GOD IT’S TOTALLY MIYAZAKI haha I didn’t even think of that.

    4. Yes, it’s Laila πŸ™‚ part of SS is written from her POV πŸ™‚


    20. I freaking love how adorable contemporary covers are getting now. So cute!!

    24. I’m thinking picnic table?

    WTF 2. What in the woooooooooooooorld with those trees for srs?

    WTF 3. This is a joke, right? No one would actually make that their cover… right? x_x

    • Christina says:

      3. You are welcome. Nerd-five.

      4. Oh really? *quirks eyebrow*

      5. Me TOOOOOOO. I wants it.

      20. Agreed!

      24. Seems to be the consensus.

      WTF 2: She’s got the tree herpes.

      3: ……

  4. Lesley says:

    20. Jenny Han tweeted the other day about the character’s ethnicity (I’ve retyped that word four times now and it still looks wrong, but you know what I mean) and said she’s half Korean, half white

    And I really like the new cover for Daughter of Smoke and Bone. I was really tempted to replace my copy (mine has the red door on it and I’m not a fan) but then remembered that I didn’t actually like the book and decided it was silly to buy a book I knew I didn’t like just because the cover was pretty. If only I could always be that sensible…

    • Christina says:

      20. Oh, thanks for the info! The model totally looks believable for that, whatever her actual ethnicity is.

      Yeah, it’s definitely better than the red door. I’ve had that exact same battle with myself in the past. Surely you don’t need to spend money just to have a better cover. I mean, the book is the same! I’ve caved once or twice to vanity, but mostly talk myself out of it.

  5. I didn’t go through all the covers to comment on individually, but as always, I had a great laugh at your comments. I also added about 3-4 books to my TBR too, so thank you! πŸ™‚

  6. #1 Omg there is so much glitter and sparkle in here that it’s a crime there isn’t a rainbow and a unicorn.

    #2 They look like Ken and Barbie because of how plastic they look, I just can’t.

    #4 Right? I am so confused right now. But if there’s more Laila, I approve.

    #5 I am already in love with this cover. β€˜Nuff said.
    #11 Pretty but she looks like she’s checking his ass out and I cannot unsee that lol

    #20 I LOVE THIS COVER SO MUCH. The title design is amazing and the MC is a POC which we always need more of. This book already sounds awesome.

    #47 It is bugging me so much how the feather looks like the one on the cover of Antigoddess.

    • Christina says:

      1. Seriously. A unicorn is requisite.

      2. They do look way too made up to be fighting for their lives.

      4. I approve of anything Kasie West. At least I think I do.

      11. And now neither can I. BAHAHAHA

      20. Yes, she’s apparently half-Korean, which is awesome. I will totally read it.

      47. Looks even more like the feather on Phoenix.

  7. Judith says:

    1. This cover would have been infinitely better with a unicorn on it.

    2. I can never look at this cover again WITHOUT thinking of Ross. Thank you.

    3. “Everyone feels the tremor.” Well I WOULD HOPE SO with a freaking building floating in the air.

    5. OH MY GOD THAT IS TOTALLY LYDIA! Also, I adore the font.


    14. LOL. I like that this is different.

    15. *tries to think of a word to describe this disaster* *fails*

    17. The sky is so prettyyyyyy. The font was better on the first, but I like this! And love the title.

    18. HEY. That’s the same sky. I don’t like it was much here though. HMMMM.

    20. SO CUTE. This may be one of my favorite font treatments ever!

    22. Is she playing a dead body in a crime show? It looks like it.

    23. Lola from Lola and the Boy Next Door gone punk. And badass. Where is Cricket to get her back to normal?


    28. You don’t have to tell me how to find here. She is right there, floating in the sky!


    31. *pats the pretty* I like these a lot!

    40. Young, Gifted and Dead? Well, that’s a bummer. I’d be disappointed if I was young and gifted, but also a corpse. Hmm.

    44. Leather. Pants. Ross, what did you do?!

    45. “Jump Zone”. Cleo Jumps. Cleo Falls. Cleo is clearly not a good jumper.

    Cover Battle 1. Looooove the French one! The Italian is a bit boring, but the French one looks like a postcard. Want.

