posted at Thursday, November 15th, 2012 at 3:29 PM | Cover Snark
Welcome to another edition of Cover Snark, where the people are judgmental and the covers quiver in fear. If you enjoy this feature, leave me some comment love! Comment on all of the covers, some of them, or just tell me your top picks for best and worse this week. Remember this is a judgment-free zone, unless you’re a new book cover. Where possible, I will link to Goodreads, so you can add the covers that catch your list to your to-read list.
Pro tip: The easiest way to comment on such a long post is to open the post in two windows (really easy if you use Google Reader). Comment in one and scroll the covers in the other. That’s actually how I comment on other people’s reviews too. I can’t remember all my comments by the time I get to the box!
Thoughts: When did we decide that kneeling while holding a knife was the most intimidating badass pose for ladies? Also, is it just me or does her left hand look shrunken?
Thoughts: Oh man, this would be fantastic if it were about drag queens. Coincidentally, if the book’s no good, Cuddlebuggery recommends that as a good reading technique to get yourself through. Is anyone else skeptical when they see a blurb with an ellipsis in it? I always try to figure out what it might actually say, like so: “not riveting, adventurous only in its awfulness, and altogether not superb.” Is that what the Historical Novel Society said? Probably not, but that ellipsis gives me room to put my imagination to work, because what are they not telling me?
Thoughts: Viewing this cover will soothe your upset stomach, while also taking care of other symptoms like nausea and heartburn.
Thoughts: Adorbs! When I heard the title, this is what I hoped the cover would look like! Bonus win because this scene makes me think of The Return of the King when the orcs see Sam’s shadow and think he’s scary and then he hops out and they’re all lol whut.
Thoughts: “Hello, handsome, is that a ten-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?” Bonus points for readers who get this reference. Also, Bad in Boots? Is that a series title or a tagline? Either way, *snorts*.
Thoughts: Here’s where I try to figure out if this cover is illustrated or not and fail. Moving on, I love the background. That dragon is freaking cool.
Thoughts: This cover would be completely gorgeous if the focal point were not a guitar. This is another weird ebook cover trend. There are so many magical guitars, I kid you not. Also, please take note that this fantasy cover has more birds. It’s a thing.
Thoughts: Meh. It’s okay. I’m mostly just debating the wisdom of naming your indie press after a mediocre YA novel.
Thoughts: “Hey, lady, I borrowed Sirius’ magical motorcycle! Want to go for a spin? I’ll take you for a ride. And by ride, you know I mean my penis, right? I just want to be clear.”
Thoughts: A romance novel for those sick of reading about absurdly good sex. McMillen presents decent sex in December!
Thoughts: Rule #1: Wear some goddamn shoes. You won’t get very far with shredded feet. Leaving a bloody footprint trail behind also doesn’t aid in the whole disappearing thing. Rule #2: Don’t stop to play “he loves me, he loves me not” with daisies. Rule #3: Roll up your jeans. This way, if you hit a puddle, your jeans won’t get wet and weight you down.
Thoughts: This cover looks all too similar to this one, I think. I do love the dude’s cane-sword and the tagline, though.
Thoughts: Holding knives: you’re doing it wrong. How about you put down the knife you don’t know how to use and call the Ghostbusters?
Thoughts: Mascara, you’re doing it wrong. Really, though, I am HUGELY creeped out by this cover…so good work.
Thoughts: Things she could be dying to remember: 1) where she parked her car 2) where she buried the body 3) why she thought that dress was flattering with her skin tone 4) what came after touching your hair in the K-Stew school of acting (answer: biting your lip).
Thoughts: Parasols are awesome. Why don’t we use those anymore? They protect against skin cancer AND they’re useful as weapons in case of zombie apocalypse.
Thoughts: You got Kami a creepy floating eye for Christmas? How sweet! And by sweet, I mean she’s never going to get you another present again. I have to say, though, much as this cover sucks, that cape she’s wearing is pretty sweet.
Thoughts: Apparently middle grade covers can even be adorable and illustrated as self-pubs. Note the bird.
Thoughts: Cinderella may have nothing on Sam, but I’m guessing Sam got a lot from Mia Thermopolis. On an unrelated note, owning a pair of gloves like that and wearing them to a fancy event is on my bucket list.
Thoughts: Doomed to forever come up after Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. I find my eye jumping around this cover unpleasantly. It’s something about how the font turns the cover into segments; they all draw my eye at the same time. This really is almost physically uncomfortable.
Thoughts: Before someone points it out to me, yes, I do see that it says COVER NOT FINAL. However, this showed up on GR and I want to voice my harrumph that this should look like the incredibly gorgeous hardback and not like the cheesy as hell paperback. Can we get the auburn-haired model back, pretty please? Do I hear a second?
Original vs. Redesign: I’m not really sure why this was redesigned. Maybe in an effort to look more like Meg Cabot? Maybe I would like the new cover better if they’d gone with college-ruled paper; wide-ruled is for losers!
WTF of the Week: Decorating Spirit (Santa’s Helpers) – Zenobia Renquist
Thoughts: Sign #372 that you need to dump your boyfriend: he gives you his dick for Christmas.