Cover Snark (23)

Welcome everyone to cover snark where no cover is safe from my judgment! It’s been another slow week for covers, BUT there have been a lot of really hilarious ones, so strap on your judging shoes and get ready! Remember, the titles will link you up to GR if you want to add a book to your tbr pile and you can often see a larger image of a cover by clicking on it.

It’s SNARKING TIME!

False Sight (False Memory #2) – Dan Krokos
Thoughts: Anyone have any clue what’s going on in these covers? No? Cool cool cool. We’ll just run away from the shiny. Hey, look, this time THREE people are running. This must indicate more danger. Sweet. Also, this time we’re being attacked by fiery orange instead of icy blue, which clearly means we should expect many ‘splosions.
Silent Echoes (Games of Zeus #2) – Aimee Laine

Thoughts: NGL, I kind of like the cover for Silent Echoes. It’s the house, which is paranormal and creepy and sort of realistic but also cartoonish. It appeals to me for some reason, although I’m a bit concerned that it looks like there’s a skeleton in that bottom right window. Ugh to that. However, I didn’t look at it and think adult romance or Greek mythology, so there’s that. And can we talk about how awful the first book’s cover is? I like shirtless, fit men as much as the next girl, but they look dumb on book covers, so can we stop?

Stalked by Death – Kelly Hashway

Thoughts: This cover has clearly been edited to within an inch of its life, but I still think it’s pretty, since I rate girl in pretty outfit covers by how much I want what they’re wearing. The font however is not doing the book ANY favors. Similar to this?

Reaping Me Softly – Kate Evangelista

 Thoughts: Taking my pain with his weapon / Ending my life is his job / Reaping me softly with his scythe… Okay, okay, you get the idea. If I don’t look at this too closely, I like it; I mean, the colors are pretty, so that’s nice. But then you really look at it, and you go WTF WHY IS SHE BLINDFOLDED? There’s no one else there…did she do that to herself? Look closer and it’s clear that the blindfold is made of lace or something, which is totally see through, so what’s the point? Does she think it looks good? Then there’s the butterflies, which, as we all know, should never be used unnecessarily on YA covers, because every cover designer of books about death are like ‘omg, I just had the most original idea: I’ll put butterflies on the cover to symbolize the fleeting beauty of life!!!!’ Also, why are the butterflies IN A CAGE?? And why is there burlap wrapped around the bottom of it? What is the cage hanging from? Why isn’t she wearing a jacket in this frozen wasteland? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

How to Survive Ancient Spells & Crazy Kings – Laura Pauling
Thoughts: You probably thought you’d just seen my pick for indie fail of the week, but, if so, you were wrong. Enjoy this creepy, vaguely racist monstrosity of a cover. I seriously cannot get over the fact that they’ve got two white kids about to be attacked by an evil native. I’m trying to ignore the horrifying green necklace or whatever the fuck that is in front.

Through These Wicked Nights (The Guardians of the Night #2) – Pixie Lynn Whitefield
Thoughts: I so didn’t know Pixie had books! I am a terrible blogger friend. The first cover has a sort of Carrie Ryan feel to it. This one is mining fairly standard girl in a pretty dress cover territory. I love the red hair, even if it is clearly died. The angel wings I’m not a huge fan of, but I’m going to call them win for being original and not being feathered. Thank goodness for that! What I don’t get is what’s up with that mirror. There’s probably context for that in the books, I assume, but as an impartial viewer, it’s weird.

Canary – Rachele Alpine

 Thoughts: Y’all, I do not get this cover one bit. Seriously, what? This sounds like your average fancy school drama with basketball. Well, I see now that the bird is standing on an older-than-dirt basketball maybe. The only thing I can think is that the cover artist really liked the original cover for The Mockingbirds, so they had to do the bird thing. I still don’t get, though, why it needs to look like an old book or why they thought it was a good idea to make the bird weep.

Struck by Lightning: The Carson Phillips Journal – Chris Colfer

 Thoughts: Sorry for the image taken from Perez Hilton, which apparently did the reveal for some reason, but the only other image of it was TINY. So Colfer has ANOTHER book already, and it’s apparently also a motion picture? IMDB says it is, and it has a charmingly awful illustration standing in for cover art. Oh dear. That does not make me feel less like this cover is a joke. I mean, come on. This can’t be the real cover, right? It’s a prank? It feels like a prank.