    • Christina says:

      1. I am of the opinion that most covers would be improved by unicorns.


      8. Hahaha, just yesterday I saw someone on Twitter saying they wanted more Rosie the Riveter type girls. There we go.

      14. Me too!

      17. The sky is pretty. The models are annoying though. Haha.

      18. It’s the lack of tornado.

      20. Perfection!

      22. Her big break!

      23. *snorts*


      28. Ohhhhh.

      30. Leather EVERYWHERE.

      44. He just made them seem so appealing!

      45. BAHAHAHA

  8. LisaFicTalk says:

    I think that the models on the cover of #24: Life, Love & Lemons are lying on one of those picnic tables… things. lol.

    Your snarky snark entertains me, Christina. πŸ˜€

  9. Gads, I love this post. Do I confess this every time..LOL I love the cover of Nearly Gone it is both dark and sexy. I still prefer the US version of Out of Easy.

  10. I want to eat the cover of The Promise is Amazing. It’s just so darn cute.
    1. Lisa Frank! I haven’t thought about her for years. All those cool folders and trapper keepers and stickers…
    9. Nope. No lessons on seduction from my friends. Maybe I need new ones?
    17. That sky is so pretty. Those blues. But I agree the font’s too big.
    20. Yay! New Jenny Han finally has cover. And it’s cute.
    24. I’m pretty sure it’s a picnic table, but the depth perception of the bench is weird.
    26. For real. Why is her hair always like that? Is is stuck that way? Is that the only direction the wind blows? Why?
    31. I’m loving that re-design.
    33. Whaaa?
    43. *Snorts* Is the weekend salvagable if you fall off the planet?
    52. Another book about a virgin stripper and a tattooed sex god! How many of these do we need?

    Thursday morning made yet again. You’re the best!

    • Christina says:

      1. Trapper keepers! That takes me back. Haha.

      9. Maybe you do. Especially since you’ll obviously fall in love and have endless hot sex.

      24. Yeah, everyone says picnic table. The depth perception threw me off.

      26. Maybe there’s some problem with the currents in the future.

      31. Definitely better than the original British covers, though I like the US ones best.

      52. There are more? O_O

  11. Angie F says:

    1. I love this cover! But yes, there needs to be a unicorn!

    2. I thought the same thing! I just don’t care for this series covers, but I like the books.

    7. Love this one, too!

    9. I cannot say that my friends and I have had lessons in seduction…

    15. I do not like this cover…at all, but I do love the author’s name!

    23. I’m a fan! I want that wig…and maybe the boots…and the shiny skirt…

    31. I like these much better than the originals.

    49. Double D Ranch…LoL

    52. Virgins can be strippers too!!! I am curious about this one now…

    Cover Battles:
    1. US!

    1. I just generally don’t like angel covers…or angel books. They’re cheesy.

    2. Yeah…I don’t get it.

    3. LoL

    Angie @ Pinkindle Reads & Reviews

    • Christina says:

      15. She does have a great name.

      23. Lol. I do not want the shiny skirt, but I would take the boots and maybe the wig.

      31. Yeah, the UK covers were not great.

      52. They can, I don’t doubt that. However, that whole blurb = no.

      1. Agreed on angel covers. I’ve read a few good books, though.

  12. Must. Have. THE PROMISE OF AMAZING!!!


    1. All that saturation! Ag! This is one of those books I NEED to see a finished copy of so I’ll know if it will always look that bad or if they have a few tricks up their sleeves to make it prettier.

    2. Yes, it’s definitely the 90s. An alternate 90s where the hippies in the 60s caused a mass meltdown of Earth (don’t ask me how; God knows most dystopian sci-fi things can’t explain themselves) and now there are aether storms and shit. -seriousface-

    3. I’m getting a lot of phallic imagery from this cover! The little white building on the ground is a penis the size of a pencil and the big building floating in the air is a massive condom.

    4. Yep, that’s Laila. She’s going to rip your face off now, please and thank you.

    5. It is! I’m not sure if I want the book right now, but I sure want a print of that cover so I can hang it up somewhere and look at it when I’m sad.

    6. Never not gonna creep me out. Darkness + lips = eek.

    11. Maybe all the Heisted guys are hidden in the Epcot ball? Damn, I wish I’d checked when I went there a few years ago! My best friend may have found a boy toy. πŸ˜‰

    13. I like this, but if they had her full silhouette and she was making the right kind of pose, this cover would be AWESOME. Even if she just stood there looking innocent, it would be even more awesome.

