posted at Thursday, June 13th, 2013 at 3:34 PM | Cover Snark
Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
The poll site I use was not working for me, so no polls this week. However, there weren’t many Cover Battles anyway.
1. Tainted (Broken #2) – A.E. Rought
Thoughts: That guy sort of looks like Arthur from Merlin. However, I really don’t like when men are carrying passed out or drugged women on book covers, because I pretty much assume that’s a sign the female character will be weak ALL the way through. I do not approve the gender dynamics shown here. Where’s the cover of a girl carrying a passed out boy?
2. Starling (Secrets of the Eternal Rose #3) – Fiona Paul
Thoughts: Seriously, why the hell did they redesign these? These look like romance novels from the 1970s that should be sold for a dime at the used book store.
3. Warrior (The Dragon King Chronicles #2) – Ellen Oh
4. Her Dark Curiosity (The Madman’s Daughter #2) – Megan Shepherd
Thoughts: Why is this girl always taking her dress off? I mean, really. It made sense in the first one, where she looked sort of insane and might have been about to commit suicide. Plus, she was on that island with less people around. Such behavior is just not condoned for young ladies in cities, and I really don’t think off the shoulder was the style at that time.
5. Very Bad Things (Briarcrest Academy #1) – Ilsa Madden-Mills
Thoughts: Is this cover telling me that beauty pageants are VERY BAD? I think so.
6. Being Kalli – Rebecca Berto
7. Of Darkness and Crowns (Goddess Wars #2) – Trisha Wolfe
Thoughts: You’d better watch out! A buck is about to leap out of your girlfriend’s back!
8. Fury of Desire (Dragonfury #4) – Coreene Callahan
Thoughts: He and Ke$ha would make a great couple. So many glittery golden babies they would have.
9. Cured (Stung #2) by Bethany Wiggins
Thoughts: If THAT is the cure, I will keep the disease. No way I’m letting that bug ANYWHERE near me.
10. How Green This Land, How Blue This Sea (Newsflesh) – Mira Grant
Thoughts: I bet a zombieroo would kill all our asses. Even regular kangaroos are badass.
11. The Mysterious Case of Mr. Strangeway (The St. Croix Chronicles #0.5) – Karina Cooper
Thoughts: Is this about Michael Jackson? He would totally wear this.
12. The Psi Fighter – D.R. Rosensteel
Thoughts: RANDOM WORDS OF A TAGLINE. HAVE IMPORT. MEAN THINGS. CONFUSE THE READERS.
13. Archon (Psi Chronicles #2) – Lana Krumwiede
Thoughts: Tunnel. Gears. Yawn. It’s been done, with bonus dirigible.
14. Celebromancy (Ree Reyes #2) – Michael R. Underwood
Thoughts: I do not like this cover at all. However, the blurbs have it.
15. Wake to Darkness (Rachel de Luca #2) – Maggie Shayne
Thoughts: Pretty. I like the snowy effect a lot, and the colors.
16. Crash into You (Pushing the Limits #3) – Katie McGarry
Thoughts: Maybe it’s because I’m old, but all I can think is how uncomfortable that looks. Young whippersnappers, may I recommend a marvelous invention known as a bed?
17. Tarnished – Amber Lynn Natusch
Thoughts: Well, I’m creeped out. Also, nicely done. I think at that point I might be less concerned with the blood than freezing my ass off.
18. Disassemble (Divided Worlds #2) – Imran Siddiq
Thoughts: The dude’s hair looks exactly like how Shizuro Seino draws dude hair in her mangas. Also, this creeps me out a lot.
19. Disrupt (Divided Worlds #3) – Imran Siddiq
Thoughts: This is either a very narrow-wasted dude or a very broad-shouldered, muscular lady. Hmmm.
20. Shadow Hand (Tales of Goldstone Wood #6) – Anne Elisabeth Stengl
Thoughts: Coming next spring from Pixar!
21. Clockwork Prince (The Infernal Devices: Manga #2) – Cassandra Clare
Thoughts: To borrow some phrasing from Bon Jovi: You give manga a BAD name.
22. Vampires, Scones, and Edmund Herondale (The Bane Chronicles #3) – Cassandra Clare & Sarah Rees Brennan
Thoughts: Ah, apparently in this installment we are spared further evidence that Magnus is actually a black-fingered monster rather than the hottie I’d imagined. Of course, that does mean there’s absolutely nothing happening here. Apparently they add up to make on big picture, which is admittedly cool, but the individual pieces are thus far not awe-inspiring. (Also, I initially typoed “thus fart” – *snorks*)
23. Evertrue (Everneath #3) – Brodi Ashton
Thoughts: She looks like a candy cane made of solidified blood and clouds. What happened to these covers?
24. The Well’s End – Seth Fishman
Thoughts: *has flashbacks to reading Z for Zachariah*
25. A Little Too Far (A Little Too Far #1) – Lisa Desrochers
Thoughts: What goes a little too far? His boobs?
26. Perfect Regret (Bad Rep #2) – A. Meredith Walters
Thoughts: Can we stop with these titles NA, please? Let’s combine a positively connoted word with a negatively connoted one. Then we can make all the money like Jamie Maguire. UGH.
27. The Tinker King (The Unnaturalists #2) – Tiffany Trent
Thoughts: I like how his face says “THE FUCK YOU SAY?!?” and how it looks like he’s punching the title.
28. Wreckless – Bria Quinlan
Thoughts: Another girl in a weak position. However, I love that dress and the colors, so I will let it slide.
29. Without You – Reylynn Purdue
Thoughts: Fine, desperate cover, you may love me. However, the feeling will not be mutual.
30. White Space – Ilsa J. Bick
Thoughts: Hmmm, might have been more interesting if I hadn’t just seen an awesome black feathers cover last week.
31. Five, Six, Seven, Nate! (Nate #2) – Tim Federle
Thoughts: Bahahaha. Nate would approve.
1. Rootless (Rootless #1) – Chris Howard
US vs. Mexican vs. Hungarian: Alright, Chris Howard obviously sacrificed something to the cover art gods, because these are all gorgeous and perfect for the book in different ways. I thought the US cover was cool, but the other two are insanely good. These aren’t actually new, but I just found them and HAD to share. My Pick: Mexican by a nose.
2. The Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #2) – Rick Riordan
Original Paperback vs. Movie Tie-In: The movie tie-in isn’t that bad as movie tie-ins go, but I prefer the simple, illustrated look of the original. My Pick: Original paperback.
3. Baby (Zom-B #5) – Darren Shan
UK vs. US: Fucking hell. If I hadn’t already made the decision to never ever have children, this might have sealed the deal. If I lived in the UK, there is no way I could ever pick up this series because the covers are too bloody terrifying. I even wrote this snark with the covers scrolled up where I can’t see them, because they upset me THAT much. The US one is almost as bad, which has pretty much convinced me to officially relegate this to the dropped series graveyard. So, they succeeded at making horror covers, but I just can’t. My Pick: Hiding under the bed so they can’t get me.
WTF of the Week:
Death Knows My Name – Casse NaRome
Thoughts: Death knows the name of Big McLarge-Huge, who will die of a steroid overdose.