How My Summer Went Up in Flames – Jennifer Salvato Doktoski

Thoughts: At first I was all, boring contemporary cover with skinny jeans, yawn. I do like her shirt, though. Then I read the book blurb, which says this: “Rosie’s always been impulsive. She didn’t intend to set her cheating ex-boyfriend’s car on fire.” At this point, I realized that red thing she’s holding, which previously didn’t mean a thing to me, is a gas can. Now this cover makes me laugh and I think it’s fantastic. How can you not tbr a book about a girl who torches the car of a cheating ex?

Starbright (Starbright #1) – Rachel Higginson
Thoughts: Authors, I must emphasize again the importance of having your book on GR before doing the cover reveal. All those people who want to read it when they see the cover have no way of marking it and might forget about it. Just saying. I’ve linked to her author page, so, when it’s there, people can add it. *shakes head* I think this one is pretty, despite the absurdity. I mean, why is her hair like that? And purple trees?
Cover Battle: The Trouble with Fate (Mystwalker #1) – Leigh Evans

First Attempt vs. Final: GR totally thought the cover was that one on the left, so I’m assuming they changed that. GOOD CALL. I totally thought this was a rerelease when I saw that cover over their, because it looks straight up out of the 90s. Good job redesigning. This new one calls Shiver to mind quite a bit.


Golden – Jessi Kirby
 Thoughts: I like the yellow flowers and such behind the title, though I’m sure they will also piss off many people. Either you like that kind of stuff or you don’t. Title: pretty and glowy. Sun: too shiny. I really don’t like when they do that on covers almost ever. Model: hard to see properly because of overly enthusiastic sunshine. Tagline: balls awful.

Demon Royale (Dreamer Slayer #2) – Jill Cooper
 Thoughts: Man, these indies are working overtime this week to be both bad AND entertainingly so. Can anyone explain to me why the covers insist the series is called Meadows Creek, but that every bookish site says it’s Dreamer Slayer? No? Well, can you tell me why she’s holding a lantern and/or very strange Halloween candy basket? How about why she chose to wear that? This one actually looks pretty well done, and it’s cool that she’s stepping out of the picture, but it still ends up a hot mess. Also, it kind of looks like she doesn’t have toes. O_O
Cover Battle: Frost Burned (Mercy Thompson #7) – Patricia Briggs

US vs. UK: Much as I want to love all things British, this cover really isn’t working for me. Also, the site where I first found this didn’t mention it was a UK cover AND said it was a new series. I was, as a result, very confused.

When Will You Rise: Stories to End the World – Mira Grant

Thoughts: How many times do I have to tell people to release large images of the cover so people can actually tell what’s going on? Sigh. This doesn’t look great from what I can see, though, so maybe it’s a blessing. But it’s Mira Grant, so who flipping cares?

With All My Soul (Soul Screamers #7) – Rachel Vincent

Thoughts: They give excellent pretty dress cover. Seriously, I know there’s nothing to them but dresses but look how many fucks I give about that.
Rise of the Infected – Monique Morgan
 Thoughts: I think that cover speaks for itself. Also, we have a new combatant for worst indie of the week. I am TORN.

Outstanding Cover of the Week: How My Summer Went Up in Flames  – Jennifer Salvato Doktorski

40 responses to “Cover Snark (23)”

  1. Nori says:

    I really want Dan Krokos’ covers to make sense…Like in my head I was trying to justify them while reading what you were saying, but I really came up with nothing. What are those shapes producing light? Are they supposed to be computer chips? Will they make sense ever?

    Also, love the cover of the week! I knew what it was from the title, and went “Yeah!”

    • Christina says:

      I am right there with you. I feel like they ought to have some sort of significance plot-wise, but I’m fairly certain they don’t.

      The cover of the week is AWESOME.