    15. Horse: “Whut is dat thing? Can I eet it?”

    20. I love both the cover (I’m pretty sure she’s POC) and the idea, so book = MINE even though I didn’t like two of Han’s other books.

    21. What Independence Day would have been with mythological figures instead of aliens. I hope there’s a representative or senator in their getting the shock of their life. Mwahahaha.

    31. Ooooh, I like. Me want.

    38. We’ll raid her wardrobe together because I want that dress too. She’s sure to have an extra… Anyway, I thought that was ice in her hair. Or glitter because she was recently at a Ke$ha concert.

    39. I like the colors of the image itself, but the fonts for things aren’t any good with it. Ack. But still not touching it because evil hermaphrodites.

    40. *gigglesnorts tea up nose at her expression*


    1. I hope this was an illustrated cover because if not, that model should sue for cruel and unusual posing. That’s GOT to hurt!

    • Christina says:

      It breaks like the waves, only to return. No worries, Ashleigh.

      1. Yeah, ti seems like something I should love, but I actually really don’t like this one. Behind the snark is me going ACK NO.

      2. HAHAHA. I like it.

      3. CANNOT UNSEE.

      4. She will. But I like it.

      5. This is much better than a kissy face cover!

      6. Hahaha, lips are pretty freaky. I bet you hate the opening of Rocky Horror.

      11. Mmmm, boy toy.

      13. Are you thinking more like Practical Jean?

      20. The character’s definitely half-Korean, and the model definitely looks like she might be.

      21. Hahahaha.

      38. Looks like electri sparks to me. Could be Kesha.

      39. Yup. Took all my willpower not to just say DO NOT READ THIS SERIES EVER.

      1. Not sure if it’s a model or not.*tilts head*

  14. Pabkins says:

    I need that Sea of Shadows! I’m so excited! Your snark always makes my morning!

  15. Amy says:

    1. Looks totally trippy!!

    4. I like how they are still sticking with the same theme for the cover. I also like the rain.

    5. That cover is so cute!! She looks so little next to him too.

    6. I really do like the cover, but the upper lip sweat is kind of gross.

    7. Totally fun cover. I love the bright font on the black background.

    8. Dude, I used to wear my overalls like that when I was like 12! I thought I was cool, except it totally wasn’t!

    9. There is never something simple when it comes to seduction and friends.

    10. I kind of love that cover!

    11. Awesome cover, but unfortunately I didn’t like the first book so this pretty will not grace my shelf.

    13. OMG I always try to read words on books like that too and get super frustrated when I can’t. I tried that on Jumped In and gave myself a headache!

    16. This cover rocks!! Is that blood, or paint, or what?!! Still cool!

    18. This cover makes me want to go for a night swim!

    20. Super cute cover!

    23. That cover is totally badass looking!! I wouldn’t mess with that chick!

    24. I think they are laying on the top of a picnic table and that’s the bench below them. Maybe?

    27. That cover does hurt my eyes!!

    31. Those are pretty!! I like them.

    37. Hahaha!! A little love and flowers in every stick!

    43. I have no words.

    48. I really like the cover, but the tagline font is a bit on the large side.

    52. Now I want to watch Flashdance.

    55. I like how the chick is in the “A”. Also the buildings in the other letters is really cool.

    Cover Battles

    1. I haven’t read the book, but I like all of the covers.


    1. She’s obviously stretching. Would hate to pull a muscle. Lol!

    2. I think it would be hard to fake normal with trees on your face.

    3. I just… they just… I can’t.

    Outstanding Cover of the Week

    Yes!! I really like it. It’s so adorable!

    • Christina says:

      5. That’s the only thing I don’t like. Tall guys need to stop dating short girls, because we taller girls need them!

      6. Isn’t it?

      8. Thank god the overalls being cool phase was before I was really old enough for all of that business.

      10. Me too!

      11. I DNFed it out of boredom. And apparently it only got worse. Pretty covers, though.

      37. BAHAHA.

      48. Agreed. They need to hit the tagline with a shrink ray.

      55. It’s like The Ward.

      1. Oooh, that would hurt.

      2. BAHAHA, I should have said that.

    • Amy says:

      5. Awwww. My hubs is 6′ 3″ and I’m only 5′ 2″. I’m one of those short girls with a tall guy.

      8. OMG that overall phase was so lame, but we thought it was the best thing ever. It sucks when you really have to pee to try and get out of those stupid things lol!!