  2. Casey says:

    That last one is downright terrifying in it’s WTFery

  3. fakesteph says:

    OMG>>>> I LOVE THE GAS CAN!!!!!!! Also… I read half the script for struck by lightning and really liked it. I’m curious to read the book now.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I had the same reaction when I saw the cover for how my summer went up in flames! I didn’t read the summary though because it just looked so boring and didn’t look like something I’d read anyway… but now I’m definitely going to. LOL.

  5. Steena says:

    False Sight: I suppose there’s no real way to tell but there just doesn’t seem to be any urgency in their movement. I expect if you are running away from danger you’d be tilted forward more? These look like cross-country runners or casual jogger silhouettes. The white design on the chip/disk thing looks like a cat face. I’m not impressed.

    Silent Echoes: I like the house too and the noose hanging from the eaves. I also do not pick up ANY Greek Mythology, unless that’s Zeus’ face up in the clouds. Which is totally the creeper kind of thing Zeus would do. “When it seems no one is watching, somebody always is” should be Downton Abbey’s new tagline.

    Reaping Me Softly: I really like her dress?? I don’t think that cage is going to keep those butterflies.

    How to Survive Ancient Spells and Crazy Kings: Part of me wants to forgive it for being crappy because it’s for kids. But I think it’s worse if it is for kids because the racist undertone is not healthy for developing minds.

    Canary: I actually like this emo birdy and it popped out at me the first time I scrolled through. If I never read this book, I think I can continue to like it. Also, I’m calling that sphere a croquet ball. (No canary is the size of a basketball.)

    How My Summer Went Up in Flames: Is she about to torch that baby blue retro convertible?! I will take her down if I have to!

    Starbright: The next Taylor Swift album.

    Golden: What does that tagline even mean!? This cover is gorgeous in my opinion and then they use a fragment of a tagline that I don’t understand!

    The Demon Royale: P.S. Stepping from a picture of a beach onto a…beach?? Why didn’t you just stay there, you already had sand and an ocean and, by the look of things, it was greener!

    When Will You Rise: I’m not loving this cover, especially when all her other ones were so wonderful. I’ll still read it.

    With All My Soul: I am disgusted with myself that I am so easily swayed by these.

    Rise of the Infected: The new Lady Gaga album.

    • Christina says:

      False Sight: I totally see what you’re saying. It does look a bit more like they’re out for a jog. It doesn’t look like a cat face to me, but it definitely DOES look like a face.

      Silent Echoes: Oooh, I totes missed the noose. That’s creepy. Is there a face in the clouds? I can’t decide. Hmmm. BAHAHAHA, yes. For Downton Abbey, that’s an awesome tagline. For this? Not so much.

      Reaping Me Softly: It is a pretty dress.

      How to Survive: I know. I kept looking at it hoping it would stop looking so racist to me, but it really didn’t work. So then I read the description thinking maybe the kids were also native, but light-skinned. NOPE.

      Canary: More like a brown ping pong ball or something.

      How My Summer: Maybe that’s HER car and she’s about to escape from the burning one? Oh man, that would have been great if the car was burning in the background!

      Starbright: BAHAHAHA

      Golden: No clue. It doesn’t make sense.

      The Demon Royale: Is that a beach? I can’t even tell.

      When Will You Rise: Disappointment is mine. Why did they go to actually showing the zombies on just this one?

      With All My Soul: Right? Their gorgeosity cannot be denied.

      Rise the Infected: I am sensing a theme. And, yes, you’re right. Clearly this cover is ahead of its time.

  6. Did you watch Legends of the Hidden Temple? Because the white in the False Sight cover looks like the eagle thing they had to build after running through the temple. PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

    I like the Silent Echoes cover. It reminds me of Graveminder by Melissa Marr. Like a poor man’s Graveminder.

    Re Stalked by Death: I TOTALLY thought she was in a corn field the last time I saw that cover and I would SOOOO read it if she was.

    I HATE the Reaping Me Softly cover. From the title, to the fact that she is SITTING on WATER. What is the point of the cage if the butterflies can clearly just get out? Why is her arm/hand so disproportionate to her body that it’s kind of scary?

    I very much dislike the font on Through These Wicked Nights. And the wings make me want to barf. I don’t hate the rest of it, though, including the cover for book 1.

    At first glance I liked the Canary cover, but upon further inspection I don’t get it. Do birds cry? Can they balance on spherical objects?

    How My Summer Went Up In Flames looks amazing. I saw the gas can and I really hoped she was an arsonist and OMG SHE IS. Do want.

    “Nothing gold can stay.” The fuck does that even mean? Other than the model, I like everything about the cover, even the sunshine.

    The only thing I like about the Demon Royale cover is that they used a tattooed model. Tattoo acceptance! It looks a lot better that way than if they tried to emboss tattoos on later in the editing process.

    With All my Soul’s cover is fantastic. It fits in perfectly with the series, I like the gold, and the model finally gets legs. It’s too bad that I just can’t get into the books, cause they would look great lined up on my shelves.

    You hate it, but I really love the cover for Rise of the Infected. It’s because I love Lady Gaga and all her weirdness, I think. It’s creepy, and strange, and bizarre, and that’s definitely my thing.

    • Christina says:

      I’ve never heard of Legends of the Hidden Temple…. Sorry to let you down. *is ashamed*

      Haha, I see that.

      Looks like a wheat field maybe, instead of a corn field?

      Yeah, Reaping Me Softly is a big mess. Like it looks okay from a distance, but the longer you look at it the more upsetting it is.

      The cover for book one is better, I think. The font should definitely be better. Bolding it might help?

      Birds don’t cry.

      Yeah, there aren’t nearly enough books about teenage arsonists.

      Haha, the model doesn’t work for me either, and so far no one understands that lame tagline.

      OH IT’S A TATTOO. I totally thought it was the dress and I DID NOT GET IT.

      I still need to try them. I have the first volume of the Soul Screamers collection. It’s so pretty.

      Hahaha, I think it’s awful, but not as bad as some people. And, seriously, some one should show this to Lady Gaga, because she would dig it.

  7. NEVER MIND. There is a face in the clouds of Silent Echoes. *pukes*

  8. Audra says:

    I loved this whole post and I literally sputtered coffee everywhere at Reaping Me Softly, which is now playing in my head on repeat, damn you!! 🙂

  9. I started the post and kept saying, “Oh THIS, this I have something to say about,” and then that was for like every picture. Thus, here is some rambling: I couldn’t even read what “How To Survive” said with that font, why is Canary in hieroglyphics?, and that guy looks too small for that stool in the Chris Colfer cover. The two covers I am most confused about, though, are the Stalked by Death one and the Reaping one. If she is being stalked, she doesn’t look concerned at all. She’s in a prom dress in a field with her makeup and hair done. If I was being stalked, I’d probably be locked in a closet crying my eyes out. As for the Reaping one, I think I have more confusion than understanding.

    • Christina says:

      I’ve found that it helps to open it twice and tile the windows. I scroll through the covers with one and respond to comments on the others.

      That IS a very large stool.

      Someone suggested Stalked by Death might be a pun on corn. Also, most pnr covers are about danger, but the heroines look sexy and or unconcerned. Closet sounds like a good plan.

      SO MUCH CONFUSION for the Reaping cover.

  10. I am on your Cover Snark. :O Well, now I feel like a rockstar! Woohoo! Lol. Not really. Thanks, though! 😛

    I want “How My Summer Went Up In Flames” already. That is seriously an awesome cover, with a great fashion sense, and she torches a cheating bf’s car. Sweeet… I’ll definitely be keeping my eye out for that book.

    I LOL’d at your comments for “Reaping Me Softly”. I do like the font and coloring for that one, but I don’t understand the whole butterflies in the cage or the weird blindfold thing. It’s a bit odd for sure.

    I love the Soul Screamers covers. I have the first volume and it’s so prettyyy. But I haven’t read it yet. Too many books I need to catch up on. o.O

    Rise of the Infected: How did she get Lady Gaga to model for her book cover? I love Lady Gaga. 🙁

    :p

    Talk soon!

    <3
    Pixie

    • Christina says:

      How My Summer Went Up in Flames went from not being on my radar at all to being one of the books I most want. Good job, cover designers.

      I need to catch up on so much. O_O indeed.