      2. Lol!! I always feel weird when I go out with trees on my face. It sucks trying to act normal.

  16. Nooooo THE ELUSION COVER IS SO COOL I CAN’T EVEN! But then again, I’ve always been a big Lisa Frank fan. lol

    I don’t much like the new Kasie West cover. I thought the first one was stunning, but this one is just…meh.

    YES OMG THE ELBOW PATCHES! I died when I saw this cover. It’s made of adorable and swoon, and the blurb makes it even better, and WHEN IS THIS BOOK COMING OUT I NEED IT?!

    Are you serious right now about the Andrea Cremer cover? It’s terrible! Or maybe I’m the only one that thinks it is. I think it just looks creepy. *shudders*

    LOL to the Epcot one. I just laughed out loud. Literally.

    I’m glad I’m not the only person who looked at the Jenny Han cover and wasn’t sure if the cover model was a POC or not. I was like “I THINK she is???” But the Sharpie writing is adorbs.

    • Christina says:

      I know you love it, but it just doesn’t work for me, though I didn’t really take a stand in my comments. It’s too busy, and I’m not sure I like the woman in a ball thing.

      Oh, I like Split Second’s cover better. Hahahaha.


      We are not in sync this week. I think it’s super cute!


      She might be a mix, like the character, which would be awesome. Imagine matching the cover model to the character!

  17. Isabel Gomez says:

    24. I think that’s a picnic table… even then it still looks wildly uncomfortable.


    3. Seriously, what the fuck

  18. GillyB says:

    2. Leather pants. Duck face. Ross Geller crying. As always, GORGEOUS background, drugged up Abercrombie models.

    4. It is indeed Layla!

    5. ADORBS!

    7. I would read about a consumptive ballerina ALL DAY.

    9. Oh, Christina, would you LIKE to have a simple lesson in seduction? *waggles eyebrows*



    20. I ADORE this cover. Love the sharpie font, pastel colors, her clothes, her POC-ness. YES.


    24. She has exceptionally shapely brows. Also, that is obviously a picnic bench, my dear. Which you know by now πŸ™‚

    25. Want this boooook


    28. Again, more focused on her hideous eyebrows.

    29. GHOSTS. GHOSTS can haunt you more than love. *pushes her in*

    30. How cute! Matching leather pants!


    37. So Teen Spirit smells like.. lavender? I’m not sure that’s what Kurt Cobain was going for.

    46. I believe it’s spelled Maycfayyyydedyeddyden. Also… is this book allowed? Like, legally? I guess so, but… weird.

    48. Ooh, I love this. It’s horrifying!

    55. I think I like it also?

    WTF 3: OH MY GOD. This looks like a Halloween catalogue. ALSO WHY IS THERE A QUESTION MARK. Either you turned him into a zombie, or you didn’t. Quit equivocating, children. Or Mom will throw her purple pom-poms at you.

    • Christina says:

      2. Hahahaha, drugged up abercrombie models. You got that right.

      7. You’re the second person to tell me to write this book. LOL.

      9. I am now scared to come to California.

      11. FISTBUMP

      24. IT JUST LOOKED TOO CLOSE TO THE GROUND. UGHHHHH. It wouldn’t be cover snark without me not recognizing something and everyone telling me I’m dumb. SIGH.

      27. Not like real eggs, though, right?

      28. That’s not a good way to pluck them. FAT IN THE MIDDLE, SKINNY ON THE SIDES

      37. I doubt it.

      46. I feel like making it the movie Darcy might infringe, but I have no real idea.

      3. To make you crazy.

  19. LOL. Love you, Christina! Thank you for including me in your Snark today. πŸ™‚

    Anyways, my fave covers this week are Elusion (I’m seriously dying for this book already) and that Andrea Cremer book. Adore those covers. I might be one of the few that wasn’t a big fan of the Into the Still Blue cover when it was revealed. I like the colors, but it just didn’t wow me as much as the first two book covers had. *shrug*

    Have a great weekend!


    • Christina says:

      Thanks for being a good sport. I love nice authors. πŸ™‚

      I agree with you on the latter but not the former. I’d like the Rossi covers much more without the models.