      So nice of Lady Gaga to model, right?

  11. Oh I like Silent Echoes cover too. I agree the house looks a little cheesie with the skeleton. I think if it was just the house and girl it would have worked just fine.

    If you want to see big differences in book covers look at Ilona Andrews – Kate Daniels series. The US covers are awful compared to the German covers.

  12. Kayla Beck says:

    I had Things to say about the Reaping Me Softly cover (I’ve been WAITING), but that damn Rise of the Infected cover had me laughing so hard that my aunt and grandmother clambering over me to see what the hell was so funny. OH GAWD THE AWFUL!!!! *dies laughing* Is this a memoir of a a Ku Klux Klan princess? BUT THE HANDS?!?! I could say THINGS here, too! I have to go away from here before I get in trouble.

    Kate Evangelista, I’ll be back for you later. *glares*

  13. M.A.D. says:

    hahahahahaha Oh, Christina – I worship at the alter of your *snarkdom*, whateverthehell that means lol

    False Sight – THREE people are running lol

    Rise of the Uninfected –

    ….
    W.T.F. is THAT?!? Any little kid who sees that cover will be in psychiatric therapy for the rest of his tortured existence. In fact, I suddenly feel the need to make an appointment … o-0

  14. My first thought when I saw the cover for False Sight was “Thank goodness it matches False Memory!” I’m not a fan of either cover, but I am a fan of matching!

    I LOVE the synopsis for How My Summer Went Up in Flames! It definitely makes the cover a gazillion times better.

    I didn’t enjoy Chris Colfer’s first book so I will pass on his new one. And I think the cover is boring.

    • Christina says:

      Yeah, they’re not great covers, but I do appreciate the series-ness.

      YES. MUST READ.

      The cover sucks. I’ve heard bad things about The Land of Stories, which is sad since its cover is very pretty.

  15. Anya says:

    zomfg the indies >:O
    eww eww eww

    Anyways, I also liked the yellow swirly things behind Golden, but boo bad blurb things on the cover.
    Through These Wicked Nights: wait what purple wings/swirly things behind her back/what ARE those?
    Silent Echoes: It looks like the house is lifting off the ground, which reminds me of Dorothy and Toto.

    MIRA GRANT MIRA GRANT MIRA GRANT

    With All My Soul/ Soul Screamer Thingies: Wait so her dress is so big she can float on it? :O totally my prom choice!!
    False Sight: I haven’t read any of the books, but it looks cool, and it’s not a turn-off either.
    Starbright: ooh pretty purple except for her lips look a little weird somehow?
    Reaping Me Softly looks uber depressing.
    The Demon Royale: that thing she’s holding? I have one of those!! except for it’s in my basket, and I used it for an Easter egg hunt when I was five.
    Struck by Lightning: I haven’t read any books by Chris Colfer, but it looks like Sarah Dessen for guys.
    How My Summer Went Up In Flames: I love!

    *snarkasnarkasnark*

    • Christina says:

      Through These Wicked Nights: I think they represent angel wings without being obnoxious feathery monstrosities?

      LOVE THAT DRESS.

      Starbright: I see what you mean.
      The Demon Royale: LOL.

  16. AAAAH, love your cover snark, Christina, – so entertaining! I actually love the cover of Canary, just love the colours and graphics. I don’t know why but it draws the eye and makes you want to know what it’s about.
    Kate Evangelista’s covers are always made well but again I find them vaguely off pitting, there is just something wrong (look at Taste).

    also, last cover is horrendous in every which way. I especially find those Gothic flaming red letters offensive. Everything clashes way too much… *sigh* I just have to accept that most people don’t have an artistic eye…

  17. Hahahahaha.

    That last cover.

    I almost spit my drink out from laughing, but also being terrified. Like what is a Klan person doing on a zombie book cover?

  18. roro says:

    rise of the infected . gaga fected

  19. I totally agree with you about a lot of these covers.

    Quick note though about the Golden cover: “Nothing Gold Can Say” is a really famous Robert Frost poem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nothing_Gold_Can_Stay_(poem)) and when you read the description it says that the main character is a descendant of that poet

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