  20. Shelver506 says:

    1. Oddly, I can only focus on her wrist. Is that a watch? Does that mean she’s a southpaw? Is that important? Why is her watch so BIG?

    2. Better question: WHY NO ROAR?

    8. Woah. This just inspired a #RBWL tweet (once I get out of Twitter jail, that is.)

    12. And an oddly shaped chin

    13. Boy POC? I’m interested.

    16. I’m not sure how I feel about the shape being reflected in the font.

    19. Ugh, the heart. UGH.

    22. It’s too angsty. I can only hear Bruce Willis in my head. “Call the waaaaaaaahmbulance.”

    23. This feels like a WTF to me. I mean, the model’s fierce, but they essentially did a covershoot in front of garbage bags.

    24. They’re suntanning on a picnic table! How cute!

    26. Oh my gosh. BEST COVER YET.

    40. I’m interested in spite of myself.

    43. She reminds me of a turtle on its back. “Help meee! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

    50. I honestly would have kept scrolling until I saw that tagline. Win.

    CB1. USA and France are tied for me. Both pretty in their own ways.

    WTF1. To quote Blind Pew “I zink I smell something burning, no?” YEAH, YOUR NECK, WOMAN!

    WTF2. I like her freckles, though.

    • Christina says:

      1. Why is the term southpaw? Such an odd choice. Maybe it’s her dad’s watch and means a lot to her.

      2. *roars disapproval*

      8. OH MAN, I saw that tweet and didn’t know this inspired it until now. Trippy.

      12. Truth.

      14. Looks like!

      16. I couldn’t decide either so I didn’t comment on it.

      22. That phrase now makes me think Modern Family.

      23. Hahaha, I don’t think it’s that bad, but *shrugs*

      40. This is how I feel.

      43. Or a bug flipped over.

      50. It’s an intriguing tagline.

      1. What’s Blind Pew?

      2. I’m fine with her freckles. I just hate the tree herpes.

  21. Steena says:

    I liked so many of these covers this week! 1, 5, 7, 8, 10, 12, 13, 16, 20, 22, 24, 27, 28, 32, 34, 42…LOVELY!

    9. Before Jamaica Lane: I had a friend, female, offer to teach me how to French kiss once. But I was really awkwarded out by that and refused – so I never actually had a lesson, simple or otherwise, with a friend.

    23. Nomad: I feel like this has a definite crotch shot but I am wary of clicking for the larger image to make sure.

    49. Wild West Promise Double D Ranch Tales: Thar be gold in them thar busty hills.

    WTF 3. Uh-oh…We turned our brother into a Zombie?: Is this a Disney Channel special?

    • Christina says:

      Such a good week for covers after so many that disappointed!

      9. To be fair, I had a similar experience, but she was drunk and being ridiculous. It wasn’t a like a real plan of seduction. She just felt bad because I’d never been kissed and wasn’t sober.

      23. Yeah, me too.


      3. Halloweentown #345

  22. Lilian says:

    47. Fire & Flood – Victoria Scott: It’s another Pheonix!

    48. Little White Lies – Katie Dale: This one can totally pass for a movie-tie in cover.

    26. Ruins (Partials #3) – Dan Wells: MAYBE some people like hair blowing into their faces and into their mouths. Knowing my unintentional Dan Wells “addiction,” I will probably read this one.

    2. Into the Still Blue (Under the Never Sky #3) – Veronica Rossi: HEY! I tie jackets on my waist. THEY WON’T FIT IN MY PURSE. And who knows when you’ll end up in a cold theater?

    11. Frozen (Taken #2) – Erin Bowman: Another lovely cover for the series! I remember seeing Taken on your currently reading shelf….

    “FAKE IDS ARE ON SALE. GOTTA GET ME ONE OF THOSE.” The fact that he’s black isn’t helping things. *gets beat up*

    • Christina says:

      47. I meant to mention that but forgot. Haha. OOOPS.

      26. Yeah you will!


      11. For like two months until I accepted that it was boring as crap to me and DNFed.

      You commented in the most random order of all time. Good work.

  23. Audra says:

    I’m only, like, four covers in, and I *died* at this: I am trying to make the pills and the checkbox and the ballet shoes and the ferris wheel add up to a plot: Ballerina with consumption does want to go on a date with you (Do you like me? Check YES!), so you go on the ferris wheel, and the power of your love makes her stop coughing up bits of her lungs. PLEASE TO BE MAKING THAT A BOOK RIGHT NOW.

  24. Megan K. says:

    1. I actually really like this cover. Though, that Saruman GIF – LOL.

    2. Not a fan of the models, but I do love the color and font treatment for the title. (I know a lot of people were wondering if Perry’s hand was on Aria’s butt, ha.)

    4. Yeah, that’s Laila! Not too fond of her expression, though. :/

    5. FINALLY. A cover where the guy’s actually cute! Who doesn’t love elbow patches, like seriously?

    6. The title kind of reminds me of the TV show Numb3rs.

    10. SO PRETTY. *o*

    15. LOL.

    20. Eeee, what an adorable cover! I like how the model’s not white and how the font treatment for the title. <3

    24. We need more covers like this.

    27. THAT DRESS. *grabby hands* The background’s kind of hurtful, but you get used to it.

    43. I do not like this cover. At all. I expected so much more from Harper. :/

    55. Love.

    WTF#3 You have to admit it’s kind of cute at the same time, though.

    • Christina says:

      1. :-p

      2. Oooh, I think it is. Maybe that face is “how dare you squeeze my ass while I’m trying to look like a badass.”

      4. I kinda like it.

      5. YES. SO GLAD.

      6. Same.

      WTF3. Do I?

  25. This post made me smile before I braved the LA traffic for work today. Just thought I’d share. Alrighty, snarkinesssss….

    1: LOLOLOL. I actually posted about ELUSION today and how much I loved the cover, and now I’m only ever going to see the giant eye. (Also, don’t those clockwork things look like magical mushrooms? Maybe to go with the EDC effect)

    2: It is. Look at his hair-do. He’s also way older than her.

    4: Really? I liked the bubbles better, since it seems like you see rain on a lot of covers.

    5: YOU THINK THAT COVER IS ADORBS. Did you read the synopsis? He chokes on a weiner dog, I think, and she saves him with the Heimlich. That’s how they meet!

    6: Does it ever happen that way? The person is actually the killer?

    7: The icons are a bit weird, though I’m actually a fan of the somewhat corny tagline…

    9: Christina, I have a secret… lol.

    jk :).

    10: I have no idea what/who Wallace & Gromit is, but the heart freaks me out. I can’t even look at my own veins without feeling sketched out. The compass mechanical heart built from clay for the photo and split with buttons and ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

    13: I don’t understand this tagline. And the words that are there are weird. “supplies, weeks, volunteers, company, especially, care, only way” – nothing as creepy as I’d thought it’d include.

    14: He looks like he’s figure skating. Apollo Anton Ohno #2?

    16: Me too.

    20: I really like this cover, especially the faded color treatment. Omg, when I first read the Sharpie part, I didn’t realize you meant the title… I was like: DAMN SHE MUST HAVE REALLY GOOD VISION CAUSE THAT LOOKS LIKE A PEN TO ME.

    22: The tagline doesn’t make sense with the title or her pose. Such prettiness but I am confuzzled.

    24: picnic bench! Cutesy teen couple looking at the sky from their lunch tables :).

    29: The tagline makes it worse, because I think that synopsis has a lot of premise but… whuut.

    31: I didn’t know there was a special redesign… the font treatment and colors are cool, but I have no idea why they chose those images…

    33: Is it just me or does her bra/chest look a tad strange??

    35: yessss, I am now going to insert #gandalfed at random points in conversations….

    46: Matthew MacFadyen. PSH AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE A P&P FAN :P.

    47: ME TOOOOOOO.

    55: THE COVER WAS REVEALED?! I totally missed that. I am SOOO looking forward to that book!

    wellllll, this post has me all #gandalfed out, so ciao πŸ™‚

    • Christina says:

      1. They do look like mushrooms

      2. Yeah, that’s douchey hair. And he’s like 35.

      5. WUT. The cover is still adorbs. I am glad it’s not him choking on a wiener.

      6. Not sure.

      10. I think that’s adorable. Doesn’t creep me out at all. Haha.

      13. The tagline only makes sense in context. Apparently she’s a murderer.

      14. Haha.

      20. The title. Yeah. My vision is not impressive.

      33. Sure do.

      35. Lol. I forgot I said that.

      46. But my way was more fun. Also, I don’t think he makes a good Darcy at all. I like him, but he’s not got enough gravity for Darcy. Not one bit.

      55. Late on Wednesday, yeah.

  26. Okay, here goes nothing. Hopefully Safari won’t freeze the second time around!

    1. Seizure-inducing.

    9. “One simple lesson in seduction between two friends can turn into so much more…” Because sex never complicates a relationship! Who would have ever expected that outcome!?

    Also, apparently I need new friends.

    12. I refuse to read any book whose series title is “Grab Your Pole”. I can’t tell if the author is making a deliberate attempt attempt (However misguided) at tongue-in-cheek humour or if she’s simply oblivious.

    20. I adore that font treatment. It was the first thing that caught my eye about the title. Love the Sharpie effect!

    22. I absolutely hate that colour filter. It looks muddy and washes out the model. I can’t tell if she’s supposed to be dead or simply suffering from anemia. Either way, I don’t want to look at that cover any longer than I have to.

    23. Zetus Lapestus! That cover is giving me PSTD flashbacks of a god-awful film (Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century) that used to haunt the Disney channel when I was a kid. *Shudder* “Zoom, zoom, zoom, Make my heart go boom, boom, My Supernova Girl. Kill me now. This is all your fault, Christina! *Shakes fist* Vengeance shall be mine!

    28. I wouldn’t imagine she would be very difficult to lose, what with being larger than a house and a small field.

    33. Dead eyes.

    37. This cover seems very incongruous with the title. A Weegie board is certainly not one of the first twenty things that come to mind when you say ‘teen spirit’, unless it’s meant in the Nirvana ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ disaffected youth sort of way. In which case, carry on, book cover.

    48. Absolutely hate this cover. It looks messy and overdone. My eyes don’t know where to look first. Far too busy.

    I love the US cover for Out of the Easy. While the French one isn’t bad, the original is so striking. Note to self: Read this novel. I adored Between Shades of Gray, I don’t know I’m dragging to my feet to read Sepetys’ other work.

    • Christina says:

      9. Sex fixes relationships. So do children.

      12. I KNOW. It’s SO FUNNY. I snort every time I see those covers, because I am five.

      20. The Sharpie’s so well done!

      22. She does look pretty ghostly.

      23. OMG, I LOVED Zenon back in the day. I’m sure it’s terrible, but hahahaha it was so my favorite thing ever for like a week.

      28. HAHAHAHA

      37. Yeah, I really do not understand it at all.

      48. Not my thing at all, but I’m glad it wasn’t a couple kissing or something just because a female wrote it.

      I really liked Out of the Easy, so you should get on that.

  27. Kiersi says:

    I have absolutely no thoughts (these are always so spot on, especially that one with the tag line, “trust those you fear…” WTF?) other than I think the Tesco special edition versions of DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE and the sequel are pretty lame compared to the originals.

    It looks like any other YA book, with silly curly letters–when I feel like that series is ANYTHING BUT. The originals were sort of masquerade/marti-gras themed which did a much better job of capturing the storytelling style. I mean, it’s about monsters and stuff!

    3. Oooooh, I like it! Especially since it looks like Toph is being her awesome self and Earth Bending that shit.
    4. It’s Laila! I flove it.
    5. He’s so tall *___*
    6. Ooooh, a murder mystery? I approve.
    10. I like it! I’m very hesitant to read anything by Cremer after the disaster that was Wolfsbane and Bloodrose, but this cover is pulling me in.
    17. Huge fonts seem to be the new trend. Not sure if I like it.
    20. EEP.
    22. Is she pregnant?
    24. It looks like their bench fell backwards, but I like it. It’s so summery!
    39. I like it but I agree, what is with that font colour for the author names?
    41. Once again, the model is a girl when it’s a guy who has the weird eye. Or maybe there’s a new character. But STILL.

    CB1: LOVE LOVE LOVE the French cover!

    WTF2: idk but I approve of the freckles. A+.

  29. O_O, I had my weekly dose of cover snark :))) Feel chilled out now. Quite a lot of good ones, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Tsarina. I want it to have art-deco and wild romantics. Also bagged 4 redheards :))) Thank you!

  30. Author Magan says:

    24. Its mine and I believe a picnic table, but I wanna guess something crazier…like train tracks. No…not really crazy.

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